Never Had a Baby Body – Scary Mommy

Never Had a Baby Body

I’ve decided we need a new word in the English language, or every language for that matter: “Never Had a Baby Body.” It’s one word, a noun, a pronoun, and an adjective and has to be written and said as one word. As soon as you say it, you have a vision in your mind. You know what I am talking about, bodies that resemble a thirteen-year-old boy more than a mommy. Anyone?

I thought of the term when one of my husband’s co-workers showed up at my house to drive with my man out to a town about four hours away to do some interviews. This female co-worker showed up at my house, freshly showered in a trim little outfit and her Never Had a Baby Body (noun), ready to spend the day with my hubby. What made it worse was that my youngest was just a couple of months old, I was still nursing, holding onto pregnancy weight, hadn’t showered and was sporting a maternity top because it was the only thing clean.

Getting the picture? Never Had a Baby Body (pronoun) and my man left for the day and I decided it might be time to wash my hair for his big return that evening.


Then, a few weeks ago, I came across a picture of myself on my honeymoon. I couldn’t help but wonder, “Who’s the hot chick in a bikini with my husband?” Then I discovered it was just my Never Had a Baby Body (noun) and while it was smokin’ back then, it didn’t take any work to look like that so I don’t have much respect for my former hot self.

Now, when I see a mommy with an amazing body, I have the utmost admiration for her ability to force her body into submission to resemble a piece of its former self. Without an in-home chef, a mean personal trainer and a few extra doses of willpower, I’ll never resemble my Never Had a Baby Body (adjective) self.

I’m okay with that. When it comes down to it, I have four kids that I wouldn’t trade for my Never Had a Baby Body (adjective) self and an amazing husband that likes the me the way I am.

I’ll take that over a Never Had a Baby Body (noun) any day.