Moms — Put Yourselves First Once In A While

Moms — Put Yourselves First Once In A While

Image via Instagram/My Unfiltered Chaos

Moms need to take time to recharge and do what makes us happy

Every mom knows how hard it can be to carve out time in a day (or month) just for us. But if we aren’t taking care of ourselves, we cannot take care of other people. And women take care of everyone; not just our kids – but parents, friends, siblings, other people’s kids, pets, an elderly woman we met in the grocery store six years ago – and so on. We give and give and ask very little in return. But when we don’t put ourselves first every once in a while, our well runs dry and we are no good to anyone.

Nicole Snyder, who writes at My Unfiltered Chaos, decided she’d had enough one morning and (gasp) “desperately needed a shower; physically and mentally.” And really, who can blame her with five kids under seven at home. Snyder stepped in the shower and was immediately summoned by her husband because, of course.

Let's talk 4th trimester and self care for a sec. Last night while in the car I was listening to @januaryharshe on her podcast. She said some things that resonated with me down to my soul, possibly because of the language. "Do no harm. Take no shit." and something along the lines of "If you're not at the top of your priorities, you're last."🙌🏻 The older I've gotten (and more children we've had), I've found this my internal mantra that I've never actually said out loud. === This morning we had two boys up at 5am plus the baby. Jason is off for the day so he was helping. I went downstairs, drank my coffee and started my daily grind of parenting and keeping small people alive. But I also desperately needed a shower; physically and mentally. So I left the hubs with the boys, got the baby back to sleep and went to take a long shower. === Jason popped in asking how long I was going to be and I didn't respond. I was taking this time for myself. I couldn't fill anyone else's cup and be the mom/wife they need unless I'm ok. It wasn't selfish to shave my legs and actually wash and repeat with my shampoo. It was necessary. === I got out and the once sleeping babe was fussing. I could've scooped her up and forgone the rest of my out of the shower routine, but she was ok. So I laid her on the floor next to me. Did my R+F routine. Combed my hair. Got dressed. THEN I hugged and snuggled and kissed on her. === I felt human again. Recharged. And she was fine. So if you've made it to the end of this post, and any of what I've said hit home with you, fill your cup. If it's saying no to something, taking a shower or aimlessly walking around Target alone; do what you need to do to be the best you! Have a wonderful Friday! I'm off to camp with all my people, it's sure to be an adventure with a newborn!

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“Jason popped in asking how long I was going to be and I didn’t respond,” Snyder wrote. “I was taking this time for myself. I couldn’t fill anyone else’s cup and be the mom/wife they need unless I’m ok. It wasn’t selfish to shave my legs and actually wash and repeat with my shampoo. It was necessary.”

Snyder said she had been listening to another writer’s podcast earlier that day when she realized just how much she needed time to herself. “She said some things that resonated with me down to my soul, possibly because of the language. “Do no harm. Take no shit,” Snyder recalled. “And something along the lines of ‘If you’re not at the top of your priorities, you’re last.’”

But her baby girl was crying.

So, Snyder got out of the shower and could have left it at that, abandoning her much needed alone time for her child’s needs. But she didn’t. “I could’ve scooped her up and forgone the rest of my out of the shower routine, but she was ok,” Snyder wrote. “So I laid her on the floor next to me. Combed my hair. Got dressed. THEN I hugged and snuggled and kissed on her.”

I'm busy, so typing out a big ol' #fridayintroductions isn't happening. So instead check my story, it's all there! HAPPY FRIDAY!

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Snyder told Scary Mommy she believes mothers feel so guilty taking time for themselves, “because it doesn’t seem natural.” And when we finally realize we need to care for ourselves, “it’s really hard. It takes practice. We always think of what else we could be doing with our time, instead of just enjoying and recharging so that we can be the best version of ourselves possible.”

But fuck feeling guilty about it – whatever it is. If we want to go to the gym, read a book, meet friends for lunch on a Saturday, drink wine in our closet while we try on our bright red six inch heels that we paid way too much for to impress that one guy ten years ago – then we should do it. Because we are more than just someone’s mom. And if we don’t, eventually it’s going to catch up with us.

I wish I could say he picked out this big ol' bouquet for me, but it's not. They're for his sister. 😍 === Last night at bedtime I told the boys our plans for restocking our desolate refrigerator this morning. Kayden came over to give Ruby her goodnight kiss and whispered to her, "Tomorrow is going to be a good day, I'm going to get you flowers." My heart melted! Fast forward to this morning….we spent 10 minutes picking out just the right ones! He then told me, "Boys give flowers to girls, they just do."😍 He also informed me how he prefers to go to the girls restroom instead of the boys, because "Girls smell nice, boys are just stinky."😂I won't tell him the level of odor they can actually create. {flashbacks to my high school softball team 🤢} === I feel like I'm doing something right during moments like this. My boys ARE learning to be kind and giving and sweet. Parenting these days is under such a microscope. If you aren't raising your kids in a certain way, you're wrong or the problem with our society or some other bs. The truth is….teach your kids to have a kind heart and the rest will work itself out. I'm far from political or politically correct, and my views don't mesh well with many people of the blogger/Insta world, but this little moment this morning made me realize I'm raising a pretty incredible little man!

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Snyder told us she hopes by modeling self-care to her kids, it will show them that it’s okay to take time for yourself. “I think in this day and age, kids feel like they have to say yes to everything; sports, clubs, friends, etc. That’s exhausting,” she said. “Hopefully when they see their parents take time for themselves, it gives them the confidence to do the same.”