A few days ago, we were driving in the car and there was a story on the radio about gay marriage. From the back, Lily asked what the story was about. In the most basic language possible, I explained that in some states a man and a man or a woman and a woman can get married if they love each other. But, unfortunately, in some states, they cannot. She just nodded and returned to complaining about Ben kicking her seat. Jeff turned to me and sighed. Such a hard thing to explain to a kid, he said. Not really, I answered back, it’s easy. It’s only complicated for adults.
Ben asks about religion pretty often. They attend a Jewish school, but I am not a big believer. It’s hard for me to answer some of their questions, as my beliefs differ from what they are being taught. A few weeks ago, we drove by a church. “What do people do in there?” Ben asked. They pray to God, I responded. The God that they believe in. “Like us,” Ben said. “So all people just pray to God in all different buildings?” Yes, that’s right, I said.
So utterly simple at the core.
Sometimes, the sheer responsibility of raising children hits me like a ton of bricks. We’re supposed to mold them? Supposed to teach them what’s right and wrong in a world that we’re still figuring out how to navigate? How do you explain these horrible images from Japan when you can hardly look yourself? I can barely decode my daughter’s homework most nights. Jeff still can’t figure out how to run the dishwasher. The tuition bills are unpaid and summer plans unmade and we’re supposed to be the ones teaching our children?
But, sometimes, my kids remind me that it’s not all that complicated. It’s about love. Love, and hope. Just the basic stuff we’re teaching them.
And I see that out of all the not so perfect stuff we do as parents, we’re not doing such a bad job, either.
Sometimes.
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Jill, you gave me chills this one. It’s perfect and beautiful and as simple as it *should* be. Perfect.
Love and hope – perfect.
BalancingMama (julie) recently posted..Cant we all just get along
Absolutely beautiful! Thank you for the reminder…
This. Perfect, amazing and so right.
love and hope…things we lose sight of in the everyday chaos of life. This was a nice reminder that things just aren’t as complicated as we believe them to be. Thank you for this wake-up call.
Oh such a beautiful post Jill. You’re right — love and hope. Miss you.
What a lovely post. It’s love, hope and keeping it simple.
Aww I really like this one. One of your better ones I think. Its true sometimes when I see my daughter wear something or do something a certain way im thinking omg! I taught her to do that just by her watching me. Absorbing everything like a sponge. Its a big task to raise a well rounded, polite, some times mega bratty child.. Just glad im around to do it.
It really is as simple as love and hope…
Wonderful post!!
Kristine recently posted..Man Candy Monday Vampires are getting sexier all the time…
So true.
Beautiful way to start the morning. Thank you. You are so right when you say it’s not kids who are complicated but adults.
My kiddo has grown up with a lesbian couple living next door. We’ve never made it seem anything but normal–he has no reason to think otherwise. We are not religious either, but that is getting tricky because his friends are starting to vehemently express their beliefs. His religious beliefs are set–”I don’t believe in Jesus but I believe in Star Wars and angels and the tooth fairy.” It’s amazing what is “real” in a 7-year-old’s eyes…
Vinobaby recently posted..My Words in the Sentinel
Love and Hope. That’s really basically what it’s all about.
And truth.
pamela recently posted..Chocolate Frogs
100% true
You’ve given me a new outlook today. Maybe today I won’t be so hard on myself. Parenting IS the hardest job…..and I am doing the best I can…most of the time.
So true, so true!! Just keep it as simple as u can..an if ya don’t know wut to say..let them no u need a cuple of days to think bout it..my hubby tries so hard..I get lost in his explanations..I have to stop him before the kid gets too lost that he forgets wut they r tlkn about!! (ATLEAST HE TRIES?!)
Beautifully said.
I actually just recently blogged about how I explained to my kids about what is happening in Japan.
It was really interested because my 6year old was very concerned, and it didn’t even phase my 4year old. I think it is very important to teach our children that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and that they are very lucky to have everything that they have. It’s also important to teach them that everyone is different, and that doesn’t make them weird, it makes them special
So True! Yesterday my 19 yr old daughter started a conversation about the style of clothing she had seen other girls wearing. In the middle of the conversation she paused and said to me “Mom, Thanks for raising me right”. I almost missed that tidbit as I continued on with the conversation. I had to stop and digest what I’d just heard. Wow! Did I just hear what I thought I did? Talk about confirmation that I’d been doing it right all along! I had a strong urge to go off on a tangent about how hard it had been, how my choices hadn’t always been the ‘popular’ choices, etc. etc. Instead, I just smiled at her and said “Your Welcome”.
Your post made me cry. Of course, I am 9 months pregnant, so……
I can relate to these feelings, though. Sometimes its just such an overwhelming thought and other times it all seems so simple.
Nothing like starting your day off bawling! Most days it seems so difficult to raise children. Always questioning the decisions I make, but in the end it’s all about love, compassion and respect for the people and world around us.
I’ve been thinking heavily on things like this a lot. Right and wrong, strong moral upbringing, all that jazz… And the realization hit me at the oddest time, today, how much we screw it up.
I really just might write a spin-off post on this. You’re always inspiring, Jill.
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You are so right! Most kids just need just a little information when they ask questions that we often over-complicate with our answers. My little girl happened to see some images of the devastation in Japan on the news this morning and asked, “is that from the crack in the Earth?” a “yes” was the only answer she needed.
Mommy 2.0 recently posted..Parenting for the Complete Klutz
that was so good and important and poignant. Thank you for writing it.
Kir recently posted..TRDC- The Tantrum
Thats exactly right. Love Love Love and more Love, and Hopes!! :) is what we can teach our children and give them..this a great post!
Just beautiful, bean. And as an outsider, you are doing an amazing job raising them – all the time.
Love and hope. I needed that this morning. Thank you! Your post gave me goosebumps.
annie recently posted..Long day but good day
It’s amazing how half the time we’re teaching our children and the other half we’re learning from them. And how utterly simple their needs really are.
moomser recently posted..Decisions- decisions
I wish adults were as easy to talk to ask children. Adults have to over-complicate everything. Children, on the other hand, see right through to the core issue – like your examples. It must be so refreshing to have such an uncluttered view of the world. I wish it could stay that way longer for them.
Memoirs of a Single Dad recently posted..Dad vs Father and Dad’s Rights
Sounds like you’re doing pretty “right” to me… :)
Being in an interfaith marriage I too think it is so simple for kids. It’s praying in different buildings. It’s people all trying to better themselves. At least for my kids, being different is totally cool. I dread the day when they realize how shitty it is to be an adult and understand that for some people, being different is like the worst thing in the world.
If only we could all stay so open minded and happy to kick our brothers.
Wonderful post, Jill. Thank you.
Brittany {Mommy Words} recently posted..What’s By My Bed
Love this, and can totally relate. My grandmother (who I was really really close to) died last month, and my six-year-old son asked where she went. It was hard to know what to tell him, when I don’t really know what I believe. This parenting stuff is a whole lot harder than it looks! But you boiled it right down to what is really important, and that’s LOVE.
That’s the beautiful thing about kids – things aren’t complicated yet. You are so, so, right on this one!
Thankfully, children are amazingly resilient and will survive most of our mistakes (of which there are many!). Parenting is one of the most humbling experiences, one that brings our own vulnerabilities to the forefront and sometimes, as you say, the best way to cope is to break it down to the basics, the things that really matter: doing our best to live and love with honesty and integrity.
Karla Valenti recently posted..T Room – You know you have kids when…
Thank you for a much-needed reminder and attitude adjustment this morning. It really IS that simple!
ChiMomWriter recently posted..Is She Really a Danger
What a beautiful post. This is what we (parents) need more of – confirmation that even if we don’t have all the answers, it’s okay. And, that the method matters less than the result. As long as our kids turn out happy, healthy, and well-adjusted, how we get them there is up to each of us individually.
Lana D recently posted..And The Week Begins With A HUGE Upturn!!
Beautiful post Jill and a great reminder during the tragedies of Japan.
I treasure that simplicity in kids! These are such cute stories!
Mama Kat recently posted..Japan
Ahh, this is perfect. I needed this reminder. Sometimes I feel like I’m failing miserably, but yes, in the end, raising a hopeful, empathetic person is really all I aim to do!
I was just having a conversation with a friend the other day about how I keep waiting for the “responsible adult” to show up and take over, kind of like when I nannied before having a kid of my own. Someone else always came home. After a while, I realize that I AM the responsible adult and it kind of freaks me out! ;)
Heidi recently posted..Sweet Parties Ben’s Monkey Party
Awesome post, Jill. Out of the mouths of babes, huh? :)
Kevin Bruce recently posted..Westward HO!
so true, good point. kids get it, adults don’t. excellent post momma!
vanillasugarblog recently posted..Winter 2011 and other stuff
wouldn’t it be just grand if life really were THIS simple.
goosebumps friend… and nodding my head because you’re so right…
xx
Jill recently posted..Heres How I Spent MY Saturday
Oh so very very true! Kids have a way of making it all seem so simple, as it should be! Thanks for the nice post!
Alecia @ Hoobing Family Adventures recently posted..Eloise Mae Maternity Photos
I m not a mother. When I think beeing a mother all I can imagine it s me, a big belly and a red velvet cake. The reason I ” can t see” further than that it s because I cannot imagine what means to shape another human beeing, a vulnerable one that needs all my attention.
These fears are normal and I m glad that you have the courage to admitt that you re not the 60 s perfect mother.
Andreea @ Our Journey To USA recently posted..Her Post- Are You Moving Your Hairy Butt Enough Think Again
So beautiful, so simple. I just want to hug this post. May I?
xoxo,
Tracy
tracy recently posted..Captive Audience
So simple that only kids can understand.
That sentiment is so, so true.
Jennifer recently posted..Its working
We as a society seem to be looking for one giant answer all the time. Some magic words that will confirm what we believe, what we know to be true. We seek someone to assure us in our minds that yes you are doing it right (which is why people make millions selling self help books and parenting books) but really we should just know by feeling it. Kids feel things. Those feelings give us the simple answers we really need.
Holly Taylor recently posted..Claire Bear
Wouldnt it be great if we could all see things as simply as children do? It would probably be a better world if we did :)
Lin recently posted..Being Healthy Is So Expensive & The Nook ColorYay or Nay
I just want to give you a giant hug. This was such a beautiful post.
I try to remind myself of this too, when I fell like everything I do is wrong or not good enough. It is good enough. I love my son {and his future brother} more than life itself. And that’s more than enough.
Also, your explanation about gay marriage and God, perfect. Simply perfect.
Sounds like you are giving them all the right messages.
Kelly Deneen recently posted..Its Official Delia is a big sister
Isn’t it amazing then when you explain things in their simplest terms that it’s all so easy? It’s just us stupid adults that screw it all up and complicate things.
If only children ran the world…
Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) recently posted..In which I fly away
Yep. It’s that simple at it’s core. A lovely musing.
anymommy recently posted..Vacancy
Yep. It’s that simple at its core. A lovely musing.
anymommy recently posted..Vacancy
This is way better than a brick & mortar esbtalishemnt.
Completely right. For children, things are simple and pure; adults muddy things up. What a timely post.
Yes, thank you, this was beautiful and got me all choked up.
Quizzical mama recently posted..finding my time for sanity
It is so simple…you’re absolutely right. To hear it from their mouths, why do the adults muck it up so much?
Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 recently posted..You Suckers Surprise Me Every Time
Agreed. It’s all about love and kindness. Most important.
Great post. You really hit the spot with this.
Fiona recently posted..Mind Your Language
So true, and we all know it. It’s such a cliche to say we learn from our kids, but damn it if it isn’t true.
Thanks for joining the ranks of the real parents among us, and having the courage to laugh along the way!
I love this post! We do our best to over complicate things as parents, and it is amazing to find out (usually by accident) how simple life’s explanations really need to be.
Bohemian Hijabi recently posted..Rose Colored Lenses
It is much easier when they are little and can’t read. After that things begin to get a bit more complicated.
Jack recently posted..Don’t Step On My Blue Suede Shoes
Utterly beautiful and true. Children see the world in the most simplest way. It’s us adults that have the ability to totally confuse and complicate things.
By the way – congrats on the piece about you in CNN! It was awesome. I would have said something earlier – but the filters at work won’t let me come here!
Gigi recently posted..And this is what happens when you have a husband at home all day with access to the internet
It is funny how we adults make it so hard. I have run into this talking to my kids. I’m glad that they keep it so simple and I hope it stays that way forever.
myevil3yearold recently posted..Winners and Confessions
I agree.
Children see it so simply.
If only we could all stay that way.
Alexandra recently posted..Beautifully Bilingual – Your Child Talking Guest Post
Absolutely lovely post…and just what I needed today. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog. I love all of it — the funny stories, the sarcastic remarks, and the deep and meaningful undertones. Thank-you.
We have two dear friends, my son’s “uncles”. When my son asked about gay marriage, I explained, in simple terms, that the uncles would probably get married the way that Mom and Dad are married.
His reply, “I have just one question.”
My thought…uh oh. My reply, “What’s that?”
His question, “Will there be cake?”
See…simple! Excellent post, Jill!
I absolutely love this post. You and I have very similar views. It really is so simple, if only we’d let it be.
Well said! Love and hope are the best that anyone can teach their children.
Amanda recently posted..The Fortune Teller
Jill, this was JUST what I needed to read tonight. Thank you! Loved it.
My motto is kiss. Keep it simple stupid. Forget about over complicating it. Great post.
DC Urban Dad recently posted..I told her no She did it anyway- so goes parenting
If all adults took the time to look at things from a child’s viewpoint, the world probably would be a much better place. Love this post!
d, the undomestic housewife recently posted..What would it take
I’ve only been reading your blog for a little while but I have read everything that you have posted. I think this one is by far my favorite. Love is simple, adults just don’t understand because we have been brainwashed into being afraid of the unknown. You are doing an amazing job at raising your children. They will grow to be amazing adults, much like you.
Beautiful post Jill. Still have the chills from it!
As a mother, I understand that our children care about two things:
1.Can mommy and daddy take care of me?
2.Am I safe?
“Images seen on TV are sometimes impossible to remove from your child’s mind – they can last a lifetime. Words said by the parent can be softened and carefully chosen so their child can understand, but not feel too anxious.” Dr. Robert Pressman
For more info: http://bit.ly/hTKVm9
Im a new mom and when I think about teaching my daughter morals and values and lessons it seems so overwhelming! Your post reminded me that I am not alone and it really can be simple…..sometimes! Thanks!
When my son was about 7 he was on a baseball team with an adopted boy from China that was from a deaf family with two dads. That fall Texas had a special election referendum denying legal status to same sex marriage. I had my children with me when I voted against it. My son asked me what I was voting for, and I explained simply, “Well, you know Alex on your team, right? Some people think that because his parents are different then they shouldn’t be allowed to get married if they want to, and I just don’t think that’s fair.” My 7 year old son looked down for a second and then said, “You mean because his dads are deaf? You’re right mommy, that’s not fair!”
Kids do make it simple. There was never a moment when my son thought that what was different about Alex’s family was that it had two male parents. If only legislators thought the same way.
Love and hope – so beautiful. You know what else isn’t complicated?
Shaving.
Yet I just can’t get it right?
Seriously, what’s with that middle-school-teacher-Ms.-Elyse-who-said-it-just-took-a-little-while-to-figure-out?
Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..Almost
Wonderul post – thanks for sharing this!
Christi recently posted..Baby Mullet
the simplicity of it all could be so beautiful if it stayed that way. kids have no idea how great they’ve got it. it only gets complicated and messy the older you get.
Camesha – Bibs & Baubles recently posted..Where the Wild things Are
GAH! Parenting is so intimidating when we think about what the end result “should” be, right?
Me too – concentrating on the LOVE thing.
Thx for sharing this!
GAH! Parenting is so intimidating when we think of what the end result “should” be, right?
I agree – concentrating on the LOVE thing.
Thx for sharing this!
Perfectly said. Perfectly.
Samantha @ Becoming Me recently posted..Billionaire
This was great! It’s funny, that things which seem so difficult to understand for adults, just seem to make sense for children. The talk about gay marriage is one that I’ve had to start with my 3 year old, and it’s just so much easier than you would assume. It is uplifting to think that she’ll grow up seeing every loving relationship as equal, no matter what state it’s in.
Oh, Jill. I loved this one!
Nina recently posted..Mr and Mrs Debate
I love it when children clarify and simplify for us mess-making adults. One of your most beautiful post, Jill. Have you read the one from Ann Imig on her Listen To Your Mother site about Japan? It’s worth a look.
Beautifully written…kids are so perfect and simple in their thinking. I wish more adults were the same – life would be so much easier for us all.
Natalie recently posted..My Kids Are Pigs
My oldest child is at the age when things start to get complicated (11) and for the life of me I can’t figure out why they lose that innocence. But even though socially things are getting very complicated for her she still surprises me every once in awhile with her old “innocence”.
And thus the sad corollary is that most kids think simple. They have to be taught to make things complicated, to establish boundaries and conventions and “should/should not.” Someone teaches them that one place to pray is better than another place and that those who don’t pray are REALLY bad. That’s the part that gets me: why teach kids to be afraid of difference?
Beautiful post. Thanks.
deborah l quinn recently posted..Balancing the Federal Checkbook- Planes- yes Plans- no
Right on sister. Simple. We sometimes just want to over complicate things.
Such a thought-provoking post. Love and hope: I needed to be reminded of those two things today… Thank you!
Julie recently posted..Projects
Wow. I usually log on to your blog for a good laugh. Today I feel uplifted, in spite of deflating circumstances. Thank you. Hope and love – that, I can do.
Carla recently posted..Not Your Daddys Barcalounger
I had to have that chat with my daughter too. She was adopted at birth and we have a WIDE open adoption. Her biological mother is now in a same-sex relationship. Married. Her biological half-sister has a “Mommy” and a “Momma.” She never really questioned it. It just is what it is.
Lori recently posted..A Warrior thank you
Your admission of imperfections is what makes you perfect! Thank you for this one.
What a simple, effective and accurate answers to each of their questions. As adults, why must we complicate things so much?
Perhaps we would all get along just a little better if we thought in simpler terms.
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“Love and Hope” …such a good sentiment. I think I’m going to write that on the ‘fridge to keep me centered on the important stuff.
This might be my favorite Scary Mommy post ever.
Actually, it’s definitely my favorite.
-Aimee
Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog recently posted..March Madness for Charity – Make a Bet for Good!
Beautiful. I often feel the same struggles. This brought tears to my eyes.
You pretty much summed it up. Kids ask questions, and you just answer them. We’re the ones who wind up being uncomfortable about it, not them.
Matty recently posted..States
Parenting well is the toughest job in the world. But one thing I see you are doing an excellent job of is raising your children without prejudice, by objectively answering their questions.
Racism, homophobia, etc. start in the home and we can just as easily help to bring an end to the cycle of hate by teaching our children what is right. Our children do listen to us. Good for you!
Lovely thoughts from your children, you are obviously doing an amazing job.
Mrs. Tuna recently posted..Far Flung In Laws
What a beautiful post. Isn’t it amazing how young kids can put so simply the things we adults find so complicated?
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