Wild And Crazy Dreams: The Mom Version – Scary Mommy

Wild And Crazy Dreams: The Mom Version

motherhood dreams

anandaBGD / iStock

motherhood dreams

anandaBGD / iStock

I have a wild fantasy.

The lights are turned low. The bed sheets are crumpled, blankets pulled back. My husband gently pushes me onto the bed. “Shhhh…” he says before kissing me softly on the lips. He whispers in my ear, “I’ll take care of the kids.”

He pulls the covers up tight, turns off the lights, and then…

He leaves the room so that I can sleep. And let me tell you, he has never been hotter, and I have never loved him more.

These days my fantasies are less steamy than they used to be. They are simpler, and yet somehow they feel more unattainable. Since finding myself in the trenches of motherhood, most of my fantasies involve sleep.

Here are 25 more wild and crazy dreams—the motherhood version:

1. Children who sleep past 6 a.m.

2. Reading a book that doesn’t have pictures.

3. Having a conversation in which I don’t refer to myself in the third person.

4. Getting tucked in at 7:55 p.m. after a hot bath. (One toddler’s nightmare is another mom’s dream.)

5. Laundry that folds itself.

6. Math homework that makes sense.

7. Chocolate that burns fat and calorie-free wine.

8. Everyone in the family eating the same dinner. And not complaining about it.

9. Caillou going off the air.

10. A minivan that stays clean for more than 14 minutes.

11. Going to the bathroom with the door closed. And it stays closed.

12. A girls’ night out.

13. A girls’ night in. (Real pants optional.)

14. Staying home—alone.

15. Talking on the phone without being interrupted by someone yelling “Mo-om, he won’t stop licking me!”

16. Watching a basketball game on TV without hearing ten thousand erectile-dysfunction commercials and fielding the awkward questions that result.

17. Nine uninterrupted hours of sleep. Okay, six. SIX hours of sleep would be great.

18. Socks that make it into and out of the laundry with their mate.

19. Fitting into pre-baby jeans.

20. Not needing to wear jeans, or a bra.

21. Kids who listen.

22. Kids who don’t whine.

23. Kids who are kind, happy and confident.

24. Kids who love us.

25. Kids who know how much we love them.

Okay, so the last three might not be so wild and crazy. They might actually be possible. Heck, they might even be—dare I say—likely. And you know what?

Those three possible dreams make the other wild and crazy dreams all worth it.