Priscilla is a 30 year old paraplegic mom with 2 boys and another boy the way. Her husband of almost 9 years has a job that allows her to stay home and pursue her dream of being a stay-at-home mommy. Priscilla lives in a suburb just north of Austin, Texas and can be found at The Wheelchair Mommy.
She would look so much like me, people would sometimes mistake us for twins. The only thing setting us apart would be the chair. We would shop together and get weekly manicures on our girl’s day out. We would frequently have lunch and talk every day. She would confide in me. I would cry when she tried on her wedding dress and watched her Daddy walk her down the aisle. I’d also cry again when she had her first baby.
We weren’t always best friends, in the beginning she was a precious little bundle of pink with silky hair. She eventually grew into a toddler that had more meltdowns then any child I’ve ever known and after that we would butt heads day in and day out every time I told her “NO!”. Who is She? Her name would have been Chloe. She could have been my daughter. She’s really just a fantasy. She never existed; not even for a moment.
I would never in one thousand lifetimes trade my boys for this “daughter”, but that doesn’t change how much I would have liked to have had her be in my life.
I have such an amazing relationship with my Mother and I wanted to have one little girl that I could share that with.
I know I will never help Chloe find her prom dress or comfort her as she cries over her first heartbreak, but what I will get to do is raise 3 amazing boys. I will get to watch them learn how to treat a lady and some day I will welcome not ONE but THREE beautiful daughters into my life.
We won’t look alike, we won’t likely be best friends, but I will cry when their Daddys’ walk them down the aisle and again when they have their first babies.
I will cry tears of happiness and sadness when they become the most important women in my sons’ lives.
I am more grateful then words can express to have 2 (almost 3) amazing little boys. However, a tiny part of me will always wonder if the story in my head would have been at all close to reality.
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{ 107 comments… read them below or add one }
Very interesting to think about what could have been if you had a girl. No way to say for sure what life would be like but you can always wonder.
Jessica recently posted..Grandma’s Birthday
you are right. There is know way of knowing
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
I too have decided that my life is complete with my boys. I will never have a dark haired little girl. I really am happy with my life and do not want any more children. But when you have boys and only boys, you as the momma get to be their princess forever. Or at least until they are adults.
Amanda recently posted..Running in the Hail
I am really happy to … there is just that small part that wonders :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
I have 2 girls, always wanted to girls, but wonder how I would have related to boys. I am sure I would have loved them just as much, but there is something to having a child who is a little bit the same as you. Lovely.
Theresa recently posted..I can’t say that on my blog…
yes. and my boys? they are ALL daddy :) at least the first two.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
Beautifully written. Dreaming and wondering are joy in itself.
Stasha recently posted..Put a ring on it
yes. very, very true.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
I’m lucky to have had 3 boys and one girl, but a *tiny* part of me wants another girl. Don’t tell my husband that….lol… he’d go crazy.
Heather Reese recently posted..An update on yesterdays horribly unfashionable post -
;) your secret is safe!! hahah
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
Funny, I was fantasizing a lot about a girl when I just learned I was pregnant. I saw a ‘mini-me’ with blond hair and blue eyes growing up, even though this would have never been possible with Hubs as the father. Now we have the perfect little boy and I would never ever want him to be any different (even though he’s in his terrible-two-toddler-tantrum-phase right now and trying to pull my nerves out, very slowly and one by one).
Boys are supposed to be easier to handle as teenagers, everybody says. So I’m glad we don’t have the ‘mini-me’, that would be… I don’t want to think about it. ;-)
Mommy’s Paradise recently posted..One and a half days of limited freedom
That’s funny, me too, I was fantasizing a lot about a daughter when I just learned I was pregnant. I was dreaming about a ‘mini-me’ with blond hair and blue eyes, even though this could never have been possible with Hubs as the father. We have the perfect little boy now and never in my life I would want him to change even though he’s in his terrible-two-temper-tantrum-phase and pulling every single nerve I have out of me, in slow motion.
But boys are supposed to be easier to handle as teenagers, people say, and I’m hoping for the best. Because the ‘mini-me’, this girl would have meant trouble.
Mommy’s Paradise recently posted..One and a half days of limited freedom
That’s funny, me too, I was fantasizing a lot about a daughter when I just learned I was pregnant. I was dreaming about a ‘mini-me’ with blond hair and blue eyes, even though this could never have been possible with Hubs as the father. We have the perfect little boy now and never in my life I would want him to change even though he’s in his terrible-two-temper-tantrum-phase and pulling every single nerve I have out of me, in slow motion.
But boys are supposed to be easier to handle as teenagers, people say, and I’m hoping for the best. Because the ‘mini-me’, this girl would have meant trouble.
Mommy’s Paradise recently posted..One and a half days of limited freedom
yeah, we are thrilled not have to pay for prom dresses, expensives wedding dresses and weddings, periods, hormones clashing … hahah
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
When I was expecting our third child, already having two boys, everyone thought I MUST be desperate for a girl. They didn’t believe me when I told them I wasn’t. I already had dump trucks, a girl would mean having to go to the store for something pink, and that would have been just too much work.
I am now in the phase of my life where my three sons (no, I don’t get residuals from the show) are starting to bring home “the one’s” that will most likely be my daughters. The best part??? I didn’t have to have these daughters as teenagers…they are fully grown without a whine among them. SCORE!
OHN recently posted..ME You want to know about ME
I get “oh, like the show” all the time!!
I wasn’t DESPERATE for a girl by any means, just wonder…. :)
I like how you said raising boys how they should treat a lady. That is so important! Someday their wife (who you may be best friends with) will thank you for that.
Tammy @ Skinny Mom’s Kitchen recently posted..Greek Stuffed Breakfast Pita
I wanted two children, a boy and a girl, didn’t care who came first, although if I could only have one, I wanted a girl. (As it turns out, I had 2 miscarriages, then I had my daughter, and then I had another miscarriage about 6 months before my 40th birthday, my “cut-off age.”) So I never got “my boy.” And I couldn’t have dreamed up a better father for my daughter…I really would have loved to have watched my husband be a father to a son, too.
I was so thrilled to be finally carrying a baby to term, and I was also carrying around some guilty feelings…
We didn’t want to find out whether we were having a boy or girl, so I spent what felt like my entire pregnancy *preparing* for what I didn’t even want to admit would be my disappointment if I had a boy. I felt so bad as I threw “at leasts” at me… if I was carrying a little boy, I didn’t want him to feel like I didn’t want him before he was even born. “I’m just lucky that I’m going to finally have the child I’ve wanted for so long in your life, of course I’m going to love this baby no matter what.” And then I’d think, who wants to be a no matter what?
So it’s funny, to this day, when I think about what it would have been like to have a son, because I did want to experience that, too, I apologize to the son I didn’t have about how I felt about him, even though I have friends who tell me they felt the same way, and then had their son and not their daughter, and all of those feelings washed away when they had him. I can only imagine that they do.
It also was curious to me that I also felt like I was conditionally loving my daughter, if I was having a girl, before I had her… loving her just because she was a girl and guilty about that, too, and so when the doctor said those words I so longed to hear “It’s a girl”, I felt a little twinge of ouch for both the son I didn’t have and the daughter I did because of the joy and sigh of what felt like relief that I exhaled. Even though I wanted to deny for the sake of whoever my child was – and who they would grow to be – that I had been holding my breath on that issue.
Karen Paritee recently posted..Dieting… Women’s Work
Wow!! I am so sorry for your loss and your struggle with your feelings ((hug))
I always imagined I would have a girl. I actually cried in the parking lot after the 16 week ultrasound flashed evidence that I was certainly having a boy instead. I needed that time between discovery and his birth to accept that I would be keeping my dolls and Barbies stored away for potential granddaughters someday.
Now I am absolutely thrilled I have a boy. He is my little match. I still wax on a bit when I see friends dressing up their girls, but I don’t envy them dealing with hormones and dating in years to come.
Boys rock.
Vinobaby recently posted..The Mothers Prayer for Its Daughter by the Brilliant Tina Fey
I think it’s the clothes I envy, if anything. hah.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
Funny I’ve always had a recurring dream about a curly-haired little blonde girl but I knew even before my son was born that it was going to be a boy. I still have those dreams every now and then. Who knows – maybe it’s still meant to be.
Memoirs of a Single Dad recently posted..A Contest for Bloggers – For Love or Money
Maybe. I don’t actually have REAL dreams tho. hmmm. (at least about a girl. .. I do dream about other things.)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
Wonderful Post – I have 2 awesome boys, but, yes, my mind has often wondered to what “my” little girl might have been like :)
Jenny Lenczycki recently posted..Our Baby Boy
Thank you
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
I love your perspective on how you’ll welcome 3 (future) daughters into your family. Such positivity!
I have a boy and I really want another!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..The Bond Family heartbreak
Thank you. I can tell you having more than one boy is VERY amazing :) He will love having a brother.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
I love this! So beautifully written!
Jessica recently posted..Who Pays Return Shipping For An Ebay Mistake
Thank you, Jessica :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
i have three boys and am pregnant again. i would love for it to be another boy.
MommyNamedApril recently posted..Life- Death- Marriage- Incest and Sister-Wives I Dont Even Need a Television
Heheh. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy. No matter what ;)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
I just wanted to come in and say THANK YOU to Jill for featuring me and thank you to everyone for your comments. I will be visiting all of you soon! I promise.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
I sometimes wonder ‘what if…’ as well. What if I had a boy? What if my two girls had a brother to play with? What if I hadn’t waited a decade between kids? Perhaps someday I’ll try again for a boy, but I’m running out of time. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but one of my biggest worries about having a boy (and a reason I was relieved with each girl) is that neither myself nor my husband are very athletic, handy, mechanically inclined, etc. I think we would raise a girlie-boy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… :-)
Christi recently posted..Good Friends- Bad Food- and a Flood
Hubby and I aren’t athletic either and so far I tink our boys are :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
I have a girl and a boy but always wondered what it would be like to have two boys. Like you, not that I would give up my daughter but just curious how things would be different.
Nicole recently posted..Finding A Prince
Yup. Just curious. Not really for them to be different but just to have her, too.
My eyes welled up reading your post because I do have he perfect litle redheaded terror, named Chloe.
Being a mother of a girl thrills and terrifies me at the same time.
Being a mother to a boy (Caleb) strengthens me and pushes me to be my best self.
congrats on your Chloe and your Caleb :) – they sound wonderful
As a mommy of a boy who I love with all my heart, this post resonates with me, as well.
Ally recently posted..Teenage Talk
It’s nice to hear others say that :)
So beautifully written…
Wouldn’t it be funny if one of the boys marry a girl named Chloe?!
That would be neat :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
Just the other day I watched my husband playing with our neighbor’s son and had a twinge of desire to do this again so we could try our luck at a boy. I can empathize when you have all of one sex, you do wonder what it would be like to have another and one that you don’t have yet. Congrats on your feature day! ;-)
Thank you. It’s all about what you don’t have, yes. While of course, enjoying what you do.
My grantmother had three boys. I wouldn’t trade my son for anything, but when I see my friends with their little girls I get so jealous.
And your sons will always have you first in their heart!
I can hope so. … but I do hope their wives are first :D — as hard as that is to say.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
This post put into words exactly what I feel when I think of the abortion I had a few years back. I felt that it was a girl & I often wonder what kind of life she could have had and who she could have been.
Alexandria recently posted..Teen Mom Castoff
((hugs))
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
what a touching story! Congratulations on your pregnancy ~I hope you’re feeling well. When dealing with the loss of a love, dream or something I want but did not get can cause me to fantasize and sometimes drift into morbid reflection. I lost my 1st child many years ago and often wonder what if…it still causes me great pain. Whats important is recognizing, acknowledging and discussing…good for you ~opening up and sharing your story. Thank you.
Amy @ mommetime recently posted..Reflections night whisperer!
I am very sorry for your loss and you are correct. As I wrote this I didn’t wander as much because I realized that I will someday in the FAR future have 3 :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
I am completely where you are….I have two boys! I always wonder what life would be like with a daughter, but I know it wasn’t the life that was planned for me. Never thought I would be a mom of all boys and here I am….a mom and son relationship is so special though :)
Tina @ Life Without Pink recently posted..Virtual Wine Tasting My Experience
It is beyond special. I wouldn’t trade it for the world :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
That was a beautiful story of what could have been. I love my little boy but I imagine what a little girl would have been like sometimes.
Shana Segat
Avon & Tiny Tillia by Avon Representative
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Thank you :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
You are very welcome. I hope to read more from you.
wow…you totally made me cry…
your future daughters in law will lucky to have you
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..Diary of a Fat MomWeek 14
Aww, thank you! :)
I could have written this myself. I have 3 amazing, beautiful, smart, whitty, out-of-control boys…but always wonder what it would be like if I had had the Sydney I always wanted…
:)
My boys are all that you just described too!! :) They are so much fun.
My eyes just welled up with tears. What a sweet post… and I love your blog! I too am mama to a little man. I have thought often of the little girl I thought was in my belly. But that wasn’t the case. Last year I gave birth to an amazing little boy and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world!!
Eve @Beautiful Spit Up recently posted..Ease the Tension and Let It Go
Little boys are absolutely amazing, arent’t they :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
What matters most is we have children that are a blessing from God. Whether you had boys or girls, the important thing is we now have these amazing beings that make us proud to be their moms. My husband n I were blessed with 2 little girls who are now 22 and 12, 2 little boys that are now 18 and 14; and about to become 1st time grandparents to a our daughters blessing from God.
I’m all teary-eyed now! What a fantastic post.
So, you’re pregnant with your third? Congratulations! Me too! I have a boy and a girl, and I can’t wait to find out what this one will be…
Yes. Nathan is due to arrive in about 10 weeks :)
His brothers could not be happier or more impatient. – haha
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
Great honest post & positive way of thinking about your future ‘daughters’-for me, reading this makes me so glad that I have two girls. Honestly, I can’t think of anything I would miss by not having a boy, but a ton of things I would miss if I didn’t have one. I want another child, and I hope I have another girl. My husband could make homemade napalm as a child, and I think I can handle hormones wayyy better than the constant threat of setting my house on fire.
Katy recently posted..Sisterhood Sunday
My boys aren’t that crazy. . . in fact they are quite amazing. :) (we sometimes call them drama kings, though)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
I am SO glad I have my two boys. After having had two miscarriages myself, one before my first and one after my first, it truly didn’t matter what they were. I hope someday to try for a third and will welcome another boy if that’s what God intends.
Katy, your response is rude and close-minded. There are plenty of things you miss not having a boy!
Um, please tell me where I am being rude. I do believe I clarify that it my opinion, and TO ME, I would miss more things if I didn’t have a girl. I am very close to my mom & sister. That’s great you don’t feel that way and got the best family for you. If I had a boy, I know I would love him just as much as my girls and find things with him to do together. If I did have another girl, I wouldn’t feel like I was missing out on anything by not having a boy. I fail to see where that is rude or close minded, but you are welcome to your judgement.
I am so sorry for your losses. I wish you the best and safest future pregnancy.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
I’m the same but other side of coin. 3 girls and no boy, whose name would be Joshua. Imorned for a bit when I found out my third and last was not Josh, but Jenna. God knows what he’s doing and what we can handle.
IT seems like quite a few people have all of one gender :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to have a daughter. Never occurred to me that I wouldn’t have the daughter I so badly wanted. I have two wonderful boys and I love them with all I am but there is still that part of me that wanted that baby girl. Sadly I know I will never have her as I had a hysterectomy about a year ago but I feel if it was ever meant to be for me perhaps I would have a basket full of grand-daughters or maybe I will have fantastic daughter in-law’s. I’m hoping for both. :)
oooh both would be awesome!! :) I could totally spoil grand-daughters and DILs :D
How beautiful, Priscilla. I was the opposite: I wanted boys, and I was a little heartbroken when I found out the twins were girls. My first thought was “They are going to hate me.” Probably because I DON’T have a close relationship with my mom. Plus I wanted mama’s boys. Now that I have 3 girls, I love them more than anything in the world.
Leigh Ann recently posted..Know when to say wean
it’s not so much that I WANTED a girl I just want to know what it would have been like if I could have one …. not instead :D
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
you will be an AWESOME mom to 3 LUCKY boys!!!
xxx
katie t recently posted..Deja Vu Times Twenty
Thank you, my friend :)
You are going to be such a great Mother-in-Law! Mine treated me like a wonderful, special daughter……..I miss her!
Thank you. I am sorry :(. I miss mine too
Sweet post. I have a boy and a girl, so I don’t really wonder about gender. My my older child-a son-was IVF and three embryos were implanted. He was the only one who “took”. I wonder from time to time about the others, and what might have been.
oh, I imagine that would make your wonder (hug)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
Love this and feel the same. I have six boys and have often wondered what it would be like to have a girl.
6? awesome :). I know another family with 6 boys. They now have 6 amazing DILS
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
Great post Priscilla! You have such happy days to look forward to you enjoying your “daughters”!
Sam @TheKelleyEight recently posted..3in30-ish
Thanks, sweetie!
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
What a lovely post, Priscilla! I love this twist…I wasn’t sure where you were going with it at the beginning. Great job!
gigi recently posted..App Girl To The Rescue
Thanks, Gigi… what were you thinking ?? hahah.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
We all to some extent wonder about fantasy children. I know I do, and I have 2 girls and a boy! Lol. My boy is on the autistic spectrum, so in some ways, is not the rambunctious, bright, always-into-things kid I picture typical boys being. If I really wanted to, though, I could get pregnant again, and it’d most likely be a boy. That choice is there, although I am *done done done* having babies! Still, it’s fun to have that fantasy. Maybe you’ll get your girl, someday!
oh yes.. it’s all about what we don’t have. I am sure that IF we had, had a girl I’d be wondering what her “What if” sister would have been, haha.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
Such a touching post Priscilla. This made me tear up for more reasons than one. It is hard to let go of what we had hoped for but it sounds like you are doing an amazing job of looking on the bright side. In my experience, momma’s boys are so sweet. You couldn’t be luckier to have three.
Jessica recently posted..After Twitter 101
((hugs))) you are so very right, Jessica!!!
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
someday, a beautiful, intelligent, funny young woman is going to read this and she is going to cry a lake of happy and grateful tears that you are the woman and mom that you are, and then she’s going to ask you to lunch and hope you become good friends because she loves your son so much. and then the two of you can bond together over the next, and then the next, amazing person that comes along to do the same. here’s to chloe!
I love this comment. :)
ok. this one DID make me cry. Thank you. :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
So very sweet, and so very true.
I’m getting my first DIL this weekend. Scary!
Congrats!! :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
Priscilla, I also have two amazing boys now ages 24 & 20. We lost our first baby our beautiful dark haired blue baby girl Jamie who looked so much like her dad with his long dark lashes. My heart nearly broke and 25 years later I still wonder. I’m sure she would have been Daddy’s little Princess and Momma’s little heartbreaker. I hear stories from my sister-in-law and sister shopping with their daughters, picking out prom dresses and admit that I feel just a twinge of envy. What would Jamie be doing now? Maybe a recent college graduate, doing the things her mother dreamed of doing or maybe married with a child of her own. Then I look at my oldest son who was recently diagnosed with a serious mental illness and my youngest who is an amazing guitarist, I would give my life for both of my boys. A mothers love knows no bounds whether son or daughter. I know that Jamie is waiting for us in Heaven and that one day we’ll be together again. In the meantime I watch as my boys become men and love them both because I can’t imagine life without them.
You are making me cry… you “what if” is so much more real and was tangible. I am so sorry for your loss!! ((hug))
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
Thank you for this post. It is beautiful. I have all girls and wonder sometimes about my little boy that wasn’t to be. But I love my girls too.
Carol Ramsey recently posted..Sweeping Debate Finally Settled
oh yes!!! you absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE What you have :) I know I love my boys.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Scary Mommy
As the mama of three little boys, I can relate.
I wouldn’t trade my boys for the world, but I do wonder what it would be like if I had a girl IN ADDITION TO my boys.
Shell recently posted..How to Get Your Kids to Let You Sleep In
YES. That’s the KEY. In ADDITION :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Guesting at Life Without Pink
I have one of each and it’s a funny thing, I dreamt my whole life about having a girl who was just like me, and it turns out that my son is much more like me than my daughter! She is her father in every way. You just never know, right? Lovely piece, Priscilla.
dusty earth mother recently posted..Mutha Lion
Isn’t that funny? Even when we get what we want, we don’t get what we want! Lol. Life can be utterly ridiculous at times.
I think my 2nd son is going to be very much like me :). That will be wonderful too :)
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..3rd Annual Bloggin’ Momma Social
Very interesting. I admittedly always wanted a girl and felt I’d never have one because I wanted one so badly. After I had Ryan, I was sure I’d either have 10 boys or – 9 boys and one tiny infant girl and everyone would know I only had those other children to get to the girl. I felt a lot of guilt about really wanting a girl. Then I got one. Now I worry that she will hate me because I’ll try too hard to make my picture of it all fit.
My mother in law and I have a wonderful relationship. I hope you have the same with your DIL’s. Going to check out your blog now :)
Dani recently posted..Reader Letters – Transition Tantrums
Thank you for stopping by and reading. I hope to have a good relationship with them too.. I have a long time to wait. hah.
priscilla – the wheelchairmommy recently posted..Why can’t you walk