About Those Annoying People And ALL Their Damn Questions
It’s the end of the seventh month, and if you haven’t already attended your childbirth class (assuming you signed up for one) it should be coming up soon. Knowledge is incredibly empowering, and being aware of what’s going on — even the really gross stuff — will reduce your stress which, in turn, can make for an overall less painful and more pleasant labor. Who knew? We just hope you don’t have to watch that ancient childbirth video with one of those women who hasn’t manicured her lady parts since about 1972. I mean, if you wanted to see an unruly, ungroomed garden you’d look at your own! Which you can’t, because you can’t bend over that far, let alone reach it with a razor.
As your uterus expands and rises (it’s about 4 inches above your bellybutton now) people will soon start saying all those annoying things like, “Are you sure you aren’t having twins?” and “Wow, you look like you’re ready to pop!” Feel free to punch those people.
Oh yeah, did we mention that you’re probably kind of moody right now? It’s really not your fault, you’d be a lot more cheerful if it weren’t for all those damn hormones. And all those damn annoying people. And the heartburn, constipation and gas caused by all that damn pressure on your internal organs from you-know-who.
Your baby’s physical proportions are similar to a full term newborn now, and if you poke your belly she might just poke back (with a tiny, fully formed hand). She sleeps for 30-90 minutes at a time; your movement lulls the baby to sleep so she often wakes when you rest, which explains why the idea of you getting any actual rest is a real joke.
If your hitchhiker has an older sibling, chances are you’ve either told them about the baby on the way or they are very, very suspicious about how gigantic Mommy is getting. Take some time to look at your older kids’ baby photos with them so they’ll have an idea what to expect. If they’ll be sharing a room, get their input in the furniture rearrangement and maybe even help them find a spot to keep their most treasured possessions out of baby’s reach so they know some things will still be just for them. You can also secretly buy a present “from the baby” to give your older kids after the birth — because they’ll surely love their little baby brother or sister, but a little bribery never hurt, either.