Pastor films himself yelling that Santa doesn’t exist
Parents at the Westgate Mall in Amarillo, Texas who were waiting in line with their kids to see Santa got a dose of crazy mixed with a little bit of Jesus and topped off with a dash of enormous balls when a street preacher named David Grisham started shouting at them that Santa wasn’t real and doesn’t exist.
Uh, spoiler alert, Reverend Helpful.
In a video he uploaded to his Facebook page on Saturday, Grisham shows himself walking up and down the line of parents and kids trying to spread the word that “Christmas is about Jesus Christ” and not Santa. He was pretty blunt about it, too: “The man you’re going to see today is just a man in a suit, dressed up like Santa, but Santa does not exist,” he says in the video. “Santa’s not real…Don’t lie to your children and tell them there’s such a thing as Santa, when you know in reality that there are no flying reindeer, there is no workshop at the North Pole. . . that you buy all the gifts and put them under the tree.”
Great job, douchebag. You managed to halt the spread of the scourge of Santa for these ten kids in Texas. I’m sure their parents are grateful to you for the enlightenment. Next, perhaps you could hold an informational session called, “Where do babies come from? Let’s ask Google Images.”
Things seemed to be going swell for Grisham until a few pissed-off dads decided to confront him. “Quit talking this mess, you understand me,” said one man. “I got my kids over there, we don’t need you coming over here blabbing whatever the hell you’re blabbing.” Grisham refused to leave until mall workers started calling security.
In case it wasn’t clear already, Grisham has a serious problem with Santa. We don’t know if Santa owes him money, or if there’s some kind of elf-involved love triangle, but something big went down between these two because Grisham’s hatred runs deep. On the Facebook page for his Last Frontier Evangelism, he posted a video last month called, “Repent Amarillo Executes Santa (Firing Squad).” In it, he stands next to a Santa pinata and reads the paper-mache Satan’s sentence off a scroll that is held between two oversized crayons. We are not making this up. Then he shoots it in the face. Worst of all, based on the title, he appears to blame the shooting on some remorseful armadillo but there is no sight of one on the video.
Also on his Facebook page is a video of one of his recent radio shows (bring the kids, it’s a hoot!) under the title, “Taking Santa to the Woodshed Christmas Special.” Seriously, what is behind all of this?
The good people at The Washington Post got some fascinating background information on Grisham. For example, he told them that he’s been street preaching since “God spoke to him a decade ago while he and his wife were on vacation in Mexico.” Grisham and his wife have been traveling the country ever since, protesting at places like strip clubs, gay bars, and porn shops. Said Grisham, “If you’re going to be a fisher of men, you’ve got to go where the fish are.”
Uh-huh. To quote the great Michelle Williams in Brokeback Mountain, “You didn’t go up there to fish!” We’re not saying, we’re just saying.
Well, fishing or no, Grisham has unfortunately turned his eyes to the children of America and says that he plans to stage similar protests at other malls. So keep your eyes peeled, your shirtsleeves pushed to the elbow, and your earrings in your girlfriend’s hand, because the great Santa Truther might be coming to a store near you.