Robin Farr
Latest posts by Robin Farr (see all)
- Losing Yourself to Motherhood - February 18, 2013
- Newborn Know-It-Alls - August 25, 2011
When my son was born, we were the quiet room in the hospital – the one whose walls didn’t vibrate with crying baby sounds. The nurses rarely visited us because we didn’t need much other than the usual post C-section/new baby checks.
“You two have it figured out,” one nurse said.
“You’ll be back here with your second in no time,” said another.
Not so much, as it turned out.
The first month was great. We reveled in the middle-of-the-night feedings, watched him sleep peacefully wherever he happened to doze, and slapped each other on the back for being such great – and natural – parents. The secret to this baby thing, we decided, was not to be overly anxious about it. Those parents who hovered nervously were the ones who were going to have a tough time. We were sure of it.
Then the second month came and he got really fussy.
By the third month he hadn’t grown out of it like my mom predicted he would.
When the fourth month came around and his sleeping got worse instead of better we had to admit we were overwhelmed.
“Your instincts will guide you,” is the common wisdom. “You will just know what needs to be done.”
It’s all hooey, isn’t it?
Parenting a newborn is hard.
I had figured out nursing and we didn’t have many struggles there, fortunately. Thanks to the nurses in the hospital we were comfortable giving him a bath. But a lot of the other stuff was a total nightmare.
He was up so much at night I thought I was going to die. (He’s three now and still doesn’t sleep through the night. Notes of sympathy are welcome on my blog.) He fussed ALL the time, or at least that’s what it felt like to me. He didn’t like the stroller unless it was on a gravel path. He was okay in the carrier, but only if I bounced. It took us hours, literally, to put him to bed at night. One night it took us five hours, during which my husband spent a lot of time walking up and down the stairs with Connor in the Snugli. When he was finally asleep we phoned my parents. “Send whiskey,” we said. My mom wanted to know if it was for us or for him. Both. Definitely both.
I’m used to feeling competent. I’m pretty good at my day job, I think, but that new day-and-night job nearly killed me.
Looking back, I think maybe I tried too hard. I read too many parenting books, that’s for sure. I spent too much time on forums comparing my baby to others and my mothering to what their mothers were doing. I spent too much time thinking about what I “should” do that would make me a “good” mother.
It’s all hooey. I know that now.
You just have to do your best and trust that it’s good enough. And maybe keep a bottle of whiskey nearby, just in case.
{ 127 comments… read them below or add one }
Yes, its all hooey! How hard or easy your baby is doesn’t mean anything about, you, your baby, or your parenting. Drink the whiskey, its all going to be fine. It’s baby bootcamp, just got to get through it. Glad you did.
Dr. G recently posted..Help! I’m Going Back to Work!
Doctor recommended whiskey. I love it!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Outtakes From a Photo Shoot
Oh Robin. It was incredibly hard for me too, especially the first 12 months. It ranged from not napping, to napping only 15 minutes, to waking up 10 times a night, to fussing over who knows what, to being a picky eater. And at 18 months, when he finally moved out of our bed and stopped breastfeeding, did he sleep through the night (I was his soother, it finally had to stop). And all the parenting books, websites, forums, other parents – did more to confirm that I wasn’t doing it ‘right’ than otherwise.
I have no regrets about how we parented for the first 18 months though. I learnt a lot, he’s healthy and happy, and finally, we are all sleeping. And so will you. :)
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Guest Posting on Guest Posting
Thanks, Alison. Are you sure about the sleeping? Because I’m still waiting for that. ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Outtakes From a Photo Shoot
My son didn’t sleep through the night until he was almost four. It does happen eventually. Although getting him to settle down and go to sleep is the issue now. When I finally started getting a full nights sleep, it was so strange and it took a long time for my body to get used to it.
Summer recently posted..You Say You Want the Truth but can You Handle it?
He’ll sleep… they all start sleeping eventually! We just have to square our shoulders and wait it out. Also, once both of mine start sleeping through consistently and they get a little older, I’m so going to wake them up at random hours with requests for food, a cuddle, some water… I can almost taste the sweet revenge…
Moomser recently posted..Virtual Coffee {20}
Robin,
I love this post! It’s so real! Sleep is the biggest myth about parenting I think. Babies are hard, babies who don’t sleep? Even harder! My second son had acid reflux and could literally only sleep upright (which meant me or my husband holding him…all…night…long) for a short time before I begged, pleaded, and almost threatened the dr to give him medicine. That was such a hard time. Once he got the medicine, he did better. But then the ear infections came, and once again he wasn’t sleeping. The whole “sleeping like a baby” yeah…no thanks! Give me “sleeping like a teenager” anyday!
Hopes@StayingAfloat! recently posted..Loud…Louder…Loudest!
No kidding! I have no idea where that expression came from.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Oh, the stress we put upon ourselves.
I did the same thing: comparing.
And always coming up short.
I only noticed the over achievers…never the ones struggling.
What the heck was wrong with me.
Alexandra recently posted..Why I Will Never Quit Trying
We had high expectations because that’s what society has taught us to have. ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Oh! I remember those days. Those nervewracking crazy days.
Life with Kaishon recently posted..You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
That about sums it up! ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Parenting newborns is hard. All of the parenting books seem to be a waste of time. My oldest was fairly easy as a baby, my youngest was a total PITA.
Jessica recently posted..Co-Parenting for Work Widows
Yep. I never found too much that was really useful in parenting books. More stuff that make me anxious.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
I have a singleton and then twins. I promise going from zero to one was harder than one to three. Everything about my first newborn rocked my world–we had nursing issues, nap issues, depression etc. The only thing that didn’t work against us was nighttime sleep. (sleep deprivation was the hell I learned about with my twins!)
Thanks for the great post and bittersweet reminder of the newborn days.
Wendy @ mama one to three recently posted..This Summer Is a Foreign Country
Thanks, Wendy! And that’s reassuring, because others have said going from 1 to 2 was harder than the first. It scares me. It really does.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
I’m currently in the fussy baby newborn trenches. I hear you. We have no idea what we’re doing. Besides pacing and shooshing and bouncing and swaying all hours of the night. heh.
Heather of the EO recently posted..winning
Sounds like you’re managing perfectly to me! I never found anything magic. Just keep at it…
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
This is my story too, but with my middle child (now 4). He had colic and the only way he would relax enough to sleep was to bounce him on a yoga ball while swaddled tightly. My husband and I spent hours each night on that ball. I could eventually transfer him to bed next to me, where he’d lie on my arm. If we were lucky he’d sleep 2 hours at a time like this, wake up and nurse, then more yoga ball bouncing, then back to bed on my arm. Everyone suggested sleep training as though the thought had never occurred to us (he’d scream until he made himself vomit). I was working full time at this point and it was the hardest year of my life. I felt like such a failure and constantly compared myself to other moms. Thanks for sharing your story…I wish I had read it about 4 years ago!
ML @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Seedling
I wish I had too! ;) I can’t imagine working during all that. So grateful for the year of mat leave in Canada – I might have died otherwise.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Our first slept in his infant carrier or the swing for at least 3 months! He did NOT want to sleep on his back, and I figured that if he didn’t want to, there must be some reason for it. He had colic for so many months… Our second is so laid back that even when he fusses because of gas it is no comparison. We’d had him home a whole week before we realized that he hadn’t projectile vomitted on anything and how strange that was. It is not that we are more experienced, but just that our second doesn’t have as many troubles.
I’ve known a lot of moms who relied on the swing, etc. I used that a bit, but nothing I found was a sure thing. But I think you’re right – as much as we’d like to think we’d be fine with the 2nd, it totally depends on the baby. Some are just harder than others.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Our first year could have been called “The Year of Misery or How We Learned How to Live with Infant Reflux.” Totally hear you.
Now that I help parents with challenging baby stuff and sleep I’ve learned a ton. I also know that successful women who have a shelf full of baby books are likely to be struggling. I think its for exactly the reasons you mentioned – we’re USED to SOLVING problems. We research alternatives and implement solutions. What do we do when faced with the most important thing in our lives and find ourselves unable to fix whatever it is (nursing struggles, no sleeping, crying, etc.)?
Alexis@TroublesomeTots recently posted..Q&A: Reader Mailbag
So true! After my experience it seems to me that successful women who are used to solving problems (or at least having some amount of control) are the ones who struggle the most.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
My son barely slept for the first three months, demanding constant feedings (big boy!). I was so exhausted that I would sit there with him at three AM bawling my eyes out as he nursed. At his three month check-up, I practically begged the doctor to let me start giving him a bit of cereal and he said to give it a shot. I started to give him a bit three times a day (at mealtimes) and within a week he was sleeping through with one maybe two wake-ups. Hallelujah!!
Kat (@kathym425) recently posted..Cottage Life
Oh, I’m so glad that worked for you! Mine slept slightly better right after we started solids and then it went straight to shit again. Oh well…
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Oh gosh, I loved this.
New Mom on the Blog recently posted..I’ve got a good father…
Thanks! :)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
I have an old school pediatirion for my boys who has been around since the dawn of time. He actually recommended the wiskey also, though as he put it “I didn’t tell you this” A very small amount on the finger, especially when they are teething, works just as many wonders as our parents and grandparents tell us. My oldest was a “perfect baby”. Never fussed to much, and that was only when he was hungry. He could have crapped his diaper to the point when it was coming out his ears and he wouldn’t make a peep about it. Everyone warned me that I’d pay for it if I had a second. Boy were they right. My youngest was and is still a nightmare. He peed even two drop and was screaming to be changed. Only ate 2 ounces at a shot until he was 6 months old, which meant feeding him constantly. Would only sleep if he was in bed with me. Now, in the midst of the terrible twos with him, he throws temper tantrums to rival a mass murder dictator. All the self inflicted bruises and you would think I beat the kid. I stopped reading the baby books for ever ago, I stopped comparing myself. I find we all do better when we just wing it. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don’t. Somehow, our kids will grow up to be normal (ish) functioning human beings. And we will get our day to be on the phone with our kids as they struggle to make it through the night with their newborn, and we will get to give the same advice most of our parents gave us: “You are doing great. Whether you believe it or not. The baby will be fine. And so will you.”.
That really is the best advice. It’s true, and it’s as simple as that.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
I remember those days. Mine was with a newborn, and a two year old who would not sleep. I spent 72 hours awake once. Needless to say the whiskey would have killed me at that point. I never read one parenting book. I still do not.
Seriously Sassy Mama recently posted..Pre-Birthday FUN!
72 hours?! Oy vey.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
What an honest post. I think most of us were there are one time or another, comparing ourselves to others, reading WAY too much and not trusting ourselves. You’re right, at the end of the day, we can only do our best and trust ourselves. No child is the same, they all have different needs. it’s just quite a chore trying to figure out what those needs are sometimes.
Clueless Mom @ Parenting … smh recently posted..Free Travel with Hartlyn Kids. Moms In The Spotlight
Exactly. With limited energy we just have to focus on what we can figure out. No more parenting books for me.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Loooooooove this! About to embark on the journey for our 4th and final time:) it is the hardest job I have ever done and it doesn’t really get easier but it def does get more fun!!!! Great writing!
Erin recently posted..Oh! The Places You’ll Go
Thanks, Erin! It doesn’t get easier by the 4th time, huh? Damn.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Thank you so much for sharing this… It’s like you are in my head! This is almost exactly my story. By 3 months I was back to the doctor looking for drugs. I love to sleep. I like to solve problems. This is a continual battle. :)
I have much sympathy for your infant parenting, as I am just getting through it myself. Good luck out there!
Jessica DeWitt recently posted..{Frogs} and Snails and Puppy Dogs Tails…
They should really tell new parents this in the hospital. It would save us all a lot of angst!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
After having a perfect baby turn into the devil and a devil baby stay the devil… i wish the one in my belly just comes out as a toddler :)
Oh my gosh, you took the words right out of my mouth. Er, brain.
Kimberly recently posted..{this moment}
People keep telling me the 2nd will be easier. I keep telling them I’m not getting my hopes up!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
You know I adore you, Robin. Reading this was like reading my own words. It’s NOT easy!
Thanks, Carri! That’s why I love blogging. We can commiserate!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Perfectly stated.
Oh, and you TOTALLY have my sympathies for the non sleeping. Our 2 1/2 year old has YET to completely sleep all night…once.
I remember those sleepless nights. I thought I had it all figured out too. Now, I look back see that I was totally lost and had no idea.
I tried the cry it out shit with my first. She decided to throw up instead.
Those were fun days.
Theresa recently posted..Don’t Worry About it Momma {Wednesday Words of Wisdom}
Yep, no idea. Hopefully next time I’ll know I have no idea and stop trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
I had a baby like that. I would tell people that she wouldn’t sleep and they would look at me like I was nuts. Now she is six and still not a great sleeper. I actually wrote about sleep deprivation earlier this week. I’m writing all of this just to say, I feel your pain, and yes, you are right. It is all a lot of hooey.
Jennifer recently posted..A mom fail… or is it?
Oh good, it’s not just me! Thanks, Jennifer.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Beautiful, Robin. As always. It is hooey. And why on earth aren’t we screaming that from the rooftops so other new parents don’t feel the same way? Oh, right–you are.
Well done, my friend.
Natalie @ MamaTrack recently posted..Our World Shook This Week
Thank you, sweet friend. I’m trying.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
My daughter is like this, but it’s getting a little better. She’s 7 weeks old now. The first night she was home she was soo good, and didn’t fuss. Then the next night, she screamed and screamed for hours and hours. She still screams sometimes, but she is finally getting out of her colicky stage, and she has acid reflux now :(
Oh no! Just when you think you’re past one hard part another comes along. I hope it’s short-lived.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
little babies are such teases aren’t they? i remember being pregnant & already pegging my son with a firecracker personality. but in the hospital the first night my husband & i exclaimed “he’s so zen” boy were we wrong LOL
I think they do it on purpose just to show us we have no idea what we’re doing. ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Yes, Motherhood has a strange sense of humor, doesn’t it?
I’m so glad you are doing better. I love seeing you here, and I adore your blog. You rock.
@YaelSaar recently posted..And I’m going to be 40?!?
Thank you, my friend. Always.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
I am so glad there’s the internet and honest mamas like yourself to give the rest of us clueless would-be one-day parents a dose of realism. :)
Mrs. Jen B recently posted..It’s The Great Pumpkin, Mrs. B!
You need realism, Jen, you just give me a call. :)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Great post! I have heard whiskey is the cure-all!
We never actually tried it but oh man, was I tempted sometimes.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Boy do I remember the not sleeping thing. Mine, who is sixteen now, would not sleep, would cry, would throw up, would look like she was sleeping, but cry the moment you tried to relax or put her in her crib. It was such a challenge. Parenting an infant can be very difficult on you.It isn’t pretty, but there was always at least one tiny diamond in each day that helped us hang on….
Yes! What is it with them knowing when we try to sit down?! Or put him in his crib? Forget it. Sigh.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
My son didn’t sleep till he was school age, maybe even longer than that. For reals. There were some months in there when he was an infant that the only place he would sleep was in his swing. he spent PLENTY a night in that damn thing. Good news?? He is now 15….and sleeps..:)
Ha! That’s what people keep telling me – he’ll make up for it when he’s a teen. I’m not sure I find that reassuring. ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
This is so true! I compared things too much to my friend who also had twins. If she was making baby food, I felt like I had to make baby food. If she was putting to bed right at 7, I had to put them to bed right at 7. Twins are a completely different story, but I was struck once when she said that she never really held her boys while they were sleeping — she was so adamant about putting them in their own beds. When I heard that, I was kinda glad that I did some things my own way.
Been there too (except for the twin part, whew!). So hard to know if we’re doing it “right” when really there is no such thing. And even in the really rough moments, I managed to appreciate how short a time we get to hold them while they’re sleeping.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
The thing that kills me is that I thought it would get easier with time, but I’m finding the opposite to be true. Motherhood never lets us feel like we have it all figured out. Never allows us to be confident. It’s a bitch!
Great post, my friend!
Thanks, Elizabeth! I know what you mean. Some days I long for the newborn days. And then I wonder if I really am going crazy!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Newborns are HARD and there’s no one right way for sure. You just have to do your best, be enough, and try to get rest when you can. My 3 yo doesn’t sleep through the night either but I’m fairly certain he’ll do it eventually…just like potty training. ;)
Cristi @ Motherhood Unadorned recently posted..I’m Not a Bad Mama Because I Have Two Kids with Two Different Fathers
Exactly. Let’s have faith, shall we? ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
I don’t remember the newborn stage being that hard with my first one, but then I always say his NICU nurses trained him. The second one is a handfull. He was handed over to my ex in the delivery room and never left…husband left…son never…so I was there exhausted my second night in the hospital learning to breast feed and I don’t think I was ever so tired in my life…but then I went home and there weren’t even nurses to catch the slack! Oh…mommyhood is NOT all it’s cracked up to be.
Megan recently posted..Anticipation
So true, Megan. No one tells you this stuff! Or maybe they do and it’s just hard to understand until you live it.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
So true!!! And with each new age comes a whole new set of things to learn or wing- or pretend. I never really feel competent in my role!
Elena @CiaoMom recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: My Week In Review
Oh no, I was hoping I’d have this figured out by the time C was P’s age! Damn.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
This post is perfect in its transparency and phenomenal-ness.
{That’s a technical term- I’m sure of it. :)}
Great guesting post you two!
XO
I will trust you, Galit! You’re the queen of technical terms. ;)
xo
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
My first child triggered my depression, something I fight to this day. My husband, sadly, has blocked out her first year. It was a blur for me. There was a lot of crying, and not just the baby. I felt very alone and had no where to turn. No one talks about that part. It is all so exciting when the baby is coming – the showers, gifts, finding the correct name. Then the baby comes, and reality sets in. Some women handle it beautifully.I wouldn’t be one of those.
Jeanine recently posted..School, School, Glorious School!
Me neither, Jeanine. I feel the same way, but it got better when I started blogging and realized I wasn’t the only one. I hope you get over the difficult parts soon.
After having a calm but never sleeping boy & a 105db screamer who slept relatively well, I can tell you most of the advice is hooey. And to top it all off everyone lies about baby sleeping habits, (yep even your own Mom). But it’s so hard not to think it’s all your fault.
Kisha recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Daughter & Digger
Oh, I know! What is is about judging our mothering by whether our baby sleeps or not? Nothing to do with it.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Not to brag, but our room was also the quietest nursery and my little boy rarely cries! And to this day, he makes parenting easy :) I know you all hate me but I’m so fourtunate to have such a wonderful son. He’s 18 months and he’s so happy! He makes being a mom so easy.
Yes, Nicole, I hate you. ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Yep, that first year is hell. My first son took until he was two something before he slept through the night, and my 21 month old has just started to so in the past couple weeks (I’m knocking on wood so that I don’t jinx it). I survived by reading blog postings like this one that reminded me that I was not alone in my woe. It was better moral support than I got from my mom friends whose idea of support was to offer the phone number for their sleep trainer. Like some other moms on here, I had refluxy babies and was never comfortable letting them cry and vomit. Thanks for a great post and reminding me why I got fixed with the 2nd one :)
Oh geez. We tried a sleep trainer and it was a total nightmare. Never again. Knowing it was somewhat normal was much more helpful, I agree.
Wow great piece, I had the oppositi problem DD only slept on me at night due to reflux until she was nearly 6 months old so broken sleep was the norm at night. Everyone said we would regret having her in the bed with us, but you know what she sleeps 10-12 hours at night from 6 months in her own cot. Ignore everyone and do what you feel is best. My friends have newborns who slept though the night in the first 6 months but then woke every night after that. I think I like it better that she sleeps through the night when older as she is a bundle of mischief you are tired just trying to keep her out of things, not fun in the middle of the night. I think taking her to the cranial osteopath really helped her sleep. All can change again when she starts walking and is in a bed it will be too easy to get up when she wakes up at night, as now she settles herself back to sleep. Don’t listen to anyone unless they are professional other wise it will drive you crazy.
Even the professionals were unhelpful for us. We did co-sleep for a while (after thinking we never would) and it did help. But that was this year. We tried it when he was really small and it didn’t help at all. It’s a crap shoot, I tell ya!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Ok, where you in my house when I brought my newborn home? Because this sounds like us. We spent hours just holding her and rocking and shushing so she wouldn’t cry. It was so hard. I didn’t understand how other people were doing it. I still don’t.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..So How’d You Meet? Shell & Jamie
I still don’t either. (Shh, don’t tell.)
My oh my how I can relate. I’m a nurse. I’ve had classes in women’s health and pediatrics. But put this crying bundle of precious baby in front of me and I became an idiot. The newborn phase was HARD. The 10 month phase is still hard, but I figure if I haven’t broken him by now, the odds are probably in his favor :) I’m sure it never gets easier, just different…
Angela recently posted..Fast forward
I think you’re right, Angela. At least that theory sounds good to me!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Whiskey? That’s terrible advice. All the good moms drink VODKA.
The sleep thing will get you every time, not sleeping will drive a person to insanity! And the minute you figure out the perfect bounce, swing, shush, butt-pat magic combo? They change it on you!
Great post Robin!
Oh, vodka! That’s where we went wrong.
And they do change it on you. It’s very annoying. Can’t they just be needy in the same way all the time?
You only have one from the sounds of it? Try two under two for 5 months. My 2nd was born when my 1st was 17 mos. My 2nd loved the pacifier, but too much since she wouldn’t sleep without it and I had to keep going back to her to stick it back into her mouth those first THREE months. I couldn’t do it anymore because I had my other daughter to take care of and couldn’t just rock or snuggle or keep giving her the pacifier. Solution? Sleep train at 4 months to go to sleep by herself with no pacifier. Took 10 days, but she did it… she’s been falling asleep with her lovey by herself since then. Not through the night by then, that was at seven months when I sleep trained her to sleep through the night. She’s been sleeping great since! First one was sleep trained at 8 months too. What method? CIO.
Skye Diaz | motherhood, etc. recently posted..maternity clothes: no need to bargain hunt
No way could I do two that young. I was crazy enough as it was!
We tried sleep training, including CIO. Didn’t work – I think for some babies it just doesn’t. C’est la vie!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Yeah I’ve heard that CIO doesn’t work for all babies, I feel so bad for you and all those parents how can’t find a way to get your baby to sleep! We thank GOD everyday for our great sleepers!! :)
Skye Diaz | motherhood, etc. recently posted..maternity clothes: no need to bargain hunt
I really want a sleeper next time. Need to figure out how to order one! ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
My first two kids didn’t sleep through the night until they were 3yrs old. My regret looking back, I wish I had napped more instead of trying to catch up doing things when they had their little cat naps. Frankly I should still be napping, in 6 months I will have 4 teenagers in the house, I always feel like a new Mom, tired tired tired!)
christine recently posted..Penny for My Thoughts
I know what you mean. I couldn’t nap, but I should have tried. I’ll remember that for next time!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: Being a Scary Mommy
Mine is 5 years old now, and still will not go to sleep by him self! OMG
I fear we’re going to be in the same position. :/
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
Our 5.5 year old twins are still getting up at night. If it’s not one, it’s the other. Or it’s both. (We call that a “bingo.”) Coworkers tell me stories of their 9-month old that sleeps through the night and I want to slug them. I may be the only parent looking forward to the teenage years — because then, I really, really hope — I will get some sleep. If not while waiting up for them to come home, I will sleep the next morning when they sleep in ’til noon.
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Oh, wow. That sounds like a total nightmare. You must be exhausted!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
My little man is 18mo. Didn’t sleep through until 10 months. Literally every night up at least once, then awake early like 5am. I can’t nap when it’s daylight (tried but couldn’t) & cos he was BF all feeds hubby couldn’t help (don’t mention pumping omg) I was literally like a zombie. Fell asleep stood up nursing in the dark one night, the stumble forward & bite on the boob woke me up. I hated people telling me THEIR baby was on 3 bottles a day at 4mo, and how they SLEPT THROUGH from bla bla bla ooooh it drove me nuts. He sleeps now thank goodness, but I know I’m one of the lucky ones. Mummy HUG to all the zombies out there X
Yes, that all sounds very familiar!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
My now seven year old didn’t sleep through untill he was two, i can appreciate the story of fussiness. He cryed when you put him in the pram, he cryed when you put him in the car seat. There is hope though as i now have a beutiful 4 month old who sleeps through the night. I used to hate parents when they said that.
I still sort of do. ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
Were there any health issues? That sounds terrible! From a mom whose son slept through the night since 5 months old; I can’t understand why a child would be that fussy! Wow. I am so sorry! Don’t get me wrong, my son fights going to sleep but once he’s out, he’s out.
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Nope, he just didn’t like to sleep. Still doesn’t. (Though we did wonder for a while…) My mom used to say that too – that she had never seen a kid who would fight going to sleep for so long, finally sleep, and then wake up over and over. Just my luck, I guess!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
We’re in that “he-used-to-sleep-why-isn’t-he-now” phase with my 6mo son, and it is pure hell. I had just started getting sleep, and now I’m all sleep deprived again. It’s killing me!
Kids need a “volume knob” like the baby had in Robots!
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They do! And getting to sleep and then reverting back to getting up is total hell. Almost worst than the first time around.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
After my second baby who came 17 months after the first, I actually said to the nurse, ‘Is he OK? he never cries’. She laughed at me. And it wasn’t until a few days later that I realized why! ;-)
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Oh no! ;) I always worry when a friend who’s just had a baby talks about how s/he never cries. Just you wait…
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
My son was exactly the same. We’d steady to get sleep and he’d switch it all up on us! You’re so right in not reading or comparing too much; it does no good! my boy still has rough nights when he’s growing. I’ve learned to semi-wake so falling back asleep is easier ;)
True, I’m finally at the point where I’m only half-awake. It helps that his wake-ups are short now – when you’re up for 2 hours it’s hard to stay half asleep!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
Just when you think you have it figured out, you realize you don’t.
It’s amazing how one week something works, and the next week, it doesn’t. Sigh.
For the most part, we managed to have great sleepers. What did we do? Who knows. I am just thankful I get *around* 8 hours a night.
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The fact that something works one day and doesn’t the next is the biggest surprise and the most frustrating thing for me. Yep. Sigh.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
You’re right Robin.
Hooey!
The parenting books are garbage and I should have never bought a single one!!
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I’ve got a bunch too. Wonder if anyone wants ‘em?
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
Parenting books were the biggest waste of money. We were given DOZENS of them when I found out I was pregnant, and read them all. But, in the end, nothing in those books made a difference. I was still just as clueless two months in as I was 6 months out. We live and learn as we go.
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So true. Even though there are so many similarities in people’s experiences, those books are usually too generic to help. And I’m still just as clueless 3 years later! ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
This brought tears to my eyes. I have a 16 month old who is now finally sleeping through the night and baby #2 is due any day. There is no way to prepare yourself for how hard it is to have a newborn. Thank you for sharing this!
That’s just it – even when people tell you what it’s like, there’s no way to really know. You can’t know until you get there yourself. So glad your first is finally sleeping. Hope #2 brings you lots of joy!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
This is my reality…right now.
I have an 11-week-old and it has been interesting to say the least. This post is exactly what I am living right now: hours going to sleep, fussiness that never ends, trying everything and nothing working…
Bring on the whiskey.
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It does get easier, i promise. Good luck
Yes, it does get easier. But that doesn’t help right now when it sucks. I feel for you. Hang in there!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Edit Me: Striped Socks
Hey Robin!
I was catching up on Scary Mommy, and it is great to see you here!! :)
My older daughter didn’t sleep the night until she was 3 either. I TOTALLY understand that part!! Good thing she was 3 years and 10 months when I had my younger daughter. My expectations of getting a night’s sleep are low for the next 2 and 1/2 months. C’est la vie…
Jen :)
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Whiskey, vodka, wine, I say keep all of it near by at all times! Parenting a newborn is a snitch compared to a 2 year old.
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