Motherhood changes you. Or it doesn’t

71 Comments

Before I was a mother, I didn’t really care for other people’s children. Sure, I could appreciate a cute one here and there, but I was never particularly drawn to the little creatures. Puppies were where it was at. I figured that once I became a mother, I would magically turn into a person who enjoyed generations born three decades before myself. A person who wanted to chaperon field trips and aid the teacher and host an annual Halloween party. A person who didn’t dread crowded birthday parties and passing lemonade stands. But, it hasn’t quite happened that way.

These days, I can’t stand other children more than ever. I scowl at them at the doctor’s office. They aregermy and contagious and I want them far away from my darling offspring. At the park they’re always on the equipment that my children want, and they are so much more annoying than my precious three at restaurants. At least when Evan plays with the sugar packets, he does so artfully and he looks so much more adorable wearing his lunch than all the other kids.

My children look infinitely less trashy than others running around the back yard in their underwear. When they scream at passersby they are simply asserting their independence, and it’s endearing. Even their poop is a hundred times less gross than other childrens. How did I get so lucky?

Maybe when I’m a grandmother that universal love of children will finally kick in. Or, maybe I’ll just be that nasty old lady yelling at innocent children in the grocery store.

Yup, that’s entirely more likely.

Comments

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  1. 11

    Kelly Deneen says

    I swear I could have written this myself.

    I have become a little bit more tolerant of children in general, but honestly, I was not even planning to have children (until my biological clock kicked in a few years ago). I still don’t have an urge to hold babies, except my own.
    .-= Kelly Deneen´s last blog ..Writer’s Workshop: I Am =-.

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  2. 12

    Allie says

    Too funny – to me it’s not the children. Parents got on my nerves before (can’t you stop your taking all the toys at the dr’s office) and they get on my nerves now (if you don’t stop your kid, I will)
    .-= Allie´s last blog ..who has time for pumpkin pickin =-.

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  3. 15

    fiona says

    I can’t stand the smell of nasty smelly poopy diaper on another kid – but when my kids were in diapers I had a good 1/2 hr (ok maybe longer) tolerance of their stink – hmmm
    .-= fiona´s last blog ..How Do You Pink? Inflammatory Breast Cancer =-.

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  4. 18

    Loukia says

    Okay you are the best ever! I LOVED this… and I was nodding in agreement the whole time… while my post on this will be different, I have to say, BANH ON MAMA! If another child so much as coughs near my child, I pick up my baby and try to stay far away! How annoying that those ‘sick kids’ were allowed out of the house! (Nevermind the fact that of course my boys have colds too and are out about, right?!) Haha! And also? To the other kids at the park? BRING YOUR OWN STINKING TOYS TO PLAY WITH! Do you think I enjoy lugging around all the park toys so YOU can get your hands all over them only to stress out my boys and have them get upset ’cause you’re taking their shovels and pails? Sheesh! :)
    Love ya Jill… you’re awesome!
    .-= Loukia´s last blog ..I’m one very "Scary Mommy" =-.

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  5. 19

    Val says

    LOL! I’m the same way! I have no patience for other peoples kids… There are times I don’t for my own! But I can handle them and they’ll listen to me most times.
    My kids are the most wonderful kids in the whole wide world!
    .-= Val´s last blog ..What’s on your Thanksgiving menu? =-.

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  6. 20

    Jamie says

    Biase much??!! Maybe just a tad huh? This was funny though. At least your honest!

    Are you going to be the old lady that runs kids off her yard? The house that kids will go an extra block not to have to pass?
    .-= Jamie´s last blog ..Who needs buttons? =-.

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  7. 21

    Notesfromthegrove says

    LOL! I think I’ll be exactly like you when I become mom. I STILL won’t like other people’s booger-eaters. But my own? Oh yes. Yes, yes, yes. In fact, my children’s boogers will probably be made of fairy dust.

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  8. 22

    Jenners says

    Visiting from Mama Kats…

    I think I can relate just a little too well to this post! : )

    I mean, other kids have these horrible looking scribblings. My kid? Picasso all the way.

    Other kids sing off-key and mess up the words? My kid should be on Toddler American Idol and his “mistakes” are adorable.

    I love your spin on this!
    .-= Jenners´s last blog ..Playground Do’s and Don’ts =-.

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