It’s so easy to judge mothers before you are one. So easy to roll your eyes at children misbehaving at the mall. Question why parents would bring an obviously overtired child out to dinner on a Saturday night. Snicker at a horribly mismatched ensemble that some two year old is sporting. Judge the three year old with the pacifier or the diapers or blankie in public. It’s all just so easy.
Until you find yourself a mother. And then things become hard. Really hard. All the energy you spent on judging others seems like a compete waste of time. Suddenly, you begin recognizing yourself in them. You realize that you have become the source of the eye rolls and the snickers and the judgment. And it all seems so silly.
When I leave the house with a daughter dressed in head to toe clashing pink and rain-boots on a sunny day, I hope that other parents just know I let her dress herself. When I need to snag a few wipes from another mom at the airport, I assume that she’s been in the same “blowout diaper with no wipes left” situation. Haven’t we all? When my baby eats a french fry off of the floor, though repulsed, I know it’s not going to kill him. And when the twenty something, child-less girl scowls at me, I’m the one rolling my eyes at her. Soon enough, she’ll be in my shoes.
Life is short– it’s a lesson we bloggers have all learned the hard way in recent weeks. I want my children to feel safe and loved. That’s what parenting is all about, isn’t it? A fight over a t-shirt is not worth it at five o’clock in the morning and sometimes cereal for dinner sounds pretty darn good. Puddles are fun to jump in and a little ingested dirt never really hurt anyone. And that three year old who still needs a paci to sleep? Yup, he’s mine. Go ahead and roll your eyes if you’ve never been there. Someday you might be, and it ain’t easy.
At the end of the day, if my kids are clean, fed and know how much they are loved, I consider that day a success. Most days, I’ll just take loved. That’s my mom logic.
What’s yours?
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GREAT post!
I cant tell you how many times before I had kids I uttered the words “that wont be my child”…. and am paying for it now… cause its almost always MY child — especially in target for some reason lol
Twitter: complicatedmama
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Great point!
I went through that and its kicking me in the butt now. My two year old is the one that still has a paci (we call it a suck). I swore that wouldn’t be my baby with that thing stuck in her face. oh well!
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I find humble pie is pretty damn tasty with garlic powder and some extra butter. I’ve eaten tons o’ that pie, so I know what I’m talking about here.
I’ve decided that birthday cake for breakfast the day after is a pretty good tradition. And my kids enjoy that, too.
cardiogirl’s last blog post..Cardiogirl Tightwad Disorder or Elliptical Trainer Sleepy Foot Syndrome, you decide
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If I were you, I’d just blame Jeff! Then your SuperMommy cred is intact and he’ll never know anyway. Kidding!
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I don’t have kids, because I know it’s more than I can handle. Any woman, young or old, who would roll her eyes at a mismatched or grumpy toddler probably shouldn’t be a mother.
A friend of mine compared motherhood to the Presidency: too often, the smartest ones turn it down because they know it’s a thankless job, yet carries an immeasurable burden of responsibility.
Too much pressure for me. No thank you! I’d rather be the cool auntie who pays for the desired prom dress when mom and dad have to repair the car instead. ;o)
San Diego Farmgirl’s last blog post..Off into the sunrise …
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Aahh! I love this post. Something e.v.e.r.y. mother can relate to. Once a lady at the dollar store gave my son a free toy because she thought we must be poor by the way he was dressed (dressed himself, of course). I’m sure it didn’t help that I was wearing flannel pants and a bleach-stained sweatshirt (I’m claiming he dressed me, too).
Don’t sweat the small stuff, right? Clean, schmean. As long as they know we love them, nothing else really matters.
Ryan Ashley Scott’s last blog post..TAT: Push It
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mother is always right! well, when I became one, i discovered mine was lol. great post
scrappysue’s last blog post..and another one
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GREAT POST!
LOVE IT!
We eat chocolate for breakfast and even potato chips for dinner!
T&T’s last blog post..Wordful Wednesday ~ I’m A Little Seed
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love it and love to be reminded of exactly what you wrote.
i recently wrote about”proactive kids” and how my 2 year daughter taught it to me. it sure makes parenting a little bit easier.
http://www.drheathermanleynd.com/drheathersblog/category/parenting/
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You ROCK! 100% true. Once I had kids, I quit judgeing everyone elses’s. You never know when your kid’s gonna do it…
Nora’s last blog post..Joakim Noah and Morris
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Even having been a mom sometimes we forget not to judge other mother’s. Last week I saw a little girl arriving at my daughter’s school with hair that looked like it hadn’t been brushed in a week and thought “how does a mother let her daughter out the house like that” – I caught myself judging and re-framed my thoughts … “I don’t know the circumstances so I can’t judge” – she was being dropped off by Dad so it is likely Dad missed the hair brushing. Anyway, this morning my daughter started her usual whining and screaming Oweeee!!! as I tried to brush her hair which ended with her crying in the timeout corner and me upset. I thought – would it really have been so bad just to let her go to school with messy hair – maybe tomorrow she will.
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That was great! So true. And I believe I heard on Dr.Phil once that he & Robin let the boys dress themselves, whether they matched or not.
I mean really, who cares? Life is just too short.
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Great post I loved it. I grew up the oldest of six kids, now I am a new mother. I just keep remembering what my mom always said, “Chaos is unavoidable, its organized chaos we are trying to achieve.”
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I read a quote from Marianne Williamson’s book “do you have to prove you are right, or do you want peace?” Well, I’ll tell you, with 5 kids born in 6 years, what I want is peace, so I don’t argue about anything unless I really have to either. So, I agree, cereal for dinner, pajamas worn outside to play and crazy mismatched outfits-if someone doesnt like it-I just don’t care!!!!They don’t live my life, in fact, they have no idea!!!!!!!
Kelly Smith´s last blog ..Knock knock? Not again!
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As I read your blog, I thought OMG she sounds just like me! I get so annoyed, when people look at me as if they never heard a child cry before! It drives me crazy. My 3 1/2 year old just gave up this pacificer in October and started to pee in the potty too. I’m sure this topic as been discussed in my absence many of times. I guess people seems to forgot that we were all once children, and need to losen up. I’m new to the blog world and I love this open and honest communciation…actually I think I may write a blog on my experince regarding those dirty looks from uptight women and regarding the great world of blogs! Cheers! Thanks for sharing!
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Great post! We’ve all been there (or are there). “Pick your battles” has become my mantra!
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