10 Barbie Dolls For Real Life

42 Comments

I’m not a Barbie hater… I’m actually a reformed Barbie lover. I had millions of Barbies. I also had poor self-esteem when I was an adolescent and tween, so perhaps there was a connection. But still, I’m not ready to blame it all on Barbie.

I see the way my daughter looks at her own plastic piece of perfection with adorning eyes, and I wonder “Am I doing permanent damage?” It’s not that I think the unrealistic characteristics Barbie portrays are dangerous in and of themselves, but I do feel that she could at least meet us moms half way in teaching our daughters what’s true in this world.

If there were just a few more real life Barbie’s out there, maybe the Beach Barbies and Princess Skippers wouldn’t bother me so much. So I give you, ten ways Barbie could have kept it real …

1. Winter Weight Barbie – She’s a slightly chunkier version of regular Barbie. Think Barbie after the Holidays.

Real Life Barbie Doll

2. Yoga Pants Barbie – No, not “Workout Barbie” or “Fitness Barbie” … “Yoga Pants Barbie.” Big difference.

Real Life Barbie Doll

3. Sleep Deprived Barbie - Bloodshot eyes, swollen lids and no patience – this Barbie could also be known as “New Mom Barbie” or “Hungover Barbie”.

Real Life Barbie Doll

4. Breastfeeding Barbie – Her breasts are engorged constantly and no one, except her baby, is ever allowed near them.

Breastfeeding Barbie

5. Sun Damaged Barbie – This is Beach Barbie after a few years of using little to no SPF. (Shouldn’t the children learn early?)

Real Life Barbie Doll

6. Workaholic Barbie – Workaholic Barbie in some cases doubles as “Primary Wage Earner Barbie” and comes with a Ken doll hanging from her coattails.

Real Life Barbie Doll

7. Mom Jeans Barbie – I mean … she wears mom jeans.

Real Life Barbie Doll

8. Bad Haircut Barbie – I felt so strongly about this one when I was a child that I decided to make all of my dolls “Bad Haircut Barbie” – this way kids won’t have to take matters into their own hands.

Real Life Barbie Doll

9. No Make-up Barbie – Let’s get the makeup tattoos laser removed, shall we Barbie?

Real Life Barbie Doll

10. Au Naturale Barbie – She’s got hair on her legs and is slightly smelly.

Natural barbie

And just for kicks, I’ll add an 11th one to the mix …

11. Mommy Barbie – She’s got a superhero cape and magical powers.

Mommy Barbie

(I said we wanted to keep it REAL for the kids, remember?)

Comments

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  1. 2

    Mama and the City says

    Laughing hard on this post.

    I love the take on it and I love the pictures. My favourite, by a hair, sleep-deprived mommy. Love the zombie look.

    And I repeat, I love the take on this post. There’s already too much hater around poor Barbie that it’s nice to see another side of it.

    Well done.

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  2. 4

    The Next Step says

    LOL that’s hilarious! I especially love the Glamor Shots of “Bad Hair Cut Barbie” – and, this may actually be the funnies thing – did “Au Naturale” push Ken over the cliff?? awesome!

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  3. 6

    Debbie says

    This is good. You have a great point here and it is very well made. When it comes to Barbies let make it the real world for these little girls instead of a glamour magazine.

    We can even make the house cleaning mom with the apron on and add a little dirt from the baby, if you know what I mean. Do like the sleep deprived Barbie.
    Debbie

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  4. 8

    jasbeeray says

    I like breastfeeding barbie! This post reminds me of an episode in The Simpsons where Liza goes to the owner of Malibu Dream doll maker and demands her to make dolls tat would teach young girls good values.

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