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IVF baby loss
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,716Member
    My sister lost another baby. This is number 4 and was from invitro. Feels like we're out of chances. My heart is absolutely broken for her. If I feel this numb and lost, I cannot even imagine where she is.
    There isn't a lot of comfort I can give, other than I've been through it.  In some ways I was lucky, in others I wasn't.  It only took two rounds for me to have my daughter...but I had to start from scratch both times because the first round didn't produce enough viable embryos to freeze.  The second round, I got 27 eggs, but only one embryo developed to the stage my doctor wanted for transfer.  That embryo is my beautiful 3 1/2 yo daughter.  If I want another, I will again have to start from scratch, and since I just turned 50, that's not likely to happen.  I pretty much knew dd would be my one and only chance.

    Anyway, I guess my point is, tell your sister to have faith.  All it takes is one!  And if she's on the boards here, I'm more than happy to talk to her if she wants to PM me.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • NikkiNikki
    Posts: 1,791Member
    BellaBefana said:


    Anyway, I guess my point is, tell your sister to have faith.  All it takes is one!  And if she's on the boards here, I'm more than happy to talk to her if she wants to PM me.


    ^^ That is why this community is so damn awesome.


    OC, you and your family are in my thoughts!

  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 7,345Administrator, Moderator
    Oh no. I have a feeling I know who this is. There was a member discussing her sister's infertility struggles and most recent pregnancy with IVF. This is devastating. Your words are beautiful @bellabefana. Hopefully this member sees them & is able to let her sister know there's an outlet of support on here for her.

    community-manager


  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,491Member
    This was me :( 

    I haven't been able to stop crying all day.  I'm taking her for her D&C tomorrow morning.  They still have no idea what keeps going wrong, but the doctor wants to send this baby off to a lab in California for testing.  I really hope they're able to figure something out.  I know it would help her come to terms with what has happened, at least a little. 

    She has one embryo frozen.  Under the terms of the plan we purchased, she would have to have that embryo implanted by December.  I think it's crazy that they put time limits like that on women, but I guess I understand it to an extent.  I can't imagine any way that she will be emotionally ready by then.  She thinks she has to do it because it's paid for, I've told her that's b.s., we'll pay the fee for storage and IF and when she's ready to try again, we will figure the rest out then.

    I wish more than anything that I could step in and carry the baby for her, but unfortunately we can't afford to because my insurance doesn't cover any surrogacy related pregnancy expenses.  We're putting all of our extra money into paying for invitro right now and, by the time we get this paid off, I will be 37 and I'm not sure if I will be able to do it at that point or not (hopefully?). 

    I hate this.  I want so badly to be able to comfort her, but I know that there's nothing I can do to take the pain away.  We're going on vacation together next week and I'm hoping the time away will do her some good. 

    Thanks for the kind words ladies. 
    >:D<
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,716Member
    @anonymommy:  I was 45, almost 46 when I got pregnant, so the ability to carry a child isn't so much the issue, as the quality of the eggs as you age.

    I might suggest using an egg donor.  That's what I had to do, and I found this out at 35 or so.  It just all depends on what is going on, overall.  I don't know where your sister is, but if she's willing to travel, I can recommend some fertility specialists in the west.  Mine was from a referral from a friend, who had gone through multiple rounds, then moved and had to find another doctor.  She was finally successful with this one and has beautiful twin boy and girl who just turned 5.  
    I'm happy  to help out however I can.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,491Member
    @BellaBefana--how did they come to the conclusion that the problem was with your eggs?  My sister was only able to get 8, of which 4 fertilized, 2 were implanted and 1 was frozen.  The two they implanted and the frozen one looked great.  She has an amazing doctor who she's very comfortable with.  Being willing to travel wouldn't so much be the issue as being able to.  As it is, she has to drive a little over an hour to get to her doctor and our boss has been great about it, but anything further than that is probably going to be out of the question.

    I just wish they could figure out where the problem lies. 
    :((
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,716Member
    How old is she?  What are her FSH levels?  My problem is that I went through premature ovarian failure.  I had had some complex ovarian cysts which destroyed half-3/4 of my left ovary, then had the right one completely removed because of the cysts and associated pain.  I was also Queen of the Twice a Month periods, so I had basically no luteal phase (the fertile part of your cycle)  My doctor in San Diego did a Clomid Challenge test, and based on the results of that (when I was around 35) he didn't feel that I would produce enough follicles to try on my own.  When I finally had insurance that covered IVF, about 10 years later, I went looking for a doctor in AZ that would at least be willing to try a cycle on my own. I ended up flying to Vegas to use my friends doc.  Best thing to ever come out of Vegas...my daughter! :) 

    So, while on pergonal, follistem, etc., they as you know monitor you pretty closely, and I just wasn't making eggs.  But at least this doctor recognized the importance of letting me try.  The other one said he wouldn't even consider IVF w/o using donor eggs.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,491Member
    She's only 28, so she does at least have time to figure things out. She has pretty bad endometriosis, but the dr was confident it wouldn't interfere. She has a pretty large endometrium on one ovary right now but it would have been more risky to remove it bc of the size. They were hoping the pregnancy would shrink it. They do think it may have impacted the number of follicles she had. They're not 100% sure one of her tubes is fully functioning. I'm really hoping the baby's pathology report gives them some useful info.
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,716Member
    did they do a hysterosalpingogram?  that's where they shoot dye up and check the patency of the tubes.  Endometriomas are what I would get, I'm surprised they haven't removed it.  Yes, that will impact the number of follicles.  endometriosis absolutely impacts fertility...i'm surprised they did IVF without lasering it out and maybe a quick course of lupron or zolodex...

    getting pregnant will help the endo, put you gotta get there first.  is she seeing a board certified reproductive endocrinologist?
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • LifeofchaosLifeofchaos
    Posts: 996Member
    @anonymommy my heart hurts for your sister. IF sucks big hairy balls. Praying she gets the answers she needs from the pathology report
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,491Member
    Thank you, @Lifeofchaos.  I agree, big hairy balls.

    The D&C was yesterday.  It was horrible, as you would expect.  We're leaving on vacation (me, DH, DS, sis and BIL) Friday and will be gone for a full week.  They expect the pathology report to come back sometime next week, but she doesn't want to know while we're on vacation, so she'll find out on the afternoon of the 26th.  I am hoping for answers, but understand that, a lot of times, there is nothing wrong with the fetus and they still can't give the answers she needs.

    @Bellabefana--her doctor is a board certified reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist.  She's been so good to my sister and I'm pretty sure we couldn't pry my sister away from her for anything in the world.  This is her bio:
    http://wuphysicians.wustl.edu/physician2.aspx?PhysNum=3797
     
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,716Member
    Well, @anonymommy, she certainly has good credentials, so i'm sure she's done all the testing.  Since your sister is so young, maybe she should just take a break.

    My cousin's wife went through menopause at 27, her estrogen levels were in the toilet and they tried everything, they finally gave up and she went on hormone replacement therapy.  3 months later she was pregnant.  This happened 3 times!  My cousin finally had a vasectomy because they couldn't afford another miracle accident!
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,491Member
    @BellaBefana...I agree, a break would probably be the best thing in the world for her right now. 

    I love your cousin's story :) 
  • Monkeynmoo
    Posts: 1,420Guest
    @anonymommy, I ha a feeling this was your confession. I'm so sorry she lost another one... I could never imagine losing a child, especially three times. Exh and I were trying fertility to conceive but it was on his side and none of the sperm donors we chose worked.

    Tell her to enjoy her vacation and that there is still so much time as she is only 27. Hugs to her and you >:D<
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,716Member
    Yep, their story is a great one for instilling faith.  It's what kept me going.  It will happen for her, and it's good you're all going away.  Try to keep her mind off of it if you can.  And I'm here if you or she needs to talk.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,491Member
    Thanks again, ladies.  It helps to just be able to let it out. 
  • momsgonnasnapmomsgonnasnap
    Posts: 11Member
    anonymommy said:

    This was me :( 

    I haven't been able to stop crying all day.  I'm taking her for her D&C tomorrow morning.  They still have no idea what keeps going wrong, but the doctor wants to send this baby off to a lab in California for testing.  I really hope they're able to figure something out.  I know it would help her come to terms with what has happened, at least a little. 

    She has one embryo frozen.  Under the terms of the plan we purchased, she would have to have that embryo implanted by December.  I think it's crazy that they put time limits like that on women, but I guess I understand it to an extent.  I can't imagine any way that she will be emotionally ready by then.  She thinks she has to do it because it's paid for, I've told her that's b.s., we'll pay the fee for storage and IF and when she's ready to try again, we will figure the rest out then.

    I wish more than anything that I could step in and carry the baby for her, but unfortunately we can't afford to because my insurance doesn't cover any surrogacy related pregnancy expenses.  We're putting all of our extra money into paying for invitro right now and, by the time we get this paid off, I will be 37 and I'm not sure if I will be able to do it at that point or not (hopefully?). 

    I hate this.  I want so badly to be able to comfort her, but I know that there's nothing I can do to take the pain away.  We're going on vacation together next week and I'm hoping the time away will do her some good. 

    Thanks for the kind words ladies. 
    >:D<

    anonymommy said:

    You are an amazing sister. She is so fortunate to have you.




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