I Don’t Give A F**k About Saying No When I Need To – Scary Mommy

I Don’t Give A F**k About Saying No When I Need To

saying no

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I have learned the hard way that saying “yes” all the time can turn you into a doormat; it doesn’t mean you are a saint. In fact, most people I know who say yes to everything are completely miserable.

I give zero fucks about saying “no” to something or someone.

Sometimes you just can’t — or shit, sometimes you just don’t want to. That is okay. Just because you volunteered to help throw together an art show does not mean you are obligated to run the next bake sale.

Before you know it, you will be walking around with a fake smile wanting to hurt people — the same people who just assume you are doing it because you love it. I believe it’s called “resentment.” When I start to feel this way, I have come to realize it is my mind telling me it’s a good time to introduce the big N-O.

Here are seven things I don’t give a fuck about saying no to:

1. Sex

I love my husband, but I have no problem whispering a kind, “No, honey not tonight.” I have also been know to throw a “Are you kidding me right now?!” out there followed with an eye roll. The guilt associated with this is pretty close to zero. The last time I checked, it was my body. If I want something inside of it, I need to say yes first. Forgive me for not giving a fuck if I don’t want some after cleaning up puke and listening to Disney Channel all day.

2. Volunteering

Sometimes it is a yes, but not always. Volunteering is good and vital to a happy community. It is also hard work and I don’t feel obligated to raise my hand every time. I need enough energy to be present for my family; that comes first.

3. Buying My Kids Things

They are not always going to have the biggest and best. I am not going to say yes every time they want to do something, go somewhere, or buy the most expensive sneakers. Not getting everything they want builds their character, makes them work harder, and appreciate more. I am sure they will thank me some day. If not, IDGAF.

4. Watching Other People’s Kids

Just because I stay at home, it doesn’t mean I am available to watch your kids. I have a life, and sometimes I am just too damn tired to take on another child or have my day of lounging about and doing nothing interrupted. I love to help when I can, but sometimes I just say “nope” without any guilt.

5. Rude Questions

“So, you stay at home? What does your husband do?” Nope.

“Aren’t you bored?” This conversation is what is boring the fuck outta me.

“Aren’t you worried about how that blue Popsicle will affect your child later?” No. Aren’t you worried that your uptight personality will affect your children later?

“Aren’t you worried about setting a bad example for your kids by drinking wine in front of them?” Nah. I’m more worried about Donald Trump. Also, shut it.

6. Doing Everything With My Kids

We all enjoy doing things with our kids, but that doesn’t mean we enjoy doing all the things with them. My husband recently took our kids camping; I was exhausted and had deadlines to meet, but more importantly, I just did not want to go. I wanted my bed. I gave a little fuck about this one (also known as guilt), but I let it fly away like a beautiful butterfly as soon as I crawled under my sheets with a book.

7. Doing Things Just Because Someone Else Is

Just because everyone I know is sending their kids to a certain summer camp does not mean I will. My son’s friend was allowed to play a video game that leaves my kid not able to adjust back into the real world, so no, he won’t be playing that again anytime soon. I do what is best for me and mine. A lot of times that sounds like me saying “no.” Keeping up with the Joneses is exhausting. I give no fucks about what everyone else is doing. I give lots of fucks about what is best for my family.

Moms have a huge part in setting the tone for their household. We are important, we matter, and we know what leaves us feeling like a dirty dish rag.

It is refreshing to say no without guilt, without apology, or without giving a fuck about it. We stick to what makes our ships run nice and tight, and some days that means dropping a big fat “no” more times than saying yes, and that is a beautiful feeling.