My husband drives me crazy

My husband calls me cheap. I prefer thrifty. I have always been this way. Good deals thrill me to the core. The buzz can last for days. I gleefully clip coupons, and I get chills when the checkout clerk tells me how much I saved.

My favorite bouquet that Jeff ever gave me was a half-dead arrangement of peonies that he convinced the store to give to him instead of throwing out at the end of the day. After 6 years of lavish bouquets, he finally understood me! Those wilted flowers made me far happier than a $100 bouquet of roses ever could.

I stalk maids at every hotel I stay at. I have done this for as long as I remember. I slyly wait until the maid goes into a room to clean before stuffing my bag (an extra one, brought solely for this purpose) with little bottles of shampoos, lotions and shoe horns. I have no idea what to do with a shoe horn, but I have at least 10 stuffed into my bathroom drawer. I now give the kids the small bottles to play with in the tub. They are really useless to me, but oh-so-much fun to acquire.

Anyway, my husband was in NYC for the weekend and stayed at a swanky hotel. He not only neglected to bring me any goodies from the room, but tells me that his room was next to the service elevator. An unlocked service elevator. He had countless instances to stuff his pockets with goodies for me. I got nada.

Well, that’s not true. He did get me a new wallet from Salvatore Ferragamo. My old one is falling apart, and I told him to be on the lookout for a new one. I thought that implied that it be a good deal. This was not. It is leather. It is shiny. It is beautiful. It was so not on sale. It was not from Loehmann’s, Marshalls or TJ Maxx. It was from an actual Ferragamo boutique. It is so going to be sent back to them tomorrow.

I would have preferred the shampoo bottles.