As a single mom, dating is something that I, and others like me, do/consider doing. Dating is complicated when you are a parent — from trying to find childcare, or the time, to actually go out on a date to making sure that the date is even be worth your valuable, limited time.
Today, though, it feels that there are so many more factors that didn’t exist the last time I was in the dating pool. Dating in 2017 isn’t easy — politics play a huge part in decision-making processes. For many of us single parents who are wading back out into the dating pool, the kind of questions we ask potential dates have likely changed a lot in recent years.
There are some differences of opinion that are still okay (like taste in music) and then there are some things that are just a straight-up nope.
Who Did You Vote for in 2016?
You better lead with this question so no one’s time gets wasted. Like, ask it in the first five minutes of meeting. If they voted for 45, then abort mission. Let that ship sink real quick because you are in for nothing but problematic bullshit. Even if they say that they were a single issue voter, they still let a misogynistic, racist, xenophobic bully take over this country. We are on the brink of World War III, and you don’t want to waste what could be your last months on someone like that.
Black Lives Matter
If the words “all lives matter” comes up in the conversation as anything but eye-rolling condescension, then expect a very swift “well, it was nice meeting you, but I gotta go.” This is not something that is up for debate — this is just fact. If someone doesn’t understand why, there isn’t enough air in my lungs to explain to you how wrong you are. Maybe someone else will, but it’s 2017. If you don’t get it by now, you don’t want to get it. And ain’t nobody got time for that shit. Sorry, not sorry.
You don’t have to walk around wearing a pink “pussy” hat and a graphic tee that says “Down with the patriarchy,” but you have to acknowledge that women, especially women of color, are still not really treated as equals in the world. If you’re a man, you have to be willing to do your part to help women achieve true, systemic equality, not because they’re your mother, or sister, or girlfriend, but because women are people too.
If you still think that marriage should be between a man and a woman only, then kindly see yourself to the door. This is the same for having an issue with gay couples who choose to have children, no matter how they choose to do it. If a child is going to have two loving parents, it doesn’t matter if the parents are the same gender.
It’s a woman’s right to choose. Period. A person can make their own choice to be against abortion for themselves (and themselves only), but to be against it to the point that you think policing all women’s bodies is okay, then it’s going to be a huge problem. If you think that defunding Planned Parenthood despite all of the good things they do is worthwhile, then you gotta GTFO.
If you’re on board for increasing military spending, but not okay with allocating government funds to take care of veterans and make sure they have basic things like shelter and adequate health care after serving this country, then you’re an asshole and there will be no second date.
This is separate from Black Lives Matter because there are plenty of other people who still need to be acknowledged. If you think it’s okay to waste money on a border wall to attempt to shut out Mexican immigrants, then you’re a racist. If you think that all Syrian refugees are terrorists, then you’re a racist. If you think anyone but white Americans deserve a good life, then YOU’RE A RACIST. And I don’t want to know you.
Look, if you like Bon Iver, then you have truly shitty taste in music, but you’re not a bad person. There is a big difference between bad taste and a bad person. In 2017, when almost all of the issues on the table are big issues, you can’t take any of them lightly. That may make me a shrew or whatever you want to call me, but if I’m spending my time with someone, then we better agree on the most basic of human rights.
And if for some reason you just keep finding people you have nothing in common with, you can try this app, which pairs you with people who hate the same things you do.