2014-THANKSgiving

The Badges of Motherhood

143 Comments

Motherhood is a series of unfortunate events that bonds women together in the most thankless and revolting job on earth.

Ok, so it’s more than that, but the unfortunate events are definitely a big part of the experience. Whoever a mother is — whether she’s Angelina Jolie or the teen mom at the grocery store checkout — I feel an instant bond with her, knowing we’ve both dealt with a puking kid in our bed or feverish baby at the most inopportune time.

I was in Girl Scouts for a brief time, and I acquired a snazzy collection of merit badges to brag about my accomplishments like practicing athleticism with purpose and volunteering for a good cause. I’m thinking of finding that sash and slapping on some badges that I’m really proud of: The badges of motherhood.

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Comments

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  1. 21

    Suzanne McKay says

    If I find my Girl Guide sash, I will truly print these off, cut them out, and staple them on. I’ve earned every single one. Sometimes twice.

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  2. 25

    Nicole Martel says

    Hey Jill. I couldn’t find a link to your email but wanted to say, I was laughing out loud the other night reading your book. I love how you mentioned that you are a bit abusive with the camera. hehe… So am I my friend, so am I. :) My mom said “I hope he loves the camera because you’re gonna drive him crazy” a day after I had my son. LOL. I try not to over do it… I try, but it’s so hard!

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  3. 27

    Gigi says

    I’ve earned ‘em all – except for the last one. That one I will replace with the Taught Him How To Drive and I Survived badge and I Made It Through High School Again (since I seemed to have had to go through it all over again with him). Soon to be followed by the I Can’t Believe I Just Sent Him Off to College badge.

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  4. 30

    Christine says

    I don’t even have kids of my own yet and I’ve already earned the Fisherman badge, Volunteer badge, and resourceful badge. Gotta love being an Aunt. And now that I’m expecting i get to do it all over again in 7 short months.

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  5. 31

    Kathryn says

    OK, hands down (hands up?) the resourceful badge the best! – and just wait until they get older! It gets better. Well, more entertaining. There’s the ‘answering the question about the acrobatic thing those people are doing on HBO’ badge…..

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  6. 34

    Holly says

    Got em all honey and I only have 1 under 2.
    How about:
    The secret agent badge: Earned by sneaking around a sleeping baby for over an hour
    The multitasker badge: Earned by putting a sleeping baby to bed at the same time as a dolly, baba, and blankie ( bonus points if you have to climb stairs)
    The superstrength badge: Earned by stepping on a hard plastic toy and not screaming

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  7. 36

    Donna says

    Well, looks like I’ve earned every one of these. Wonder if I can find a vest big enough to hold them all. Here are some more badge ideas….
    Car Stereo badge: Able to listen to dueling conversations from the back seat of the car & answer both appropriately while navigating traffic.
    Martha Stewart Baking Badge: Baked, decorated & delivered to classroom or bake sale on time a confection that looks good & tastes good & doesn’t make anyone ill, all after only 2 hours of sleep.
    Mother Theresa badge: Massaged the knots out of family’s backs, necks, shoulders while cheerfully ignoring own pain & discomfort knowing a glass of wine & the massage recliner were scheduled for later.

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  8. 37

    Amy says

    Tantrum badge, Chef badge for those days that we pull a meal ut of the food we have left in fridge when we forget to get something the kids will eat besides nuggets and mac n cheese.

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  9. 38

    Jessica McFadden - A Parent in America says

    THE VOLUNTEER BADGE!!! Oh my gosh, that one is the worst! I am being a reverse Mom Scout and trying to make it through this summer with*out* earning that one too often.

    Because often when a fellow mother talks about wanting more of a “community”, she really means more “free babysitting from a sucker like me.”

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  10. 39

    D says

    I’ve earned all of these and then some..

    How about record setting eating? Or resourceful eating? How about surviving a play date or glitter and play doh?

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  11. 40

    Mrs. Yoy says

    Oh, The Filth Badge. I have an ongoing contest with my neighbor to see who goes the longest without a shower. It’s not like I want this to happen, it just does. Thank god for ponytails.

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