Having a girl is hard. I mean, mine isn’t even six yet; she’s years away from puberty, and it’s still hard…
——————————–
I have issues with food. I am beginning a diet for the 397th time on Monday. The Monday after Thanksgiving, as I have every year that I can recall. I aspire to again fit into my skinny-ish jeans. Not the skinny jeans that I wore in college or the even skinnier ones I wore the months leading up to my wedding, but the skinny-ish ones I wore after I had Evan. Before that, I was at my smallest weight ever months during the months after Ben was born. His hospital fridge was stocked with Enfmail and Slimfast. I was motivated. I was ready. And I got there, but just couldn’t maintain it. It’s actually the reason I went off of birth control pills; the notion of being able to eat again over-rod my fears of having another child. A year before that, I intentionally got pregnant with Ben to be pregnant during my college roommate’s wedding. Being the knocked up bridesmaid was far preferable to being the heaviest one.
——————————–
Lily refuses to wear flowy clothes. She claims they make her look “flat” and by “flat” she means “fat” and it’s tragic and funny all at once. She’s not even six years old for crying out loud.
——————————–
When I was about ten, I stole a candy bar from a supermarket. I clumsily shoved it in my pocket while an off duty security guard watched and reported it my parents who were mere feet away. I know they were concerned: What deep-seeded issues did I have? Did I need therapy? Have an eating disorder? What should they do? Nothing, I thought. I just wanted a fucking candy bar.
——————————–
Lily has been sneaking food from home. I find wrappers under the bed and smell chocolate on her breath. I see myself in her and it scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to be like my parents and limit junk food so rigidly that it becomes an obsession, but I feel like she needs strong boundaries. She’s built like a dancer and probably will never have the issues with weight that I do, but I want to do right by her. I am determining a life-long relationship with food for her, and the responsibility overwhelms me.
——————————–
Being a girl is hard.
Having a girl is even harder.
Previous post: Dogs, Fishing & Thanksgiving
Next post: Blogging with WordPress
{ 167 comments }
← Previous Comments
oh man, this almost made me cry. I know what you mean, my 4.5 year old has said such things..where do they get this stuff! Oh right..from their mom’s.
Gree recently posted..Where I Stop Whining and Relax
I don’t have kids, so I shouldn’t even be commenting here, but anyway…
I don’t know how you eat in your home, but I’d recommend teaching her about which foods are healthy in a NUTRITIONAL way, not in a DIET way…meaning that fruit, veggies, etc. have lots of vitamins and minerals and stuff…and not saying that eating them will help you stay thin.
And if you can avoid purchasing sweets and junk food, that will probably make it easier. When I lived alone, I just didn’t buy crap, so I didn’t eat it. But now that I live with my boyfriend who eats potato chips and chocolate, I find it hard not to get into his potato chip bag. And eat them ALL.
Holly recently posted..Feel Good Friday- Misha & Tom Are Free!
I have been bouncing around your blog all afternoon. Reading all your blog tips and then I found this post. I have issues with food and my body. I have for years and so does my mother. I now have a daughter of my own and I want her to be happy with who she is. I did not relize until reading your post that she will look up to me to be her example. I knew I was her mom and I would guide her. But reading your post drove it home for me. Great post.
you can only lead by example. and I’m saying that to you as much as I say it to myself. I truly believe these little beings suck up what they witness, and they are good at seeing beyond the lies.
I think we just have to work on making sure we are not constantly judging OUR bodies, and feeling inadequate, and insuficient, and, and, and…..
how? beats me. but we have to find a way.
angelica recently posted..catching up with life
I couldn’t agree with you more, and all the responses above. I constantly feel myself forcing my “food opinions” on my 58 pound, string bean nine year old. “Lexi, high fructose corn syrup- NO, Lexi’s it’s not organic, pesticides… Lexi, it’s full of MSG, Lexi, it’s all preservatives, Lexi, too much soy, Lexi, too many snacks, dinner is soon, Lexi, too many complex carbs, find another snack…” On and on. Gotta relax and let her be a kid. Starting…. after she eats these organic apple chips for dessert. (wink wink)
Tracy recently posted..Meddling Mouths
I have had those exact thoughts running through my head. My daughter is 9 and is very concious about being skinny – what makes people fat, etc.
As your previous 150+ comments indicated – you are not alone!
Your post was funny for me because my daughter also uses FLAT – but she uses it to mean she’s skinny – flat like a board instead of round and fat. lol
Daria recently posted..The Choking Game – Warning to Parents
Thanks for this. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. My kid is 5 and the husband and I both are in dire need of some serious weightloss. We’ve been trying to watch what we eat, but I’m super paranoid abut messing her up with weird dieting issues. The other day she asked me about calories, clearly because she overheard her dad and I talking about it. How do we teach her about healthy eating without screwing her up? Gah.
My oldest daughter is eleven and needs to gain weight. We have the fridge stocked with whole milk, cheese, and other high fat foods, but she’s still so skinny. She is embarrassed by it and hates that she is so skinny, so I think girls just have body insecurities no matter what their size.
Great post! :) One of my fears is that ny baby girl will be just like me. Overweight and short. She knows that she’s chubby but at the age of 3, she would tell me things like, “Mommy, I don’t look like Katy Perry, I’m fat..” and I would tell her that she is not like anybody else and she isn’t fat. I don’t know what to tell her.. :(
This is one of my biggest worries when I have my girl, everyone in my family has weight problems, and we’re short. I was bulimic for years; I eat weird things in weird patterns; the list of things I won’t eat is ridiculous; I won’t take photos with my partner because all photos of me make me look hideously fat; I’m obsessed with my weight, even while pregnant.
How am I not going to impact her? How can you send out the message to your kids that they’re fine the way they are, if they can see you’re not fine with yourself? And on the other hand, what would I do if she became overweight? I know how that feels, how horrible it is at school, particularly if you hit puberty at the exact same time. How would I help her without damaging her?
These questions keep me up at night.
my daughter is adopted but I still fear she will end up like me fat as a teenager which means I have/still issues with eating and food and trust me I know what I am supposed to eat. My daughter eats healthy and has sweets in moderation. The part she has no idea that I do and is keep her physically busy so every sat she has swimming, she takes ballet 2x week and we go to the park all the time. My problem has always been I rather watch tv than be active,
Oh wow… I just now discovered this post, and I’d love to hear a follow-up now that it’s about a year later. Not that you would suddenly have all the answers by now, or anything, but I’m just interested if you have any more insight or ideas on this. I’m already worried about this stuff, and my daughter isn’t even 2. Sigh…
More than a year later and it’s as much, if not more, of an issue. Think I will write a follow up; stay tuned… Sigh…
← Previous Comments
Comments on this entry are closed.