Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
I am known for many things, but stellar communication just is not one of them. (I went to art school, people–I don’t use words to express myself!) l I am constantly delivered the wrong order at restaurants and it takes at least two times to get my meal right. My hair never comes out the way I want it, despite my many tear sheets of examples and long explanations of exactly what I envision. And, Jeff and I are constantly battling about what I did or didn’t tell him.
It’s taken a lot of years and reflection to come to the realization that, perhaps it’s not them speaking the different language, but me.
I’m not sure why what comes out of my mouth manages to confuse people so. I think the biggest problem is that I tend to think everyone is living in my head. I’ll have a random thought, spawned by another random thought and just spit it out, expecting people to follow me. Not surprisingly, they rarely do.
I go into far greater detail than is ever necessary and often forget my original point entirely. I talk with my hands, a lot, and notice that it distracts people. I’m perpetually confused and frequently rely the wrong information altogether.
I bet it’s kind of exhausting communicating with me. It’s a good thing I have, like, a gazillion good traits to outweigh this one. Otherwise, I can see how it might get annoying.
{ 59 comments… read them below or add one }
I talk with my hands all the time. It comes from living overseas for my formative years, I suppose. I also have no real sense of personal space, for much the same reason, and so I’ll find myself standing fartooclose for other people’s comfort and then they’re slowly leaning/backing away and I’m slowly advancing and I probably seem very very creepy.
Good times.
.-= TeacherMommy´s last blog ..I’ve Got Them Under My Skin. Kind of Like Chiggers. =-.
You DO have a gazillion good traits Jill : )
Such a funny post. I didn’t go to art school but I should have.
.-= Life with Kaishon´s last blog ..i really need to make dinner, and do laundry, and take out the trash, and do some paperwork… =-.
communication is overrated. you blog- isn’t that enough!?
As a regular reader of your blog, I respectfully disagree. You are stellar at written communication!
.-= Mrs.Mayhem´s last blog ..Death and Rejection =-.
Awwwww, thank you. :)
Hi Jill. I’m visiting from the Writer’s Workshop.
I swear you were in MY head when you were writing this. We’re very much alike…right down to talking with our hands (gesturing wildly enough to knock over coffee often…).
Maybe this confuses people…but I’m right there with you sister!
To funny…it’s not me it’s them…that don’t understand. People need to just keep up!
I suffered the same affliction and then I had a job that involved (among other things) customer tech support for central vacuum cleaners , trust me you learn how to communicate clearly when doing that.
Me: ‘What type of vacuum cleaner do you have Ma’am?’
Customer : ‘One with a hose’.
Or :
Customer : ‘I can’t find your offices’
Me ‘Can you tell me where you are so that I can look on Mappy for your location’ Customer : ‘In a street’.
Me : ‘Can you be more specific?’
Customer : ‘I see a tree with a bird’.
I also learned to be patient at that job…
LMAO at that!
.-= Susie @newdaynewlesson´s last blog ..Sisters Make Great Friends =-.
Oh, I never could have handled that- we would have just gone in circles alll day long!
You do have a gazillion good traits! :) And I’m sure that we all are part of the school of miscommunication now and again, some of us more frequently than others. ;)
“Whaddya mean I didn’t tell you…of COURSE I told you!?”
“I think…”
.-= jen´s last blog ..how does your garden grow? =-.
Thank you for finally admitting that it is in fact you, and not me.
Hmmm, as an expert in communication, I am not sure that she ever did say that. I actually think she said it was your fault for not getting into her head enough to understand her properly. Shame shame on you. ;-)
.-= Susie @newdaynewlesson´s last blog ..Sisters Make Great Friends =-.
LOL, thank you. I think everyone should live in my head- it would be so much easier.
My husband, like Jeff, loves when I admit this sort-of thing. Ha! I think you have excellent written communication and what you described above sounds exactly me. I think we would be very dear friends in real-life. We might not know what the hell we are talking about sometimes, but who cares?
.-= Rachel @ Mommy Needs a Vacation´s last blog ..Morning Nap: You are in a TIMEOUT!!! =-.
My husband and I realized pretty early that we had each started assuming that we shared a brain (we often do) and were thus short-cutting communication, which proved troublesome when we were NOT, in fact, able to pick up on what the hell the other person was referring to with zero context… now we talk like we’re reading out of a book on how to communicate, complete with a quick one-sentence, slowly-spoken intro for context before launching into our mile-a-minute thought that’s racing to get out. It’s amusing.
I’m much better at written communication too (the confusing paragraph above notwithstanding) – your brain probably moves too fast. It’s hard to feel like you’re explaining the obvious to people. And then when you try to rectify it, you provide too MUCH info because you’re afraid that otherwise they’ll misinterpret you. And then they do. Because their brains are overloaded. Writing is so much better – you can EDIT writing!
Exactly!!! Verbal communication is SO much harder.
Not annoying. You just need to find someone that speaks the same language.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..I’m sickened, I’m sad, and I’m angry. =-.
hee hee – I always tell my husband that his brain does not speak Teresa!! Sadly, my son is picking up on this horrible trait of his – perhaps it is just their male gene? But, I have not issues speaking with my brothers? They totally get me!
.-= Tiaras´s last blog ..Hello, New Week! =-.
I remember leaving a job and having my boss say, “We’re going to miss THIS about you!” and she threw her hands up in the air.
I’m terrible at communicating in person. I’ve often wondered if anything can be done about it. I talk over people when I’m nervous, phone calls are the worst with the long pausers – I can never tell if they’re finished or just pondering.
This is my first comment – but I love your blog. And your FB page updates!
.-= Diana @Hormonal Imbalances´s last blog ..The way things are. =-.
Ohhhhh, yes- phone calls!!!
And, thank you- so glad you came out of hiding!
I completely understand. I often think I’ve communicated effectively when, in fact, it turns out half the conversation was in my own head. You’re definitely not alone. :)
did you know that people who talk with their hands are always stressing something in their conversations?
oh, and i did grab your button :)
.-= cheri´s last blog ..thankful – even for the asthma =-.
Of course I’m stressing things in my conversation– everything I say is important… to ME!
And, thanks– glad it worked!
Wait, people don’t live in my head?! Well, that explains a LOT! I’m not a great communicator either. But I figure if we try it has to count for something!
I do’nt understand where your HAIR fits into it???? Is your hubs a hair dresser?
My husband and I do this to each other all the time. Half of the convo happens inwardly and then all of the sudden we expect the other to just pick up on it out loud. If only we were telepathic!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..This is the Last of It. Promise. =-.
LOL, hardly. Perhaps I miscommunicated that. ;) When I get by hair done– by a hairdresser– I am never able to communicate what I want. Ever.
I have the same problem. My train of thought is always about ten steps ahead of my mouth and I end up saying the wrong thing. I heard once that this actually means you’re a genius!
I do talk like that too. Great post
.-= Julie@my5monkeys´s last blog ..Amazon Queen–Book Review =-.
I have always been complimented on my communication skills. I can write and speak effectively. Communication is really how I have supported my family be it through writing or sales/marketing presentations.
But I have had more than one experience in which I wondered what the hell was wrong with everyone else. I have come to realize that much of it is me. Sometimes I forget who I have said what to and am surprised when they don’t know what I am talking about.
And I have a very particular sense of humor. I have forgotten on more than one occasion that not everyone understands it.
FWIW, you description of yourself sounds like a million other Jewish women I know, especially talking with your hands. And now if you’ll excuse me I need to duck and run for cover.
.-= Jack´s last blog ..Take a Walk on The Wild Side =-.
Oh, the sense of humor is a whole separate issue- people rarely get that!
I think you’re a fine communicator – look at all you’ve accomplished through your writing, through your blog!
It’d be so much simpler and easier if everyone could just read our minds, wouldn’t it? ; )
Seriously. Do you think we can do something about that?
My husband & I also do not speak the same language. I appears that we do, but we most certainly do not. We have had hour-long arguments only to realize we were arguing the same point. >.<
.-= WTH am I Doing´s last blog ..Look Mommy! =-.
I talk to myself and think that somehow I’ve then had the conversation with my husband. Because….what you don’t hear every word I say?
At the same time though I can talk to him and ask him a question 3 times and physically see that he has not heard one word I’m saying. So, in the end, I blame him.
.-= KLZ´s last blog ..Wearing Suspenders =-.
I am 100% guilty of this! I’m uncomfortable with long silences, I ramble on and on, I say things that should probably be best left unsaid…I’m a nightmare. And that’s why we’re so good together.
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..i twitter: Anyer Just Thinkin’ Ohhh Shit!! =-.
Oh, I assume half of what I say is already understood.
SO, people never know what I’m talking about…of course, I know it’s just cuz they’re S-L-O-W like that…
We just need to develop tolerance and patience for those poor things, bless their hearts…
.-= Alexandra´s last blog ..If The Name Is Lame…. =-.
I usually have the same problems with hair and husbands…I like how you put that – that you feel like everyone is living in your head. Maybe I have the same problem?
.-= Sarah at the Stroller Ballet´s last blog ..A little personal announcement (I’ve been MIA for a reason) =-.
Well at least you manage to beautifully communicate through the written word! I am the same way and can only imagine how a conversation between the 2 of us would go. Funny!
.-= Cranky Sarah´s last blog ..TV? =-.
Just so you know, I’ve never noticed this about you. And you do have about a gazillion amazing qualities. That’s why I *heart* you so much.
.-= sevenclowncircus´s last blog ..Lost in Translation =-.
Hi. Just wondering why when I click to go to scarymommy.com it takes me to your “Ch ch changes” post, and not the new posts. In blogger, I just click on “scary mommy”, and that’s where it takes me. So if I actually want to see your new post I have to click on it’s actually link, not a general blog page.
I apologize if this is stupidly redundant. I have had a shitty day and I”m dog ass tired.
Really? What the fuck?! That doesn’t happen to me– weird! Maybe it’s some weird caching thing. Crap.
Hey Jill – that has happened to me to, just thought I was doing something wrong…
Great post! I think you’ve nailed an age-old problem between men and women.
I stink at communicating verbally. I prefer to communicate entirely through the written word… hence, my blog. Unfortunately, my husband doesn’t read my blog!
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Bruno is a girl’s name =-.
Gazillion doesn’t even begin to cover it. And I always get you – although I think the 30 year friendship probably helps.
I thought I talked with my hands cause I’m Italian, it’s more than that?
.-= Christine´s last blog ..If only school were perpetual =-.
qavanqu’!
(For the uninitiated: “I salute you!”)
.-= subWOW´s last blog ..WTF Wednesday: Blast from the Past =-.
You and I should never hang out. It could be the breakdown of all communication as we know it.
I’m really lucky that my husband can follow my mental shorthand. If not, he would have cut off his ears by now.
.-= Lori Z.´s last blog ..Goose and the News =-.
I totally get you. I am the same way. I can’t share a coherent thought if my life depended on it. It all sounds fabulous in my head, but somewhere between my brain and my mouth, it all falls apart. I usually end up sounding like a totally uneducated douche bag. It’s so rad.
That could be why people don’t take me seriously, or too seriously, or don’t even bother to listen, or take my word for it.
Pbbt.
Story of my life, sister!
.-= BlissfulBabe´s last blog ..I’ve Just Realized & Simply Sunday =-.
I’m sure others have said this already, but I read your writing and think, “Why can’t I say it as well as she does.”
Or maybe it’s just that we both speak the same language.
.-= elliebelliekids´s last blog ..Love is a Three Legged Race =-.
Oh, we totally do. That’s why I like you so much!
Ah, the state of perpetual confusion. I’m the govenor of that state, did you know? But as I like to tell my husband, Clarity and Precision are overrated. Being succinct is boring. And I’ve never liked that ne’er-do-well Practicality. No. I think lengthy explanations and details and randomly connected thoughts are like storytelling, an art form with dramatic reenactments and the shifting of a history as YOU imagine it to be. A story, perhaps, that your hairdresser would call a load of crap.
My husband never understands me either. I always feel like I make perfectly good sense, in my head, but he doesn’t understand me. Then I get frustrated because I think he should understand what I just said. It’s him, not me. Definitely!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Ryan, Ryan, Ryan…Ryan =-.
I think your head is a lovely place and we should all live there. Love you Scary Mommy!
.-= Your Mommy Friend Lori´s last blog ..My Rookie Mistake =-.
I love how you described yourself, and felt eerily like you were describing me. My husband calls me “the master communicator,” because it is so bad. I totally do that expect-people-to-be-following-the-conversation-I-am-having-in-my-head thing. Thanks for the laugh.
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Forgiveness =-.
I regularly make up words. They (usually) sound like they might be legitimate words, but they aren’t. And I know this. But half the time no one else catches on – which may explain why I’m so good at Scrabble.
Also? I tend to ramble.
So it comes as no surprise when the Big Man and I seem to have two completely different conversations during any single talk. We may need to work on that before we start dropping the kid off at places we should pick him up from…
First of all Jill, let me tell you that I love love love your blog. I’ve been lurking for quite a while and I’m sooo excited to finally be commenting on it (does that make me a little weird??) Your blogging tips are awesome
Anywho..
I sooo have the same problem. I talk with my hands, speak in random fragments, and go off on even more random tangents. I’m like you. I’m going to school for photography and graphic design, not public speaking. Eventually my point gets across and that’s all that matters.
.-= Single Sassy Uncensored´s last blog ..Is abortion worse than sexual abuse? =-.