Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Jessica is the wanna-be entertaining writer of the blog My Time as Mom. When she is forced to step away from her laptop she is the official caretaker of 1 husband, 2 adorable girls, and 2 dumb dogs. She is often operating under the influence of sleep deprivation.
I don’t have a lot of memories of my childhood. I know that I grew up with parents who loved me and cared for me but the specifics of the events elude me. I think that my memory fails me when I think back about my time growing up because my mommy brain is taking over so that I can barely remember anything past five minutes ago.
But, there is one memory of my childhood that stands out in my mind and I think of this memory all the time. This special memory that has carved its place in my brain is of my mom cooking breakfast for my sister and me each morning before school.
I remember my mom waking us up, we would crawl out of bed, and sit at the table while she served us up some homemade yumminess (can’t remember exactly what she made, I just know it was food and we liked it). After breakfast we would then take our time getting ready for school. She would hurry us out the door and drop us off at school on her way to work.
Now that I am a mom I look back on this memory of my mom cooking breakfast each morning before school and I realize that my kids will most likely not have this same memory. I do not cook breakfast for my offspring before taking them to school. In fact, I sleep later than my oldest child does.
The typical school day morning in my house is 7yo wakes up sometime between 6:00 and 7:00 am. She feeds the dogs, makes her lunch, eats her breakfast, gets dressed, and brushes her hair and teeth. Then at 7:30 the alarm in HER room goes off and she comes to wake me up (with my cell phone in her hand so that I can of course check my email the weather). At this point I stumble into the shower to try and wake up for the day. While I am getting ready the little one wakes up and I send her into the kitchen to have her big sister help find her something to eat for breakfast. Finally, we rush out of the door so that I can drop the big one off at school to start her day of learning and playing.
Needless to say, the morning routine I have with my children is far different than that of when I was a kid. My mom had to work and she forced herself to get up early to make sure that we had a proper breakfast before school. I don’t have to work but I am a full-time college student in my last semester of undergraduate school and will be starting graduate school in the next year. I stay up very late every night doing homework and studying for exams. I do this so that I can spend the evenings with my children. Also, I want to teach my children to be self-sufficient and independent. I am trying to teach my children how to do things for themselves, how to make breakfast and how to make lunches. I make sure that we have the proper foods in the house for them and that they know what healthy meals are. I also inspect lunches before leaving for school and if they are not right then changes are made.
My kids will not have the same wonderful memories of the mornings that I had as a child. And for me, that is okay. My kids will know that their mom fulfilled her dreams of obtaining 3 college degrees despite having two children at home. My kids will be self-sufficient and independent in their lives.
My kids will also know that I loved them and that I wanted the best for them in their lives, just as my mom did for me.
{ 88 comments… read them below or add one }
Listen, if I thought that I could have gotten you and your sister to make your own breakfast every morning I would have done that. But I grew up with my mom making my breakfast every morning and thought that was somewhere in the Mom Rules.
I guess I never read the Mom Rules.
Jessica recently posted..The Garden – Part 1
I think it’s fantastic that your girls can sort themselves out in the morning! My mother told me she cried when the live-in hired help finally left, when I was 7 and my siblings were 5, 9 and 12. She couldn’t cook, nor ever made us breakfast, and was scared we would starve. Fortunately, we had finely honed food searching skills ingrained in us, thanks to our independence. And I hold no grudges :-)
Alison recently posted..To cloth or not to cloth
I probably would have cried too if I had a live-in nanny that was no longer going to be taking care of things for me.
Haha true! To her credit, my mom did take cooking classes after that!
Alison recently posted..To cloth or not to cloth
I think it’s lovely that you daughter is so self-sufficient. You are a fabulous mom. xoxo
tracy recently posted..Teenage Dream…
Thank you Tracy!
Ha! My 5 year old gets herself up, makes a PBJ, pours herself a glass of milk only spilling no more than ½ a gallon on the counter and floor (I don’t mind) and turns on PBS Kids and lets mommy sleep…My 12 year old…not so much, it’s all on mommy!
Sunday recently posted..Trying to Make Sense Of The Therapy Bit
Your 5 year old sounds like my type of kid, make breakfast and watch tv so mom can sleep.
I was an only child, and my mom didn’t work. My memories of mornings were quiet and organized. I had three kids (two boys, one ADD) and I did work. Oh boy, what a difference in mornings!
lifeintheboomerlane recently posted..Snooki Speaks at Rutgers University
That is a quite a difference in mornings.
I understand both you and your mom. I am up late blogging, cleaning house, paying attention to hubs etc, because I work full-time and cannot do a lot of what I want or need to do during the day. The morning are one of the only times I get to spend with my girls before the craziness of the day begins and I am fanatic about them eating a healthy breakfast before school so I always make them something. But that has always been at the expense of me getting my hair done or makeup on for work so I would look quite scary the rest of the day. Because unlike your mom I have not mastered the getting up early part ;) However, now that my oldest is getting a little older she is more self sufficient and loves helping out (for the most part) and as long as the stove is not required she can get her and little sister breakfast for me when I am running late (often).
All our kids know how much we try and work to keep them healthy, loved, and happy so I know they will have great memories of us as their mom. You are doing a great job!
Skinny Mom’s Kitchen recently posted..Weekly Family Friendly Kid Approved Healthy Menu Plan
It is hard to balance everything we have to do and want to do. I think it does get easier as the kids get older.
Everyone does mornings differently. My mother didn’t get up with me. I was responsible for getting my own breakfast and getting dressed and being ready on time for as long as I can remember. Now I’m the mom of 2 boys. Both are ASD, one is also ADD. I am now the mom who gets up early, gets herself ready, and then wakes everyone else and gets them ready too.
Amanda recently posted..Autism is a Gift
I think the needs of the kids really plays a role in our morning routines. Sometimes it is easier to get up before everyone else to get ready for the day.
Good for you for finishing college and going on to grad school. The thought of studying for the CPA or doing my MBA as a single mom of two makes me shudder and run screaming. I don’t know how other people do it.
I love your post. People tell me I do too much for my kids, that their kids were getting their own snacks, making their own breakfast, insert other unsolicited information here by the time they were by girls’ age. They say I’m hampering their independence. Bull shit. My mom did everything for us growing up and I learned how to be independent just fine. I can do everything – and more thank you very much – than my friends who bug me.
I think what you do is great. I think what I do is great. I think my annoying friends need to shut up and just take care of their own kids. Good luck with finals!
I love the last part of your comment. We each have different things that work for us and we should stick with what works on not give others a hard time about it.
I think children need a little of both – independence and mothering (or, in my case, fathering). I pack my son’s lunch for him and put a note in there to ‘surprise’ him every day but he still has responsibilities like picking up after himself around the house, making sure his teeth are brushed and putting his laundry in the basket (as opposed to the floor). It’s good that your children are self-sufficient but I suspect they are being ‘mothered’ in other areas, which is good as well!
Memoirs of a Single Dad recently posted..Poll Results for 4-1-11 – Mommy vs Daddy Bloggers
You are right, they do get “mothered” in other areas – just not early in the morning. :)
I think we all do things a little differently than our moms ~ after all, there’s no one “right” way to run our households. Good for you for instilling responsibility and initiative in your girls, but also for modeling pursuit of your goals! Important stuff in this day and age. :)
Thank you. I really want my girls to know that they can accomplish their goals despite the hurdles they might encounter.
Good for you for getting an education and showing your kids that they can do whatever they want to do in life. So you don’t make them breakfast every day. So what. The best way to raise your kids is your way!
Eve @Beautiful Spit Up recently posted..Partying Like It’s 2010- Handsome’s First Birthday Party!
I agree, each person has their own parenting style that works for their family. I don’t make breakfast but they always know I’m willing to make dessert. ;)
My nine year old has learned to be pretty self-sufficient as well. I love that I can ask her to make lunches while I get her brother sorted out in the morning! Whenever I start to second-guess, I remind myself that I am raising a self-confident, self-sufficient little girl that (hopefully) will carry her confidence with her in everything she does. Rock on, Jessica!
Rock on to you too! I hope your daughter keeps that confidence in life.
Oohh, I’m slightly jealous. Here I thought I was a slacker mom because I make my kiddo frozen waffles or pour his cereal before school while my mom made homemade breakfast from scratch each morning. I mean, pancakes, not from a mix…who does that now on a weekday morning?
Maybe I should follow your lead a bit more so I don’t end up with too much of a Mamma’s Boy…
Vinobaby recently posted..Vintage Barbie was a Vamp
Ha! When my daughter told my mother-in-law that I made her pancakes before school that morning, I thought that woman’s eyebrows were gonna fly off her head (I grudgingly had to admit they were frozen.) It totally blew my street cred…
Misfit Mommy recently posted..Fools for Love
I feel you when it comes to need that little bit of extra sleep in the morning. Going to school while still being a mom is tough no matter how you look at it. I grew up making my own lunches and breakfasts and turned out perfectly fine (well for the most part ;)) I think everyone has there parenting techniques in order to help their children learn independence and responsibility. You are doing an amazing job and should be so proud of yourself as a mother, wife and student! Keep it up!
I don’t think I would make it through the day without that extra bit of sleep. Thanks Jessica!
Wow, you have her trained well.
Yeah, my mom woke us up and then went back to bed. We were on our own in the morning and also had to make our own lunch. I trained my kids to wake up on their own, fix breakfast on their own and i helped with lunch.
She sucked in the morning…i sucked 24/7. All my kids are alive in spite of this. Nuff said
Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) recently posted..In which i respond to boycottamericanwomen
She woke you up and then went back to bed? I’ll pass on that, I bought my kid an alarm clock so I don’t have to get up until the last minute.
I think you are a great mom – both for making time for them in the evenings at your own expense (meaning lack of overnight sleep), as well as teaching them to do things on their own. Yay for you!
liz recently posted..Easy Canvas Prints Giveaway
Thank you Liz!
As a kid, my morning breakfasts consisted of the most sugary cereal I could find in the cabinet, eaten with much haste before I was rushed out the door to meet the bus. Instead, my daughter gets an enormous breakfast, usually consisting of scrambled eggs, cream of wheat, and fruit. She eats like a bird and needs to gain weight, and it’s one time of day when she’ll just eat and eat and eat, so I have to take advantage of it!
Christi recently posted..Do Not Read This
I understand that. My youngest picks at her food often so sometimes I have to take advantage of the times that she does eat.
im a stay at home mom with 2 teenage boys and a 2 year old daughter..our mornings are pretty quiet and laid back…i usually make them a hot breakfast at least 2 mornings out of the week…i dont think that it makes them any less self sufficient or independent..i have even woken up to them making breakfast for me before they go to school…
What a nice treat to wake up to the kids making breakfast for you.
I didn’t even know that having them make their own breakfast was an option:) Now I’m getting ideas. He likes waffles and I don’t know if I want a six year old near the toaster but I really like the idea of teaching our children independence. Great job Moms. Love all your comments. I think whatever works for us is great. Make life easy on ourselves. It can be hard enough. Great support on this site.
There has been a lot of support in the comments today which is really nice to see.
I remember my Dad, even though he had to get up early and leave for work before we were up, always made breakfast for my brother and I. He would keep it warm in the oven so when we woke up we had a warm meal before school.
How sweet of your dad to make breakfast before he left and put it in the oven for you.
Isn’t it funny the things we remember about our childhood? And I’d be willing to bet that your sister does NOT remember the home cooked meals for breakfast the way you do. Chances are your daughters have special memories about some random thing you do for them that you don’t even give a second thought to. There is not a thing wrong with getting themselves out the door – beats the crazed, frantic, wild woman I am every morning – and that includes them having cold cereal. Life’s not perfect – but our love is.
I don’t remember very much about my childhood at all but for some reason I remember breakfast.
Your last statement was the best, “life’s not perfect – but our love is.” Love this!
As soon as my boy is tall enough to reach cereal and milk, he’s getting his own breakfast….for now, i’ve shown him the on of button on the TV so i can get an extra 30mins of sleep before preparing his breakfast(or rather before giving him milk and cereal)
I did the same thing when my oldest was too little to make her own breakfast.
I figure the sooner they get some independence, the sooner my sanity will return.
Theresa recently posted..Do you yell at your kids
Ha! I second this statement.
When the kids were in the same schedule I would get them up and make them breakfast. Now that they’ve moved on to middle and high school their schedules are all so varied the younger boys are frequently still asleep when the oldest leaves. I do make sure I’m up to make sure he eats and gets what he needs. And now that we have a preschooler I serve her the breakfast she wants, which is usually a protein shake or smoothie. (she’s not a big morning eater. No. 2 wasn’t either.)
My mother did not do these things. Sometimes she was out of bed by the time I got home from school. She was such a night owl that there was no way she could have been up early enough!
Desiree recently posted..Menu for 43 -4911
It’s easier when the kids are on the same schedules. My almost 2 year old is a picky eater also and sometimes she ends up with smoothie for breakfast because that is all she wants.
I remember that having breakfast cooked for us was a special occasion type thing. My dad cooked most Sunday mornings before church, and on REALLY good and random days [usually just when my dad was home] my mom *might* make Blueberry Struessal Muffins. Other than that, we were a cereal and poptart kind of family. My sister and I learned early on how to stick toast in the toaster if we wanted something fancy…and we turned out fine. Well…for the most part. ;)
Courtney recently posted..Reaping my Harvest
A good cooked breakfast meal in my house is usually only when my husband decides he wants to make it on the weekends. We are the cereal and oatmeal family during the week.
I’m the opposite; I am a very early bird. I’m usually up before five, and my kids are up around seven. I love that time to myself. Unfortunately, it means I’m passed out cold by 9:30 pm.
I don’t think anyone would want to be around me at 5am but it would be nice to have time to myself in the morning.
They won’t have those breakfast memories, they just have other great memories. :)
Shell recently posted..Letting Go of the Pre-Baby Body Image
I am working on creating other great memories. Especially around dessert time.
I used to get up, make sure they were fed and off to school, and then go back to sleep. But when they got into high school and could drive, I started doing what you do. I just slept and they were totally fine on their own, just as your kids are. :)
I find that once I am awake I can’t go back to sleep. High school will be nice because I won’t have to wake up early at all to get the to school.
We all do things our own way and that’s just fine. You are a great mom for all that you do! :)
Elena @NaynaDub recently posted..Mr Big
Great post Jessica! I know I will probably be a cereal mom as well…I mean I love cereal so the kids should too right? :)
Natalie recently posted..The New Stay at Home MomSurprise Its Me!
I haven’t met a kid yet that doesn’t love cereal.
I wish I could sleep in. But my kids are not self sufficient, at all.
Maybe one day you will be able to sleep in.
Great job by you and your daughter. My daughter has started “cooking” her breakfast out of necessity because the kids are home with my husband in the morning since I work early and my husband is not an early riser. *lol* We are eating healthier so no sugary cereal and no more McDonalds runs as they used to do:) Poor thing doesn’t have much of a choice but she likes to cook for herself and is proud of it.
Nicole recently posted..The Word DIET for an 11 Year Old
We banned McDonald’s in our house too. That is good your daughter likes to cook already.
Your girls will have special memories too. It will be fun find out what they are.
JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Blissfully Domestic Helped My Community Shine
It will be interesting to find out what my kids remember about their childhood.
I love your morning routine! Way to go – those kids are learning life lessons – and good luck in school!
MommaKiss recently posted..First Toof
Thanks! I hope the kids remember these things as they get older.
Honestly, my two Italian Greyhounds are much harder to take care of then my son. I just thought about it this morning after responding to this post. They are picky about their food, and won’t go out in bad weather (meaning wind?), they have to be covered up by blankets or they will sit there and cry. It’s seriously a mess and I blame myself. I had the dogs before my child and I’m learning from that mistake. I spoiled them too much now they think they rule the house. Annoying!
What spoiled dogs! I bet my dogs would love to come and visit at your house. Mine get to to eat whatever I buy them and I don’t care what the weather is, I make them go outside.
Our mornings used to be very “army regimented” since there were 5 of us….and one washroom!
My Dad would do the mornings since my Mom worked days and then my mom would do evenings.
I think that I mirror a lot of what my parents did as far as organization goes in the morning. There is always a routine that we follow which I feel sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Kimberly recently posted..Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday
5 people to 1 bathroom? That would require a strict routine.
I put a juice cup and bag of cheerios on my dresser so that my almost 3 year old can get them himself in the morning. He turns on his own TV (always set to Disney Channel) and will sit in his bean bag chair and watch TV for about a half hour to an hour. He wakes up at about 5:30am on his own and knows not to bother Daddy while I shower, shave and get dressed and ready for work. I don’t feel bad at all…because he gets a freshly cooked breakfast at his daycare.
I would do the same thing if my child woke up at 5:30am. That is way to early for me. That’s nice the daycare cooks breakfast for him.
My mom has always said, “Never do something for a child that they can do for herself (or himself).” She raised my sister and I by that motto. I can remember packing my own lunch in kindergarten. Although I grumbled about it, it made me feel important and prepared me for the future. I think it is fabulous that your children are doing so much for themselves, and actually contributing to their mom’s goal. They will have many reasons to look back when they are grown and be proud of the way they were raised. Thanks for sharing! I loved this post.
Hands Free Mama recently posted..An Angel Reminder
My daughter loves making her own lunch, she is always so proud of herself for doing it. That is a good quote from your mom.
Your mom’s comment is the best!
Fantastic post and happy to see you here…congrats!
Natalie recently posted..How to Save Money While Raising Children
Thanks Natalie!
WOW! That is seriously impressive. I think what you are teaching your kids is WAY more important than having fun breakfast/routine memories.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation recently posted..Wordful Wednesday- Boys & Choo Choo Trains
I hope when my kids are older they remember what I was trying to teach them.
With everything that you have going on in your life, it’s the least your kids can do. Good job teaching your girls to be so self sufficient.
Oh, how I long for the day when I can sleep in again. And when I say sleep in, I mean wake up after 7:00.
Great post, Jessica!
Tonya recently posted..Big Day- Big Fun
One day you will be able to sleep in again.
My Hubs grew up in a do it yourself house, where I always had the home cooked meal. I think what I really enjoy is the time spent around the table, which we really only get in the mornings due to my Hubs job. I also really enjoy cooking with the kids. They love to help me, and that’s a fun little routine we have. I think we all have to do what works for us! Congrats on your post!
That sounds like a good routine in your house. On nights I don’t have school we spend time at the table as a family during dinner.
I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! Keep up the great work.
That’s one memory I have from my childhood as well, my mom always made sure we had a hot breakfast to start our day. I can still remember her refusing to buy us sugar filled cereals because they were “not good for us”. But in her mind, the sausage gravy and bacon was! :)
Jessica recently posted..Nathaniel’s Hope 9th Annual Make ‘M Smile Event
Loved reading about your routine! Posted mine at: http://blended.typepad.com/blended/2011/04/how-to-be-me-on-a-school-day-morning.html