Ellie Hirsch enjoys raising her two little boys and strives to master motherhood every day. Head to Mommy Masters for articles and monthly parenting tips, and check out the Mommy Masters Facebook page to participate in fun discussions, parenting advice and updates on Ellie’s children’s music, coming soon.
Raising a child is hard enough when you have a two parent household. Add to the mix a traveling husband or a partner that works insane hours, and you are pretty much a single mom. Perhaps you have a husband that is just lazy who adds no parental assistance, and who might as well be out of town. You are all part of this club because you are all doing it alone! I am often asked by friends and strangers how I do it alone and remain sane? To give you a quick background, we moved to Florida from New York 7 years ago for a job opportunity that required my husband to travel during the week, often Monday through Friday. It was definitely tough at first but now I almost feel like I couldn’t live any other way. I know it sounds weird to say that but if you share a similar family situation, you know what I am talking about. For those who have their men around at night for dinner or at least bedtime, keep reading and you may actually be asking your husband to hit the road too. Welcome to this honest look at my motherhood:
There are both positive and negative aspects to being a single married mother and I have learned to love the positives. Feeling frustrated is a part of motherhood, regardless of your marital status. It’s okay to be aggravated and it’s okay to have a bad day or even a bad week. Having a spouse that travels all the time or works late every night definitely adds to this stress since there is no break for you. The kids are with you all day, barely leaving you enough time to take care of your simple needs, like going to the bathroom. The sky gets dark and then comes dinner, followed by cleaning up dinner, which in my house usually involves 1000 grains of rice stuck to the floor, then bath time, bed time, then chores around the house. Finally, around 10PM, you get to relax, maybe take a bath and read a book. That is a long day! Our job is 24/7/365. You have the flu; you have to tough it out. You fell down the steps because your housekeeper waxed the floors too well (I am convinced to this day it was done on purpose by the way) and can’t walk; you have to tough it out. Your cramps are so evil one month and you are so bloated only to discover that your husband used the last Advil for his hangover and put the bottle back empty; you have to tough it out. It’s one thing to get irritated and have your husband there to talk to or take it out on, but when you are alone, it’s just you, and that can lead you to too many chocolate donuts and too many Xanax pills.
So after a while, you become an expert at raising your kids and running your household while hubby is out of town all week. He finally enters the house and you are really excited to see him. Suddenly though you notice the suitcase in the middle of the hallway that will probably sit there until his next trip, the mountain of receipts poured on the kitchen table, along with his blackberry, cell phone, chargers and wallet. Your clean, organized, quiet house is no longer. All that aside, it’s nice to have your husband back, not only keep you company at night but to help you with the kids. As the night progresses however, you notice that dinnertime and bedtime take longer than normal, the kids are running around yelling, the kitchen is a mess and Daddy just promised to play Wii after bath time, even though you have banned Wii for the day due to bad behavior. All of the sudden, you don’t feel as relieved as you thought you would. Your world, your zone if you will, has just been taken away. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and am super excited to see him for numerous reasons, but the reality is that there is an adjustment period that needs to occur. The key is respect and it’s easy to forget that in a marriage, which we all know. Both parties need to respect the other’s situation during the week. Your husband or partner needs to realize that you have been alone, handling all aspects of parenthood and household duties from the time you have woken up (or more likely been woken up), to the time you hit the pillow, barely having enough time to brush your hair or eat a decent meal. He also needs to respect that you have a whole system running in the house and it works. You need to respect that he has been alone all week in a hotel, far away from his family, expecting to relax and enjoy the weekend. You’re both exhausted and soon realize that it almost becomes a competition. Let me just say that there is nothing worse than telling your husband you are so tired from the day you had only to hear, “yah, me too…I had a ton of appointments today and then had to take 5 guys out to this steakhouse and they kept ordering bottle after bottle…I could collapse right now”. At that point, I usually just hang up the phone.
When I tell people my husband travels, they usually tend to feel bad for me. Not only do I tell them I am used to it by now but I discuss how I actually prefer it. I usually get, “REALLY?” Well, for starters, I am very independent and like my space. I have plenty of play dates and socialization throughout the week so I am not dying for adult conversation at the end of the day. Of course my husband is my best friend and I miss him but we almost have different lives during the week and it works for us. To some, it’s weird but to us, it’s our normal. There is something so relaxing to me about being in the house by myself, while the kiddies are fast asleep, safe in their beds. My husband isn’t pacing around the house on his cell phone, the downstairs television isn’t blaring, and everything is just the way I like it…perfect for a control freak like me. It’s just Mama in the house and I can do whatever I want, watch as many episodes of The Real Housewives as I want, go to bed whenever I want, make whatever I want for dinner…you get the point.
Being a single married mother isn’t as awful as it sounds so please don’t feel bad for me, because I certainly don’t.
I have an amazing husband who is supportive of everything I do, who works hard to support our family and whose business allows me the opportunity to stay home with my kids, while building mine. When he is home, he is very helpful, hands on and loving. I feel very blessed, very lucky, and wouldn’t change anything about my life! For all you moms out there who are reading this, kudos to you! No matter what your family dynamic is, motherhood isn’t supposed to be easy and you are kicking butt and taking names.
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It seems your husband can be an extra kid sometimes, eh? Fun post.
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Thanks for reading Anthony! And yes, I like to say I have 4 kids: my 2 boys, my dog and my husband :)
This is my life as well, except I’ve always called myself a part-time single mom. I especially liked the recognition of needing an adjustment period after hubby returns; it can be difficult to include him once again into the daily grind of *my* routine without making him fell like a visitor in his own home.
Thanks for reading Susann. I’m so glad you could relate to my article and it certainly can be a challenge when they come home.
Ha you stole my line! I’m a single married parent. And you are right. I’m constantly reminding H, “look buddy, you can’t refuse to participate in the running of our home and then nit pick. No cake and eat it too.”
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LOL. Thanks for reading!
wow, I could have written this! Only I work FT as well, so that just adds to my insanity.
But he knows not to even start about how hard it was to decided where to go to dinner!!!
:) Thanks so much for reading Elizabeth!
Yep. Same here too, and I also love it. When his “office” calls and says that they have intel that a suspect they have been looking for, is back in the area, I know he is on cloud 9 as he twirls out the door. I am too, as it means I get the bed to myself, I can eat a Hershey bar for dinner, flip on my Kindle and snuggle up with the animals. When the kids were little, we had our little routine and hubby would reappear and throw off the mojo. We DO love him, it’s just an adjustment from our “normal” When he takes several days off to regroup at home, it’s great at first, then after a few days I am hoping that call comes and there is yet another dirtbag whose free days are numbered. Actually I should write thank you letters to jail.
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That is funny. I’m so glad you “get” my article and my lifestyle. Thanks for reading!
Motherhood is rough no matter what your status may be–congrats on getting into a routine which works for you. And it’s funny, no matter how much our Hubbies may/may not be around we always wish it was a little different. Mine usually works from home and I am actually jonsing for some space apart. I love it when he goes out of town once every zillion months or so–ice cream in bed, girlie tv–heaven. Keep kicking butt & taking names…
Cheers.
vb
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Thanks so much! You are very right-motherhood is challenging in any family dynamic! Appreciate you reading and commenting!
I have a hubs that is mostly home at night and is very hands on however when he does have to travel for work I do feel this slight sense of excitement that I will have complete alone time once the kids go to bed. So I do understand the need for that peacefulness once 10pm rolls around :)
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Isn’t it fantastic to have the a quiet house to yourself? Thanks for reading!
It’s great to know that many of us have a similar fate. My partner works away from home for 4-6 weeks at a time and now that we have two kids has really taken some adjusting. I too run a very tight ship when he is away and it seems to all go to crap when he is home. I am going to try to embrace the positives!
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4-6 weeks must be difficult but as you mentioned, you obviously have a great routine going, which is so important to keeping sane. Yes, it all goes out the door when hubby comes in the door! lol Thanks for reading!
I must admit, I’m freaked each time my husband is away on business. He generally works late every night, always past 7pm often past 8 and sometimes after 9.
He only goes away occasionally at the moment, but today he’s started in a new position, which could mean he’s abroad a lot more.
I think you hit the nail on the head for me, I’m not very independent. I think that’s because, although I’ve been living in a ‘foreign’ country for a almost seven years, my language skills are still not good enough to mean I feel in control of every situation.
But I have found myself saying, “You’re home early!” at 7:30pm so I suppose I will get used to it!!
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At first, I felt weird when my husband traveled, i.e uncomfortable if you will. Once you get into a routine and figure out what works best for you, it will be hard to adjust to them actually being home. In terms of your language skills, your writing is wonderful and I’m sure in time, you will become more confident. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
I wonder if having my husband gone all week would be easier for me than having him come home later…and later…and LATER each night. If I know he’s out of the picture and it’s all on me–gear up and get it done–my nights actually go better! But if I’m expecting him to come home at 6:30 and “help”, then I find that I’m angry and overwhelmed and ready to fall apart when he walks in the door at 7:30.
I suppose there’s a lesson *I* need to learn in that–maybe always have the attitude of suck it up and get it done? Always pretend that it’s all on me? Because let’s face it–IT IS–and something about my hellish evenings needs to change.
Hmm. You’ve given me something to think about here!
Hi Jaci. It’s definitely easier when you know you are alone and have no other choice to do everything than hope you get the assistance, like you said. Sorry about your bad evenings-I say get into a routine that works for you and if your husband comes home to help, great, but if not, it wouldn’t change how things are done. You will find that eventually, it gets harder when they cramp your style. lol. Thanks so much for reading! Keep me posted on how it goes!
My husband works the overnight shift so I totally get this article. I have said this to him many times but he doesn’t get it. Throw into the mix a full time job that I’m very frustrated with, a budding “tween” that’s really pushing my buttons, an 8 year old with Autism, and trying to finish my degree! I’m INSANE I know, but it’s frustrating on the mornings he’s home that he wants to sleep while I’m running around like a chicken with no head.
Once I spaz out he gets it together but it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this single married motherhood.
Thanks for a great article!
Thanks Tamika! It sounds like you are a very hard working woman with a lot going on so KUDOS to you!!!! You are busy but every once in a while, I hope you stop and give yourself a pat on the back-you deserve it! You are definitely not alone! Thanks so much for reading!
This article makes several interesting points, but if you have a housekeeper waxing your floors, you loose some impact.
My thoughts exactly.
Exactly.
What does having a housekeeper have to do with how she deals with her husband being absent from parenting during the week?
I think her only problem with having a housekeeper to help with the cleaning is that it obviously added impact to her back.
Because most single moms are not only unable t stay home with their children, they definitely cannot afford a housekeeper. Single mothers have 100% responsibility of the house, the kids, and all the bills. Not the same AT ALL.
Yes, my mother was a single mum so I do know what you mean. I think it was unfortunate that she used the phrase “single married mum” as it is obviously encourages us to compare her story to that of a single mum. But I honestly don’t think that this story was a comparison of being a “single married mum” and a single mum.
I think this was a story about what it is like to be the only parent in the house 90% of the time and what is it like when the other parent breezes back in for short periods at a time. You are right, the issues she talks about are not those of a single mum but I don’t think she was trying to.
Perhaps we need to think of a better phrase. One without the word single in it. How about “Solely Present Parent”? Still a bit cumbersome.
That is a generalization. There are plenty of single moms that are financially stable and have help, whether it be a housekeeper, nanny or sitter to watch the kids, etc. I know single mothers that have family nearby that help a tremendous amount and some single mothers whose ex-husbands provide child support. My point is that everyone has a unique situation and we should respect that. I am not claiming to be a “single mother” and in no way intended to offent those that are. In fact, I have nothing but respect for single mothers! Kudos to you for doing it truly on your own! Thanks for reading my article and commenting!
Thanks George for having my “back”. LOL I agree-one has nothing to do with the other!
I disagree. I’m a literal single mother. I dont think having a house keeper to wax my floors would make my job any easier. Yes, my house would be clean, and yes obviously I would have to be able to afford it. Or maybe I have an arrangement with a friend who is a housekeeper. Something like I babysit your kids and you keep my house clean. Or maybe because my husband is gone 90% of the time and I am NOT superwoman, and do have 175 million errands to run every day on top of taking care of just the basics for my children, something had to give and that was the hubby’s concession. Hell maybe it wasn’t even an all the time thing, maybe it was a treat to myself for mothers day. We really don’t know. Regardless, being a mom is tough work. The lack of sleep, the guilt, the tantrums, the timeouts, snotty noses and vomit in their hair…. Maybe she just realized that she had to cut something back in order to enjoy the wonderful things about being a parent too. I say hurrah to her. Congrats to her for doing her best.
Thanks very much for your comments! Kudos to you “Confused” for doing it on your own every day! You’re right, having floors waxed didn’t make my life easier and in fact, caused me to nearly break my back. In addition, with two boys and a dog, my floors are pretty much disgusting all the time, waxing or not! :)
The fact I have someone help me clean the house doesn’t make me any less of a mom whose husband travels and experience the emotions that come with it. Did I mention that I also clean my house and mop my own floors? I do the laundry, clean up breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, take out the garbage…all the fun stuff that moms everywhere do! Thanks for reading and I appreciate your comments.
I have the same feelings. My husband doesn’t travel but he works 12-16 hours 6 days a week and he works nights so when he is home during the day he is usually asleep. While I’m happy he’s home he is also an obstacle to getting things done. It’s very hard trying to clean a house with someone sitting on the couch watching you. I like my nights where I can work out and watch what I want to on tv, not Sportscenter or whatever game is on he’s wanting to watch. I’ve always said I’m a single mom who happens to be married.
I hear yah! Thanks for reading Melissa!
90% of the time, my guy works 2pm to 2 am. So he leaves for work before the big one gets home from school and gets home after bedtime, and sleeps till noon most days. It’s rough keeping the pre-schoolers quiet while he sleeps, and the big kid misses him TONS. However – big guy is INSANELY picky when it comes to food, so honestly, I’m glad to have him gone at dinner most nights. I can make whatever we like w/o worrying about him, plus it makes the food stretch farther when money is tight. The days he works day shift are awesome, for the kids – they can play ball in the yard, etc but rough on me because I have to struggle to find stuff to make one of the 4 meals he’ll actually eat.
Your comments prove that everyone has their own unique family dynamic and situation they live with. Sounds like it’s tough at times but you have it under control! Thanks for reading!
I so get this! My husband is a pilot and can be home for weeks or just a day and then gone for just a day or even weeks. It’s nuts, but yes, the upside of his absence is I can read in peace at night (when the kids stop popping out of bed) or eat cheesy popcorn for dinner and there is no one to question me about nutrition when I feed the kids hot dogs for the third night in a row…
Thanks for this!
Who doesn’t LOVE hot dogs!! YUM. It is impossible for me to make them for the kids and not devour one or two myself! Thanks so much for reading Jenn!
My husband travels about once every other month or so for a week at a time. When he’s here, he works at home. So I have this weird existence when he’s here all the time, then gone all the time. People feel sorry for me over both scenarios! :-)
He is no trouble at home – he doesn’t make a mess, or get in the way but I do love it when I get the house to myself during the day when the kids are at school.
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People always feel sorry for me, which I can never understand. There is something so amazing about knowing you are the only one in the house, isn’t there? Thanks for reading!
This is my life too. Totally related to each and every word. Thanks!
So glad!!! Hope you become a fan of Mommy Masters on Facebook so we can compare notes in the future. Always great to know someone is experiencing the same things! Thanks for reading Christine!
I am completely with you on the single married mother. My husbands working hours are 7am till whenever….possibly after 10. And then he comes through the house like a buffalo. When I do get to sleep in, the house is trashed by 8am….The other 29 days of the month, when I wake up with the kids, the house stays in its organized state.
I will say, I loved your post, but people with housekeepers piss me off! (or make me jealous….and then piss me off)
Sarah Trevino ~ *Chefwife/Chefmom* recently posted..Tips To Avoid Overeating
Who knew the housekeeper line would cause so much controversy? :) It is great to have someone help clean of course but the truth is, I clean a ton during the week myself too. Being a mother of two boys and a dog, I have to. I am also a neat freak so that doesn’t help. Thanks for reading!
I obviously didn’t read the other comments…..No judgement here. I’m just jealous. I want a housekeeper….I broke down and hired a lawn boy this summer. So I guess that makes me lazy now. To hell with criticism. You published on scarymommy.com, so who’s laughing now, bitches!!!
Sarah Trevino ~ *Chefwife/Chefmom* recently posted..Tips To Avoid Overeating
You are awesome! Be careful with housekeepers though-I swear mine tried to kill me on the stairs. lol Chef? Please share some tasty recipes!!!! I love to cook but am always looking for healthy, easy and quick recipes for my family. Have a great night! Hope to see you on Mommy Masters-the blog and on Facebook-would love to keep in touch.
As a mom who is married, with a husband who goes out of town when he works (unfortunately, not nearly often enough. Thanks lousy economy! *ahem*), I wouldn’t dream of equating it with single-parenting.
Is it hard? No denying that.
Does it suck? Sure does, sometimes.
Is it sometimes lonely? On occasion.
But I’m not left with having to scrape up bill money by myself. And I do get to discuss any major problems with the other half of the equation. And if there is an emergency, or something goes horribly wrong? He *can* come home, he *can* be there for me and he *can* be a source of support.
Single parents don’t automatically get those things, the way I do.
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Thank you. I appreciate that you see the differences. In some situations I would say it’s the same, as I have a friend who is married and he doesn’t help out with a single thing, and barely pays the bills. When I lived with them and me and her worked and he had to watch the kids, everything ran smoother money wise, but he still didn’t cook, clean or do anything right. Sometimes having a horrible hubby/parenting partner can be much worse then not having one at all. I expect to not have help because I do it all alone. I think it would be much harder on me if I had a partner who was not helpful at all because then I would live in a world of resentment and anger.
Great point Confused!
You are 100% right! We are lucky and true single parents may not have the same support and in some cases, they have different support, like family living nearby, which is wonderful.
I’m a single, single mom (divorced). I’ve been a single mom longer than I was a married mom & I didn’t get the “every other weekend” break, because he only took them when it was convenient for him…and I also didn’t have a housekeeper waxing my floors!
But I’m pretty sure I would have trouble adding a husband into the equation right now. I like my life the way it is…
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Thanks for reading Laura.
I’m a sometime single married mother. A few months ago, my husband went away for 3 weeks. After a few days, I actually quite liked that it was just me and the little guy. By the time he came home, we had fully adjusted and like you say, it requires a period of readjusting to a complete household. These days, he has crazy work hours – he’s awake when we’re sleeping, and sleeping when we’re awake!
I admire that you are handling it so well, and clearly embracing it. Good on you!
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Thanks very much!!! Appreciate you reading!
I am in the same boat. I love my husband dearly although we are seperated by 2.5 hours. He works in one town while myself and the 73 kids are staying here, packing to move, and finishing the school year. I love being able to do my own thing and not have to worry about what hubby wants for dinner or what he needs to. I like my freedom and love my husband. Its hard being a single married mommy and lots of people just don’t understand what we mommies have to deal with. I also sent him a link to this article it says what I can’t.
73 kids??? You deserve an award. Are you a foster mom, if you don’t mind my asking? I’m so glad you understand the point of my article! Thanks for reading!
It is nice when you don’t have to share the bed!
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I would have agreed about 6 months ago but now my 4 year old climbs in with me every night! lol. Even so, it’s a lot less crowed with two of us vs. three. Thanks for reading!!!
I can completely relate to this post. I also found being a single- married mum made the transition to actual single mum very easy when I split with my husband. Not that I’m suggesting you choose that option!
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That’s a good point. I never thought of that. Being so independent must have really helped you cope better. Thanks for reading and for your comments Paula!
Thank you for putting my thoughts so well into words. People don’t understand how I complain about him not being around some days but say I also enjoy when he’s gone.
I couldn’t have said it any better. There are days when I would kill to spend a whole week alone in a hotel room. That sounds like a vacation even if I am working.
Thanks for reading Kris! I totally understand where you are coming from! Appreciate your comments!
I can completely relate! We’re unable to move because of the bad housing market, and my husband has been working far away (he commutes 2 hours each way) for 3 years now. He sometimes works a second job too, so then I’m alone longer. I don’t really enjoy it & I can’t wait ’til it’s over, but I definitely agree about what it’s like when he does come home! I’m glad someone wrote about this because I feel like a single mom a lot, but I’m always afraid to say that because I don’t want to offend my husband or single moms!
Not to be rude but you can’t really count yourself as a single moment when you can afford a housekeeper. I WAS a single mom struggling to make rent on a small apartment as a waitress. I worked over 40 hours a week and still had to pick up my daughter, cook her meals, ans clean up the mess myself. Just the two of is. You have NO idea what its like to be a single mother until you have all the emotional, physical, and financial responsibility resting contour shoulders.
Exactly, Boosmom.
There is so much more to being a single mother than “my husband is gone a lot” or “he doesn’t help out a lot.” I assume you are relying (at least partly) on his income, that you talk about your stresses or problems on the phone, that he spends some time with the kids, that he maybe even takes them off your hands while he is home, that in an emergency he would come home, that if you lost your job you’d still be okay? You don’t get these luxuries as a single mom.
Exactly. SO much more to being a single mom than what’s addressed here. While I don’t doubt that being married to a husband who travels all the time comes with it’s own set of challenges (and I’m sure this mom is working her butt off), the comparison is a little insulting.
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You are not being rude-just being honest which I admire. I am not claiming to be a single mom, just a mom that is doing a large portion by myself, while my husband travels. I am merely writing about MY life, which is not everyone’s life. Having someone that helps to clean up does not lessen the fact that I am by myself most weeks and in fact, has nothing to do with the point of my article. I clean up every mess myself, every breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. I think people must think I have a live in housekeeper or something…wow…wouldn’t that be nice! Appreciate your comments and kudos to you for doing everything on your own!
Single mother* on your shoulders* sorry, stupid autocorrect on my phone.
I know what you mean! My situation is a tad different, as I became a single mom shortly after high school and am currently raising my 3 year old while attending college. But I love doing it by myself, and the ONE time I ever tried dating again, I hated it. I don’t like anyone disrupting what I have worked so hard to accomplish, my goals and my clean house ;). Power to single moms!
Thanks Jessika. Kudos to you, who is truly doing it on your own!! I don’t claim to be a single mom like you and truly admire your strength! Raising a 3 year old and attending school must be tough.
Oh I hear ya. My hubby is currently deployed. And every one is like how do you do it, uh cause you have to. There are days when I just want to cry. But most of the time after the adjustment that he has left we are fine. We keep busy and keep to our routine as much as possible. It gets a little difficult to get my appointments in but with good friends for support it is completely do able most of the time.
Hugs to all of us part-time single moms.
I like that-part time single moms! It definitely takes good friends to help out and if lucky, family. I unfortunately don’t have family nearby but your friends quickly become your family! Thank you to your husband for serving our country and for you who is keeping it all together at home and doing it on your own!
Thank you so much for this post!!! It totally just gave me a whole new perspective. My husband works 16 hour days. While he isn’t technically out of town or on the road the hours he works are grueling and hard on us both. I’ve been finding us fighting more and more about such stupid things, like the fact that he leaves his underwear on the dining room table. His coming home at 9 o’clock is right at the time my day is winding down and I keep getting so upset at the messes he makes. Your post made me realize I need to chill. It’s his winding down time too.
It’s hard not to get upset- beileve me! Your husband is a lucky man to have you! Thanks so much for reading!
Hmm, I’m a married single mom. Sadly, our situation isnt as wonderful as yours seems to be. My husband is home ALL day everyday (works from home). Sadly, he has little to no positive interaction with our daughter….just negative. Plus we argue on how to raise her. Why he thinks he gets input when he does so little is beyond me. I wish he would work out of the house quite frankly.
Great post!
Hi Catrina. Sorry to hear that your situation isn’t the best one. Having a husband that works from home is also very challenging but that’s a whole other post. Keep your head up and continue to be the best mother that you clearly are! Hopefully your husband will see how his actions or lack of, are hurting your family. Keep me posted and you are NEVER alone! Reach out anytime you need to vent!
Thank you for saying what I have been thinking for so long. Both the pros and the cons.
You are so welcome. Thank YOU for reading and commenting! It’s nice to know there are other people who share what you are experiencing and thinking!
I won’t deny that it must be extremely hard to have a partner who travels a lot for work. However, having been an actual single mother for many years, one of my biggest pet peeves is when a married woman says she’s a single mother while her husband is out of town. It is not the same. It’s akin to your child having a sleepover and you claiming that you are now a mother of two.
Exactly! I have been a single mother and I have been married to an army man through deployment. Completely different situations.
I agree it is definitely a different situation, but I don’t think the author is trying to compare the two. Those of us who are in the same position as the author, understand that there are similarities to being a single parent, but in no way is anyone implying that it is exactly the same.
I think there are unique challenges to both situations, but comparing whose life is more difficult is a slippery slope because I can guarantee there is always someone out there whose situation will be worse.
No doubt Kelli that being a single mother is very difficult. I in no way, believe I am in your same league. There are times it certainly feels that way and times that people put me in the same category but I have mad respect for you! Thanks KB for your comments! I couldn’t have said it better myself!
To all truely single moms; we are not in any way shape or form putting what you ladies do down, we are simply saying it sux to be married and not have your partner involded in anyway shape or form during the day to day stuff. – I do work. Maybe not for a paycheck but I work my tushy off for my family! I do pull in some $$ from babysitting, driving friends here and there etc. To us. We do feel “single” we are the ones doing puke duty in the middle of night, making sure each kid has breakfast and homework done. I am in the middle of moving and I have no support. I had hystercomy done and my friends dissappeared. I was a” single” mommy recovering from surgery, babysitting so my kids could go to the movies or have a freaking happy meal until two weeks ago. I don’t get to vent to my hubby or have a bath I do feel like its me against the world. Instead of yelling and getting knickers in a twist we could ALL support each other and relate to each other. Sngle moms; we understand some of your daily struggles and you ours. I am up @ fice am and if lucky I can’t be in bed by 9. I do 15 hour days too. Yes. I am married. My hubby is 2.5 hours away. Who do I go to when middle of the night ER vists are needed for a high fever who relieves us when we are at our wits end cause siblings can’t get along? We need to be friends and help each other because no one else is gonna. No. Its not all the same. But we ALL have a vaild point. It sux not having an other half or not having the other half around. Way go for u truely single moms. Its hard and we all appercate you!!
Perfectly said!! Thanks for your support Becca!
wait to sweep up the rice the next day…when it dries out it’s super easy…
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LOL. Thanks for the tip. I have stopped serving rice altogether-got sick of the awful clean up! Thanks so much for reading!
I can totally relate to this post. I work 31 hours / week and my husband looks after the kids while I am gone. I could not survive without his support and I know that I am nothing like a single -mom. But, as soon as I arrive home, he is off, trying to squeeze every second out for his business. We make it work, but sometimes I miss doing stuff as a family, without feeling like we’re taking too much of my husband’s work time. I do have hope, though, as my youngest will be entering kindergarten in 2011, full time in 2012. That should help free up his time. I wish people were more understanding at family events when my husband is obligated to work in the limited amount of time available. They forget he spends more time with the kids than me, we just spend time at different times of the day. Sometimes I forget too.
Thanks for your comment Allison. This proves that everyone has a unique situation and you try your best to make it work.
I couldn’t agree more.
My husband works a “typical’ 8-5 job and I have several friends who’s husband work out of town/travel etc for their jobs and honestly…. they pity ME :)
Most families look forward to weekends…. mine does not. Having my husband home makes things so much worse, he doesn’t realize our ‘schedule’ or our ‘routine’… he normally messes it up all the while trying to ‘relax’ and having a poor attitude about our children (some with special needs) etc.
I often have called myself a single married mother…. Thanks for sharing this post with us all and making us realize that we are NOT in this alone… and there are other parents who feel the same way as we do.
Thank you
Kristin
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Thanks so much for reading Kristin. Sometimes when you are so used to doing it alone, when the help from a husband does happen, it’s almost hindering than helpful. You are never alone-I hope to see you again-maybe on my Facebook page or on my blog. I love meeting other women who share my lifestyle.
Loved every word of this and felt everything you said!!!! Good to know that I am not alone!! Thanks!
So great to meet you Nan! I hope to see you on my Facebook page and on my blog so we can keep in touch. It’s great to know there are other women out there who live the same lifestyle as I do and just “get” it! You are not alone!!!!
How funny, I also moved to Florida from New York! And while my husband doesn’t travel, we work opposite shifts so we only see each other on the weekends. The “single” mother part can be sort of frustrating, especially since the children obey my husband with much less resistance than they do me. But it is nice to fix PB&J for dinner when I don’t feel like cooking, or to sit down and read a magazine after the kids have gone to bed without being interrupted for adult conversation. ;-)
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How do you like Florida? It was a tough move for me, coming from such a busy city like NY. Now that I have kids, I love it here though and welcome the calm atmosphere! Thanks for reading!
At first, I hated it. Everything was so “cookie cutter-ish”. It grew on me though, and now I can’t imagine not living here. I love the year-round awesome weather. When you have kids, not spending an entire winter cooped up in the house is wonderful!
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I’m a single married mom and my husband is a single married dad. We switch shifts and on the rare occasion where we are both home together at the same time it definitely takes some time to figure out each others style.
I would be curious to know your husband’s take on this article. Whether you are a man or woman, if you are doing it alone, it’s tough. Thanks for reading Alissa and sharing!
Although there are reasons to disagree and agree with different parts of this post, the comments were intriguing. I just read through them all, and quite frankly, got the idea that “REAL” single mothers seem to think that they work harder or make more sacrifices then those who are married. Everyone’s life and capabilities are different.
And obviously, if you are a mother and posting in a comment thread of a blog….you really aren’t THAT busy, now are you????
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Is it weird to say I love you? You are so right Sarah. I welcome any comment, both negative and positive and of course do not want to offend single mothers. I am sure their lives are challenging but unless you are in someone else’s shoes, you shouldn’t judge. Some people who have commented negatively assume my life is easier, because I am married and their life is harder because they are not. Again, you should never judge anyone else’s life. I work my ASS off as a mother, a wife, a friend and a business woman. I love your last comment! Too funny.
This is also true to me. My husband is my third child. When he is at home during weekend I felt more tired than ever. My kids are more uncontrollable. My husband also have this habit of teasing them until they cried and I felt like exploding. I found myself yelling while washing the dishes, “What is it again?! Don’t you know we have neighbors who probably want to burn our house bacause you are so noisy?!” *sigh* but I love him and I want him home always! :)
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