7 Reasons to avoid being a Minivan Mom


Not every mom aspires to be a minivan mom. In fact, here are seven reasons to avoid them like the plague…


1. Because the last thing we need is more crevices in which to find bitten-off chicken nuggets. (Oh my gosh, do you eat them, too? It can be a week…okay, a month…since our family’s last McDonald’s visit, and I’ll still pop one of those little suckers into my mouth if I dig it out from beneath a car seat. You know they don’t die, right?)

2. We don’t need to be doing our kids’ preschools any more favors, i.e., “Shay, we noticed you just got that spacious minivan. You wouldn’t mind taking 7 screaming children that aren’t your own to the pumpkin patch and then being responsible for them for the duration of the field trip, would you? Oh, and we’ll let you figure out the car seat situation. Thaaaaaaanks.” Um, hell no.

3. We’d have to start blaring Kidz Bop 20 from the speakers, and somehow I don’t think the strains of The Wheels on the Bus would be as impressive to any ex-boyfriends passing on the highway as our usual Pink would be.

4. How many more square feet is that to vacuum? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve never vacuumed the first 20 feet of my smaller car. What do you do, like, put a quarter in somewhere?

5. Those of us tightwad moms (Me! Me!) would probably get the knockoff version with the manual doors because they’re 10 bucks cheaper than the ones with the automatic sliding doors. Then everyone in the preschool pickup line would scrunch up their noses as we lumbered out of the front seat to close the door for our kids, and they’d all say, “Ugh. You still have manual doors? That’s so 1995.”

6. They don’t make many minivans in pink, and paint jobs are expensive.

7. We just prefer our kids’ Cheez-Its to be sprinkled all over the floorboard of a Lamborghini, that’s all. It’s simply a personal preference. Granted, most of us don’t have one of those, either, but it would look nicer, don’t you agree?


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  1. 2

    angie lee says

    I drove a minivan when I had 5 kids 5 and under and it was a happy day when they were old enough to trade in for what I have now.

    It was convenient at the time, but so nice to be out of that phase of my life. :)

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  2. 4

    Francesca says

    I have not succumbed to the pressure of the minivan.

    My husband is pressuring me into a GMC. I told him that I assume no responsibility for our insurance rates if I am forced to drive either option.

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  3. 5

    MomsUnite says

    And give up the sound my little zoom zoom Mazda 3 makes when I downshift…Nevah!!?!?!? Of course…if I finally caved to the minivan, I might receive fewer warnings in the mail that contained pics of my beautiful license plate. Nah…probably not. You can take the NASCAR outta the car but you can’t take it outta the woman! (Plus, you’re right….I do secretly love being able to restrict the # of teenagers and preschoolers I can offer to shuttle around!)

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  4. 6

    My Half Assed Life says

    If I’d had a minivan with a DVD player in it when mine were small I would have just drove around all day. Think about it – seatbelts are legal restraining devices.

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  5. 8

    Kat says

    Mini van driver here! Saying it loud and PROUD! I’m only embarrassed when I use it to drive my girlfriends to a bar filled with 24 year olds. Feel a little out of place then…

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