Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
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Alternatively titled: “The post where you all hate me and call me a bitch”
I’ve mentioned a time (or million) how very thrifty I am. My darling husband, on the other hand, is not. To put it mildly. Jeff just loves to ravish me with jewelry– each and every holiday is reason for him to present me with a little box proving the depths of his love for me. I’m sure most wives would just love to be at the receiving end of this. Unfortunately for him, the person he chose to marry does not. At all. I am unable to recall a single little black box he has ever presented me with that I haven’t either returned or wanted to. Instead of appreciating the gesture, I calculate just what I would have purchased with the money instead. Visions of appliances, small and large dance in my head. (I’m such a romantic.) It’s shitty of me, I know, and eventually he’ll just stop buying me things. In fact, that’s just what I’ve been trying to accomplish for the last thirteen years.
For Valentine’s Day he presented me with a gift box. My heart sank. We’d (I’d) decided that we were going not going to exchange gifts this year. There are tons of things we need and we were headed to Chattanooga for the weekend and that was our gift to each other. Or, at least it should have been.
It’s a really funny story, he said, as my pulse quickened. I wasn’t going to get you anything, but there was a store that was going out of business. Everything was, like, 75% off. I know how you feel about a bargain so I just couldn’t resist. Trust me, they were a really good deal. A really good deal.
I took a deep breath as I examined them. He was so proud of himself. So hopeful. And there they were; little locks dangling from hoops. All I could think about was the hot water heater we were in dire need of and the nice little dent these would have made towards it. These were the last thing I needed. So… they aren’t returnable, I assume? No, he responded. (Thud.) But they were on sale, right?!! They were a great deal!
Oh, Jeff. I adore you, but what on earth were you thinking? You get points for finding a bargain, but purchasing me something that can’t be returned? Don’t you know better by now? Next time, just buy me a blender. Or a new hot water heater. And should you ever attempt to purchase jewelry for me again, please, please, make sure they’re returnable.
I love you.
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my husband got me, uh, well, NOTHING. NOT A GODDAMN THING.
bastard.
omg I totally hear you. I return EVERYTHING. I just like my taste better than everyone else. If there’s no gift receipt I actually get angry!
How about auctioning them off? Ebay or craigslist or something? :)
Isn’t it so funny? Or is that ironic?
My Hubby and I have struggled with this for most of our marriage…I have longed for a man who would buy me little trinkets and give them to me! It just seems so romantic!
He has finally learned…
He feels as you do…so while it pains me I do not buy him anything but he must buy me something! :) They are beautiful…How much you want for them? :)
Well… they’re cute!
My husband is Mr. Practical. He once bought me (an awesome) frying pan for V-day. It’s red! So, I hear you on the practicality front, but a little jewelry once in a while isn’t so bad.
My guy can be great or suck at buying gifts. He frequently has great taste. Usually he doesn’t get it right when he feels the need to decorate my house. I had to laugh, this Valentine’s day he thought he bought the sweater I had wanted. Of course, he wasn’t paying attention and bought a different one. Actually he didn’t just buy one, he bought three! Fortunatley they are returnable! I think you should ebay them.
You have got to be kidding me. I think every year Adam is going to buck up and get me a good piece of jewelry. Never happens.
My new washer and dryer is going to be my gift for every occasion for the next year. Boo!
You lucky devil. You are SO like my mom, and Jeff is SO my dad. Lucky girls.
Those earrings are gorgeous by the way!!!! I’ll take them off your hands for a small fee. Deal?
I pray that there are going to be a lot of other women out there that respond to this in favor of your defense. Because in all honesty, I am the exact same way. I return everything to pay off a bill, save up for the cost of utilities (cape cod has the second highest electicity charge in the country, Hawaii being #1), buy winter shoes and coats, etc. Oh I could go on and on. My hubby has gotten better at not buying me expensive things. Because whenever I have the time I always tell him if he wants to get me something, the best gift he can give is a receipt showing that a bill is paid in full or has credit on it. In these tough times, I will always want ‘paid receipts’ to wear as a necklace!
Those earrings are beyond stunning. He has impeccable taste.
I am the exact same way. Hubs got me a ruby ring for V. dayt since it is my birth stone. don’t get me wron I love it but I can’t help but think what else we could have used that money for that we realy need!!
I got a hot water heater. How weird! Trade?
LOL! You are too funny. I laugh because I am the same way. I really hate when my husband spends money because he doesn’t do it as well I as do. :)
As the benefactor of such gifts, I think it is my duty to set the record straight. I have bought many pieces of fine jewelry for Scary Mommy over the years, and she has LOVED at least three items. Ask her what she wears around her neck every day? Marco Bicego. Ask her about those citrine earings that brighten up even the dullest Australian college sweatshirt she wears to take the kids to school (Is there really a Wollogong University anyway??). Ask her about the right hand diamond band she wears.
Yes, Scary Mommy is terribly thrifty. And I am terribly extravagant. But give a hubby a little fun once in a while, will you?
I’m going to go marry Jess. If she will have me, that is.
as your older cousin, i have to say, the earring are beautiful and i think you should hold onto them (for lily?) and to your hubby!
It’s frustrating, spending so much time and energy on saving a buck, only to have your other half blow twice that much on something frivolous.
At least he spent the money on you instead of himself, though, right?
I dont think you are a bitch :-) I would have preferred the earrings over new plumbing and toilet that Eric installed for me. Oh…I will trade you Eric for the earrings :-) He can install the hot water heater for you and then everyone is happy! haha You should totally get one of the tankless hot water heaters. I hear they are much better!
WOW! Just wow. But to each his/her own!!! I’m a firm believer that what my float your boat may not float mine.
I’m still a little shocked though! LOL
Listen…your man’s got great taste! Those are BEAUTIFUL! I am like you. Our water heater is leaking but we don’t have the money to fix it. I dream about those Electrox (sp?/) washer and dryers…if I had to pick between them and the bling…I would be doing laundry. BUT…with that said…put those sparkling diamonds on…you deserve it!
I totally get you!
That is MY thought process also. Thank goodness I'm not alone. :->
Can I just say that I like them…? They’re really cute!
Did you go to Chat last weekend or this weekend? I’m so jealous!
Your right, I really don’t like you anymore. For once in my life I would like to receive jewelry for a gift instead of a blender or other practical thing. My hubby is a Jeff too, wanna trade?
I like them too! They’re really pretty! Jeff does have good taste.
That said, I know so many freaking materialistic women who demand such things on a regular basis so it’s actually nice to hear from someone who’d rather have something practical. :)
Good for you!
Fiance buys jewelry every once in awhile, but he listens pretty well when I tell him not to waste our money on pretties.
I understand you, I worry about money all the time…he spends it all the time, then once a year he has a FIT and wonders where all the money has gone?!?! BTW, I put you on my Blog Roll :)
I know your pain. I worry about every darn penny. Drives my family crazy.
I am all for thrifty but jewelry is wonderful and as long as he doesn’t do it all the time i think some should get brownie points, don’t be too hard on him he is trying to show you how much he loves you. Check out my blog http://disorderedmom.blogspot.com
you gotta give him his ‘props’ for thinking about you –
and they are lovely…
I havent’ kept one piece of jewelry Hubby has given me in the past few years either. You’d think he would know I don’t like chokers (why do you think they call them chokers?) or bracelets…but he keeps getting me them.
I DO want the Tiffany 16 stone anniversary band though – and would NOT return it if given (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) even if it means we’d have to live out of the little blue box for a while.
HA HA!! I don’t think you are crazy. You need what you need. I’m kinda like that although when my dude actually DOES go out and get me something, I swoon all over him. And thank him profusely. And compliment him. And praise him. Because it does not happen that often so when it does, I give him his props.
I’m a practical chick too but…I try and let my man have his moment right? Even though it may pain me inside.
Thank GOD they were on sale.
First of all, thank you for not sending me hate mail. I was fully expecting some.
2. I will say that I do have a number of gifts from Jeff that I do love. I still *wanted* to return them because I’m cheap, but I didn’t. Perhaps if I *loved* these I’d feel differently. Though I doubt it.
3. I think I’ll give ebay a shot, but would gladly give them to any of you for $400. Or a new hot water heater. Your choice.
4. They look better in the picture than in person.
Thanks. I thought it impossible, but now I love my wife even more!
Sooo much better than what I got! Keep them!
You remind me sooo much of one of my friends.
It’s okay to be practical. I don’t judge.
People think I’m terrible because I’m picky about the gifts I DO get. My husband has gotten much better about selecting gifts for me – but I always feel a little “what if I don’t like it” anxiety when he presents me with a jewelry box.
Of course we’re too poor for gifts of any kind right now. Damn recession! I think I say that about 20 times a day now. Long after it’s over, I’ll be saying “damn recession!” out of habit.
I got a homemade card written in Sharpie marker, though hubs did pick up sushi. But still…^%#& *#&ing STILL
Thanks for the laughs. Fortunately for me, both my husband and I are thrifty but we do like giving and receiving gifts from each other. We set price limits for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Works like a charm – Valentine’s is $20 (not including shipping). This year I spent all $20 on his gift so I had to make his card. He loved it, though. Just a thought.
Okay, we SO need to trade husbands. Texan Papa got me… ready?… a stick of chocolate-covered sunflower seeds. Like M&M's only with sunflower kernels. It was a nice gesture, but jewelry would have been nice!
I know flowers are not in the same ball park, but my husband used to give me flowers, and instead of enjoying them, I was thinking that they would be dead in a few days and that I could have bought something else with the money. So, I’m A LOT like you! Have you ever heard of that book the 4 Love Languages? If you have, then you’ll know why it reminded me of this. :)
yeah, I’m with you. I appreciate the occasional gift (spa gift cert? rock on!) but we just can’t afford extravagance, no matter how generous the thought process behind it.
oh that was too funny – I have to tell you – we have too many things similar in our lives! My husband always brings home boxes – even when he has strict instructions NOT too. I have returned NO LESS than 6 watches!!
My husband sucks at gifts and he is super thrifty, so I was THRILLED with Barnes & Noble and Starbucks gift cards and a promise of a child free afternoon of books and coffee…until I saw those earrings! Gorgeous!
I got some flowers that are currently wilting away. At least these last longer. P.S. Can you have your hubs call mine? Thanks in advance…
I do understand.. You know my husband does well picking out gifts for me …but his problem is ..he gets not just one..but like 5 of something.. That drives me nuts lol Im thinking oh hon just one is enough!!!!
I just wish for once my hubby would splurge on me – but I know I am and don’t want to be, sending mixed signals… I say don’t spend money, blah blah – but just once I wish for a little black box.
Hubby used to buy me fresh flowers at least twice a week. One day I received a really gorgeous bouquet I guess I wasn’t in a good mood and told him that he wasted too much money buying me flowers all of the time. He stopped buying me flowers. That was 20 some odd years ago and from that day he has never ever bought me any flowers, bouquets, etc. again.
If your hubby would stop buying you little presents like that you would totally miss it!
I know what you mean about how you dont like receiving expensive gifts.
I get like that sometimes. It kind of depends on my mood.. so really, Im a bigger bitch..he’s damned if he doesnt get me the diamonds and hes damned if he doesnt.. he just never knows “which me” I’ll be that day lol
I’m new here, but WOW…where were you ladies back when I was dating? Some of your comments about measuring how many other items you could buy with the money used for the earrings made me think I was in a room full of guys.
I COMPLETELY, COMPLETELY understand you. And let me just say this, at least it’s jewelry. My husband, my DEAR, SWEET husband buys me the UGLIEST crafty things from some lady at work. I mean SUPER ugly and tacky. Each gift is so horrendous I cringe when I see the package being presented. And, the sad thing is, he is SO stinking proud of himself every time. Now, you are probably thinking, well, at least it is some stupid CHEAP crafty thing, no big deal. But, OH NO, these DISGUSTING things cost between $100-$200. Can you even imagine THROWING AWAY money on UGLY craft projects in that amount? It makes me shudder. I can’t really blog about it since he does occasionally read my blog and, I don’t want to sound like a *itch, but, well, truthfully, it makes me sick to my stomache. I totally understand you and feel your pain…Totally and completely.
And, I am VERY sorry about this ridiculously long comment. I had to share my pain. I knew you would care.
So funny, yet so sweet of him. My hubby has been incredible at figuring out what to get me. Diamond necklace for our 1st christmas, which was perfect. This past christmas he got me a new dSLR camera outfit, which he knew I wanted but I hadn’t bought because I couldn’t justify the expense at that time (he was on 3-day work weeks, aCk!)… I was shocked at all the accessories he also got! OMG. Then for our anniversary, he got me a new saddle, cinch, and martingale. OMG again! I’m finding out that he’s right-on in the gift arena, and that is something I’ve never had with any other guy. He’s the bestest!!!
I’m so much like you. Save your jewelery and perfum, get me a new lawnmower or something else I can actually use. Jewels have just never been a priority. Prefer Lowe’s over Kay anyday:)
I am LOLing at some of these comments! I LOVE this post!!!!! I could have written it myself, only in my case, my husband of 16 years will NOT stop buying me bouquets of roses for every Valentine’s day, Mother’s Day, birthday and anniversary. I know how much roses cost, and did the math — if we had every dollar he’s wasted over the years on these stupid, overpriced flowers that I’m supposed to smile and pretend to like, (before sticking them in a vase so they can die in 2-3 days), we would have almost 2 mortgage payments.
It actually makes me sad because we’ve been married for a decade and a half and he still hasn’t figured out that I couldn’t give a flying rat’s patootie about cut flowers. Like you, I am a practical, frugal mother of four and would prefer ANYTHING – even NOTHING because it’s free – else. I would LOVE for him, just one time, to donate the $30 to charity that he would waste on roses, because that is important to me. That will never happen, though. At least he has never bought me jewelry – for that I am grateful!!