Jeff and I have been away for the past several days on Captiva Island, Florida (endless beaches, piña coladas and naps… ahhhh…) My house is being cared for by the A team consisting of my mother at night, the thirteen year old dog walker for Penelope and my college bound babysitter during the day. From what I hear, things are going quite well.
Too well, actually.
I have not received one tear-filled phone call, urgent text or emergency e-mail. I blame my sitter.
My children have gone to the zoo and to the aquarium and to art camp. They’ve been to the library and the bookstore and the park. My mom, who normally does laundry at our house, hasn’t even had a chance to tackle it because my babysitter keeps the basket empty. She washes and dries and actually folds rather than simply stuffing everything into drawers. She loads and unloads the dishwasher and puts everything back where it goes rather than leaving it all on the counters. She’s got the boys on a nap schedule and they’ve been bathed each day. Oh, yes. My babysitter is a better mother than I am. By a lot.
If I take all three of the kids out to the farm or zoo or wherever, by the end of it, I’m exhausted. My sitter takes them out for four hours, brings them home for lunch and then takes them out again. I couldn’t handle that without some sort of upper in between. During the summer, the kids are lucky if they get bathed every other day (pool water totally counts right?) but she keeps them fresh and clean daily. And a schedule? What’s that? I’ve never had my children on any such thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has them on a raw food diet by now. It’s humiliating.
It’s a good thing we’ll be home today so I can fuck them up all over again. Like any good mother.
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{ 101 comments… read them below or add one }
Sounds like you have a winning combo at home, lucky you! So enjoy!! BTW, pool water totally counts.
Where did you find her? I want one. I’ll move the fourteen yo in with two year old and she can have her own room. I have custody of my grandson which means I get to fuck up another generation. I am SO glad.
Thanks for sharing this.
Lisa´s last blog ..Grandma Lisa or is that Mama again
She’s what- 17? I had all the energy in the world at 17, too. 35 and I’m ready for a nap 24/7.
Yeah, see? That’s what I was going to say. 17… Pfft.
no wonder she does it so perfect lol 17.. yea remember those days..
That’s true. I did have a boat load of energy at 17. Maybe the whole teenage mother thing has merit?
I like that. A new initiative: get high-school girls pregnant as part of their curriculum.
Gal´s last blog ..Adams love of books
The fact is that she does that for money and the better she does it the better are the chances that she keeps the job. I would do the same but not with my own children at seventeen, I would be screaming to be out with my friends.
arlete soffiatti´s last blog ..O porquê de um nome duplo
Can you send her my way?? I only have 5 yrs left till my youngest turns 18! A vacation without worries? Can you extend it till they turn 18? Pool water, lakes, ponds, rain water for that matter – they all count!
Lol! Your title is so catchy—well, err I honestly feel that way sometimes. lol! When my daughter seems to be overly difficult to deal with, I get so irritated at times, but she keeps her cool. She’s also more patient and I feel guilty. But I guess we are both blessed to have competent help. I hope you had fun from your Florida trip.
Mom To A Four Year Old´s last blog ..Healthy Ways to Kickstart your Day
WOW!!! You really do have the best FUCKING sitter in the universe!
And, yes, pool water, water from the back yard hose, sprinkler water, fountain water, and even dancing in the rain (our favorite) all counts as a night time bath. :)
HaB´s last blog ..Can We MommyCan We
I know!! Totally deserves the expletive, right?
Pool water definitely counts. It sounds like your kids had a nice vacation. Now it’s back to business as usual. You should have her back so she can train the kids to do all that stuff for you.
Sarah´s last blog ..A 4 Hour Tour
–>Pool water *totally* counts especially on little boys who have short hair.
WebSavvyMom´s last blog ..Change of Perspective
I wouldn’t want to go home. I remember when I was 18. Up at 6am to work. work all day, out until 1am. I have no idea now how I ever pulled that off.
Pool water totally counts.
Amanda´s last blog ..Nutritional Advice from the McDonald’s Drive Thru
LOL b/c we were skinnier and had no worries!!! Ahhh to be that way again!!!
I want one of her! She sounds incredible! :)
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos´s last blog ..The Child Support Debate
I’m jealous! Can you send this babysitter my way please?
And yes, pool water counts!
Evonne´s last blog ..Journey to Earth
Does this sitter live anywhere near PA ;) i could use someone to play with my kids and take them to a zoo, lol.
*And yes pool water counts*
Stephanie@Geezees´s last blog ..PLAY – you capture theme
Well I’m pretty impressed by the sitter and mom combo, and instead of feeling like they’re better instead think of what a great mom you are that your kids are well behaved and adapatable and engaging, that is a true hat tip to you mom!
PLUS that means you can go on more vacations, how awesome and healthy is that!
I’d give gramma and babysitter a nice tip or thank you!
Danielle´s last blog ..Dont Hate!
It’s amazing. BUT… my mom is leaving for Italy for 6 months and my sitter is heading to college. In two weeks, I’m screwed! :(
When you get home, could you send her to my house? Pretty please with sugar on it? She sounds like a miracle, and I could use one of those.
amber´s last blog ..The Evolution of a Smile…As Told By My Cell Phone
No shit dude. My husband is so much more fun and cooler than I am. The sitter totally has the kids taken care of.
Why am I here again?
JenniferG´s last blog ..Little Bit Of This- Little Bit Of That…Guest Post Cheater
the difference is the babysitter gets to go home to no kids- you get no such break. It’s not the years, it’s the mileage ;)
Kevin Bruce´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
that at least makes me feel better. I was feeling like a failure mom compared to the babysitter too.
Well, I’m pretty any of us could keep up a schedule like that for several days. But do we want to? Hell no! I don’t want my girls to think that life is a circus and they will always be entertained. Not only that, I’m lazy.
Yes glad Im not the only one..
I LOVE it. Any chance she’s going to college in the South? I’d love to scoop this girl up!!!
Sara -The Football Wife´s last blog ..I Love Every Little Thing About You
not only does pool water count, but so do babywipes used in a top-to-bottom fashion. Just don’t use a bum babywipe on the face …
(we had a babysitter like that too .. made me feel inferior on a regular basis!)
naomi´s last blog ..DON THE TUTU or what it means to turn four
Damn babysitters making us mommies look bad, hurry home and get things back to “normal” before those chilrden come to expect this type of schedule daily.
Oh and thanks for making me laugh
Cheryl´s last blog ..Relaxed Routines
Mark my word, when she is a mother, she won’t be doing it like that. She obviously gets enough sleep each night (something we know is impossible once the kids arrive if you don’t have a team of nannies) or she’s a daytime vampire. I’m leaning towards not sleep-depraved because I heard vampires don’t do laundry.
katie´s last blog ..What Is It No Really- What Is It
Would she be interested in coming to Europe? Say Belgium? I could use someone who folds my laundry and bathes the kiddies.
So…….. Ummmmm……. Where is your sitter headed for college? (Please say Pennsylvania, please say Pennsylvania.)
New York. I’d pay her tuition if she’d stay local.
Well, 2 things the baby-sitter has going for her: 1) She’s a teenager and has more energy. And 2) she’s not their mom. So they’re more likely to behave themselves around her because she doesn’t have that whole “I’ll love you unconditionally forever & ever” thing.
But, she does sound like she’s doing a pretty kick-ass job. All that AND the housekeeping? Wow. Way to put the 30-somethings to shame, little whippersnapper.
yea thats a fantasy for me.. 17 they got lots of energy
It is amazing how well behaved they are for her. So not cool.
My daughter tends to do everything that the teacher asks her to. And she doesn´t even listen to mom calling.
arlete soffiatti´s last blog ..O porquê de um nome duplo
Just think how excited your kids are going to see you upon your return, having endured such a boring and unattentive sitter for so many days.
I’ve always said, crafts and art projects are the reason God created babysitters.
gigi´s last blog ..they’re not 3- honey
She’s young and has energy. I would totally need the uppers. Just to cope.
Don’t share her for a second. I can’t take a chance with my kids finding out that the grass could be greener! Hell no.
Kelly´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
Yep many said it but I’ll chime in anyway, she’s younger and it’s a temporary thing for her. As Bruce said above…..it’s the mileage baby……it’s the grind of doing that stuff over….and over….and over….and oh hell you get the point. :o)
Would it be wrong to bribe her to not go off to college? Because I’m pretty sure I would never be able to let her leave.
Jennifer´s last blog ..Surviving a marriage
College bound?
GAH!
She’d learn SO much more at my house
I’m kidnapping that bitch
jenny talia´s last blog ..tommy emmanuel
I would worry less about measuring up to her and just stick to the job your confident in…as you put it “fucking them up”. Kids need all kinds of people to make them well rounded.:)
Raquel´s last blog ..Can I Have Some Diamonds With My Pancakes Please
Now THAT’S what I need hanging around the house – a 17 year old babysitter. So what if my kids are all grown. I’ll rent some.
lceel´s last blog ..100 Word Challenge – Minimum
when i was babysitting as a teenager, all the moms loved me too. i took really good care of their kids and slept with their husbands so they didn’t have to. i got paid really well.
alexis´s last blog ..you should be so impressed right now
Captiva….miles and miles of sea shells. South Seas Plantation. The Mucky Duck. Oh how I miss it all.
Please tell your babysitter that Orlando has a wonderful university and she’ll have a built in job at my house!!
We looooooove Captiva. We’ve never gone without the kids- it’s even better.
Pah! She’s getting paid to be a good mommy. And she’s 17. And she gets to go home at night away from the kids.
Besides, look at it this way: it’s taking THREE people to do your job. If it was just one of them, it wouldn’t be nearly so smooth. Count on it.
Shawntel´s last blog ..Be Afraid- Be Very Afraid
loved the comment!!!
arlete soffiatti´s last blog ..O porquê de um nome duplo
ALL kids act like angels when the parents aren’t around so really she’s probably not that great of a sitter ..hahaha.. Your children are just great actors!! Hahaha!!
Just remember she will not be doing this every single day for 18 years. I could have all the energy in the world for all those outings if I saw the end in sight.
Jacki´s last blog ..Writers Workshop – a teepee and a hail storm
Ha! I love it. Keep in mind, though, that almost anyone can be an amazing mother if it’s only for a days. But being an amazing hands-on mother everyday, 24/7 for at least 18 years (or whenever they fly the nest)…forget it. =)
Enjoy your vacation, Jill!
-Aimee
Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog´s last blog ..The Mother-Sister Role
Out of curiosity…how do you KNOW she isn’t taking uppers in between times? hehe
I don’t even have kids yet and I want her to come to my house! I love her already.
Joie´s last blog ..Damn Boobskeep getting in the way!
Hmmmmmm… I don’t. And, I totally wouldn’t blame her for it.
Some babysitters truly are amazing and can make you jealous! A mom can only do so much. Kids are draining… I don’t know how the babysitters do it!
Melissa´s last blog ..pyho – in regards to baby 2
Please text me her number when you get a chance. LOL
Jennifer @ The Mommy Mambo´s last blog ..Tread Lightly! Or At Least In A Straight Line! You may be Harboring the Enemy!
Tell her that Cleveland has loads of good colleges. And I will supply her with endless opportunities to babysit.
OHmommy´s last blog ..BlogHer10- blogging about blogging
I need to find a babysitter like that, I’d save my laundry for a month just so she could do it! Perhaps she’s working hard for a little post vacation bonus? ;)
Jessica´s last blog ..Fitting Room Mirrors
I love how you all talk about baths. We are at the point now where we just pray for rain.
Lorraine´s last blog ..Someone having one of those days
I feel the same way every time I send my kids to my sister’s house. The nice thing is, she doesn’t do the same for her own daughter…just for company. In fact, my brother in law commented last time my kids were there that Andrea was a better mom when she had our kids over. She does things with them and for them she’d never do normally.
lolli´s last blog ..Pop on Pals – Discover the Popabilities!
LOL!
1. Do not compare your stamina to that of nubile 19 year old.
2. Going in the pool ALWAYS counts as a bath.
Glad you’re having a GREAT grown ups only vaca. I think that is so important and it’s good for everybody. We’re doing the same in August – 5 day cruise to Bermuda. WOOT! WOOT!
Now for us, the grandparents will be on site and in charge 24/7 while we’re gone. Which means little man will be completely spoiled and need to be ‘re-programmed’ upon my return.
But, totally worth it. Happy travels. :-)
They all are. On the flip side, you would be a better mother of any kid YOU watch. It’s the weird wild rule of the universe. All babysitters are better mothers. But they always like mom better.
What? The babysitter didn’t teach your little one to read Shakespeare while you were gone? Geez…slacker!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole´s last blog ..11Too Long
Two things:
1. That is awesome that she takes them everywhere and is full of endless energy.
2. The reason that she has more energy is that she is young and hasn’t given birth to three kids!
But… give her a few years until she has her own children, and THEN check back and see how she’s doing. If you know that you are able to hand them back at the end of a specified time– even if it is several days– you have the capacity for anything.
Seriously. It’s just not the same thing!
J.C.
That is wonderful! Enjoy it!
Kristy´s last blog ..Tonic- Sunday Snippet
Oh man, this post had me cracking up! Love it!!! When I first started reading all she was doing, I was wondering if you were close so I could call her just for help. I also have 3 kids, and they are lucky if I take them out for one event a day, let a lone two. If we go to the park, then thats it, and man, my kids are in the pool almost everyday…lol, do they need to bathe everyday too? Too funny.
Oh and I forgot to add the link to my blog just in case anyone decides to stop by :)
Sharina Johnson´s last blog ..Does Anyone Use Tape Recorders Anymore
Wow do you think your babysitter fancies an assignment in the UK??? We could totally use her for a few weeks!! Also I think any kind of water counts towards the cleanliness!!!
Emma´s last blog ..The Gallery – Nature
This is what mother’s do. We mess our children’s good routines all up. We do have to have our own routines you know? Like gossip time, wine time etc.
Mare´s last blog ..AHA Heart Walk
Nah, the sitter’s not better – it’s just that she’s not you. You are mom – and with mom they feel perfectly comfortable ignoring you.
Gigi´s last blog ..Its the little things
I’m not sure which I’m more jealous of….your vacation without the kids OR your amazing sitter.
B´s last blog ..Wordful Wednesday
Well isn’t she all energetic and perfect and Mary Poppins and shit… Whatevs… You can drink pina coladas “legally”…so there…
I have that same kind of babysitter, I really don’t like her. ;)
Jen´s last blog ..Do Your Kids Know What You Do All Day
She can’t possibly be a real person can she? She sounds too good to be true.
Oh wait, she’s young isn’t she? Like not even 20 yet? Yea, now it all makes sense. I hate being 30-ish.
Allison´s last undefined ..Response cached until Fri 30 @ 4:08 GMT (Refreshes in 56 Minutes)
So jealous of your time away without kids! Wish I had an A Team over here to pull that off! Maybe you can send your sitter to NJ??!!
Chrissy MacCEO´s last blog ..Guest Post- Strange Questions
Oh, Captiva is beautiful – I just moved off of Ft. Myers Beach which is near there. Sadly, I found that living at the beach (with kids in tow and no good babysitters) means fewer pina coladas and a lot less fun.
Does it make it easier or harder knowing that everything is running so smoothly in your absence? For me it always seems a little harder . . .
My son is always an angel for anyone who babysits for him. It makes me look like a liar when I talk about him being naughty and throwing a plate at a waiter. Or eating play doh and then spitting it between the couch cushions. Or trying to insert a crayon into the cat’s rectum. I think if your kids were without their mommy for a few weeks, they’d stop behaving so well. Probably.
I just wish I could find a good babysitter. Granted then I’d probably be like, “Wow, wait, she actually cooks foods that didn’t come out of a freezer.”
Amber´s last blog ..The Jack Lesson
eh, she’s lying so you’ll hire her again lol jk
a. kids are always better with other people – why the hell do they listen to everyone else
b. your sitter gets to go home at the end of a few days…you have been doing laundry etc forever…give her a few more day!
LOL loved this post
Carrie Campbell´s last blog ..My Morning Crisis…
Cracked me up! I’m new, and LOVE your honesty.
I also have 3- 1 girl and the two boys- always better at someone else’s house, too.
My daughter calls me Scary Mommy, but I call myself MEAN Mommy.
Whatever works!
YOU still ROCK!
I am soooo jealous!! Captiva and Sanibel are my most favorite places , grew up spending every summer there!! My mom is coming to visit my house for the weekend, I guarantee within 5 min of walking in the door she will have laundry going and she will have the boxes that I have yet to unpack from our recent move unpacked and sent off the be recycled, guess that means I can sit and watch while drinking a margarita!
Now you are going to have to retrain your kids so they don’t go around thinking that is the way life is supposed to be! ha ha!! great post – hope you enjoyed your vacation!
Sara R-The Millennial Housewife´s last blog ..Happy Birthday!
You wait until she has her own kids. You’ll see when she’s with them 24/7 365
that what’s she’s doing right now won’t be totally maintained. Besides your kids are all healthy and stuff right now too. Throw a few virus’, fevers, buggers into the mix and she’d be like most of the rest of us.
Hey instead of worry about the best baby sitter,
you should be scoring up one for yourself for having snagged her for as long as you could. Have fun on the rest of your mini vacation.
Boundless energy is wasted on the youth! Sounds like you have a winning combo of people helping you and that you can get that much deserved getaway without worrying about what is going on back at home. Congrats!
ZippyChix4´s last blog ..Even Adults Can Be All Mixed Up!
I have someone like this, not my babysitter, but my best friend. She is a child magnet, Pied Piper and Super Nanny all rolled into one. I would be hurt and offended that my children like her better than me if not for one thing: I like her better than me, too.
Great Post! Hope you and hubby had a wonderful vacation. And our children as always well behaved for others. Always!
Patty Reiser´s last blog ..Branching out in the sunrise
Even better is pool water from a little pool that has to be dumped and refilled all the time…throw some bubbles in that and have an outdoor bubble bath! lol
I gotta find one like that when I get a nanny. Right now, I am a manny. Here’s the funny thing, I don’t think I would ever hire a guy as a nanny. Am I crazy?
Anthony from CharismaticKid´s last blog ..Teaching Your Kid How to Answer The Phone
HA – that’s too funny. Sounds like you have a gem of a sitter – don’t let her go! And I’m so jealous you’re on vacation. Without the kids.
ps – NO ONE can replace us moms. EVER. What fun is being clean and on a schedule?
The Flying Chalupa´s last blog ..The Hot Mess Address
can i borrow her… like just once… to test her out on the magoo… because i am starting to think that jackson at 27 months may be the equivalent to having 3 children. and i can only pay her in hugs and dog hair, so… she’d totally be interested, right?
Um, wait. Did you say you manage to bathe your kids every other DAY or every other WEEK? Just curious. Bathtimes here for my three kids are, uh, rare. And all three NEVER take one on the same night. So, basically, we are never all clean at the same time. Never. Not ever.
Jen @ Momalom´s last blog ..An idea to live by today-
Hi Jill!! I totally feel the same as you do!! Last week, I was working from home while my babysitter watched my kids. It was really quiet upstairs so I went to check on them…. and, well, my babysitter had turned my son’s bed into a van and my kids and her were driving it across the country on a road trip. So, they’d “drive” along, singing road trip songs and chatting and then every few minutes, they’d stop for a “sightseeing adventure”. Then, they’d get off the bed and go on a “hike” to see the grand canyon or on a swim into the Missippi river. of course, their little excursions were full of facts, trivia and education. Um, I’d NEVER do that with my kids. EVER. Not only did my babysitter manage to keep them quietly playing for 3 hours, but she managed to teach them about geography, history AND letters. I love her, but grrrrrrr….
Anything is possible when you know there’s an end in site.
That sounds like heaven to me. No matter how much of a failure I might be, I still worry about how they will get on without me… Chris is handling everything on his own while I’m in NYC. I fear for all of them.
Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..Another One of Those Annoying BlogHer Posts
It’s easy to be peaceful and chipper and ever-attentive when the kids are not yours and there is an expiration date for your time together. Give that babysitter a kid of her own and you will find a drastically different situation.
Eh. She’s keeping three balls in the air while your kids are enjoying the novelty of summer camp. You’ll get home and juggle a THOUsand balls while your kids take you for granted. You win.
Serene´s last blog ..Summer Tomatoes
It’s common for mothers to feel threatened by – and envious of – their nannies. It’s often difficult to leave your kids to go to work, and here’s this “other woman” who gets to do all of the fun stuff that you’re missing – playing with your kids, teaching them new things…even being there for their milestones. Talk about major mommy guilt!
It’s natural to feel possessive and protective of your kids – that’s the maternal instinct. It’s also OK to need help with childcare – it takes a village to raise a child, right…http://blog.nannies4hire.com/nanny-envy/189
Candi´s last blog ..Melissa from Woodstock- GA