Alice Oswalt deserves a Pulitzer for “Fart land”
Patton Oswalt is a brilliant comedian and it looks like his eight-year-old daughter Alice is following in her father’s footsteps if a recent story she wrote is any indiction.
It’s about farts, of course. Because no matter her genetics, an eight-year-old is an eight-year-old.
Oswalt shared his daughter’s creative genius on Twitter where her talent was immediately noticed. The story is called “Fart land,” and it’s pretty much a literary revelation.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 17, 2018
He tweeted it with the caption, “My daughter wrote this today. Gonna submit it to the @NewYorker’s SHOUTS AND MURMURS section.”
And we expect The New Yorker will be blown away by Alice’s simple but intense tale.
Fart land is a fictional place where people fart. That’s literally it. And honestly, what more do we want? She writes, “Fart land is a land where people who fart a lot get sent to. You are one of those people. So you will be sent there. Your friends can visit. Not to worry. You will have a great time. At first it seems sad. 🙁 but every single person like it not one but Mia. you don’t need to worry about her. You home is 3249 sticky drive. Have fun!”
Oh, we plan to. Except not with Mia, but who’s worried about her anyway? To Fart land we go!
Twitter was all about Alice’s flatulent fairy tale.
Next George Saunders. https://t.co/lJmtRukTiW
— Alex "Alex John Crist" Crist (@alexjohncrist) January 17, 2018
"Well I was born in a fart land/and I live in a fart land/Probably die in a fart land/Oh, those small communities" https://t.co/1Gwe0mgbcR
— Riley Noonan (@RilesOnRiles) January 17, 2018
Reminds me of when my (then) 6 yr old wrote an entire comic book series featuring our dog as a super hero. Her sidekick was a piece of poo, and there was a "diarrhea blaster" on her utility belt. It was brilliant. https://t.co/3hma2zISns
— Shelly Payne (@ShellyCarrPayne) January 17, 2018
When I was a little kid I resembled @pattonoswalt's daughter slightly, yes.
But she's cuter. https://t.co/AARjKwUkLR
— Quinn Cummings (@quinncy) January 10, 2018
genuinely better than most things i've read lately— elan gale (@theyearofelan) January 17, 2018
I’m not sure if sticky drive was supposed to be stinky drive but honestly it’s so much better that it’s sticky drive. it’s just much more visceral— elan gale (@theyearofelan) January 17, 2018
Damn I thought this was George Saunders— Lisa Hanawalt (@lisadraws) January 17, 2018
If I had a child and she did this ... this would be the day I know that I raised her right! ❤️— !Hah!Soη! 🌀 (@HassyPatassy) January 17, 2018
it's things like this that make me rethink my usually negative opinions of children https://t.co/Lb0jMNduF0
— remy clio (@itsremyclio) January 17, 2018
I'm so sorry to leave you all like this, but I have found my new home. Gonna try and make it big in Fart Land ~wish me luck~ https://t.co/kgcjD2xxYj
— Cam (@camaroonski) January 17, 2018
Can we come too?
All kidding aside, this is fantastic stuff for parents to save. One day, Alice may very well be an author and her father can say he published her first — and that it was about farts. This also gives me hope that my son, who uses his brand-new Chromebook almost exclusively to Google anything and everything about farts, is no different than the kids of insanely witty and successful comedians. Farts are comic gold when you’re eight.
And 38. Sorry, not sorry.