Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
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Michele Dahl is a freelance writer and mom to 3 year old firecracker, Shelby and 1 year old sweetheart, Cash. In between working 3 jobs – not including her unpaid gig as mommy – she is a contributing writer and product reviewer for Hollywood Mom Blog. Follow her on Twitter @Elle_Renee.
As the departure date for my impending cross-country airplane trip with my 2-year-old and my 4-month-old rapidly approaches, I have become increasingly terrified. With every thought about how I am going to handle this solo, my stomach drops a little bit more. Because this trip is due to necessity and definitely not a vacation, there was never even a question of whether I would bring the kids with me for these reasons:
A. I am so stubborn that I could not possibly relinquish parenting control of either child for an indefinite period of time.
B. My heart would ache for them the entire time… well, the first 2 days of silence would be kind of amazing, but then I think I’d start to miss them. Actually, day 3.. no definitely day 4. Yes. On day 4, I would start to miss them.
And C. I firmly believe that my family and friends at our destination have little to no interest in seeing me by myself and upon hearing that I was making the trip back to NJ without the kids, would either slap me across the face via text message or book the kids a ticket themselves.
So, as you can see, I’ve been doomed from the start.
I have visions of evil eyes glaring at me from the boarding area as I stroll up with the Maclaren and the BabyBjorn. I can hear them thinking, “How dare this lady bring children onto my plane?!” Some parents are capable of brushing off those nasty vibes from their fellow passengers. But, for this people-pleaser, it takes quite a lot for me to “not care what they think.” I have to actively try not to care, and sometimes that takes more effort than just caring in the first place! These people cannot possibly have children, I tell myself. And if they do, then they have never been faced with the need to travel across country alone with said children. And if they still stare at me like that, then they obviously do not have a compassionate bone in their body and seeking their approval is clearly not worth my energy. My energy needs to be reserved for dealing with random tantrums, in-flight breastfeeding, and the possibility of not sleeping for the next 2 days.
Having booked a red-eye flight, I am hoping against all hope that my children will sleep because of their natural sleep schedules. We leave at 10:30 p.m. and arrive at 3:50 a.m. (California time), so they just HAVE to sleep for some portion of the flight. But on our last airplane ride from NJ to CA, I was convinced that my almost 2-year-old daughter would doze off in her convertible car seat, which I had lovingly dragged through the airport at 34 weeks pregnant, and to no avail. We didn’t leave quite as late for that flight, but still, her little eyes didn’t shut until, conveniently, the second we landed! Instead of talking up the idea of a fun airplane ride, I, being the clever mommy that I am, have been telling my daughter that we are going to sleep on an airplane. Maybe if she approaches the situation prepared for sleep, then it will be less of a battle. I dare not say there will be no battle – but any way that I can minimize the fight will help. I’m not taking all of the fun out of the idea – she is understandably excited about the fun snacks they have to offer – like pretzels and juice – which for an adult, would be equivalent to unlimited Belvedere Martinis. As for me, I’m more excited for JetBlue’s complimentary Dunkin Donuts’ coffee.
I am, however, prepared in the event that my seemingly foolproof “they’ll sleep because it’s at night” plan backfires on me and I end up with a plane full of angry, sleepless passengers. Although, in my mind, it looks more like a witch hunt with livid, drowsy, torch-toting villagers chasing me down the tarmac! We’re going for ease of transport here, so the Coach diaper bag will remain in the suitcase until arrival and I have packed my knapsack better than any member of the Baby-Sitters Club ever could. I raided the dollar store for crayons, markers, coloring books, a miniature chalk board, stickers, and anything else that will provide as much fun as possible for as long as possible with as little mess as possible. My husband tried to help choose items but to his dismay, was only scoffed at by me when he presented such ideas as a new jump-rope and sugar-blast lollipops… Really?
Ultimately, we will board the airplane, we will survive the ride, and we will make it to New Jersey in one piece…or 3 pieces, rather, when you count baby brother. It may not be fun at times, and who knows, maybe it will be, but in the end, we will get there. And if I have to spend $6 on the in-flight Alvin and The Chipmunks Squeakquel at 2 in the morning, then so be it. I may have to prop my daughter’s little body on top of my carry-on bag in her seat and force her to wear earphones in order for it to work, but if that’s what it takes for her to enjoy some overly sexual female Chipmunks singing “Single Ladies” for a few minutes, then it is so worth the sanity I will receive in return. All of my worrying and preparation aside, I know that we will enjoy our visit and help where we are needed. Then, in 3 weeks, we will go back to JFK Airport and do it all again.
{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh boy. This is EXACTLY what I get to look forward to in a couple of months. With a new baby and another under 2. I may just need to buy that portable DVD player after all.
Amanda recently posted..What To Do- What To Do AKA Works in Progress
Haven’t tried it with two, but lots of trips with one – the best advice I found (Rookiemoms? not sure…): In a few hours this will be over. Seems simple, but I forgot that during the flight to Hawaii, and spent all my time worrying about the people whose movie I was blocking as I paced the aisles. Good luck!
Good luck! I hate to bother people on planes (or anywhere, for that matter), but people can’t expect parents to cease family travel until their children are teens. All they can expect is for you to attend to the kids’ needs and try your best to keep them under control… A travel DVD player is well worth the investment, I’ve found. And taking steps to avoid ear problems pays off as well.
Is there any music or sounds that your daughter finds particularly soothing? For mine, long books-on-CD and Portishead are like Ambien. The first 20 minutes, she’s fine; the next 10, she’s talking funny; and then she’s out, hard.
Mind you, I haven’t tested this during actual air travel, so I could be talking out of my ass, unsolicitedly. BUT it works in cars (we’re not car-users, so they make her excited/jumpy/anxious/LOUD), handing over the mp3 player, cued to Wandering Star.
Zoeyjane recently posted..On manifesting
I’ll be doing it with one at 11 months old in April. I just keep thinking. It will be over in 3.5 hours. I also booked a seat in the rear hoping, if we (he) doesn’t like it we’ll be around fewer folks.
Good luck! That’s why I waited until my kiddo was the mature age of 5 before we stuck him on an airplane. Well, that and the fact that we don’t like our distant family enough to visit them and didn’t have the funds for a cool vacation. But at 5, kiddo was a model passenger on an international flight, charming the flight attendants into extra pretzels cookies and juice and truly digging the on-board GPS thing. Meanwhile, I was secretly panic attack pills (slightly claustrophobic, yeah, that’s it).
He is eager to fly again…me, not so much…
Vinobaby recently posted..Snooki Writes a Booki-Not A Shore Thing
I have never boarded a plane with my two children. But, I have never had to. Last two vacations we drove the ten hours it takes to get to the beach. Driving with two small childre is no picnic either. So, this year I am thinking this- Screw other people. It could take 2 hours instead of ten. Sixteen hours round trip I would save! I’m getting on that plane and I am bringing ear plugs for me!
myevil3yearold recently posted..I want hair like God and Jamie
I totally understand how you feel. I was so petrified to fly with my kids that we actually decided to drive to Florida (from NY).
But I think your plan is great. Fly when they should be sleeping. Also bring snacks and stuff for them to play with just in case. DO you have a DVD? Because that worked wonders for us on our drive.
Good luck. I am sure it is going to be great. And have a fun vacation.
Savvy Mom Stylish Girls recently posted..Extra 25 Off Tea Collection Sale Items for 3 Days Only
I flew from Thailand to Cali then Cali to Utah with my 6 month old by myself. That age is perfect for air travel.
My poor poor parents flew to Thailand and back with both my 1 year old and 2 year old. LOL. But their pros they used to do it with my sister and I. I think the key is being prepared with snacks and activities and then prepared for the kids not to want anything you bring. Just roll with it.
Good luck! For a variety of family reasons, I’ve now taken about 7 or 8 round-trips with my almost 3-year-old, and most of them I did solo. The best advice anyone ever gave me about traveling was to just think of the trip in 10-minute increments — don’t get hung up on what can I do to entertain them the whole time. Think instead, “What will occupy them for 10 minutes.” For example, when my daughter was not even 2, she got her first cup with ice on a plane. I’m not kidding, it’s entertained her until the ice melted. And let them put stickers EVERYWHERE — on the backs of the seat on the windows, etc. They’ll feel like they’re getting away with something, and then you have a new project to entertain them — cleaning up all the stickers! Bam — another 10-minute project.
And, when all else fails, movies are a lifesaver. After we mastered the plane, I’ve come to realize that the flight is almost the easy part. Security and the boarding and deboarding processes are my two nightmares now.
Good luck!
Jackie recently posted..“Anything But UNC Blue”
It’s nervewracking…I traveled with 2 year old twins and I was a sweaty mess the whole time! I found that wrapping the “presents” was helpful b/c kids love unwrapping things…they spent most of their time with the paper!
Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 recently posted..Scanning my Brain Good luck with that
I will be doing this with an 11 month old at the end of February. We’re going to Seattle to visit my parents. We’ll see how it goes!!
Eve recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- Hey DJ Keep Playing That Song
I did a trip with my kids at the exact same age and after a ton of strategic planning I figured out how to make it work.
1) Buy a double umbrella stroller. It’ll save you in the airport itself.
2) Buy an Ergo if you don’t already have one. It’ll save you through security and possibly on the plane.
3) When I approached security I strapped the baby into the Ergo, unloaded my 2 year old and other paraphernalia from the stroller, made my 2 year old hold on to my belt loop (I’m short so this is possible) and I put the stroller on the conveyor belt. They let my 2yr old walk through w/o me and they let me carry the baby through. After I reloaded everything and everyone back into the stroller and strolled us to the gate.
4) I brought snacks, crayons, books, new toy cars, and a DVD player and made a huge deal of a surprise on the plane. I basically said 20 mins for each toy/activity and I was right so we were all good.
5)Make sure you put everything in an arms reach so if you have to grab something and the baby is in your arms/Ergo you won’t wake him/her.
6) Relax and know that many others have done it and you can, too!!!!
Good luck!
Mothers’ Hideaway recently posted..BOOGA BOOGA!
I am proudly that mom who is totally sympathetic to the mom on the plane with little ones who are loud, cry, make noise, or force pacing of the aisles. I go out of my way to be a friendly face in a sea of nasty looks. Why? Because once you’ve been there, it’s hard to forget how it feels!!!
Ally recently posted..What Happens When You Leave Children Unattended
Exactly. And when it’s not you with the kid, you are just counting your lucky stars!
Good luck! I have traveled with one (started flying when he was 5 months old and regularly now for almost 2 1/2 years). I still get nervous before flights, but I have learned to remain calm and shake off any looks we receive. My husband is usually worse to fly with than my toddler (NO joke)! I strategically place him in front of our kid so dad is kicked instead of an undeserving stranger. :)
We get to the airport early and I wear my son out. I find an empty terminal and let him run. He is usually so tired by the time we are seated that he is nodding off. Here are some additional traveling tips I blogged about.
http://theunemployedmom.com/2010/10/18/tips-for-flying-with-a-toddler/
Best of luck to you!
Jessica recently posted..No
The best tip I got to help them sleep came from a very kind business traveler who was traveling coach next to me a nursing mom of a 11 month old at the time. I was nursing the babe at night and he wouldn’t settle. The suit leaned over and said, “he’ll probably go to sleep if you take his shoes off.” It worked like charm.
We got bumped from a flight with my then 2 1/2 year old and 10 week old…were put on next flight first class. We had purchased tickets for both and had two car seats. There weren’t four seats together in first class…not even two and two. My husband sat down with our 2/12 yr old. I asked a woman to switch seats so I culd sit next to the baby. All aisles and windows in first class… She REFUSED to move. So, I buckled his car seat to the seat next to her and handed her a bottle saying ,”he will need to eat in about 20 minutes”…you never saw anyone move so fast! Do people actuallynthink we like to travel with babies? It’s a means to an end and everyone should just chill out…eventually you land!
One word of advice I learned the hard way – pack an extra shirt for YOURSELF in your carry-on. At the end of my daughter’s first flight, she vomited all over. The flight attendants were WONDERFUL about helping clean up, and of course I had an extra onesie for her, but not a clean t-shirt for myself. She’s flown a dozen times since then with no problems at all – just the first one was eventful!
I learned that one the hard way, too.
We’ve done a few trips with both our kids. The latest was from Vancouver to Scotland with our 4 year old and 1 year old boys. We had a lot of small activities.
The key for us was to not have activities with small pieces that could get lost (like puzzles or lego). We had a dino play mat, a scarf that could be used to build a fort between the seats ( my eldest son spent a few hours down there during the flight!) or double as a blanket, peek a boo etc. Books with magnets in them …. some got lost along the way, but for our 1 year old it was great! Also tons of snacks and water.
On the flight there we assumed they’d have milk on the plane. We were totally wrong … not even juice! So our 1 year old did a 9 hour trip with NO milk ….. I’m surprised we survived!
Good luck! here’s the link for the play mat!
http://www.shootfromthehipsonline.com/2010/12/dino-play-mat-tutorial.html
Tanya recently posted..A New Member
We have done many plane trips with kids of all ages. I didn’t read through all of the comments, so I hope I’m not repeating a lot.
1. Take a comfort item (favorite toy, blanket, etc.). Also, bring a new toy that they haven’t yet seen. You could even wrap it – unwrapping a new toy is more exciting! Have one for the trip each way. It will be new and hopefully keep their interest a little more. Obviously the 4 month old could probably care less. Your 2 yr old will enjoy.
2. Of course sippy a cup that you can fill once you are past security. Small snacks that fit easily into the carry-on and won’t get crushed. Carrots, apples, granola bars, etc.
3. Make sure you have items in the carry-on for yourself in case of an accident. It’s super easy for spills to happen, even if the 2 yr. old has a sippy cup. Your drink can easily get spilled, and you will need an extra pair of pants or shirt, as well as the kids,who may need extra clothes.
4. Now, the baby will probably be nursing or having a bottle during take-off and landing. The 2 year old may not want to drink when you tell her to. I found that a stick of licorice or sucker works great for getting them to swallow “on demand”. Yes, it’s candy, but, for one airplane ride, it won’t actually kill them. *I say this because there will be parents who swear I’m the antichrist for giving my child refined sugar. LOL!
5. Have you ever tried to retrieve a child’s toy from the floor of an airplane? It’s a lesson in contortionism. I attach handled sippy cups, rattles, and any toy I can to the plastic chains found with baby toys. Flying toys in an airplane is also a sure way to get the dirty looks going.
6. If you have a portable DVD player and want to bring it…absolutely. If your 2yr old will watch even 25 minutes of Dora, Nemo or Yo Gabba Gabba, it’s a blessing.
7. I have also taken one container of playdough. I put a “snake” boundary around the tray table, to keep wayward markers or crayons from rolling off the table. It worked great. (after you wipe it with a sanitizing cloth, of course). If your daughter loves crayons, drawing, etc. it will be a way to keep her busy without losing all the writing utensils on the floor. Because, you can’t attach those to the plastic chains!!
8. Lastly, relax. No, I’m serious. Stop laughing!! :) The kids always play off of my anxiety when I’m super stressed out. The calmer I am, or at least pretend to be, the better they are. Anyone who books a flight, has to realize the fact that they may have to share it with children. So, if they get their panties in a bunch, it’s their own fault. They can give you dirty looks until their faces freeze that way. It won’t change the fact that you aren’t trying to ruin their flight on purpose. Smile and take a deep breath. They are the jackasses, and maybe next time, they’ll spring for first class.
Have fun!!
Traveling with kids is a nightmare. I flew a lot with my son when he was little. There was the poop iincident of 05 (in which as a 11′mo old) he wiped poop over me, himself and the bathroom and I had no change of clothes (6hour flight and already went though them). Awful. Advice to flying moms, benadryl (ear popping), movie player w new movies, ipod, and 1 diaper for every hour traveling along with change of clothes. Don’t foget the mega giagantic mocha for mom! It is worth it.
Oh my, I did this exact trip when my daughter was 21 months old and my son was 4 months old. I had been so brave, so prepared, and five minutes after we were in the air, I was thinking, “I am officially insane. WHY did I do this to myself?!” But the good news is, we survived to tell the tale and you will, too. By the way, I live in NJ, so if you need to drop them off for a while…:-)
dusty earth mother recently posted..Are Dreams And Goals The Same Thing
You’ve got it all covered, and just realize that you’re flying with a bunch of New Jerseyans and New Yorkers so they’re gonna be assholes anyway. I am one (was one), so I know this to be true. You could be boarding the plane solo while distributing back massages to each passenger and they’d still find a way to be jerks.
You’ve got it covered in my mind – late flight and Dollar store goodies.
Maybe just some box cutters in case you decide you want to be ejected from the flight somewhere over Missouri.
Just be glad they’re not sick. My mom took my two on a plane one time (her idea) and didn’t know they were sick. Six hours of puking babies. So. Fun.
Serene recently posted..Gingerbread cookies
When my kids were 2 yrs old and 5 months old, we flew Phoenix to NJ…yes, I had my husband, but honestly, most of the time he stressed me out more than the kids! Soooo, I can kind of relate to your anxiety of flying alone….I may as well have been!
My best piece of advice is to settle in your seat and scope out a kind face…a flight attendant? another mother or grandmother?? Someone that might be able to give you a hand in the event of a total meltdown. I know, I know, its a little unorthodox to ask a complete stranger to hold your kid, but you’re in a tin box 35000 feet in the air….whatevs!
One more thing…I know how it’s a known fact that you should hydrate, hydrate, hydrate when you fly….THAT DOES NOT APPLY to moms flying alone with the littles!!!! If you have to get up and pee, WTF do you do with your kids???? YIKES!!! like I said, in case of emergency, immediately find that “flight BFF” to rely on if need be!!
Best of luck….
So I completly forgot to mention (and not to freak you out) those red eye flights are awful. My kid always ALWAYS! Went ballistic–no sleeping, crying, laughing, you name it. He was a little jekyl and hyde at 1am. People on the plane loved us. Really. Take the day flight. More money less chance of sleeping but dang better kid.
Every time I’ve ever taken a red-eye flight, it’s been absolutely packed with families. I think everyone has the same idea there, so I wouldn’t worry about that too much, regardless of whether your kids actually sleep or not.
My twins were always pretty good on the flights, it was the waiting time in the airport that was a nightmare. Now that they have outgrown restraints, er, strollers we don’t fly with them at all anymore. Maybe someday, but not now while they’re still so young and antsy. You, on the other hand, are still golden because you have the bjorn for one and the stroller for the other– it should all be fine. No, really!
Quick tip
Bring whatever pain reliever you normally give your kids. You never know when an unexpected ear ache or other issue will show if ugly head on an airplane and there is now way out!!!!.
Pack essentials only, don’t over pack… you don’t want too much to deal with as you will already have your hands full. Ask the older one to be the helper as the BIG Kid. By 3 I had my now 17 year old making sure I had tickets, passports, and that my seat belt was on. ; )
When traveling across country with my 2 young girls, I had them wear clothing with their names on them. That way the airline staff would be able to call them by name. My girls found it very comforting. Land’s End will put names on just about any piece of clothing for $5. Well worth it!
That’s such a sweet idea! Love that.
… Also, handheld video games are awesome! God bless the makers of the DSi !
I’m glad I signed up for the comments. Very helpful tips.
My father saw a report this a.m. indicating Delta plans to begin charging for infants … going to check into this, because I booked an April flight.
They are really trying to discourage lap babies all over and make people buy seats for carseats for safety reasons. We always held the kids on our laps when they were little, my feeling being if the plane goes down, we’re toast and I want to be able to hug my child.
I hate, hate, hate bringing my car seat on the plane! Just check the damn thing and save yourself the trouble!
one awesome tip for an easy toy:
bring a small cookie sheet and a bunch of magnets. Or find felt board stories and put magnets on the back of the felt so you can tell them stories with the felt characters. So easy. Then the cookie sheet is a makeshift table for snacks, coloring, zooming toy cars around on.
Hope that helps!
Chantelle recently posted..Wimpy Kids and Helicopter Parents
So . . . I’m VERY happy you wrote this and got good advice. I’m taking my first plane trip with my kids next week. Somehow we managed to get them to 6, 4, 2 without ever going through the pain!
Nina recently posted..What I Believed About Food in the 90s
We get to make our first trip in October – with a 2 month old. I am really hoping that a baby so small will have a good chance of sleeping the whole time.
Good luck with the plane trip! My boys were 5 by the first time I braved a plane ride with them. Even if your kids do have meltdowns, as long as you don’t ignore your children outright (which it seems obvious that you won’t), I want to believe that most people will soften their glares. And no matter what, the plane ride will eventually end. In the worst case scenario, you could always cry with the kids.
Amanda recently posted..This Kid is Photogenic
have criss-crossed the globe several times with two children, and another 24 hour journey with THREE of them coming up soon. 24 hours is a LONG time! So I posted lots of advice here…
http://www.onedayyoullthankme.com/2010/01/25/flying-with-the-devil/
http://www.onedayyoullthankme.com/2010/03/21/dante%E2%80%99s-vision-of-hell/
Good luck! If the going gets rough, think of my sil who flew by herself from Germany to PA with kids ages 2 and 4.
Amanda recently posted..Do You Read the News
Thank you ladies for all of the wonderful info! This thread should be bookmarked as “Fab Travel Tips from Real Moms!” So many great ideas! <3
Good luck! And don’t worry so much about the judgement – as a single gal, I always try and wish happy thoughts at parents with small kids on airplanes, so not everyone will be annoyed!
Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..The Life of the College-Themed Party
Oh boy, good luck! I would be so stressed if this was me, but, like you, I could never leave my kids behind for that long of a time. I hope your plane ride goes smoothly and I really admire you for doing this- I don’t know if I’d have it in me!
TornadoTwos recently posted..How Does Your Child Embarrass You
Along with the extra clothes for you and the kids, pack a mans shirt too. ;) My trip from hell included my 3 year old vomiting down the arm of the passenger in front of us. Luckily he was a father himself and kept his disgust to a minimum.
And my never-fail toy for travel is a bag of pipe cleaners. All ages love them, you can make all kinds of shapes and toys with them, and they are cheap!
One of our World Moms Blog writers travelled to China with her child – here’s her story for some ideas of what she packed for the ride: http://worldmomsblog.com/2011/01/17/traveling-with-kids-destination-china/
I made trips from Northern California to upstate New York with my two little girls repeatedly, from the time the baby was 2 months old and the oldest was 3, in order to visit grandparents. I have no idea how I managed. It’s just like the pain of birth – I know it hurt and I got through it, but can’t remember any of the details.
I do know I relied heavily on the kindness of strangers and was never disappointed, and packed my diaper bag like I was going to war for 6 months.
It’ll pay off some day when your kids are seasoned air travelers like mine are now – they love flying, are totally unfazed by security lines or finding their gates, and have memorized the beverage menu for most major airlines. I love travelling with them now.
Good luck and if I see you on the flight, I’ll be happy to watch your babies for you if you need to use the bathroom!