Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Motherhood is a series of unfortunate events that bonds women together in the most thankless and revolting job on earth.
Ok, so it’s more than that, but the unfortunate events are definitely a big part of the experience. Whoever a mother is — whether she’s Angelina Jolie or the teen mom at the grocery store checkout — I feel an instant bond with her, knowing we’ve both dealt with a puking kid in our bed or feverish baby at the most inopportune time.
I was in Girl Scouts for a brief time, and I acquired a snazzy collection of merit badges to brag about my accomplishments like practicing athleticism with purpose and volunteering for a good cause. I’m thinking of finding that sash and slapping on some badges that I’m really proud of: The badges of motherhood.
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{ 83 comments… read them below or add one }
I will earn my Disney badge this Fall. Lord help me.
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Me For Once
I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I WANT that badge. I EARNED that badge. Good luck, Tracy!
DarleneMAM recently posted..Fairway Market: Chasing Rock Stars
And of course The Germ Badge for all of the snot, drool, sneezing, and coughing. Oh, joy.
alaina recently posted..Date Up.
So clever.
But for the love of God, let’s not celebrate with a camping trip.
Ann recently posted..Stranger Danger
These are HILARIOUS! And terrifying, actually, considering that I’m pregnant with my first… I think the Resourceful and Fisherman badges are my favorite (in theory) but will be my least favorite in real life!
LDiggitty recently posted..jewels of the interweb (volume 29)
Ha! Not only did I laugh out loud, I also read them aloud to my husband, who groaned sympathetically.
Stephanie recently posted..The Curse of Womanhood
I need an – I survived Single Motherhood and Found a Dreamy Single Dad badge. Hee hee. But yeah, completely relate to bonding with every mom just over being a mom. I have never understood moms who compete with each other.
Do you have code for these badges? They are worthy of posting on my blog and sharing with my readers.
Alaina (aka Ms. Single Mama).
Ms. Single Mama recently posted..img_2687.jpg
I pinned my fav badge & would definitely put one on my blog, right below my Scary Mommy Nation badge.
Lollie – The Fortuitous Housewife recently posted..ABC News on Moms & Adderall Addiction
Um, yes, so when are mine coming in the mail?! I’m serious! Someone needs to make buttons out of these and I will pin them on a sachet possibly made out of diapers but, we shall see.
Let me know when they’re ready and I’ll DM you my address. Thankyouverymuch!
oxoxox
Sili recently posted..The Skin I’m In: Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair
What a great idea… I want one too! :)
Hilarious! I love the one about fishing poop out of the bath. Very clever – you should make them into real badges or magnets.
twitter @LaurelRemington
laurel remington recently posted..I lack the marketing gene…
I’ve earned them all as well. Great post!
naomi recently posted..BLACK & WHITE
What if I can’t fish poop out of the tub without gagging? Do I still get the badge? ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Now You Are Four
So, are you getting these printed or what? I need them for my diaper bag. Now!
OMG, these are perfection! I need them!!!!
I have earned seven out of the nine. LOL there should be more.
Spot on! I could wear several or all in just one day!
I’ve earned the right to sew all except the last one on my diaper bag.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..A letter to his feline highness Atilla, the cat
I have earned them all.
What about the oh f*** it badge for that day when you get to work at a non-desk job and discover a full child’s handprint made out of yogurt is on your butt and keep working anyway.
These are AWESOME. I want to WEAR these! :) xo
Loukia recently posted..Thanks, Dad…
LOVE these!!
Awesome! I definitely deserve these!!!
aimee @ smilingmama recently posted..A Pinterest Birthday
If I find my Girl Guide sash, I will truly print these off, cut them out, and staple them on. I’ve earned every single one. Sometimes twice.
Suzanne McKay recently posted..The Men in My Life
There should also be an EATING BADGE – survived one meal without eating off a child’s plate, but still gained weight.
Rhana @ Dumb {Squared} recently posted..Sometimes I should just stay at home and stop trying
BRILLIANT! Where do you come up with these things? You definitely need to open an online store.
Nan recently posted..Things in Pockets: Procrastination Edition
I love the blowout badge! It was over a monumental blowout that another mom and I became good friends forever.
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted..He Got a Rock
Hey Jill. I couldn’t find a link to your email but wanted to say, I was laughing out loud the other night reading your book. I love how you mentioned that you are a bit abusive with the camera. hehe… So am I my friend, so am I. :) My mom said “I hope he loves the camera because you’re gonna drive him crazy” a day after I had my son. LOL. I try not to over do it… I try, but it’s so hard!
Nicole Martel recently posted..Technique Tuesday and Zva Creative Joint Blog Hop
I love all of these badges I must admit I have not earned all of those yet, but pretty sure the time is coming :)
Shirley@motivatedmommyoftwo recently posted..Things are busy around here
I’ve earned ‘em all – except for the last one. That one I will replace with the Taught Him How To Drive and I Survived badge and I Made It Through High School Again (since I seemed to have had to go through it all over again with him). Soon to be followed by the I Can’t Believe I Just Sent Him Off to College badge.
Gigi recently posted..She must think I have amnesia…..
the only one i don’t have is the Disney badge. i’m not sure i’m brave enough lol.
harley recently posted..Giveaway!! What to Expect……. | Mom on the go in Holy Toledo
I’ve earned 80% of these badges and I’ve only been doing this gig for 2 1/2 years!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Memories Captured – June Link Up!
I don’t even have kids of my own yet and I’ve already earned the Fisherman badge, Volunteer badge, and resourceful badge. Gotta love being an Aunt. And now that I’m expecting i get to do it all over again in 7 short months.
OK, hands down (hands up?) the resourceful badge the best! – and just wait until they get older! It gets better. Well, more entertaining. There’s the ‘answering the question about the acrobatic thing those people are doing on HBO’ badge…..
The Digestion Badge: somehow fought off puking when projectile poop landed in mouth.
Katy McCaffrey recently posted..Optimus Prime
I’m pretty sure I gagged when scooping poop out of the bathtub…
Got em all honey and I only have 1 under 2.
How about:
The secret agent badge: Earned by sneaking around a sleeping baby for over an hour
The multitasker badge: Earned by putting a sleeping baby to bed at the same time as a dolly, baba, and blankie ( bonus points if you have to climb stairs)
The superstrength badge: Earned by stepping on a hard plastic toy and not screaming
http://www.mamameritbadges.com/
Well, looks like I’ve earned every one of these. Wonder if I can find a vest big enough to hold them all. Here are some more badge ideas….
Car Stereo badge: Able to listen to dueling conversations from the back seat of the car & answer both appropriately while navigating traffic.
Martha Stewart Baking Badge: Baked, decorated & delivered to classroom or bake sale on time a confection that looks good & tastes good & doesn’t make anyone ill, all after only 2 hours of sleep.
Mother Theresa badge: Massaged the knots out of family’s backs, necks, shoulders while cheerfully ignoring own pain & discomfort knowing a glass of wine & the massage recliner were scheduled for later.
Tantrum badge, Chef badge for those days that we pull a meal ut of the food we have left in fridge when we forget to get something the kids will eat besides nuggets and mac n cheese.
THE VOLUNTEER BADGE!!! Oh my gosh, that one is the worst! I am being a reverse Mom Scout and trying to make it through this summer with*out* earning that one too often.
Because often when a fellow mother talks about wanting more of a “community”, she really means more “free babysitting from a sucker like me.”
Jessica McFadden – A Parent in America recently posted..A Parent in Silver Spring on TV: Montgomery County Media
I’ve earned all of these and then some..
How about record setting eating? Or resourceful eating? How about surviving a play date or glitter and play doh?
Oh, The Filth Badge. I have an ongoing contest with my neighbor to see who goes the longest without a shower. It’s not like I want this to happen, it just does. Thank god for ponytails.
This is just a suggestion, but you could create a Zazzle store to sell these since there is obviously such interest (I want them, too) and use the proceeds for Scary Mommy Nation.
Jill!!! These are awesome! Now going to find the Revolution clip Jenni told me about.
Nina recently posted..An Online Fairytale Friendship
I think we need a driving badge. You know the one we get by driving forward at 70 MPH while looking in the back seat for the sippy cup that was thrown down. All while staying in our lane and talking on the phone.
I’m pretty sure I can say- all of the above.
The Mommy Psychologist recently posted..Just In: Blogging Relieves Stress!
Anyone with boys has probably earned
THE LEGO BADGE:
While responding to, “Hey, Mom, come look at this!” stepped on 1000th LEGO brick and didn’t even flinch.
Kim at notmymomsblog recently posted..How to make playground friends
Awesome! I’ve earned them all as well. Thanks for sharing.
I have earned most of these, although I am pleased to say I’ve haven’t got the Fisherman Badge and to be honest I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I never do!
thefreelancelef recently posted..Working at the Content Mill
You forgot the “Not resenting my child for ruining my boobs” badge.
I love these. You’re on to something. You should get these manufactured.
Guerrilla Mom recently posted..City kids love swings.
I think I earned all of those except the Disney badge with my twins! Haha! I’ll be getting that Disney badge next summer. :)
Amanda recently posted..I’m Published!!!
What about the “thick skin” badge? This would be for the many times we have had to deal with an unruly child in a public place without getting flustered or embarrassed. I want one of those!
Cassie recently posted..Big Boy Bed Tips
Love these! Especially the Bathroom Badge. When I get an unexpected work call I run up to my bathroom and lock the door and try to talk loud enough to drown out the sound of my kids knocking!
Shannon recently posted..Finding Nemo Coloring Pages to Print
Oh these are perfect! This summer I’m hoping to earn my 16-hour Family Road Trip badge…or at least survive to tell about it.
Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac recently posted..Learning to exhale
I am a very proud holder of the bathroom badge.
Marta recently posted..Top 5 Spanx Tips
Sewing them on my denim jacket right now!
Jen recently posted..Celebrating summer
I love all the badges and should own all of them! I have definitely had ALL of those things happen to me, with the exception of Disney. Four kids does not a trip to Disney make (yet). But once we have money (so after the kids are grown…maybe…)…then maybe I’ll earn that one.
I’ve missed reading your blog (life goes by too fast!). It’s good to be back!
Jamie Bishop recently posted..Process
I have collected some of these badges and I am looking forward to get some of the badges.
Michelle Watson recently posted..What are Human Pheromones?
I have earned every bade except the volunteer badge, mine are enough…thank you.
My disney badge will be earned next week. It will be a badge I wear with honor.
Nellie recently posted..My Open Letter To Sleep
I am so ready to sell my badges in a garage sale.
Mom Off Meth recently posted..Just Say No
I need all but 1. No Disney yet. But I’m sure it won’t be long before I get that one too!
Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted..SUMMER FLASHBACK: FAVORITE CHILDHOOD TV SHOW
And then there’s the teenage badges: teaching tampons, keeping your clothes on on Twitter, broken hearts for beginners, No Booze in My Basement, bikini wax what? …. that’s enough. Don’t mean to scare ya!
kathykate recently posted..Soccer Smackdown
I’m getting ready to earn my Disney Badge, and I’m scared Jill. I’M SCARED. That being said, I end each day with urine and feces on me so how bad can it be?
These are awesome!
Loved these.
Will be trying to earn the Disney one next year..
Might I suggest a Fake It Badge?
Fake it (coming/still here) so you don’t have to do it…
Carolyn recently posted..The Little Milestones
This is so funny. I think I’ve earned almost all the badges especially the Survival badge! When my second daughter was 3 months, I found out I was pregnant! I haven’t slept more than 3 hours straight since December 2011!!
Dr fomsky recently posted..WASH DAY 21st June 2012: Counting down to my relaxer touchup
Awesome! Is there a badge for whipping up a family meal without visiting a grocery store in 6 days?
Sarah P. / Julia’s Child recently posted..Homemade Frozen Waffles, or, Some Lessons In Life Must Be Learned Over and Over Again
I am rockin’ my bathroom badge – sometimes, the only safe place for my family is when I’m behind a locked door;-)
Angela recently posted..Lessons Learned on the Care and Feeding of Four Year Olds
I think the Resourceful and Fisherman badges are my favourite (in theory) but will be my least favourite in real life!
I love the one about fishing poop out of the bath.
Holy moly, I have all of those except for the Fisherman and Filth badge.
Johanna recently posted..Junk Food Freedom
These are great, I love the getting peed on and not flinching :) or fishing out poop from the bathtub, heck I think I’ve done them all!
Nicole Martel recently posted..Zva Creative June DT Blog Hop!
I want these and I will not display them on a sash, but on my bath robe that I seem to run to for comfort on those days where I don’t want to get up…oh wait, that is more frequent that I care to admit, but they keep jumping on my bed while I try to sleep.
Regina recently posted..What to do with those Extra Coupons
I totally didn’t win the resourceful one, since once my kid stated getting sick in the car and I jumped out to the front seat and got out because I was about to throw up as well.
Mexmom recently posted..The theatre
I would get all of those except Disney and that is coming with our upcoming vacation. Pray for me.
Is there a badge for pulling 6 inches of poop out of a constipated, screaming baby’s butt? If so, I would love a few of those :-).
Autherine recently posted..Letting Go Of Fear And Living A Purposeful Life
Please keep adding more badges! These are great!
I want to collect these motherhood merit badges. In fact, I have collected some of these already and looking forward to get some more.
Sarah Pearce recently posted..How’s your Sexual Desire?
I completely understand when u use the words ‘thankless job’ to describe motherhood. All of us take the efforts of our mother for granted, don’t we?
Proud to have earned them all!
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