Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- Dear Judgy Mothers on My Website… - June 15, 2013
- 10 Skills Every Mother Should Possess - June 10, 2013
- Perfection (Or pretty close) - June 3, 2013
I spend far too much time on the computer. I sell on e-bay obsessively and check e-mail constantly. I browse mom chat boards. I can’t even remember the last time I read a paper newspaper. I google everything. I do all of my shopping on-line, and even get my groceries from peapod.com. It’s easy, convenient and I can do it in my pjs at 3 am. The internet was made for stay at home insomniacs like me.
I’ve developed some issues, though, thanks to spending so much time in front of my beloved Mac. I frequently find myself thinking in computer lingo. I often see the letters BAER* in my head when my husband speaks. I think of the kids as DD, DS1 and DS2*. They can be PITAs*, but I adore them. When I make a stupid mistake, swear in front of Lily, or miss a highway exit, my first thought is to hit “open apple z” and just undo it.
And then there’s this blog. I spend my days observing little moments to write about. It’s taken the place of baby books for my kids and it allows me to see the humor in situations that would have otherwise irritated me. And I really love that when I receive unsolicited advice here, or a post is taking a lame turn into family banter, I can simply send that comment straight to the garbage. It is quite liberating to be able to trash criticism with a simple click of a button. How nice it would be to do that IRL*.
I don’t want to hear that you think I spend too much time on the computer. I like it and I’m just fine and dandy. Tell me I’m witty and charming, and that my children are GFG*. Share your experiences. Tell me the weather where you are, or what you ate for breakfast. But don’t be telling me that I’m a shitty mother on my blog. Don’t tell me how to treat my children or that I don’t deserve them. If I want your nasty advice, I’ll ask for it, TYVM. And should you not listen, you can always be trashed with a quick click on my keyboard. Or, even worse, I can blog about you.
TNT*…
* Big ass eye roll, Dear daughter and dear sons, Pain in the ass, In real life, Gifts from god, Thank you very much, Til next time.
{ 92 comments… read them below or add one }
Are random people seriously being mean to you??? It is amazing what some people will type, but they would never, in a million years, say it to your face!
Keep blogging! Screw them! :)
L
Thanks :)
It’s actually worse than random people… it’s my dad. (And I love him to death, but just don’t care for his opinion on this forum.)
Thank god you included footnotes. Some of those anacronyms were like clicks and whistles to me. I had to read it again with the cheat sheet.
Aaaaah. Gotcha.
You know? I really don’t see why writing about your life (so be it if it includes kids) is such a big deal! I have never understood why people, random or not, get so upset about it. It’s not like you are divulging completely personal, inappropriate information.
Oh man! Stay on the computer as much as you want. You have my permission!
Now look DD, I love your blog (whatever the letters stand for), I love your sense of humor, I love your writing style, I love you, your kids and your husband, I tolerate your dog, and I can take a hint (ever so subtle that it was, not), no more constructive comments. BTW, you should never have given me the BLOG address and BEGGED me to write some comments. I wish I could hit Open Apple Z but I use a PC. FNO (from now on), I will read your F’ing BLOG(your DD can tell you what the F stands for) but I will not comment. MLAS (I am not going to tell you what it stands for.).
For the record, I wanted your comments posted when they were “how sweet” and “so cute.” But I do love you anyway.
Bahaha! I love your lingo! I am so going to use BAER :) I, myself, am also addicted to the internet…and now reading you blog! Keep it up and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise :)
family banter? nooooo, i don’t know what you speak of.
is it getting a little hot in here or is it just me?
Just followed the link from porkchops and you’re cracking me up! I too have addiction issues. I stay up well past my bed time now and I even take notes if something funny happens so that I won’t forget to blog about it.
But what a lovely world it is…
i adore you. i’m still reading. and i’ve got no advice to give anyway!
Oh, I hear you! I can so relate!
GdeE
I think it’s a god thing.
in the old days you’d be tied down to chores; now appliances do the work & we get smarter, communicate faster. It’s a new world. And yeah- a blog is way more fun than a baby book!
You obsessively sell on Ebay? I obsessively BUY on Ebay! We’re a match made in heaven!
I think you’ve coined a new abbrev. – SAHI (Stay At Home Insomniac). Count me in!
PS – Congrats on your sauciness. Don’t you just love SITS?
Internet Addict…I think it’s a new epidemic. Wonder how long before we see the latest commercial, “Do you have IA Syndrome?” Take this pill twice a day, the side affects include: Happy husband, well adusted children, constant house cleaning,and home cooked meals. LOL!
I love your blog and honesty…very refreshing, CONGRATS!
I’m wondering now if I have a problem, as I read your blog with no translation necessary!!
Oooh, I’m so glad that SITS pointed me your way this morning. BAER is new to me but I just *know* will be very, very, verrrry useful in the future!
A laugh and a new acronym before I’ve even caffed up for the day, THANKS! :D
Cheers!
Thanks for the definitions on the computer speak… I guess I’m not the die-hard internet junkie you are because some of those were new to me.
Wow, I learned some new things today. Congrats on being featured.
I’m fairly new to the whole blogging thing, but totally get what you are saying! I’m not new to the internet addiction thing tho;) LOL
My family calls the computer my lifeline…they are right, they better step away and leave me alone, LOL
I know there are many of use to feel the same that you do. You go girl.
Once upon a time I had a life of my own and plenty of time to spend in front of my monitor. Then along came my grandbabies and they changed my life for at least another 5 years. I’m a stay-at-home Grandma taking care of two adorable little guys 10-11 hours a day. I have around 30 minutes in the morning…maybe an hour or so in the evening on my computer. IT’S NOT ENOUGH!!! But a few more years, I’ll be sitting here twiddling my thumbs with more hours to fill than I know what to do with, once the 2-mo-old starts Kindergarten. I am not wishing these years away for any reason. But I sure miss my computer time!
Yes, I’m an addict also. I love to hear my kids screaming at me. BAER. Good luck on the advice…hopefully the hint will be taken! ;)
Three years ago, I barely knew how to check my email. I was an avid reader, a scrapbooker, and my house was always clean. Now I am a blogger, I check my email 10 times a day, and there is a pile of dishes 5 feet high in my sink. And I’ve never been happier! Congrats on being Saucy, SITSta! Your blog is great, and your babies are adorable. I’ll be back for more, no doubt!
I totally agree with you. I just realized that with my iPod touch I can check e-mail more often. I also have had trouble sleeping lately b/c of all the blog ideas running through my head and thinking that I am missing something in blogsville. I think that I may need some help.
I am going to make my husband read this to prove to him that I am not the only one.
I would pass out if my family read my blog….
My name is Amy and I am a internet-aholic too! DOn’t feel bad, I stay sitting here 90% of my day. :(
I totally feel you on all that!
I {heart} my computer too! I loved your post! Thanks for being so honest! It’s refreshing and funny! Congrats on being saucy!
Oh! Me too! All of it. LOL :)
I agree…the Internet is the tops for SAHMs!!
I swear I search out blog material…too funny!
The blog has given me a new perspective when crazy things happen in real life. I am actually relieved that I have something to say in my next post. It is making me a much nicer person IRL.
It is a total and complete addiction. And I love it.
LOL…popping over from SITS and having a blast…Yes Yes Yes to all of it…in a time when SAHM have been isolated and going crazy and drowing their children, Blog relationships should be supported…I can only imagine how many moms have been saved by “strangers” who are in the same boat…so blog away sister…I love it.
TYVM for telling me I can be ok with an internet addiction. I think in blog terms all the time now.
Therapy at the click of a button: Priceless.
I’m right there with you. In fact, I am wondering when they will notice at work that I am not actually working, just blogging and reading email!
Here from SITS – who knows what I did all day before the blog thing, computer thing, etsy thing, etc.
It’s another addiction I don’t want to give up!!
I certainly wont be scolding you, as I could have pretty much written this post myself, if I was half as eloquent as you….LOL
I’ve often found myself referring to my husband as DH ..or saying ITA to friends in conversation!
if other’s give you a hard time, just tell them to ICWH* Off!LOL
*Insert Cuss Word Here
and yes….I LOL way too much!
You’re just fine.
Much better than an addiction to gin.
- Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife
Here from SITS..
Hello, My name is Karen and I am an Internet-aholic and have been since 1991. :-)
Ooooh .. I like BAER , I think I’m going to be using that a lot , especially when the hubby starts talking at me!! :-)
Hey SITSa! I couldn’t of said this blog better then you. I too am an addict and you know what. People don’t like it then they don’t have to stop by.
I’m with you! And I am *so* using BAER all the time now. LOL, you just learn something every day.
I would totally never know that if I wasn’t so *obsessed* w/the internet.
And I google *everything* too.
Happy SITS day!
I know I spend too much time on the computer as I find myself “typing” out conversations I’m having with others in my head. And–oh!–if we just all came with a backspace/delete button in real life….
Great post, it would be nice to have some computer options IRL. Totally. I could do it. And, like you, I see blogging in my regular life now…it makes boring outings so much more fun if I look for the humor in them to blog about later.
Does A and E network have an Intervention show for internet addicts?
Thank god I don’t have a laptop becasue I would be wirelessly shooting up all the live long day!
Amen, SITSta!
As of now, I’m fine with all the comments and reactions I’ve received, but I haven’t posted anything in over 3 weeks because I’m afraid the people I work with will read it and I’m not ready to tell them what I want to write about yet. If that wasn’t ominous & foreboding, I don’t know what is, but about your blog–I love it. You are witty and smart. Keep it up!
I vote for blogging about them like Dooce. Those are funny!
I check my email so often my husband is getting me a blackberry so it will beep when I get mail and I can get on with my life and quick checking it!
That does it! (Unless I missed it, you need a feed button on your site! I’ll do it the “old fashioned” way, but thought I’d mention it.) I’ll be back!
would you like to exchange links?
You. Are. Interesting.
I had oatmeal for breakfast.
It is 91 flippin’ degrees here in sunny Wichita, Kan.
I have found that most people who spew unsolicited advice are often the most reliable sources of bad advice.
I can’t imagine how people functioned without the internet.
We’re working on planning our 20 year highschool reunion and absolutely everything is done on line. I don’t know haw anyone managed to plan a reunion without the benefit of the internet.
glad it isn’t just me… i can’t tell you how often i hear “ell oh ell” in my head. it’s getting a little scary…
Yay! I learned some new computer lingo today.
completely understand but I get a lot of $hit from my DH about being on the computer WAY TOO MUCH!! sorry it’s my life line damnit give me a break.
Awww, I too…and MANY, MANY, MANY other people spend FAR too much time on the computer..it’ll be ok!
can I join you on this bench, it is easy to get swept away into the Internet world, nice way to just let things go
This is great……and the translation at the end…..priceless.
Hahaha!!! I too spend WAY too much time on the computer! I love your writing…always a treat!
Isn’t it funny what people think they can say to you behind the anonymity of the internet?
I’m so glad I read this post. I now know what some of the blog lingo means. I’ve been wondering what DH means for months!
I do like the idea of sending certain people into a garbage bin when they’re getting on my last nerve…
Crack me up. I’m glad I’m not the only one. I heart a Mac computer, so you got me with hello on this one. But, my thing is “homepage.” Anytime I can’t get a situation under control I find myself thinking it over and over in my head… that, and “control, alt, delete.” It’s good to know I’m not as crazy as I thought, or at least I’m not alone in it.
As I think through things when I’m not in front of the keyboard I find myself typing in the air…I’m so addicted I have a blackberry so I am always connected!
Love the family banter, reminds me of my own!
We can all relate to this one! My DH thinks I’m addicted. Ok, so what? It’s not illegal or fattening and it’s free. Sort of.
I think we are al addicted but I do think it’s fattening. Happy SITS day
ITA with PPs. My DH and DD1 and DD2 would love to see me on the internet less, KWIM?
Ok, I’ve clearly brought along my little orphan annie secret decoder ring to break the code. Now what’s the secret handshake? I want in the club, dang it!
I hear you sister girl. Congrats on the SITS feature.
Kat
I, too, don’t like unsolicited advice…I haven’t gotten any (except when asked for) online but my dear sister (dear, childless, husbandless, wild child sister) is great for it.
OH, it’s bad, really bad. But what a great group of addicts to belong to, right? Loved your posts today!
Oh I SO hear you, sista! (SITSta!) I am an addict as well. And if you don’t believe me, check out the post I wrote today.
LOVE your blog and you can count me as a new subscriber.
I’m officially old and out of touch. I knew DD, DS1 and DS2 and IRL but sat staring at the screen in befuddlement at the rest of them desperately praying that I could figure them out, just knowing that in mere years I won’t be able to understand my own children. WDYTOTM*?
*What do you think of them apples?
BAER, Never heard that one before. When writing notes to my staff at work, I often find myself writing lol after some things. Most of my staff can’t afford internet so they have no idea what I am taking about.
At least you’re not gambling away the kids’ college funds. You’re clever and fabulous and it’s raining where I’m at BTW.
Virtual life rocks, all right.
Me, too. In fact I went to the optometrist complaining of eye strain and when I told him how much time I spend online, he was like – duh. He said to take a break every 20 minutes or so by staring off for about 2 minutes but who wants to waste 6 minutes an hour when the Internet awaits?!?!?
I can soooo relate!! And I am loving the conversation you had with your daughter–reminds me of the ‘what the hell is wrong with you?!’ conversation I had with my older son! (that would be DS1!)
I know what you mean. I am new to blogging. I work on the computer, at home. But after work I stay on the computer for hours.
Hi, my name is Shannon and I’m an internet addict!
ok, the back and forth comment between you and your dad….funny!
Hi! My name is Kandace and I’m addicted to the Internet. Great post!
Know what you mean about the blogging…every picture I take is now for the blog…how sad, it should be for my photo albums and for my kids, but they can just read the blog later!! Lol!
how i wish i could grocery shop online and never again have to leave my house- with the gremlins that call me mom. all cute and stuff- until you feed them….
How can you NOT get addicted with a Mac? ;-) It’s all so easy!
I think you just described the majority of us :) I’m glad to be in such great company!!
Now I feel like the old lady who doesn’t know any of the hip ling. Good think you included the footer or I would have been trying Googling acronyms all morning.
Happy SITS day, like a couple of days ago… :-P I catch up on blogs in doses usually, and was looking for a little blog therapy tonight. Thanks for contributing!
People say pretty crappy things in real life too… wish I could just moderate their comments! that would be soooo nice *sigh*
I am so with you on this one. Thankfully, I’ve always managed to catch myself before actually saying “lol” out loud! I find that I think of my life in terms of tweets & facebook status updates, and the addiction has just gotten worse in the few weeks since I started blogging. Even though I have an RSS reader, I find myself checking all of my favorites multiple times a day (& I obviously can’t stop myself from clicking on that damn “Random post” link!) Wonder if there’s a support group out there?
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Before & After Blog Hop =-.
Oh i love this post – it is so true. i often forget that my blog is *my blog and if u don’t want a comment i can delete it.
great read & i think you are charming and witty :)
.-= Devan @ Accustomed Chaos´s last blog ..My Yearly Addiction – Tattoos ! =-.
Amen. Trash those ingrates!
And I’m always amazed when my friends actually go to a physical store…it’s so much easier to shop Old Navy during the wee hours.
.-= Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole´s last blog ..Proof of adulthood? =-.
This is my favorite post ever. I also think in acronyms and have accidentally spoken that way too “You’ll never guess what my dh did….” I spend all of my time on the computer. Thank God I started blogging so I at least have something a little productive to show for it. (Otherwise I spend an embarrassingly large amount of time on parenting message boards, where people are MEAN!) Luckily, I haven’t had the mean comments yet on my blog. But when they come, I will most assuredly delete them. If you want to tell me I suck as a mom, do it on a message board, not on MY blog. Delete, delete, delete!
.-= Allison´s last blog ..Mommy-dating =-.