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BrokenMomma update.
  • Brokenmomma
    Posts: 5Member
    Sorry it has been so long ladies, but as you all know things have been crazy. My 2 dd have been staying with their father. My 5 year old is doing extremely well. She is an inspiration. The molestation case has been handed over to the prosecutor and we are waiting to hear if they are going to file criminal charges. I hope they do. I haven't seen or heard from the molester since the protective order was granted(thank god). In case you don't remember I am pregnant with his baby. I have now devoloped high blood pressure and am on bed rest 22hrs a day. Ugh, it sucks! I am 37 wks pregnant, and they have moved my c-section to Wed., the 22nd. I'm excited and nervous. I have a problem though. My exhusband is on public housing and has kept the girls for longer than allowed by the housing authority. I am still struggling with my depression and living arangements. I have an attorney through legal aide who has been no help with this situation, so I am turning again to you ladies for any advice or thoughts that may help.  My exhusband has agreed to keep my two daughters for as long as I need him to, but the housing authority needs a court document stating that he has atleast 51% custody for the girls to remain with him. If we don't produce a court document soon he will either loose his housing or be forced to send the girls back to me. I have to be honest, at this moment I am not capable of caring for all 3 girls. I can handle the baby after the c-section, but don't know how I will take care of my other 2 girls. My lawyer for legal aide has refused to help with an emergency custody order. She feels that I am making the wrong decision by giving him custody. I feel in my heart of hearts that this is best for my girls right now. I have looked into filing to give him custody. I have read legal documents until my eyes were crossed, but I don't understand most of them. So I am begging if any of you ladies has any info that would help or suggestions on where to go from here please let me know.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 7,734Member
    call that shelter that you were at---they have legal aide there, don't they? they should be able to help you, or at least know somebody who can. i'm sure a lot of moms in your situation have to deal with stuff like that, unfortunately.
    i'm nekkid.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 7,734Member

    call church food banks----helping organizations generally know each other, and have contacts with social workers, and other people. google "churches with food banks near (your zipcode)" and start talking!  someone will know someone who can help you. church run thrift stores would also be a good place to call, because many of them also work with women's shelters, and might have some contacts. i have a couple appointments today, but i could do some calling for you tomorrow. p.m. me and let me know where you are at--city, state, zip, and i can make some phone calls and see what i can find. don't get discouraged.

    just because things suck now does not mea that they will always suck. i promise.

    i'm nekkid.
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 9,612Administrator, Moderator
    It's strange that they need a court document since you the biological mother are giving your consent. Now regardless of whether or not the legal aide attorney feels you are doing the right thing, she is obligated to do as you ask (I'm fairly certain, but don't quote me). Be forceful, and if she won't go to her superior. Also try calling the court house and see if there are any documents you can file yourself that would expedite this process. 

    @anonymommy @lawschoolmommy know the law in the US way better than I do. They may have some better ideas as to how to get this accomplished. 

    I'm glad to hear from you!!!! You've been on my mind!! 

    community-manager


  • KiinuKiinu
    Posts: 1,160Member
    I could be wrong.. but I think you can file a joint modification for joint custody. As long as you already have a docket number from going to court previously as long as you both sign it  the court system should just add it to your exsisting file and mail a copy back to you. It's a little quicker. You'll have to look up the forms for your area online though.
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,700Confessional Manager
    >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D<

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 4,245Member
    Make it a temporary order, say like 6 months maybe? Its great that your x is stepping up, but I'd hate to see it become a mess for you when the time comes to resume the original custody arrangement. Not to mention if he has primary custody he can file for support I believe.

    I think @kiinu is correct that you can jointly file a modification. I'd caution to spell out every detail that may cause an issue later though.
    Judgement comes in many forms but never scarce or shy
  • CalliopemarieCalliopemarie
    Posts: 4,336Member
    >:D<
    i am insane!!! mwahahahaha
  • TotallyWarped
    Posts: 152Member
    I agree with your lawyer. If you give him custody not only will it be hard to get them back but you will have to pay him child support. Do you have anyone that could come over to help you when the girls come over? Maybe even a friends older child could be a mother's helper for a couple bucks an hour. If you go though with giving him custody make sure it's an emergency temporary order and isn't permanent.
  • BlessieBlessie
    Posts: 1,497Member
    Since he is on gv't assistance, he has to file child support so they can take it. That' why he is in trouble for having them in the housing. @totallywarped is right. it's great that he is willing to help, but at 51% he will be custodial, and they will come after you for support. You have got to look at other options I cannot imaginge being in this situation, but the course of action is probably not the best?
    >:D<
  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 6,726Member
    So sorry i dont have any advice. Just hugs! And lots of love and light xxx
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,420Member
    Sent you a PM. 
    >:D<
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,215Member
    I wish I could offer something besides hugs and prayers, but I'm thinking you should go with your lawyers advice on this one.  I'm glad your ex is stepping up too, but I can't help but wonder why there's an issue with gov't housing assistance if you have joint custody.  They should already know that, and I'm confused as to why there's a problem.  It really should be a non-issue even if this weren't an emergency, it's a temporary situation and I certainly wouldn't give up my custodial parent rights under these circumstances.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 7,734Member
    i think it's a paperwork and red tape issue.
    i'm nekkid.
  • lawschoolmommy
    Posts: 225Member
    You should be able to write up a temporary guardianship document and have it notarized.  Not sure if it works that way in all states, but I really don't see a reason for you to involve the court system to modify your custody arrangement when the reason you can't currently provide care for your other kids is temporary.  
  • lawschoolmommy
    Posts: 225Member
    Wait I should have asked before I suggested the guardianship - do you have sole custody?

    Either way, since the whole reason you are doing this is to appease the housing authority, I would try going the notary route and see if they accept that first.  Even if you do open up a custody modification case, court systems don't move very quickly.
  • Brokenmomma
    Posts: 5Member
    I have sole custody at the moment. We have signed a document and had it notarized, saying that I am giving him temporary custody, but the housing authority wants a court document. They would be happy with just a paper from the courts showing that we have a court date to modify the custody. I have to admit that an order against me for child support would be horrible right now, but my kids are doing so well with him. I am staying with my dad at the moment and beleive me when I say I can't bring my girls there. Me and the baby would be fine at his house, but my other two..... It's just not possible.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 7,734Member
    Call the courthouse and ask the clerk.
    i'm nekkid.
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