Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Artemis is a reluctant housewife who wishes she were a rock star. Follow her misadventures at Artemis Clover as she chases one pipe dream after another. The drama is all real.
I have a confession: King, at almost 5 months old now, still sleeps in bed with Patrick and me.
A habit I am at once proud to share with fellow co-sleeping families but almost embarrassed and reluctant to disclose to most everyone else, I feel burdened to make the decision soon which way to let the pendulum swing. When I was pregnant with King, I didn’t think it was even possible for me to turn out to be one of those, you know, hippie and free-living mommas that would snuggle with her baby all night long in the same bed but somewhere along the way to Mommydom, that is exactly who I have become. I started with the best of intentions, I swear, but that first night in the hospital—my baby being every bit his cute and cuddly self in his bassinet next to me—why, I just couldn’t let him be all cold and lonesome, now could I?
Against the nurse’s caution on how sleeping with your baby could increase the risk of SIDS or suffocation, I sneaked little King into my narrow hospital bed and held him close to me for the rest of the night. I loved how I was able to nurse him without having to get out of bed for it and seeing his angelic face at peace and watching his chest gently rise and drop with every calm breath…why, it was love at first sleep.
When King and I were released from the hospital a day later, I had already made up my mind that co-sleeping was the right lifestyle for my family. Oh how Patrick tried and tried to put up a fight but all his reasons why King needed to be tucked away in a separate room at night were immediately quelled when I pointed out how Patrick never got around to selling his pool table to make room for a crib in the “nursery,” now did he?
So for the past five months, we’ve tucked baby King smack dab in the middle of our bed with us every night and Patrick and I would make soft cooing noises and twirl the little hair that King has on his head until he would quietly slip into slumber. I cherish our nighttime routine and even though Patrick may argue that certain “other” parts of our relationship have suffered because of our sleeping arrangement (Sex? What’s that?), co-sleeping has created a new level of intimacy for our whole family that has me advocating left and right the virtues of the family bed.
When Patrick’s dad came to visit us last weekend, however, he sung a different tune and wondered how on earth King will ever grow up to be independent and unspoiled if he continues to be wrapped up in my arms each night? While I truly believe in my choice to co-sleep, he does have me thinking that maybe King does need his own bed, his own space, a room to call his own…and better that we implement these changes now than later.
To his recommendation, I’ve set up a crib for King next to my bed and for the past couple of nights, it’s been this back and forth game I play with myself of putting King in there to sleep and when I would hear so much as one tiny baby cry (of utter discomfort! And abandonment!) I would quickly rescue him in one fell swoop and have him back in our bed—where he belongs—in no time. But then I would feel guilty, that maybe I am not letting him grow up or am in some way hampering his maturation into toddlerhood, and want to—but can’t—put him back into his crib to sleep.
I dread going to bed tonight since I don’t know which way the pendulum will swing.
{ 84 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh what a fun read! Here’s my twenty-two cents, listen to your gut (not your Mama guilt, your gut) and if tonight it tells you to snuggle that baby up right next to you go with it! And if tomorrow night your gut tells you to that his crib is the right place for him, then so it is. A mamas gut is always right!
PS Sex is for the kitchen counter, not your bedroom!
thank you! i have always just followed my instincts when it came to raising King and i think this has really helped us know each other better and he is such a good boy. this is one issue that i am struggling with since a lot of our extended family want king out of bed with us!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
Baby steps, man. You’re making it happen – no point in rushing!
beckie & the grub recently posted..ps
i agree- baby steps! For all of you!
The Sublime Life recently posted..Ummm- Im just a little bit busy
I co-slept with both my babies and loved every minute as did they. They were safe, warm and snuggly and exactly where they should be – at the centre of their parent’s world. Your baby will probably naturally grow out of the need to be so close to you and it will be easier to move him into his own bed between 6 – 12 months, so for now love every minute while it lasts and don’t listen to anyone else!
“safe, warm and snuggly”–that is exactly why i have such a hard time giving him the boot!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
Fortunately, there’s no one “right way” to parent, so I’d follow what works best for you!
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..Vanilla cake saved my life
They grow up too quickly. Do what feels right for you:)
ZippyChix recently posted..Pet Etiquette 101
My first never slept in our bed. She’s never been the touchy-feely cuddly kind of kid. #2 though? She wound up in our bed EVERY morning around 4am when she was still itty-bitty. I think she was maybe 9 months old when she cut out that feeding? Anyway, my point is–do what you feel is right for all of you. But even when you know it’s the right thing to move him out of your space, it will still be hard. I STILL miss those early mornings where I could snuggle up with Zoe. Gah. Why do they have to grow up???
Sara Plays House recently posted..Letter To My Daughter …
Aww what a hard choice. I too slept with my pumpkins. Although I was worried all night if they would suffucate and a few times we ended up entangled in a mass of pillows and blankies, they all survived. Problem is though, it is a hard habit to break.
They will tell you when they are ready. Mine co-slept with me until she was 14 months old, and almost overnight went to her crib in a separate room. I felt mountainous guilt about not fostering her independence. Duh, she’s a BABY, she’s not SUPPOSED to be independent. When she was ready for it, it was almost painless. Our biggest obstacle wasn’t the co-sleeping, but the night nursing.
I agree with the first posted about listen to the gut, not the guilt. Don’t allow someone else to make your parenting decisions for you.
that’s what i have been thinking. that king will let me know when he wants a “big boy” bed. thanks for sharing.
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
Don’t dread it Mama! Good for you for listening to your instinct. I ended up a co-sleeper too…never thought I would but my baby let me know he’d have no other way. I’m so glad I tuned in and listened. Now we have peaceful nights. And, know what? My son is now 5 and sleeps peacefully in his own bed, his own room, all night long.
No, you are not spoiling your baby (impossible) and no, he won’t always be in your bed. Enjoy this time with him…goes way too fast. Keep on listening to your Mama instinct and it will all fall into place :)
Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom) recently posted..Tiny Bullies
The only thing I can tell you is that now, is that when I look back at those decisions I fretted over when my son was a baby or a toddler, I realize that for the majority of them, the time only lasted a split second in the grand scheme of life. When he’s sixteen, will it matter that he slept in your bed for 5 months, or 12 months? Will it matter that he used the pacifier for 2 years or 2-1/2 years? Will it matter that he potty trained at 3 instead of 2-1/2? Naw. And he’ll be perfectly well rounded and independent because he’s loved by his parents.
Ally recently posted..Generosity Abounds
yep!! you said it best. the little things we agonize over won’t be remembered or matter down the line. i feel the same way about milestones. i was freaking out because king hadn’t rolled over yet but you know what? he will soon enough!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
You tell a good story, girl. I thoroughly enjoyed that and am feeling for you, because I have gone through this (and what mother hasn’t unless her heart is made of cement) and come out on the other side, scarred, but alive. But no way am I giving unsolicited advice. I’m extremely interested in seeing which way the pendulum is going to swing.
dusty earth mother recently posted..My Philosophy on a Napkin
hi dusty earth mother, i may do a follow up post a few months from now to see whether all this fretting was for naught. :)
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
About a year after my grandmother died my Baby Girl (2 at the time) was in the hospital with a high fever. My uncle called to check on her and I told him she was fine, but it was hard sleeping in the hospital bed with her (I had made them take out the kid bed and bring in a regular bed because she would only sleep with me). I told him that I guessed I should have never got that started and should probably stop it. I will never forget his reply. He said, “I would give anything to be able to crawl up in bed with my Momma right now. You let that baby sleep with you as long as she needs.” And that is exactly what I did and I don’t regret it for a minute. She slept with us until she was five (the first of this year) and then we transitioned her out. It has been a super easy process because we were all ready for it. Don’t let anyone tell you the way to be a mother to your baby. You do what YOU think is right. Screw everyone else.
Jennifer recently posted..A day at the festival
*tear* thank you. i am sending this comment over to patrick right now!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
*instant tears*
Showing this one to my husband.
Thank you for this post Jennifer…
Yes, thank you! I loooove sleeping with my little man, and have been soaking up every minute … now that I’m not torturing myself about co-sleeping anymore.
My first born was in our bed for at least half the night for the first 6 months. We then transitioned him into a crib in his room. My youngest wanted nothing to do with sleeping in bed with anyone and would end up kicking my husband and I both out of the bed. As many people say, every baby is different. I’m a firm believer in, “you have to do what works for you.” No matter what you do, people around you will have their opinions.
Erin recently posted..What’s your mom-do
My daughter is now 6 years old and she still sleeps with me. I wish I had stopped it years ago but now she is hooked and refuses to fall asleep unless she is in my bed. She has always been touchy feely and kind of clingy. I’m afraid that I have in some way crippled her ability to be independent. I am still working on this issue. I keep giving deadlines for when she has to sleep in her own room but they come and go and still I give in. Be careful that this doesn’t happen to you! He may have to learn to self soothe at night because if you come everytime he makes a sound he will expect that. It is easier said then done. Good Luck!
My we did the family bed with both of our kids until they reached age 4 (by choice rather than necessity but I loved every minute of it). My daughter was actually more independent than my son (and moved easily into her own bedroom when she was ready) so to alleviate his fears we set up a small toddler bed in the same room as ours and he slept in there until he was ready to move into his own room with a brand new big-boy bed. It was baby steps but it worked. Good luck!
i think this is exactly what the extended family is afraid of. thanks for sharing!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
I have never thought of myself as a Co-sleeper either.
I am an “OLYMPIC SLEEPER” I love the sleep more than I love to shop or watch Law & Order…and if you know me, you know I loves me some Law & Order. LOL
but somewhere around the June of this year, under the guise of “he’s not feeling well” or” he keeps coming back in and I’m just TOO Fing lazy to get out of bed and take him to his own room” we have twin 2 yrs olds in our bed most night, and we are suffering with it.
I think that trusting your gut is the right thing, he’s still little and you’ll get your bed back (if you want it) I , just this morning, was discussing our nighttime bed companions with my husband, and while I agree taht we need our QUEEN Sized bed to ourselves, I do love falling asleep with those little heads next to me. ..it’s a wicked double edged sword.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
Kir recently posted..WordFUL Wednesday- Little guys with Lots to Say
just curious…what does your husband think of your nighttime companions? is he okay with all of you sleeping together?
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
What a funny read! There are about a thousand things I now do as a mom of two that I swore I’d never do and I agree with the others… pitch the guilt and go with the gut. After all, you know your child best, and more importantly… you know what you’re capable of handling on any given day. I’m still learning to pick my battles carefully! :) Good luck!
Valerie
http://mamaneedsmaintenance.blogspot.com/
Valerie recently posted..Age Painlessly…
We bought a king so that our Henry (20mo) and Lewis (2mo) would fit! They have their own beds too, but end up in bed with us every night.
My older two slept in bed with us too, until they wanted their own bed…
I love my space… but I’ll have plenty when they move on to their own things… You can’t spoil a baby, and they are only small and cuddly for a little while.
Miss Rebecca recently posted..You have a child that doesnt speakIII
My youngest son (now 2 1/2) is a co-sleeper. He refuses to sleep in his own bed. Mostly it is his dad’s fault. He did great in his bassinette and then he learned how to get out of the crib quick and come to our bed. We finally got rid of the crib and had him sleep in our bed. When we moved we got him a toddler bed and put it in the room with my middle son and no go. He refuses to sleep in it. Unfortunately he is a very rowdy sleeper and I try to refuse to let him in bed with us but my husband always gives in ruining the night sleep for me (he is a stay at home dad). i have finally advised him my bed is big enough for 2 people. He slept on the floor in the living room for a while with the baby but now is getting sick of that. I sometimes wake up and find them sleeping on the couch and I put the sleeping baby in his bed and tell my husband to get to bed but the baby usually wakes up and climbs into my bed. I think we need to be more forceful with it, but eventually I know my baby will NOT be sleeping in my bed. I KNOW that there will come a time when he wants his space and privacy. I have a 12 and 11 year old so I am not stressing it now but sometimes in the middle of the night when you get a child poking you going Mommy wake up watch TV you wish he wanted space and privacy NOW!
haha you sound like King’s daddy patrick! patrick does not like the poking and prodding at night since he is such a light sleeper. i, on the other hand, don’t feel it at all and can go right back to sleep. i think cosleeping bothers the parent that is the lighter sleeper, and thank you for sharing that it is not always the hubby!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
You do what feels right for you and your family and not what society or grandpa or whoever tells you is right. If you want him in the crib, then make that transition and hold on. If you want to be a co-sleeper that’s okay too! Don’t beat yourself up, it’s not a bad thing. I have co-slept with all 4 of my children (7-20mo). They were all different in level of how long and what they wanted, but they all 4 sleep peacefully in their own beds now. It is so much easier to nurse this way, I got so much more sleep than I ever would have up 4 times a night traipsing down the hall to feed the crying baby who was wide awake by then. My 3rd child comes to my bed fairly often right now, but she is going through an afraid of the dark phase and knows mommy’s bed is a safe place. I am glad I have created that comfort for them. I firmly believe you cannot spoil a baby and you’re not teaching him to “be dependent” on you – he already is, he’s a baby! It’s your job to teach him independence and potty training and all that jazz, but not at 5 months. As you already know, they aren’t 5 months for long. Good luck in your journey and remember to talk everything with a grain of salt. In the end it’s your baby and you do what YOU feel is best, that’s usually the right answer.
Kendra recently posted..Look at my new stuff!
ok i am saying this outloud:
I WANT A COSLEEPER!!
thanks for your advice.
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
I went through the same thing when DD was 6 months! The crib is next to the bed, but she doesn’t sleep in it. My thought is this, I’m a mom with mom instincts and if it doesn’t feel right, then it’s not right for us. All of this is temporary. It’s not like he will be graduating from highschool still co sleeping! I had to learn to stop stressing and enjoy the time I have with DD no matter what myself or others thought! You should try the same. Good luck!
Oh my he’s only 5 months, not like 15! Pretty sure he’s not going to want to sleep with you when he’s in high school lol. Each one of my kids slept in my bed for the most part until the next kid came along. They are currently 16, 11 and 7 so that tells you how many years I had a kid in my bed. The youngest we kicked out when Kindy started but he still likes to crawl in and snuggle. And that’s ok, except now we drag him out when he falls asleep because he hogs the bed and has a built in furnace. Although some times I probably didn’t get as much sleep as I would have with them in there I really cherish those years I had with them snuggled up with me. They grow up so fast! (and my oldest DEFINITLY wouldn’t want to sleep in my bed with me so they do eventually grow out of it lol)
mom taxi julie recently posted..Scary Hairy Moles
I love this story. Recently I read somewhere that while people are so excitable about things like co-sleeping, or binkies, or potty training, the reality is that children will do it all at their own pace, and they will do it. How many 18-year olds are out there in diapers? Not really any (with the exception of medical reasons)… My daughter (16 months) is attached to a binkie. My 8 year old was never attached to anything, so I got flustered, and convinced her to throw it away. Needless to say, the next day she had a melt down over it (she doesn’t have those, EVER), and I gave in, and bought new ones. She’ll stop when she’s ready, and if I have to buy her braces, oh well, chances are she would have need them anyway. I’m letting her get rid of it on her terms. I don’t care any more what people have to say about how I’m raising my kids-they are happy, healthy, smart, and beautiful, so there’s no need to let anyone’s opinions affect me. :)
thank you! i need to adopt that mentality too..that as long as king is happy..all is good.
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
As a co-sleeper myself I can say, brace yourself for more people like Grandpa. They will all try to convince you that it’s a terrible practice and he’ll be in high school before you finally get your bed back, you are emotionally scarring him for life, etc. Ignore them and do what’s right for YOUR FAMILY! Screw what everyone else says, and as far as sex goes, trust me you’ll manage to find another spot, lol. Plus you’ll actually be getting some sleep so that you can have sex when you want without it being a chore. ;)
hi randi i was trying to comment on your blog (i am from sacto too! well davis..) but i couldn’t. ugh. anyway thanks for your encouragement!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
artemis, this was beautifully written (of course it was, you always deliver!) and expresses what we *all* go through as we muddle through parenting– is it right (for us!) or isn’t it?! from what i can tell, you’re doing great! :)
in other news, *i* went to ucd, as well! how funny is that?!
well done lady!
I co-slept with all my three girls and they ALL turned out to be very independent sleepers. They still like to cuddle every now and then but none of them have sleeping issues and they all adjusted just fine to their own beds. In my opinion, I gave my kids the basis for knowing that Mom and Dad will always be there and knowing that has given them the wings they needed to let go.
We co-slept with our daughter until she was 9 months old. It was the absolute best thing for us as a family, and while I was reluctant to move her into her own crib, in her own room, it ended up working out for us all. It took 9 months for my husband to basically tell me that he missed being a couple. I took what he said to heart and made the change, which made for a happier husband and helped our daughter become an independent sleeper. Good for you for doing what makes your happy and comfortable.
I really don’t like the fact that people who don’t believe in co-sleeping judge you. I chose not to mainly because I didn’t sleep well with my daughter in the bed. I think moms need to lay off other moms. Every mom is different and raises their children differently, there is no right or wrong. I had a lot of unwanted opinions when I was trying the “cry it out method” of getting my child to sleep better. It didn’t work for me, the end. The mom community would be so much stronger if we all quit judging and forcing our ways on other moms and were there to support one another.
ABCfibi recently posted..Family & Prejudices
I think sometimes we push our kids to grow up too quickly. I was adamant about my son not sleeping with us (not sure why, but I was). He slept in a bassinet beside my bed for the first 3 months of his life. When I returned to work, I transitioned him to his crib (in his room). That was tough since he still woke up several times per night to nurse. I cannot tell you how many nights we slept together in a rocking chair as he nursed himself to sleep. Those are the precious moments that I will never forget.
Enjoy your little one and do what works best for you and your family. We did not co-sleep and I love the fact my son begs to get into his own crib now. But, he is not a cuddly little guy and I wish he was.
Jessica recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- Amway Center
Its a personal choice I think …but for me…with my youngest (now 11 yrs old) it wasn’t a choice , at the time I was living with my sister (while searching for my own place) I had to have her in my bed because there was no other place for her. Flash-forward to 5 months later and finally in my own house..it was hell to keep her in her crib, she wouldn’t sleep unless she was in with me (and she was a child that hated sleep anyway) she would scream the house down unless she was in bed with me..even my 15 yr old (at the time) son would try to take her in his room so i could get some uninterupted sleep (nice thought! but no-go) finally after a year she decided to sleep in her own bed (YAY!) . There are still nights though when she practically begs to sleep with me (NO WAY NO HOW!!- the kid is a total radiator!! the temp goes up 20 degrees when she’s near you!!) . All that being said though I know a few moms who love it! and thats awesome but for me? I NEED my sleep too much . ( who said that as you age you sleep less? ..not me ..it seems I need more than ever , aging sucks!!)
thanks for sharing. what i like about cosleeping is that we are so used to all of sleeping together that we travel well and never have to worry about a crib (your sleeping together out of necessity made me think of this). i need sleep too!! but thankfully i am a heavy sleeper.
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
My first co-slept with us until she was nine months. The only reason it ended was because I got pregnant with our second and we decided we needed some time to sleep alone again. And even then, she wasn’t out of our bed all night until she was about 14 months. Our second is 3 months and we proudly co-sleep. We have a co-sleeper, but our bed is too low for it.
At first, my husband was against it completely, but now, I think he secretly enjoys it. The baby doesn’t wake him because he doesn’t cry long enough because I’m right therer with him. I also feel he’s safer, I can feel the slightest change in breathing and am able to wake up. Not to mention that if there were a fire I could quickly grab him while my husband grabbed our toddler.
Follow your gut. It’s okay to do it YOUR way.
Pua recently posted..This started out with a purpose but jumps around erratically
I WISH Emerson liked to co-sleep. That was actually our plan before she was born, but she didn’t even rest well in the hospital when in bed with me. As soon as she was swaddled and put in that rolly cart she went right to sleep. When we came home I tried to bedshare but she would fuss until she was put into the Pack and Play bassinet we set up at the foot of the bed. We moved her to her own room at 5 months when she would wake every time I turned in my sleep.
She’s now 21 months and just started to enjoy snuggling, but still won’t cosleep, even for a nap. I would love to get all cozy and drift off with her – I say do it as long as it feels right to you, all it will do is make you three closer as a family.
Allie recently posted..Underwhelmed by Cloth Diapers
Pshaw! 5 months is not that old. My oldest (now 5) coslept with us until the baby was born (last June). My husband would say our sex life suffered a little (more now that we have the new baby), but we had our weekly sex date and met it more often than not (and if we missed our scheduled day, we usually made it up later in the week).
Here’s my take: your baby spends 9 months in a snug warm place, constantly with you. The minute they are born society states they need to sleep in their own bed, alone. Bull pucky. My new daughter will probably move to her own bed sooner than we moved our oldest, but that’s more because she’s an early mobile kid (4 months and almost crawling) and I don’t feel safe with her in the bed if my husband isn’t in the bed on the other side. I’m actually kind of hoping we can cosleep until she’s ready for a big girl bed and then we can put the girls in bed together.
The bottom line is that is it no one’s business what goes on in your bed (so long as it isn’t illegal or hurting anyone). You do what you need to do to sleep. If that means everyone’s in their own bed or the same bed, it doesn’t matter.
Wendy recently posted..J Bookwalter 2004 Merlot
I think if done responsibly co-sleeping is a wonderful thing, but I will admit it is not for everyone. That being said we ARE a co-sleeping family. My son never slept more than a total of 2-3 weeks in his crib total and maybe a month or two in his bassinet but those were naps. When it came to going to sleep for the night he usually ended up in the bed after I nursed him. I think it started out more or less because I was so tired that I would just keep him in the bed with us to make midnight nursing sessions easier. After he stopped nursing at 18 months old, I was so used to him being in the bed that we kept our sleeping arrangement the same. He is now an independent 3 year old who still sleeps in between me and the hubby. Yes, he is still overly attached to me at times, but that is more because we live far away from our family and friends. When we are visiting family, I hardly see my son because he doesn’t need me he is busy keeping up with his cousins that he could care less if I was in the house or not. Another reason that people say to me that co-sleeping is bad for the parents’ intimate nights, I beg to differ. I think it has actually made the hubby and I a little more creative. Where there is a will there is a way!
Joanne recently posted..Viva Las Vegas!
He’s 5 months old right? It’s not like he’s 10. And if he were, that’s still a decision you and your family has made. When I had my first child, I politely but firmly told those around me… “This is MY child. I (and my husband) will make the decisions. You’ve had a child that you made decisions for. It’s our turn.”
The whole idea of spoiling a baby…. I don’t believe in it. I think it’s called love & security. My youngest co-slept with us for the first 2 maybe 3 months. When it just got to the point he was wanting to nurse (aka use me as a paci) all night long. Neither of us were getting the sleep we needed. So at that point I knew he needed his own bed. But still, if he wakes up in the wee hours, I’ll bring him down to bed with me to sleep the rest of the night through.
“Cookie” recently posted..Apple Orchard
I must say although my 19 month old gies to bed in his own cot quite happily if he wakes up during the night I bring him straight into my bed. This is for 2 reasons – firstly he is very good and settles straight down to sleep and secondly I can still remember what it wad like when you wake up in the dark alone and get turned away from your parents’ bed.
awww… come to think of it, i don’t think i was ever that interested in sleeping with my parents. but only because i am a twin and always had someone to snuggle with.
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
We tried everything, including co-sleeping and it worked for awhile and I loved it. Super convenient for nursing moms for sure but we eventually transitioned her to her own room and now she sleeps like a rockstar. We never went into this thinking we had to do this one specific way and eventually we found our groove as a family. I think it’s important that we’re open to trying different things. Great finding you here. Love your blog!
Justine recently posted..Abby’s school
Don’t feel to bad about co sleeping. A lot of people I know have done it, including myself. When they get old enough just put a bed next to yours and slowly over time move it away until its in their own room. When it was time for my daughter to make the switch we got her a toddler bed and she was so excited about it and being a “big” girl that she has never looked back. Most people I know say their kids did the same, they like independence. as for the sex you just have to sneak around and get creative. Nothing new for parents anyways.
thank you. that’s what my sister says, that at some point king will want to be a big boy and get his own bed. and then i will regret we didn’t spend more time cuddling!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
I loved co-sleeping with my daughter and I did it for nearly a year. She’s 8 now and couldn’t stand to sleep next to me if I paid her.
You’re doing what is best for family. eHighFives.
Adryon recently posted..Sick Kids Suck
haha ehighfives. never heard of it but i might just have to steal it!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
You go woman! Co-sleeping is awesome. My son is 2 1/2 and he still sleeps in the bed with us. It’s great. I love snuggling with him.
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Dude- Does Your Mom Cut Your Hair
Always love your posts! My husband and I plan to co-sleep with our little one someday for at least the first 6 months if we can. After that, we’ll just see what happens. Sometimes stuff like this isn’t totally in your control anyway–those babies have pretty strong personalities and opinions, lol!
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My Son was born 11 weeks early at 2 lbs 4 ozs…he was in the NICU for 48 LONG days before he came home. I thought since he was used to being alone in the “Preemie Condo” aka Isolette he wouldn’t want to sleep with me and would be more independent. I was wrong…once he came home he longed to be held just as much as I longed to hold my baby as long as I wanted with no Nurses and Doctors telling me I had to put him back in his condo and “let him grow”. I was nervous about him coming home without the machines telling me his everything his little body was doing so I bought expensive baby monitors and gadgets. I soon realized that we both slept much better next to eachother with no monitors or gadgets, he’s now almost 3 and he grabs my arm everynight to put around his waist and snuggle while sleeping. When my Husband and I go away for a weekend we both have a hard time falling asleep with our little man missing. I do have his bed next to ours but I think the mattress is too hard so he won’t sleep nearly as long in his bed as he does in ours. I love co-sleeping and when he’s ready to go in the Big Boy Bed I will be there to help him every step of the way until then I’m going to hold on tight and take free snuggles while he still wants to give them :) Thanks for sharing your story…do what makes you feel good inside. My co-workers Pediatrician actually encouraged co-sleeping…I’m just saying LOL
I LOVE YOUR story! wow what a little baby! i’ve heard before that skin to skin contact is what makes babies heal. and stores sell these things that mimic breathing and provide warmth…just sleep with the mommy! i feel so good about my decision right now!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
You mean there is another way to sleep besides co-sleeping??? Co-sleeping was best for us. Follow your MOMMY HEART!!! Not what Grandpa says. Grandpa is trying to be nice, just nod and say,”thank you” and do what is best for you and your baby.
Crazy Lady recently posted..10 Things That Make Me Happy
Both my sons slept in our bed. Now they are seven and nine and happily in their own beds, in their own room. We transitioned them when they seemed ready. They were in our bed for years. When they didn’t fit so well anymore, they slept on a mattress next to our bed. It was great. So many problems avoided for us by doing this. Also? We could always find a place to do the sex. Not a problem.
BUT. I stopped telling people after a while. Including the doctor. People have all these opinions and guess what? I didn’t feel like listening anymore. Mostly because what we were doing felt right to me and listening to others’ opinions felt like a waste of my time and often annoyed me. I learned a very great lesson throughout it all: keep mouth shut unless I want to explain myself. Which I rarely do.
hi shin ae, yes what i am learning very quickly is just do what i believe in but dont tell others since everyone has an opinion! thanks for sharing!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
Yay, Artemis! It’s so good to see a post from you highlighted at Scary Mommy!
I really love this post since I can relate so well. There is no wrong or right way with co-sleeping! The vast majority of the world’s population co-sleeps or has a family bed (perhaps out of need more than anything else, but it sill works for so many families regardless of the reason). Also, it’s not true about the increase in SIDS. In fact, doctors are finding the co-sleeping lowers the risk because the parents are right there in the bed with them. Even during our REM stage of sleep, we are conscious of our sleeping babies. The research I’ve read about people smothering their babies while they sleep tend to be either drunk, have taken drugs, or are on sleep medication.
I never thought I would co-sleep with my baby but we ended up doing so for exactly the same reasons. After about 6 months, we tried to move him but he wasn’t having it. We could not get him out of our bed for one year even though we tried everything! We all got the best night’s sleep when we slept together. But we didn’t give up. Around his 1st birthday, we took the crib out of his room and moved him into his own double mattress on the floor. He was so young, but he loved it immediately! He started to sleep through the night and we’ve had no problems whatsoever. He’s been an amazingly independent sleeper for 2 years now. All of this is to say that babies need extra comfort when they sleep but, although the transition may be difficult for some, all babies will grow into children that sleep on their own.
-Aimee
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hi aimee!! yay! so you are the first to point out that once you are a mother, you become so aware of your baby and even the slightest movement will wake us up. i was such a heavy sleeper, to the point where it was like i was drugged, but ever since i became a mommy, i am so in tune with king. just naturally. so suffocation and sids aren’t really a worry for me but this is hard to explain to people who don’t cosleep. have a good night!
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..The end of a fairy tale
It was my MIL who told me that if she could do things over with her kids, she would let them sleep in the bed with them and not have fretted over doing things by the so-called book. My son is 20 months and we still co-sleep. He starts off in his bed and loves it but eventually wakes up and comes to ours. It works for us…only you know what is right for you and your LO and family.
As for sex…you can do that, anywhere!
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Our 2 year old ans 4 month old are both in bed with us (so you know we managed to have a second–there are other rooms in your apartment).
Our 2 year old and 4 month old are both in bed with us (so, you know, we managed to have a second–there are other rooms in your apartment). There are a lot of benefits to co sleeping and attachment parenting in general. My experience (and others I know) see increased independence, not decreased. Keep with your gut, its always right when it comes to your kids.
FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS!!!!! don’t listen to anyone but your own head and heart and what works for you and your husband and more importantly – your new baby! I have three children and co-slept /co-sleep with all of them to this day,=. my son is 8 yeas old and still requests to sleep with us occasionally, and we let him! who cares! he loves us, we love him, sure he is big now and I don’t get a great nights sleep – BUT – soon enough he is not even going to let me in his bedroom let alone sleep with me! I ADORE that my kids still need me! They grow up too fast and I want to relish each and every moment I can with them! (My little one is 4 and has never NOT slept with me)
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Can somebody explain to me why this is a big deal in the States? Like the breastfeeding versus bottle debate this is not really an issue here in sunny (ok cloudy) little Belgium.
hi belgium,
yes americans do debate a lot over breastfeeding vs. formula and sleeping with your baby vs. not. the reason is due to our entrepreneur/frontier mentality where we highly value and advocate independence so we try to rear our kids in that way as early as possible even though our practices may not make a difference or help.
Artemis Clover: The real L.A. love story. recently posted..We are not monogamous
I loved. love. LUH-VED this post. I’m struggling right there with you mama. My son is 9 months old and has been in bed with me since he was born. I wonder too, if I am hampering his independence. But with his Papa coming and going from our lives all the time, I feel like our little night time ritual is something that has always been consistent and that should be cherished, right! Right?!? It’s so so tough to say, but I think the other ladies had it right, go with your gut. YOU know whats right for YOUR baby. Everyone else’s opinion is just that, an opinion.
Keep your chin up Mama, you seem like your doing a great job.
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No good advice just my own experience. My oldest, now 18, never slept with us and quit breastfeeding at 7 mos. We aren’t very close and never have been. It’s a strange relationship. My second child (10) nursed 3 1/2 yrs and slept with me until she was about 2 then she moved into her own room but would come in during the night to nurse. She is my favorite, I must admit. When she stopped nursing she stayed the entire night in her own room. My 3 year old son is still nursing. His toddler bed is next to ours and he starts out there but some time between 2 and 4 am he crawls into our bed looking for YaYa ( breast milk) and there he stays. He’s my boy, what can I say? At some point they stop nursing and sleep alone. It just happens and you will miss them when they do, so enjoy it while it lasts.
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i’m from the philippines. honestly, i don’t get what the fuss is all about co-sleeping. i co-slept with all 3 of my kids – often, all three will sleep in our bed until today when the eldest is 13 and the only boy is 8 and the hubby will sleep somewhere else while the 4-year old special child sleeps with us most of the time – and everybody survived. where i come from, mothers are expected to co-sleep with the baby. breastfeeding is such a drag when you have to get up and cross to the other room in the middle of the night. plus, it gives a baby the sense of security it needs from its mother. most Filipina mothers will not even dare think of leaving an infant all alone by himself in a dark room across the hallway! and yes, at some point, our kids will want their independence and we will be left with an empty bed and an empty nest. enjoy it while I can, indeed.
There is nothing wrong with it, esp in the beginning! I did the same with my daughter & there were times that she communicated to me that she wanted her own space & to be in her own bed, so I did that. But if she cried, I put her in bed with me. Now, almost 2, some nights she’s all night in her own bed, or starts out but ends up in bed w/ me casue she wants to & is crying. Nothing wrong with cuddling on your baby when he is crying & you’re his momma you have every right to cuddle in bed with him when you want to!
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I co-slept with both of my children. My husband works nights, both my babies were born early and had problems with reflux, and other health problems. It was the best thing for them being close to me. My children also slept on their stomach. This is the thing. My mom had nine children. When she got pregnant with her youngest; it was around the time everything started to change. She was told that she needed to put her baby to sleep on his back and that co-sleeping was dangerous. She told the doctor that she already had eight children, co-slept with us, put us to sleep on our stomach and guess what? We all survived.
I was always careful about co-sleeping and followed all the precautions and I never had a problem except for one instance that scared the life out of me…at first. My first child, Izzie, was a lot more cuddly than my second. She loved being close to me, all the time. When Izzie was only a few weeks old, I woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t see her. I was half awake, but I remember the panicked–about to have a heart attack–split second feeling. I was lying on my side. I pulled my blanket away and found her lying on her side in the head-down fetal position perfectly situated against my stomach, exactly how she was in my womb. I have no idea how she got there, but she was cozy and sleeping soundly. Nothing like that every happened again, but to this day, I remember that moment when I felt like was getting a peak at what she looked like inside of me.
I so loved this post! I feel every time we make a change in our daughter’s routine, I wonder which way the pendulum will swing. Wow, that was just beautiful and EXACTLY how I would describe those feelings of what I think is best for my child and what has been recommended to me by “experts.”
And I look forward to rethinking every decision again with my next child.
I still sleep with my 19 month old. I slept with my first son until I was about to have my second. He was 2 1/2. I never, ever thought I would be “one of those” either. But I guess I am. I HATE cribs and can’t stand to leave them alone in one. I’m too nervous/anxious worrying about him. I’ll give him the boot when I feel he and/or I are ready.
Co-sleeping rocks. Both of my daughters naturally migrated to their own beds/rooms at around age 3. They are now 10 & 4 and I miss those magical baby years of cuddle-icious heaven…..enjoy it while you can! Good news is that they still find their way into our room at some point in the early morning. They stumble half asleep (often times the older one has carried her sister along) to the foot of our bed where they snuggle in to sleep the last hour or two before wake up time!
I’m late in reading this, but I wanted to add my experience. I didn’t co-sleep with the first four (now 13, 14, 16, and 19). This last one (now 4), well let’s just say that we did a lot of things that didn’t happen with the first ones. Co-sleeping was one of those things. She stayed in my bed every night until about 2 1/2. Neither of us intended it to be so long, but secretly, we both loved it even though we knew the night consisted of her toes ending up in our ears. And every morning, she comes to snuggle. She tells me, “I love your snuggles. It’s my fav’rite time of the day!” It melts me. And I can’t count the number of people who told us we were making a mistake or setting ourselves up for so many future problems. She’s literally the most independent child I have. She plays just as good on her own as she does with others. IMO independence isn’t learned through sleeping, it’s through the active time that we’re aware. I could be wrong, but that’s just my opinion. As for the transition, it was actually super easy. I did just like I do with potty time – I involve them. I took her to the store and let her pick out new bedding that would be specifically for her big girl bed. We got home, washed it and I got her to help me make her bed. That night, she couldn’t wait to sleep in it. I guess it helped that I somewhat made it “her” idea by letting her make the choice. Anyhow, good luck and follow your mommy voice.
I love this! We’ve been cosleeping for 10 years with 5 kids (not all at once, usually). Don’t worry, they do leave. I have the 2 sets of bunk beds to prove it! Enjoy that sweet baby!