I am the farthest thing from a stage mom. I let Lily go to school in some incredibly questionable outfits that she’s picked out herself. I barely brush her hair and never do anything fancier than a sloppy pony tail (poor girl has a mom who never learned how to braid.) Toddlers with earrings make me cringe and I would rather eat blindfolded at a Chinese buffet than enter her in a beauty pageant. But, there is one feature of hers that I am dying to groom.
Girl’s got some serious eyebrows. It is something she has unfortunately inherited from both Jeff and I. I can’t even imagine what they will look like when she hits puberty (actually I can, I remember mine, and it wasn’t pretty.) I am dying to get my hands on them and clean them up. I’ve decided 10 is an acceptable age to introduce my trusty Tweezerman, but it is going to be torture to wait that long.
I have issues with the baby too… Evan was born with a beautiful thick head of dark hair. Last week it started falling out and has now left him half bald. That wouldn’t be so bad if some pieces weren’t almost a foot long already. It has resulted in a very unfortunate baby comb over, in addition to the major bald spot in the back. I am so tempted to give him a little baby trim, but have thus far resisted. Is 4 months really too early for a haircut?
And it doesn’t end there. Ben has bumpy arms that I’m just dying to exfoliate. Evan has the occasional baby whitehead that simply begs to be popped. I use q-tips to clean their ears (Yes, Dad, I remember the rule, sorry) and let’s not even talk about cradle cap. I just can’t help myself.
As I write this, my hair is slathered in an olive oil/egg yolk mixture (really the best remedy for dry hair) and my face is covered in a moisturizing mask. And while I think nothing of leaving the house in an old painting t-shirt and yoga pants, I would never let my eye brows go ungroomed. I realize it doesn’t make too much sense. Clearly, Mommy has some issues and I am surely passing them on to my innocent offspring.
What else is a good mother to do?