03 · 28 · 2012

Scary Momfinitions

.

.

.

.

 

.

.
.

.

{ 67 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Amber March 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

YUP! Except the sleep thing. I was BLESSED with great sleepers. My biggest problem is getting them to wake up in the morning. :)
Amber recently posted..Happy Birthday Mom!

Reply

2 Nuts about food March 7, 2012 at 5:03 am

And that is already a huge step in facing all the rest. I can’t complain either, to be honest. That is why I am still sane.
Nuts about food recently posted..Roasted lemon and red onion chutney

Reply

3 Arnebya March 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Oh, Amber. Amber, Amber, Amber. Leave this place and never return!

All of these made me smile, but momsonic hearing? I can name that gait in three steps. And then momprehension: I amaze myself with the ability to hear, understand, and respond accordingly when they’re all talking at once.
Arnebya recently posted..Deviating from the Usual

Reply

4 Katie March 2, 2012 at 1:07 pm

After 5 kids I definitely know the MomFlex!!!

I have great Momprehension.
Katie recently posted..My Husband’s STD

Reply

5 Life with Kaishon March 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

: ) Love. Love. Love.
Life with Kaishon recently posted..Much to be thankful for.

Reply

6 Mark March 2, 2012 at 1:10 pm

If I ever come down with MomFlex, I need someone to come and shoot me.
Have a good weekend!
m.

Reply

7 Jenna March 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Mom Savior = Scary Mommy

Reply

8 Paging Dr Mommy March 2, 2012 at 1:14 pm

You nailed it! Every single one! Especially the cosmic way that any time I get ready to enjoy a cup of coffee, and hope that it will done in a brief moment of peace and quiet, all hell surely does break loose!
Paging Dr Mommy recently posted..Mommy Helper at Kindergarten

Reply

9 Nikki March 2, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Haha, love this Jill!!
Nikki recently posted..It feels like yesterday

Reply

10 Bullgrit March 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Momversation: Using child-level terms and explanations when talking with adults.
Bullgrit recently posted..Photograph

Reply

11 Mercy March 2, 2012 at 9:56 pm

I know this one – my friends used to hate me for it.
Mercy recently posted..Missing My Babies Babyhood

Reply

12 Scary Mommy March 3, 2012 at 5:03 am

Love that one! Super embarrassing when you tell a room of adults that you need to go potty.

Reply

13 Mamalala March 3, 2012 at 8:44 pm

We had a firedrill this week at work. My reaction when the firebrick pulled up: firetruck!!!!! Good thing they all know I have a two year old…

Reply

14 MomEinstein March 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Love it! I can do the Thermomother thing. It’s scary accurate, but of course I check it anyway. Some of the others I need to work on.
MomEinstein recently posted..Thoughts on Having a Second Kid

Reply

15 Stephanie March 2, 2012 at 1:52 pm

We’re pretty amazing creatures, aren’t we?
Stephanie recently posted..Snooki, Angelina, and the Death of All Things Beautiful

Reply

16 Scary Mommy March 3, 2012 at 5:03 am

Completely. :)

Reply

17 Jessica March 2, 2012 at 1:52 pm

HAHA!! I love this! So very true.
Jessica recently posted..Meet My Neighbor Friday: Life Ever Since

Reply

18 Erin March 2, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I am prefecting the art of Momprehension, I only have 2 boys but add in there Hubby talking about his day and let’s face it, I got 3!!
Erin recently posted..What do you know…..

Reply

19 Sweety Darlin March 2, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Moms-A-Lot: The ability to accomplish a weeks tasks in a single afternoon while daddy sits confused in the recliner!
Sweety Darlin recently posted..UPDATED: Being Better Than Yourself!

Reply

20 Scary Mommy March 3, 2012 at 5:03 am

YES!!

Reply

21 Kate March 2, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Love this especially the mom flex and the mom sleeves!!

Reply

22 Katie March 2, 2012 at 8:45 pm

It seriously just made my day to find out that mom sleeves are a real thing and not just something gross that I invented!!

Reply

23 Jennifer March 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I know Momlusional so well. BUT I’m absolutely positive that tonight I will get some sleep.

See…
Jennifer recently posted..The Silent Auction

Reply

24 Scary Mommy March 3, 2012 at 5:04 am

Yeah… How’d that work out for you? (Written at 5AM?)

Reply

25 Jennifer March 3, 2012 at 8:57 am

I stayed up too late, had one crawl in one side at about 2 and the other one about 5. (sigh)
Jennifer recently posted..The Silent Auction

Reply

26 Jadzia@Toddlerisms March 2, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Add me to the growing crowd of Momlusional ladies. I am going to DIE if I don’t get a good night’s sleep soon. She Who Must Be Obeyed is now almost four months old and her latest thing is to sleep in shifts with her sister — SWMBO sleeps all day, big sis sleeps all night.
Jadzia@Toddlerisms recently posted..Fashion Friday: I MADE It Myself!

Reply

27 The Mommy Psychologist March 3, 2012 at 12:06 am

Love that you called her “She that must be obeyed.” It really did make me laugh out loud.

“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.”
http://www.themommypsychologist.com

Reply

28 Carrie March 2, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Funny stuff!!!

I could easily change that “Mompiphany” to “Lifepiphany” cause I swear in life….I have no friggin clue what I’m doing half the time.

I apparently fake it well.
Carrie recently posted..A Butt-cut and a Watusi. And I don’t even know what a watusi is.

Reply

29 Sarah May March 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Brilliant!!!

What about momory: the skill of knowing where everything is and everyone’s schedule.
Sarah May recently posted..Oh My God!!! I’m a grandmother!!!

Reply

30 Scary Mommy March 3, 2012 at 5:05 am

LOL. Love that one.

Reply

31 Samantha March 2, 2012 at 3:06 pm

These are right on! I have “special mommy powers” that enable me to know what’s just been spilled in the back seat, or whose hand is in the cookie jar even if I’m in the bathroom, or if you’re using your truthful voice/wearing your truthful face. I think it’s a combination of MSP and Momsonic Hearing…keeps the kids (and the hubs) on their toes!

Reply

32 Kate in Ohio March 2, 2012 at 3:49 pm

What do you call it when you have the ability to ignore the chaos that is reigning around you, or to ignore your child going, “mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy…” I have that.
Kate in Ohio recently posted..Car Conversation

Reply

33 Mercy March 2, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I’ve got that one too – mom’s invisible ear plugs.
Mercy recently posted..Missing My Babies Babyhood

Reply

34 Scary Mommy March 3, 2012 at 5:05 am

Momlective hearing. :)

Reply

35 Holly at 300 Pounds Down March 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Oh yes. This is awesome! I definitely have the Mom Sensory Perception one and always know when the school is calling . Which is a lot! I have 4 kids and for two weeks straight I got a call every single day. I considered not even leaving the school at one point . Finally my kids got well and then my son decided to play pencil wars and narrowly missed losing an eyeball during circle time. *sigh* It never ends…:)
Holly at 300 Pounds Down recently posted..Fitness Friday

Reply

36 Pam March 4, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I feel for you, we had more than 10 sicks days in February. I am the master of cramming make up homework in on Saturday afternoon after sports. It does involve bribes I am ashamed to say.

Pam
Pam recently posted..Busiest Moms in the World Spring Clean Challenge Starts March 5

Reply

37 Cassie March 2, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Yes, yes yes! The Mom Flex and Mom Sleeves are the two I connect to the most. However, the mom sleeves is more for poopy diapers than runny noses.
Cassie recently posted..Indpendence

Reply

38 Marta March 2, 2012 at 5:48 pm

UM YES YES YES. Also, I missed my mommy flex early today at work and that was a mistake.
Marta recently posted..Without Words

Reply

39 Seriously Sassy Mama March 2, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I love these.
Seriously Sassy Mama recently posted..I Bought, I Cooked, And How You May Have Found My Blog

Reply

40 Mama Nalyn March 2, 2012 at 6:29 pm

this is hilarious!
so it turns out I’m not the only one who is momlussional! oh when will i ever get that sleep! maybe tonight is the night!
Mama Nalyn recently posted..Valentines: Before and Affer Having a Baby

Reply

41 Julie March 2, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Just last week I was at the theater and, upon seeing the line, opted out of using the ladies’ room during intermission for a preemptive pee. I muttered aloud, “it’ll be fine provided I don’t sneeze, cough or laugh too hard” just loudly enough for the three women nearby to laugh and nod in agreement…

Reply

42 Rae March 2, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Thank you!!

Reply

43 Alison@Mama Wants This March 2, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Momflex – that is so me right now!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..My ‘Chair’

Reply

44 MommyD March 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Im so that hopeful sleeper.
The person that recommended 8hrs of sleep was a man.
Cause if it was a woman she wouldn’t have been so greedy.

Reply

45 Jess WhoaMamma March 2, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Oh my Mom-ness, I love it!
You left out one word, though.
Mompossible: everything is possible with Mamma’s lovin’ x
Excellent. Have to share! xxx
Jess WhoaMamma recently posted..The Miraculous Hand

Reply

46 Ryan (The Woven Moments) March 2, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I think we could also add MOMNESIA: the act of forgetting where you put your keys, your sunglasses, your purse, your shoes while simultaneously knowing the details of each child’s schedule down to the minute.
Ryan (The Woven Moments) recently posted..There’s a first for everything…

Reply

47 Scary Mommy March 3, 2012 at 5:06 am

Yes!! How the hell is that??!!

Reply

48 Pam March 2, 2012 at 8:26 pm

I once pulled the TherMoMeter thing on a nurse in the hospital. He argued, I insisted. He retrieved a SECOND digital thermometer, I disagreed with that one as well.
Just to prove me wrong he found an old fashioned thermometer and took my thankfully too-sleepy-to-care toddler’s temp…er….the “old-fashioned” way and I was correct within two-tenths of a degree.

Reply

49 andrea March 2, 2012 at 9:45 pm

momvision-the ability to see any tongue sticking out, eyeball pokes, hair pulling and pinches from the back of your head.

Reply

50 Scary Mommy March 3, 2012 at 5:07 am

Absolutely! Or, to know exactly who started it.

Reply

51 Mercy March 2, 2012 at 10:02 pm

These are all too real. Love it.
Mercy recently posted..Missing My Babies Babyhood

Reply

52 Tammy O March 3, 2012 at 8:54 am

Oh my goodness- I have been sick with a bad cough for the past two weeks and have been “Momflexing” the while freaking time!

Reply

53 kisha March 3, 2012 at 11:23 am

Ahh the joys of motherhood. Really I think it has made me much smarter. I think my back to work resume will say,”Provided comprehensive services to non-english speaking clients with immediate life-safety needs, While teaching them English.”
kisha recently posted..Pantry Purge Tip #3: Conquer the Clean-out

Reply

54 Practical Parenting March 3, 2012 at 11:24 am

Mom sleeves is my favorite….all of my sleeves are completely stretched out at this point! Sigh.
Practical Parenting recently posted..Practical Moms Feature: These Little Waves

Reply

55 Rachel March 3, 2012 at 11:31 am

I loved this! My kids swear I have super sonic hearing or as they say ‘ mom has whisper 2000′, of course they think that is hilarious…
Rachel recently posted..Home Page

Reply

56 Julie McGuire March 3, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Excellent post. I have the temperature thing down to a science.
Julie McGuire recently posted..RIP Common Sense: A Mother’s Free Piece of Advice to the Campaign of 2012

Reply

57 TheCheekyKea March 3, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I’ve given up being momlusional. Last night at around 3 am I awoke to a little voice saying “Can you please be quiet, I’m trying to sleep”. Somehow my daughter had crept into my bed without my knowledge and then proceeded to wake me from the best sleep I’ve had all week. Evidently my snoring was bothering her.
TheCheekyKea recently posted..My First Order Complete!

Reply

58 Katty March 3, 2012 at 9:00 pm

As someone who has been having an allergy attack all week, the Momflex speaks to me. Glad to see I’m not the only one with the mantra “squeeze before you sneeze.”

Reply

59 Lollie @FortuitousHousewife March 3, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Mom Flex…you know your life has hit a new low when even your 4.5 & 6.5 year old know why Mom crossed her legs while standing at the stove stirring supper pot.

Mompiphany…a daily accurence for the Fortuitous Housewife.
Lollie @FortuitousHousewife recently posted..Can You Keep Secret?

Reply

60 Suzie March 3, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Oh I am a master of the mom flex manoeuvre! After 2 kids, I pee myself when I run the tap to wash dishes :(

Reply

61 heather clark March 3, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Mommaperception– 5hat freaky moment in the grocery store that you realize you can I.d. Any baby within w months of age and why they are crying. And it never goes away.

Reply

62 Heather March 3, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Mom-a-sauraus Rex. She emerges after that last straw…..
Heather recently posted..Behold the Crib

Reply

63 a Book for My Daughter March 4, 2012 at 9:32 am

This is BRILLIANT! I especially love “Momsonic Hearing”—besides knowing exactly what kid is coming down the hall, I can also guess what they want by how slow/fast they are walking. To add to that, I’ve always said how amazing my hearing has gotten since having kids—I can be watching a movie with the volume up rather hight, and I can still hear one of my kids calling me through their closed bedroom door. It’s like a 6th sense—I also wish I could turn it off sometimes. My kids know that I hear them no matter what, so they are REALLY lazy and just wait for me to come to them! Is there a word for that?
a Book for My Daughter recently posted..A Mother’s Rant Against the TV

Reply

64 Pam March 4, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Mom-s-peed- aka momspeed: The ability to pee, wipe and wash before someone knocks on the bathroom door.
Pam recently posted..Busiest Moms in the World Spring Clean Challenge Starts March 5

Reply

65 Kiran (Masala Chica) March 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I totally had to momflex when I read this. Hysterical. This was brilliant.
Kiran (Masala Chica) recently posted..To My Daughter When You Are a Teenager – Letter 2

Reply

66 Michelle Saunderson March 11, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I love it. I can relate to all of these!
Michelle Saunderson recently posted..Had a Good Weekend!

Reply

67 MSP March 30, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I so have MSP! I call the kids bluff all the time on brushing their teeth so that they go and brush them. Mentioning how their teeth with rot if they dont wash them, also helps. :)
MSP recently posted..Just Wash the Dishes!

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge