The ‘Parent Fantasy Hotline’ is a phone sex parody that will make you die laughing
With parenthood comes a deep, deep yearning for certain things you don’t get anymore. It’s a yearning that’s almost inexplicable. It’s a desire that is so all-consuming words fail you. Yes, parenthood changes the definition of “desire.”
Hamish and Andy are an Australian comedy duo. This week they turned their attention to new parents: specifically, the things new parents miss the most. The Parents Fantasy Hotline will fulfill your deepest desires — and make you die laughing. It’s phone sex… for parents who miss their freedom.
Hello? Parent Fantasy Hotline.
Sorry, I’ve never called one of these lines before so I’m a bit nervous. Umm… I just want you to… just tell me about your weekend.
Friday night I just went to the pub and caught up with some mates…
Oh yeah… Was this organized two weeks ahead or…
Oh no. Just got a text message and I went.
You just decided to go like, you didn’t have to get someone to come over to your house to look after things? You just…
I just got up and walked out.
Phone sex, new parent edition.
It’s funny because it’s true. A few months after the birth of my first child I was waitressing when I overheard a woman say to her boyfriend at the end of their meal:
“I don’t feel like going home yet. Wanna go to a movie?”
I was consumed with jealousy. Consumed.
The Parents Fantasy Hotline doesn’t exist. But it should.