Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Lily’s school picture arrived last week:
Cute, huh? It’s not bad, as far as mandatory school photos go.
I do have a major beef, however, with the whole school picture thing: the backgrounds, the poses, the pressure? Terrible. And the ordering process is just plain mean. I was given six pages of pictures in an envelope with directions to return those I didn’t want, along with payment. Personally, I’m happy with one school picture for the album, and maybe a few for the grandparents, if they’re lucky. There are no school pictures lining the halls here and I don’t need fifty copies to stuff in my junk drawers. So, if I don’t think it’s necessary to order all six sheets at seventeen bucks a pop, I need to subject my precious offspring’s image to the evil hand of a shredding machine. That’s crap, and pretty damn sneaky of the photo studio. But, I’m not falling for it. I’ll take my one sheet and be done with it. And, I’ll only feel the slightest bit of guilt.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, Lily’s first class picture, which I think is just the sweetest thing:
And then, the next year, which I pray goes down as the worst school picture she ever takes:
I kept it on my fridge for a year just to make me laugh. Is that background even supposed to look real? I’ll take responsibility for the hair and the shirt, I had no idea it was photo day. (Clearly.) I’m not sure why on earth I let her out of the house looking like that, but that’s so not the point. The fact that I was too cheap and annoyed to actually order the damn picture, so the one copy I have has “proof” written all over it? Classy. The highlight, though, is expression on her face. I’ve never seen it, before or after, and it cracks the hell out of me every time. Oh, the pleasure I get at her expense. It’s one of the best parts of parenting.
{ 63 comments… read them below or add one }
Your daughter’s newest school photo definitely turned out great! :) It’s the elusive “perfect” school photo.
Ha! The last picture has the expression like…what do you want me to do? Smile? Hell naw!
I’ll be back to check out the linky for more laughs. Not that I laughed at your daughter. She looked adorable in all of them no matter what the expression. Why can’t we do that as adults?
The newest picture looks great!
That PROOF pic though, oh my God… someday she will laugh and laugh at that. it is a classic!
I don’t understand how that business has not evolved. They should put a photographer in every class room. Let them follow the kids around and take candid shots. Okay maybe creepy, but there has to be a few photographers who are not sleazebags.
BTW – my school photos are in a vault somewhere waiting to be destroyed. Damn.
Oh what I have to look forward to… Reilly had his first “school” picture last week. He wore his cape I made him for his birthday. I will let you know how they turn out.
I taught at a school where we used a company (prob the same one) that used the exact method. We all hate it. Parents felt it was blackmail.
We found out that they have ZERO ability or ground the get the picture sheets back. Once they are in your hands, you can keep ‘em all. And many, many parents did. There was nothing anyone could do/say about it.
It’s seriously such a waste. Environmentally, they should get a strip taken off them for the bad use of resources.
haha too cute. Love the second one.
I hate the posing as well. I feel obliged to buy one and then end up with a horrendous photo of my boy on the fridge for a year.
Will look for my old photos and scan them asap then I’ll be back to link…
Loved the pictures! I am right there with you hoping that one is the worst one she ever takes. But then again those are teh types of pics I cherish the most. LOL
OK pal. I have posted and linked. Congrats on the Mr. Linky. Looks like you pulled it off without any problems. Can’t wait to see all the links today.
I buy one 5×7 and then wallets for the grandparents. The 5×7 goes in a frame in Bram’s room for me to laugh at, until the next one replaces it and the old one goes into an album. I don’t want a wall full of shitty pics of my kids.
And that fake background? Last year they had Bram in front of the same rainforest, holding a PALM LEAF!?
Lily’s hair is to die for. Good Lord, it is like she has thick luscious extensions. Gorgeous! Beautiful children.
Well I could go on and on about things like this having worked in a school office for 28 years. It used to be a ‘school’. Now they are into retail. Used to get their picture taken. Now that’s gone retail as well. They sell candy, cookie dough, tee shirts, wrapping paper, have a Santa Claus room at Christmas and a whole wallapaluza of crap kids can buy, which really puts a guilt trip on the kids who can’t afford to buy any of it, and they can’t ask their parents because these things are supposed to be presents for them for Christmas…if they have parents because some of them don’t, cookies already made, school pictures, BIG school pictures if you want a collage, books at the bi-annual Book Fair,
turkeys in November, etc. etc. etc. It goes on and on. I got so sick of things being sold in the schools. I was a secretary and a retail clerk all in one package. I’m so glad I’m out of it.
BTW….that picture is adorable of her.
Oh … and to Shannon….it IS blackmail. It’s blackmail on feelings of children. And somehow, that’s just wrong.
Mom is still looking for mine. It will take the cake-I promise. mmmmcake……….
I made my son do retakes this year! He has a big space in between his top front teeth and there was a spit bubble in between them wich reflected the camera flash! Wish us luck on the next ones!
Thanks, guys about the new pic–it did turn out well, and I love the first. But there is NOTHING adorable about that last picture. I just can’t look at that face without laughing. It needs to go back on my fridge!
Isn’t it amazing that the process has not changed at all in the past 30 years or so? DC Urban Dad, candid shots would be SO much better. Or at least outside away from those terrible backdrops!
So, Shannon, do I just put a check in there for the one and not return the rest? Do tell…
CoCo, she does have the BEST hair. It’s so straight and thick and shiny. I don’t have to do a thing to it, which is a good thing because even if I had to, I wouldn’t.
Lucy, it is terrible, I agree. Not only are you a bad parent if you don’t buy EVERYTHING, but a bad neighbor, aunt, coworker etc. It’s gotten out of control!
Nicole, good luck!
I refuse to buy any school pictures. What an overpriced racket!
That proof is so funny. She must have been distracted by something.
Both my kids missed picture day this year. Oh well, now they don’t have to return ALL the pics I didn’t want. I paid enough for gymnastic pictures to please my extended family though.
Okay…so mine is an old post! But enjoy…it’s humiliating!
NOt a school picture…but worse!
Yes!
That picture makes me giggle too. That poor thing.
Well, my scanner isn’t working but I posted my tale-of-hair-woe. I linked to you too!
that is a very cute picture and the other one is just cracking me up, that back ground is something else.
I posted, because that’s what good blog stalkers do. I had so many options to choose from, but I keep going back to my staple, the old 2nd grade photo. It’s makes me hide my face in shame and feel all warm fuzzy at the same time.
but she is still so beautiful in all three photos! :)
I don’t have any kids or neices or nephews. :( so no photos to share. and I think I burned all mine. haha!
ha! I love it! We haven’t had a bad one yet :) I’m waiting though! I entered my post in Mister Linky! Fun idea, thanks for asking me to participate! :)
Oh dear sweet Jesus, there was this one school photo, when I was in fourth grade that was just horrifying. My mother, who was completely clueless on how to work with curly, long hair decided to brush out my curls (which makes them even poofier) and then part my hair to the side! So I basically looked like a total freaking big-headed, looks like I got hit by a bus, Cousin It from Adams family freak! It was the worst day of my life. My hair was so big and my glasses so crooked. No, I don’t even have the pic as I’m sure it’s burning a nice gaseous hole in a landfill somwhere–thank god.
Even the poor woman trying to take the picture of me was using all the spit from her mouth to smooth my gigantic mane DOWN!
I think they all look sweet. We sometimes just buy one sheet and that’s enough for us and some family.
I cannot get any damn pictures on my computer!! I am so lame!
I love the pic of the almost crying!!! Classic. !!!
I teach third grade and I have seen some baaaaaaad pictures. One in particular was so bad I took a picture with my camera phone and you don’t even KNOW how much I’d love to post it. But, you know, I don’t want to get fired.
See, I don’t think the last photo is all that bad! Lily’s expression is TOTALLY appropriate for that what-the-f? background. Almost like she’s thinking, “yeah, and if that’s a real field of green, then I’m the queen of flowers. The PETITE queen, that is!” Smart girl! Seriously, though, she’s gorgeous.
She is so cute no matter what her picture looks like …she makes it work!!!
See…if I was just a bloggin mama back when those horrid school pictures were taken…then I would have bought them and showed them off. They were horrible. That fake background. And it looked like a squirrel was exploding out of Madalyn’s head. Lovely. Truly. I didn’t buy school pictures for many years because they were so bad.
And then with elementary school…I hate that I have to pick the pose and the background before I know what she is going to INSIST on wearing that day…
That’s a bad picture? Oh boy, can I top it. Wait until I pull out some of mY old photos! j/k. I’m so with you on the school photo ordering thing HATE it. And HATE wallets size. I mean, who wants em? Not me. :)
The pricing of those photos are ridiculous aren’t they..such a rip off for the crappy quality. However your turned out great this year!
I love that bad pic! Too funny. I will have to see if I can find any bad ones around.
We were lucky with my stepdaughter last year. They came out perfectly, and she had the cutest smile. She had the classic two missing front teeth first grade shot. We haven’t gotten this year’s pictures back, so we shall see.
This year’s is perfect, but man oh man, the first year’s is so pretty! She still looks like a baby a little. Aw. In Noah’s last year (his first school photo ever) he was growling. It was terrible. I know I still have the proof around somewhere, but I can’t find it now. This year, they gave him a comb, and he combed all his hair straight forward. He had longish curly hair. You can’t brush curly hair! His eyes are nearly completely covered by it. :( But his smile is good. :)
I love that bad picture!! I would have put it up just to laugh at it too!
I have some really bad ones of myself… I’ll try to scrounge them up…
All of the pictures are great… even the last one! I would have left it out to look at, too!
Oooo I have some doozies…however that would mean getting off my butt to go dig them out of the boxes in the basement… : )
What a great post! Your daughter is beautiful by the way, and her expression in the last pic is priceless haha
wow very cute pix!!! I am weird and think school pics are truly one of a kind even tho every single school across america has the same lame backgrounds LOL LOVE IT!
I’m sure some of my school photos would top yours, but I won’t subject you to that. Just had to say, those are the cutest photos ever.
My MOM still has all my old school pics. I wish I had my hands on them so I could post a “Big Glasses” picture. I love the last pic of your Lily… You should have a caption contest for it. Like “huh? whatchoo lookin’ at???”
Stonking idea for a linky post.
I have hunted out a pic of ME at school and will be putting it up tomorrow.
Just for you, Scary Mommy. I wouldn’t do it for anyone else you know . . .
Just posted mine. Sorry for the extra unlinked typo. Can you fix it?
I linked to my Christmas picture fiasco…ugh. It still makes me crazy to look at those pics.
Great idea and I agree with your thoughts ons chool pics! Total rip offs! But I buy them anyway – SIGH!
So, I’m going to be a good sport, but it’s not going to be pretty.
Those are about the cutest school pix I have ever seen. Seriously!
Those pics are awesome! Sorry I didn’t participate… not only am I a big loser, but I don’t have a scanner either. I’m just a big ole dork!!!
I didn’t think any of those pictures were bad! Now if you really wanted some nightmares I’d share some of mine. My school pictures either showed greasy hair/greasy face or yellow teeth. I’ll spare you. Thanks.
charlottewinters@cox.net
I had a horrible one which I think was 1st grade. My front teeth had just come in and my head hadn’t grown into them yet. This one boy in my class called me “Beaver” for 4 years or something.
Too funny! My girls just had their first preschool pictures and I felt obligated to buy them…sheesh. Can I pay in body parts?
I’m still working on getting that photo scanned for you! Grrr… my printer sucks…
Angie sent me over to say how much I love you, but I hope you already know!!
I absolutely love your site. You/it are a hoot. It was refreshing to read a blog from someone who is real, down to earth and I must say sounds a lot like myself. I just tell it like it is. I subscribed and will be back often.
They are all great. and just think about all the future boys you can show last years too!
HA! thanks so much for the gift basket you donated to CLown Circus! I am entering to win! it looks FANTASTIC!
kg
What Gorgeous children you have !
I truly enjoyed reading your blog and will definitely be back for more.
It’s nice to read something so real as the things that happen with your family as I can so relate with my children.
It helps to know that I’m not the only one that goes through these things :) It also helps to have a sense of humor about it lol
http://blogs.chron.com/goodmombadmom/
Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle.
I’m here from BS Sunday and after reading and loving your post, had to link to one I wrote from last spring.
My kids’ photos are almost never typically cute, but I figure it’s very literally a snapshot of what they are like at the time.
Your daughter is adorable, by the way. :)
i think she looks realy cute in all of them.
My kids’ school does it best. You have to buy the one package that they offer. I have no idea how many pictures come in it, but it has one 5×7 of my kid and one 5×7 of the class and then there’s the envelope full of pictures that I never look at.
boy do i ever remember how horrid picture days were! just hopping on over from seven clown circus’ blog!
fertawert AT yahoo DOT com
YEs, you are the best thing since sliced cheese or even bread. Cute blog.
This year, I didn’t buy any. They pulled a tricky dicky on me – I have to buy a package if I want to buy a 8×10. Last year, I just bought the 8×10 and called it a day. This year, I couldn’t…and I just wasn’t ready to spent $50+ in pictures just to get an 8×10 of both kids. Nuh uh…not happening.
My WORST school picture was my senior picture. I have a huge hicky on my neck. Yeah, I’m not with the guy anymore…
Oh how I wish I were not lazy. If I weren't, I'd scan the Amazonhorror photo.
My son "forgot" to bring home the notice of picture day and took liberty of wearing his "Rock&Roll" white trash tshirt. The photographer was a smartass as he shot him in front of the Amazon jungle. They even threw binoculars around his neck!
Today, he is fine and well , even after the trauma.