Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
It’s so easy to judge mothers before you are one. So easy to roll your eyes at children misbehaving at the mall. Question why parents would bring an obviously overtired child out to dinner on a Saturday night. Snicker at a horribly mismatched ensemble that some two year old is sporting. Judge the three year old with the pacifier or the diapers or blankie in public. It’s all just so easy.
Until you find yourself a mother. And then things become hard. Really hard. All the energy you spent on judging others seems like a compete waste of time. Suddenly, you begin recognizing yourself in them. You realize that you have become the source of the eye rolls and the snickers and the judgment. And it all seems so silly.
When I leave the house with a daughter dressed in head to toe clashing pink and rain-boots on a sunny day, I hope that other parents just know I let her dress herself. When I need to snag a few wipes from another mom at the airport, I assume that she’s been in the same “blowout diaper with no wipes left” situation. Haven’t we all? When my baby eats a french fry off of the floor, though repulsed, I know it’s not going to kill him. And when the twenty something, child-less girl scowls at me, I’m the one rolling my eyes at her. Soon enough, she’ll be in my shoes.
Life is short– it’s a lesson we bloggers have all learned the hard way in recent weeks. I want my children to feel safe and loved. That’s what parenting is all about, isn’t it? A fight over a t-shirt is not worth it at five o’clock in the morning and sometimes cereal for dinner sounds pretty darn good. Puddles are fun to jump in and a little ingested dirt never really hurt anyone. And that three year old who still needs a paci to sleep? Yup, he’s mine. Go ahead and roll your eyes if you’ve never been there. Someday you might be, and it ain’t easy.
At the end of the day, if my kids are clean, fed and know how much they are loved, I consider that day a success. Most days, I’ll just take loved. That’s my mom logic.
What’s yours?
{ 63 comments… read them below or add one }
Picking your battles is an important lesson to learn about parenting. Mommy love is the best.
What is mommy love, you ask? (and she quotes …) Mommy love is love that wants your mind to be stimulated, your heart to be happy, your tummy to be full , your body to be safe – in mismatched pink and rubber rain boots.
swirl girl’s last blog post..The One (what? only one?) with the Frilly Blog Award
My mom logic?
Upon delivering my 1st child I also delivered the stick that was up my ass. After you have kids, you get a whole new meaning of the phrase “be flexible”.
My stick was firmly in place. I loved things orderly. I couldn’t tolerate people who didn’t adhere to my respectful requests.
Now, I’m euphoric when the kids just remember to say “thank you.”
Texan Mama’s last blog post..Compassion or Conviction?
Not much about mommyhood is logical. I find myself flying by the seat of my pants 90% of the time, but you know what? It always seems to work out in the end. I agree with you- if at the end of the day your kids know they are loved, they are never going to remember that Mommy fed them Goldfish crackers and string cheese for dinner. Not that I have ever done that.
Kristina’s last blog post..I really am a Mommy
So sad to say, I used to roll my eyes at the “unprepared” moms out there. Now, I feel so bad I ever did that. Because I’m not one of them.
My mom logic – be flexible. That’s been our parenting mantra from conception!
Always love reading your blog. Thanks so much!
T Rex Mom’s last blog post..Wheelbarrow Fun with Dad
I swear I am not kissing your ass or anything, but you are on a roll.
VERY well said, my friend. My FOUR year old is still having paci issues from time to time. And he dresses himself every morning, and looks ridiculous. But he sure is proud of himself, and I will take that any day!
I am emailing parents magazine right now. Not kidding.
courtney’s last blog post..Bestill my heart…..
pick the battles. that is the best advice possible.
We’ve all been there ;-)
rachel-asouthernfairytale’s last blog post..Let’s Talk Grilled Cheese
Aww, great post. And my mom logic is pretty much the same as yours. If my kids are fed and safe and feel loved, then I have succeeded. Kisses and hugs all day long. Teaching and playing and getting dirty with my kids, too. Building sandacasles and playing Transformers. I’m always Bumblebee!
And my 3 and a half year old still uses his soother. And sometimes drinks his milk in a bottle. And I don’t see anything wrong with that, so there! ;) And I have bribed my children at times, so that they will listen to me. And I know that’s considered ‘bad’, but hey – a mommy’s gotta do what she’s gotta do, you know?
Loukia’s last blog post..Monday picture post!
Excellent post, and oh so true!
Cjengo’s last blog post..It’s Monday again
SO TRUE! Great post….
MLC’s Mom’s last blog post..Can we do it!?
There’s logic in all of this? Ha! Well, actually, I guess there is: mine is to be kind. Always. Even when I want to rip my hair out in clumps I try to remain kind.
Everything else falls into place after that!
Terrific post, by the way. Well put.
Jessica – This Is Worthwhile’s last blog post..Thanks for the $6.99!!!
I am not above bribery. Yes, I bribe with candy, with toys, with starbucks and with TV and computer time. It works for me – what can I say?
Futureblackmail’s last blog post..SICK DAY
I admit I was one of those young girls who thoughts
I knew everything…u definitely find out u know nothing
If it hasn’t been on the floor for more than 8 seconds, it’s all good.
My kids are still alive, too. j/k
I love the loved part…….it’s all about that, isn’t it?
Lovin’ this post. I cringe to think how many eye-rolling moments I had before becoming a mummy, and I wish I could go back and humbly apologise to those mums I snickered at! Thanks for sharing so honestly.
SquiggleMum’s last blog post..A Week With Playdough
I always look forward to reading your latest post; always so well written momma-kins. I just love when you said ‘blowout diaper’. The image, oh the image that runs through my head on that one.
dawn’s last blog post..pineapple & bacon pound cake
So very true! I always thought I knew better. I’m embarrassed now when I think of how judgmental I was!
My logic is that there isn’t any. Like you said, if at the end of the day they are healthy and fed and loved then nothing else *really* matters. I think you summed it up beautifully and I hope you win :)
KathyB!’s last blog post..The World Cup is half-full
YES!!!!
So true. My kids are growing like weeds. From love and food. They are just fine.
OHmommy’s last blog post..Keep Believing
ABSOLOOOOTLY! Everyone just needs to f-in relax! Allow, let it be…if it isn’t life threatening let it slide. i love seeing kids out and about with blue and red marker all over them, grape juice mustaches, clothing that came form Tim Burton’s fashion sense, crowns, wizard hats, baby t-shirts on four year olds because they were the right green to go with their orange pants…I love the parents who smile while their adorned kids looking goofy, pick up something off of some one elses table and shove it in their pocket for later…that is a good parent! That’s a happy kid!
I was so that girl who was wondering what in the world that mom was thinking and boy did it come back to bite me in the butt. As I sit and type I am watching my daughter run around in a pink corderoy skirt, lime green mermaid shirt, and striped tights with purple dress up shoes. Yep, no judging here anymore!!
Mel @ A Box of Chocolates’s last blog post..That’s All She Wrote
Oh well said! As the youngest of my friends to have kids (mid-twenties as opposed to mid-thirties) I always felt like the one that everyone was whispering about. People would even say it to me: “When I have kids, they wont be…” (using a dummy/throwing tantrums etc.) I confess to feeling a little smug now mine are older and life has become easier (to the casual observer anyway :D )
The ones that would say “When we have kids we’ll just keep our lives the same, and the kids will just have to fit in with what we like to do” irked me the most. My mum-logic is that if having kids doesn’t change the way you live in at least some way, then maybe you’re not doing it right.
Meredith from thinkthinks’s last blog post..Super Salad
Great post! And it’s so true…the no wipes, been there…
As long as my kids are healthy and happy, what more can I do? The clean part? I think that’s a bonus ;)
If you relax and enjoy parenting, it is a lot more fun than stressing about it – as it is, there are enough stressful moments without making up news ones. Thanks for the post
Rebecca @bitofmomsense’s last blog post..Earth Day Activities with a Preschooler
I say if they aren’t bleeding, bones aren’t sticking out, and they have showered, all is good when the lights go out at night. What? I HATE washing sheets. If they shower, it’s 2 ,maybe 3, weeks good.
jill’s last blog post..Maybe I Should Have Home-Schooled
I was just telling a friend yesterday what an absolute jerk I was about kids before I had them. Luckily I only thought all the bad things…like she doesn’t work, stays home all day…why isn’t her house clean? Well payback is a *&?!) because I am now a mom. Hello disorganized, disheveled, unruly 2nd personality that was lurking behind my cool self!
April Greer’s last blog post..3 Thinks I LIKE About School
Yup, my almost 3 year old also uses a pacifier for bedtime…and I was NEVER going to give my child a pacifier.
And anytime I see a child throwing a tantrum in a store, I used to give dirty looks now I want to give the mom a hug.
Coma Girl’s last blog post..Tell Them Coma Girl Sent You
having triplets through my mom logic out the window but I never really had it. I just want my kids happy, healthy and knowing that they are loved. that is all that really, really matters.
Jen, buried with children’s last blog post..Having Your Heart Outside Your Body, Sucks Sometimes
So true and so well said!! I used to wonder why parents would let their kids be so loud in restaurants, now I have a very loud child! haha. Live and learn I guess.
:)
~Tabitha~
freshmommyblog.com
I think you are mistaken, the three year old who still needs a paci to sleep is definitely mine ;-)
Amen sister!!
Elisa’s last blog post..An open letter to Lady Gaga – or: Why you should never wear a dress made out of bubbles.
I am not a mom yet, not for about 4 more years probably. But I volunteer with the 2 & 3 yr olds at church. 8 of them on your own for an hour will teach you a lot! :) DF saw a child that was misbehaving, and said to me “our kids will NEVER act like that.” I told him we had better get busy & have a kid now, while he still knows everything, LOL. He didnt exactly think that was a good idea…hahah!
sarah’s last blog post..CVS 4-19
I am lucky if we get “clean” at the end of the day. ha! Such a great post and so true. I am learning already with a young toddler that I need to pick my battles. I totally used to be an eye roller. Bad me!
Kelly Deneen’s last blog post..The Question
LOL I hear ya girl! My 2 year old is still drinking from a bottle (cringe)! I know, I know, but he is my baby and he loves it sooooo much. I tried to take it away from him a few weeks ago. We went 3 days without it and I caved, he got it back. Only for bedtime though!!!
Nicole’s last blog post..Columbine, 10 years later
Amen to all of this!
Jenners’s last blog post..5 Things I Wouldn’t Know or Do Without The Little One
My mom logic? I suppose it’s to roll with the punches. Take each day for what it is — another opportunity to love your children for who they are and who they will be ^_^
Excellent post. I couldn’t have said it better.
I would add that a day is a success if I laughed with my kids at least once.
Katy’s last blog post..3 Simple ideas for fun together
It didn’t help a bit that I never judged moms for having uncontrollable children. Mine try to embarass me from the second we step out the door. Little do they know it takes more than they’ve got. :)
Drama Queen Jenner’s last blog post..60 Years of Cousins
I appreciate so much what you posted. So much that I linked your post to my facebook page. Thanks for being honest and sharing it with everyone!
Suzanne’s last blog post..A Fun Party
Bravo! Three year old with a pacifier, try breastfeeding three year old. Yep mine did. I have learned not to judge.
My logic – deal with where they are & what they’re doing now. Not what I think they should be doing, or should be old enough to know. You can waste a lot of time and damage a kid’s spirits with shoulda, coulda, woulda.
I thought my son was too old to say “monkey anus” at a birthday party. Nope, he wasn’t. I knew when I heard mom’s gasping and giggling in the other room that it was my Juju. I had to deal with that and I explained why we don’t say that. That’s my Ju. We’ll get there :))
Jamaise’s last blog post..Backyard Botanical Garden Blog
I ignore all childless people rolling their eyes. I smile at those giving me sympathetic looks. I fall down and worship the floor at those who offer to help when I am obviously in a bit of a pickle and nothing I can do can get both boys back within my reach at the same time.
You’re so right. Life’s too short. Worry about the important things and stuff the rest. And if you can have the odd giggle along the way – well, you rock.
Brit in Bosnia’s last blog post..Birthday trips and Bosnian forts
We’ve been there too. You’re right, bottom line is they know they are loved and wanted. The rest is just sugar coating and sprinkles on the top. I have two wonderfully beautiful sweet crazy unmatched wild dirty lovey girls and enjoy all the fun and frustration each day.
Blessings,
Jenn
Jenn’s last blog post..Let’s Celebrate a Milestone With… Shoes!
Amen! Amen! Amen! I can’t tell you the people who have actually covered their ears as we walked by because my daughter was screaming bloody murder….I would just say to them, “Try living with this!”
amy’s last blog post..Revealing Laundry
Once again – you make me laugh. Only today I took Miss 2 out of the house is mismatching tracksuit items, fed her a piece of sliced Devon that she dropped on the floor in the supermarket AND she ate cornflakes for dinner tonight. But now …. both are tucked up in bed and looking gorgeous! x
I’m so thankful to know that there are other 3 year old’s out there still needing a paci (or binky, as we call it) to sleep. Also the blankie. I learned a lesson yesterday, one that I will not soon forget. I had thrown Emma’s blankie in the wash before leaving the house to run a few errands. When we got home and I put her down for a nap she asked where the blankie was. Holy crap, totally wet and in the washer still. She flipped out, because of course a 3 year old doesn’t know what it means to wash a blankie, she just expects it to always be there when she needs it. In an attempt to explain what happened to it, I pulled it out of the washer and showed her that it was wet. She was thrilled to see it, pulled it out of my hands, laid down and covered up. And that’s how she napped, with a damp blankie. Thank goodness for a 75 degree day with no air conditioning, I didn’t feel so bad!
alex’s last blog post..
Hey, I’m all for voting for your logic, minus the clean kid part on most days. Hell, I have to settle for mismatched AND dirty. ;)
Great post.
Sue’s last blog post.."Mommy Confessions" and Why I Need To Go Back to Work and Toss the Computer
Before I had kids – I always asked to be sat AWAY from tables with children – now I see people doing it to me! That’s karma!
I loved this entry. A big head-shaking AMEN to that over here.
You are a great writer.
Jaden’s last blog post..Easter Fun!
I can’t count the number of times I got a thumbs up or a knowing nod when my son would sport his cowboy boots while still wearing his soccer uniform AND shin guards. We’re all in a big club. And that’s a good thing. :-)
Teri’s last blog post..Flashback Friday – Something’s Missing
I got my paybacks many times for being that snooty eye-rolling bitch who would request another table farther away from “that family.” My little boy is still throwing tantrums at age 5. I want to thank the sweet older lady who was walking into Chic Filet as I was carrying my son out kicking and screaming; she smiled in sympathy and said, “They’re alot harder to get out than they are to come in, aren’t they?”
GREAT post!
I cant tell you how many times before I had kids I uttered the words “that wont be my child”…. and am paying for it now… cause its almost always MY child — especially in target for some reason lol
Great point!
I went through that and its kicking me in the butt now. My two year old is the one that still has a paci (we call it a suck). I swore that wouldn’t be my baby with that thing stuck in her face. oh well!
I find humble pie is pretty damn tasty with garlic powder and some extra butter. I’ve eaten tons o’ that pie, so I know what I’m talking about here.
I’ve decided that birthday cake for breakfast the day after is a pretty good tradition. And my kids enjoy that, too.
cardiogirl’s last blog post..Cardiogirl Tightwad Disorder or Elliptical Trainer Sleepy Foot Syndrome, you decide
If I were you, I’d just blame Jeff! Then your SuperMommy cred is intact and he’ll never know anyway. Kidding!
I don’t have kids, because I know it’s more than I can handle. Any woman, young or old, who would roll her eyes at a mismatched or grumpy toddler probably shouldn’t be a mother.
A friend of mine compared motherhood to the Presidency: too often, the smartest ones turn it down because they know it’s a thankless job, yet carries an immeasurable burden of responsibility.
Too much pressure for me. No thank you! I’d rather be the cool auntie who pays for the desired prom dress when mom and dad have to repair the car instead. ;o)
San Diego Farmgirl’s last blog post..Off into the sunrise …
Aahh! I love this post. Something e.v.e.r.y. mother can relate to. Once a lady at the dollar store gave my son a free toy because she thought we must be poor by the way he was dressed (dressed himself, of course). I’m sure it didn’t help that I was wearing flannel pants and a bleach-stained sweatshirt (I’m claiming he dressed me, too).
Don’t sweat the small stuff, right? Clean, schmean. As long as they know we love them, nothing else really matters.
Ryan Ashley Scott’s last blog post..TAT: Push It
mother is always right! well, when I became one, i discovered mine was lol. great post
scrappysue’s last blog post..and another one
GREAT POST!
LOVE IT!
We eat chocolate for breakfast and even potato chips for dinner!
T&T’s last blog post..Wordful Wednesday ~ I’m A Little Seed
love it and love to be reminded of exactly what you wrote.
i recently wrote about”proactive kids” and how my 2 year daughter taught it to me. it sure makes parenting a little bit easier.
http://www.drheathermanleynd.com/drheathersblog/category/parenting/
You ROCK! 100% true. Once I had kids, I quit judgeing everyone elses’s. You never know when your kid’s gonna do it…
Nora’s last blog post..Joakim Noah and Morris
Even having been a mom sometimes we forget not to judge other mother’s. Last week I saw a little girl arriving at my daughter’s school with hair that looked like it hadn’t been brushed in a week and thought “how does a mother let her daughter out the house like that” – I caught myself judging and re-framed my thoughts … “I don’t know the circumstances so I can’t judge” – she was being dropped off by Dad so it is likely Dad missed the hair brushing. Anyway, this morning my daughter started her usual whining and screaming Oweeee!!! as I tried to brush her hair which ended with her crying in the timeout corner and me upset. I thought – would it really have been so bad just to let her go to school with messy hair – maybe tomorrow she will.
That was great! So true. And I believe I heard on Dr.Phil once that he & Robin let the boys dress themselves, whether they matched or not.
I mean really, who cares? Life is just too short.
BTW, stop by my other blog, Bloggers Connect- leave your link & check out the other blogs
http://bloggersconnect.blogspot.com/
Carolee’s last blog post..I’ve been nominated! Check out my lemonade stand!
Great post I loved it. I grew up the oldest of six kids, now I am a new mother. I just keep remembering what my mom always said, “Chaos is unavoidable, its organized chaos we are trying to achieve.”
I read a quote from Marianne Williamson’s book “do you have to prove you are right, or do you want peace?” Well, I’ll tell you, with 5 kids born in 6 years, what I want is peace, so I don’t argue about anything unless I really have to either. So, I agree, cereal for dinner, pajamas worn outside to play and crazy mismatched outfits-if someone doesnt like it-I just don’t care!!!!They don’t live my life, in fact, they have no idea!!!!!!!
.-= Kelly Smith´s last blog ..Knock knock? Not again! =-.
As I read your blog, I thought OMG she sounds just like me! I get so annoyed, when people look at me as if they never heard a child cry before! It drives me crazy. My 3 1/2 year old just gave up this pacificer in October and started to pee in the potty too. I’m sure this topic as been discussed in my absence many of times. I guess people seems to forgot that we were all once children, and need to losen up. I’m new to the blog world and I love this open and honest communciation…actually I think I may write a blog on my experince regarding those dirty looks from uptight women and regarding the great world of blogs! Cheers! Thanks for sharing!
Great post! We’ve all been there (or are there). “Pick your battles” has become my mantra!
.-= Judy´s last blog ..10 Things to Work on this Year =-.