My Children are Gross

78 Comments

Children are Gross

My children are gross. Not, like a little gross. But, really, really gross.

Now, aside from the colorful rainbow bowel movements, raunchy fingernails and stinky feet, my children have a bad habit that is wildly out of control. A habit that I am ashamed to admit. It’s both revolting and embarrassing. I call it “snot on the wall.” And it makes me sick.

My darling daughter exhibited this behavior a few years ago and it was temporarily resolved by placing a box of tissues and wastebasket in her room. Now that she has brothers, though, the polite manners have been abandoned and all three of them mindlessly wipe their messy noses on whatever surface happens to be nearby. Conveniently, all snot looks alike so there is no pointing fingers at the guilty party. There are few things that annoy me as much as seeing a streak of yellow/green crust adorning my walls. It’s just plain infuriating.

Yesterday, while I was eating yogurt, I felt something on my shirt. I wiped it with my finger to lick off the vanilla blend, and thankfully took a moment to examine it before licking. Not only was it not yogurt, but it was yellow snotage courtesy of my middle son. It’s one thing to use my own sleeve to wipe their noses, it’s an entirely different thing to unknowingly be used as a human tissue. The nerve of that kid!

I’m leaning towards just letting them eat it. At least there’s no messy cleanup.

Comments

  1. 1

    The Yummy Mummy says

    Oooooooh…yeah, that’s gross.

    Okay, our gross thing? Our neighbor (as a joke) taught Lucy to pick her nose and eat it. She did it for a freakin’ YEAR before she stopped.

    I hate our neighbor.
    .-= The Yummy Mummy´s last blog ..Separation Snappper (Baked Whole Red Snapper with Herbs) =-.

  2. 3

    Melissa B. says

    Eeeeeeeewwwww! The good news is they’ll grow out of it, m’dear. A dreary Sunday a.m. over here, but I’ve got a solution. My Silly Sunday Sweepstakes is up and running!

    A Veritable Mexican Standoff
    .-= Melissa B.´s last blog ..A Veritable Mexican Standoff =-.

    • 4

      Amber says

      Sadly, my brother never did grow out of this phase. He’s marked up every wall of ever bedroom and bathroom he lives in. Ugh….he’s freakin’ nasty!
      .-= Amber´s last blog ..7 Months – In & Out =-.

  3. 5

    WackyMummy says

    Eww. Mine is headed quickly towards that unique skill. My Evan’s gross thing right now is that when he feels “wind” coming on, he’ll bend over and aim it at me, giggling hysterically the whole time. It’s hard to discipline when I’m laughing and choking at the same time.
    .-= WackyMummy´s last blog ..Sunflowers of Confusion =-.

  4. 7

    Traci says

    I think the first time I realized how gross my children were was after my first daughter was born, she had reflux really bad so everything she drank came right back up. My mother took me shopping one day “to make me feel better”. I was in the store, looking over my shoulder to tell my mom I had found a cute outfit when I got a good whif of what my shirt smelled like….OMG… I had just taken it out of the wash. Who knew that upchucked soy formula smell wouldn’t come out of a cotton shirt? LOL
    .-= Traci´s last blog ..Reality TV: Dancing The Nights Away =-.

  5. 9

    Kat says

    Thank goodness I’m not alone!!! I’ve got two kids so, like you, have a hard time proving who the culprit is although I’m leaning toward the boy. Luckily, mine are old enough to be past the stage of using someone else’s sleave but the wall streaks are gross enough, thank you. Gag!
    .-= Kat´s last blog ..New Things On The Horizon =-.

  6. 10

    parenting BY dummies says

    Yeah, when I discovered #1′s snot rectory alongside his bed I thought it was some other formerly sticky, quick-to-harden-if-left-alone substance that I was not ready to address. I know he’s only 7, but my mind immediately assumes the worst (no matter how unlikely) in every situation. I’m not sure if I should admit that I was happy it was just a mountain of boggers stuck to his wall. I tried to make him scour them off, but his overactive gag reflex kicked into hyper drive and to avoid having to clean up moldy boogs and pizza puke, I took over. My eyes watered profusely while I gagged through the job. I hated my life that day.
    .-= parenting BY dummies´s last blog ..Saturday Swag-urday: Destination X-mas =-.

  7. 12

    Megan says

    When my son was about 3, I was standing at the kitchen sink washing my hands. He walked up behind me, grabble my pants with both hands and proceeded to wipe his nose all over the butt of my pants. Then, he just walked away like nothing happened. Gross! I can totally relate!
    .-= Megan´s last blog ..Just 7 Little Words…. =-.

  8. 13

    Rachel says

    Yuck!

    I’ve yet to find a booger/snot shrine, but my son leaves so much drool on his pillowcase, it looks tie-dyed.
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..Murphy’s Mama’s Law #13 =-.

    • 14

      Scary Mommy says

      How nasty is that?? My son has red sheets and the white spots make me sick. I’m sticking to white sheets from now on. Ignorance is bliss!

  9. 15

    Alicia says

    My daughter ate her boogers for, I don’t know, three years or so until I shamed her out of it so many times that she stopped (or got smart and stopped doing it IN FRONT OF me, I’m not sure which). Now she just wipes them on the walls.

    And a couple days ago, I saw my 8-year-old son with his hand conspicuously near the assholish area before he pulled his hands out of his underwear and SNIFFED. That was actually so shocking that I was physically unable to shame him. I was speechless.
    .-= Alicia´s last blog ..Weekly WrapUp: September 26, 2009 =-.

    • 16

      Scary Mommy says

      I snorted reading that. I have seen the same behavior and there are simply no words. It reminds me how close humans are to apes because it is just so grossly primitive. WTF?

    • 17

      Mama Cas says

      Oh dear god that’s gross. I have 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls), so I live in the kingdom of gross. My 3rd child, a gorgeous little girl, likes to chew her toenails and fingernails. So far, I have not found any snot shrines, but I’ll be on the lookout from now on.

      PS….nothing’s funnier than farts. Yes, I’m 12.
      .-= Mama Cas´s last blog ..I’m Still a Rock Star =-.

  10. 18

    S.E. Sward says

    Well, if you could get them to at least eat their boogers instead of wiping them on the first handy surface, you could rationalize it as the ultimate recycling program – and uber-green (pun intended).

    Happy SITS Sunday Shoutout!
    .-= S.E. Sward´s last blog ..I’m An Anarchist. Are You? =-.

  11. 20

    Lynn from For Love or Funny says

    Next time someone notices the snot on the wall, tell them that your walls are “texturized.” Problem solved.
    .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Weekend Wish =-.

  12. 22

    Jen @ buried with children says

    what is it about being a mommy that screams ‘Human Tissue’? I will never know.
    .-= Jen @ buried with children´s last blog ..Triplet Play At Its Best =-.

  13. 23

    dawn says

    well my craving for a second helping of pancakes just went away….
    we have a new diet plan folks
    .-= dawn´s last blog ..bucatini all’amatriciana =-.

  14. 25

    Jenni Jiggety says

    My youngest wipes his boogers on his sheets. We refer to his bed as “the booger bed”.

    So glad I am not alone…
    .-= Jenni Jiggety´s last blog ..Moxie Mona Finds Love In the City…. =-.

  15. 26

    Rhea says

    I’ve certainly dealt with worse things than snot, but for some reason, snot on the wall makes me gag big time. My kids have done it also, and it’s just BARBARIC.

    Hilarious post. Thank you for coming clean about your children being gross. Mine are too.
    .-= Rhea´s last blog ..Birds of a Feather =-.

  16. 28

    Lolli says

    Ask me sometime about the OTHER stuff my kids have wiped on the walls.

    I might even have to get MamaKat to do a writers workshop about it to give me an excuse to to a post about the horrific year that we mysteriously had poop smeared on our walls…..

    I cringed when you almost licked your fingers. Eew!!
    .-= Lolli´s last blog ..I LOVE Peanut Butter! =-.

  17. 30

    Loukia says

    Jill your posts are awesome! And being the mother of two boys myself, I can share with you this annoyance at our children and this very gross habit! I’m used as a tissue more often than not – my boys always wipe their noses and hands all over me. And I can’t stand it when I see my oldest son pick his nose. Ewwww!!
    .-= Loukia´s last blog ..The post where I admit more about my neurotic self =-.

  18. 31

    Kate Coveny Hood says

    I never thought that nosepicking stories would make me feel “happy.” But I’m thrilled to hear that other people have children as gross as mine. But what about annoying?
    .-= Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..When in Doubt – Wear Pajamas =-.

  19. 32

    Cara says

    My daughter wipes her nose on me at any opportunity. She also enjoys a good nose pick. Kids love boogers. Me? Not so much.
    .-= Cara´s last blog ..Shampoo =-.

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