Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Are we all in agreement that men are the lazier of the two sexes? The slightly less competent, less capable versions of women? Yes? Yes.
So, why is it that God or evolution or whatever forces ironed out our human forms, decided to gift men with the piece of anatomy that requires precision and effort while urinating?
It’s just not right, if you ask me.
Now, don’t get me wrong: I am very thankful to have been born with a vagina. I’ll gladly take the aches and pains of menstrual cramps, childbirth, and leg shaving for the trade-off of donning lipstick, birthing children and adding an extra few inches to my frame with heels. Plain and simple, I enjoy being a girl.
But, I often marvel at the fact that my husband seems incapable of replacing the roll of toilet paper correctly or mastering the simple recycling process. He can’t seem to do anything with precision, so why expect him to master a bull’s eye with his penis? Especially at two o’clock in the morning… in the dark? It seems an awful lot to ask, doesn’t it?
As I wean the second of my boys off of diapers, I’m wondering if I should save years of frustration for both myself, my house-cleaner and my children’s future partners by insisting that they pee sitting down. Masculine, it’s not, but the trade-off may indeed be worth it. Because, really, I’m just not sure men are cut out for something so complex. And I can think of far better ways to spend an afternoon than cleaning up mis-aimed pee.
{ 54 comments… read them below or add one }
so true…between the two boys (12 and 7) and the dad (35), I have to clean around the toilet every day. Eewww.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Give thanks! =-.
Oh just wait until your little boys start having fun with their aim… and deciding to pee wherever they want… like down a slide at a park, while mortified mommy watches from below, yelling ‘noooo’ as the pee trickles down the slide and the nannies and other moms watch with horror at your misbehaving child! OMG!
And yesterday, when he was peeing outside and thought it would be fun to swing this way and that… oh yeah, the joys of a toilet trained boy! (And don’ t worry, he MOSTLY does use the toilet, but when he’s outside, sometimes he doesn’t want to wait…)
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..You can have your cake and eat it, too! =-.
I LOVE that picture too.
I just noticed they were aiming at my face. Hmmm.
I can understand this! I made my son sit down to pee for a while after the “spraying” incident. He was in the bathroom in the stand up days and decided midstream that he wanted to get something off the sink and proceeded to spray the entire bathroom with piss. Talk about yuck to clean up. It was everywhere.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday =-.
I haven’t yet toilet trained a boy (the task will happen some time in the summer) but a friend of mine used to keep a small bowl of cereal (cheerios or something similar) on top of the toilet and when her sons wanted to wee they would drop one into the toilet bowl and try and sink it with their wee. It encouraged them to look at what they were doing and aim! Might be worth a try, I know I’m going to give it a go!!
Good Luck!!
xxx
.-= Daisie´s last blog ..Zippy Gifts =-.
I haven’t tried that yet, but will need to give it a shot. We need all the help we can get over here!
I’m in the trenches, potty training my 2 1/2 year old boy. I started off with him sitting down, thinking the same thing-that it would help with the spraying. WRONG. My son likes to push himself up against the the little shield they put on the potty to contain the “spray”, which causes the spray to squirt and spew ALL.OVER.THE.BATHROOM. Maybe it’s just the model of potty chair that we bought, but I’m REALLY nervous about letting him stand up, so I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that between the husband, the kid, and the dog, I’m going to be cleaning up misguided pee for a long, long time.
.-= Kristina´s last blog ..He’s got his own style… =-.
Hey, we get our aim right when it counts. ; )
.-= SeattleDad´s last blog ..Weaners =-.
Thank you for providing another reason for me to add to my list of “I am grateful for giving birth to a girl”.
Oh – and a good friend of mine, who has boys, swears by the cheerios method of teaching aim/precision in peeing.
.-= HaB´s last blog ..Help Choose the Invitation! =-.
Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we were playing a game. Are you saying game over?
My husband may be bad, but my 5 year old is much worse. Especially at 4 in the morning.
.-= Crystal´s last blog ..Potty Time =-.
I have 4 who have horrible aim. It’s really bad when they miss right after I have given the bathroom a thorough cleaning. Makes my blood boil. My thoughts are why do I have to clean it? I’m not the one missing the toilet.
.-= Suzi´s last blog ..Aprons, Aprons, Aprons! =-.
I say… yes. teach them to pee sitting down. But what I don’t know is how will your husband react to that? I wonder if the daddies will think we are demasculinating the boys if we teach the sitting…
I have three boys AND a husband in the house. I ask myself the very same thing every time I clean the bathrooms. GAG!
.-= Suzy Voices´s last blog ..Proof That I’m Not Illiterate =-.
I think it is completely acceptable to require sitting down until they are of the age they can clean it up themselves!!!!!
.-= Dani Webb´s last blog ..Take the Inside Lane =-.
If you don’t wean them off the diapers and let ‘em pee (and what not) in them for the rest of their lives…think of all the money you’d save in Tidy Bowl and toilet brushes!!
(i think win the euphemism award with the whole penis=bull’s eye reference LOL)
.-= swirl girl´s last blog ..The One with Mystery , Surprise, Illusion and Spectacle =-.
I can’t wait.
HOWEVER, I happen to be married to the most elusive creature known to man: He Who ALWAYS Lowers The Lid & Wipes Up Any Misses EVERYTIME, NO MATTER WHAT TIME, so I think my son has a good chance at not being a pissing bastard.
Yup. Jealous? :)
.-= Jessica – This Is Worthwhile´s last blog ..3:10 pm =-.
The aim is terrible and horrible. But… I would like to be able to pee standing up. I think it’d be fun. And I would do it outside against a tree! (TMI, I know.)
.-= Mwa´s last blog ..Things I desperately crave and need =-.
http://www.go-girl.com :)
Seriously – teach all of them to sit! My husband always sits at home (that’s how he was taught) and now my 20 month old is potty trained and he also sits. Rarely do I have clean ups or have to put the lid down! Works like a charm!
Good luck!
And I, too, am glad to be female but still envy guys when I’m at a not-so-tidy public restroom and really have to go bad and don’t want to sit on that not so tidy toilet seat.
.-= T Rex Mom´s last blog ..Box Tunnel =-.
Your 20 month old is potty trained? I feel like such a failure.
I kept my son peeing while sitting down as long as I could. Then he started going to the bathroom in public with daddy and decided he needed to use the urinals. It was downhill from there.
.-= Missy´s last blog ..Free Giveaway! Burp Cloths and Bibs =-.
Oh that is too funny! You have to let us know what you decide….
.-= christy´s last blog ..To Spanx or not to Spanx, that is the question. =-.
My 2yo is starting to show interest in training. (I’ve got 2 older girls) And I feel like I don’t really know what to do with him! I’ve always hated cleaning bathrooms when I wasn’t the sole user – so if he’s messy this will be his chore when he’s older. Thank goodness for that!
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Christmas in July =-.
omgosh i just spewed coffe all over my keyboard and almost peed my pants. the sad part is that it’s SOOOOO true.
I never like it when I walk into my bathroom and my feet STICK to the floor in front of the toilet. I have TWO of the male species on my home. :0
So THIS is the penis reference I missed earlier. :)
.-= angie´s last blog ..11 years? Really? =-.
So far Hayden sits. He can stand but he chooses to sit so who am I to stop him.
.-= Jen, buried with children´s last blog ..Get Rid of the Kitchen to get More Sleep =-.
Oh lordy, do I know that. What’s incredibly frustrating is that for the first many months that DramaBoy peed standing up, he was quite good at his aim. He focused.
Now, at three-and-a-half, it’s as if he can’t be bothered half the time. And inevitably I discover his horrible aim by stepping in the result.
Maybe I’ll train The Widget to just sit. If I ever get around to actually training him. They do make diapers for teens, right?
.-= TeacherMommy´s last blog ..If You Need Me, You Might Want To Check With The Men In The White Coats =-.
This depresses me. Sigh.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Things I just can’t understand. =-.
Oh yes. I have never encouraged my son to pee standing up. It’s just not worth it. There is no way he can focus long enough to not get pee all over the bathroom.
I do, however, make him stand up in public restrooms and at preschool. He seems fine with it so far. :-)
.-= Kirsten´s last blog ..Today I wish I could have been more like my mother-in-law. Really. =-.
My 8-year-old prefers to sit. It’s glorious. I’m sure he’ll decide at some point that it’s not manly, but he won’t hear it from me.
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..wordless wednesday: my four loves, two months =-.
Seems I just had a similar conversation about this very subject the other day. I think we moms shoud band together and invent a self cleaning urinal. What do you think?
.-= Patricia Reiser´s last blog ..{POTD} Thursday’s Thirteen =-.
Um….AMEN. That’s all.
.-= Alison´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Sis!!! =-.
What worked for me was to have them sit on the toilet facing the tank. It automatically forces them to lean forward aiming their penis towards the water. This works for a while. Then when aim is better or maturity sets in they can stand. I have a friend who taught her son to sit when he was little and today his wife is a happy woman with clean toilets.
.-= julie´s last blog ..Kaden =-.
Do it! I regret having taught my 3 year old to pee standing up. I have to clean around the toilet, and the seat at least once a day. UGH.
.-= Angela´s last blog ..ATWT: Secret Beach =-.
That picture is AWESOME!!!
.-= dysfunctional mom´s last blog ..Not Feeling It Friday =-.
Thought about going the sitting down route too; Hubby vetoed it. Boo Hubby. Decided that I will just have my own, male free toilet and they can all go to the same one and turn it into a ballpark bathroom if they want. I’m actually thinking about putting a urinal in our basement bathroom. They call it the man cave anyway, so think it’ll be perfect!
.-= parentingbydummies´s last blog ..This Week @ PBD =-.
LOL @seattledad!!
Yeah, when men are in it, to win it – they get it right!
.-= Futureblackmail´s last blog ..NO WORDS =-.
What if you keep a cup near the toilet? Guys can stand up, hold the cup close to their “area,” pee in the cup, and then dump contents of cup into toilet?
Or is that too many steps? And then who will clean the smelly cup?
Maybe not a good solution, after all.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Go away =-.
Because when evolution or God or whatever made the penis, the toilet was not yet invented. He (?) was only accounting for the laziness. Even worse to me than bad aim, is the wet spot on the underwear from NOT WIPING. I swore I was going to teach my boy to wipe himself after going pee but my husband intervened…
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..To Whom It May Concern, =-.
I trained a “sitter” but then he saw some boys at school going the other way and wanted to be like them. Dammit. Someone is always ruining it for me. Last time I let my kid out in public… ; )
P.S. My husband usually sits here at home (he’s better trained…) hee hee…
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..Announcements Galore Giveaway! =-.
I made my then-husband teach my boys how to pee INTO the toilet when they were little. I have to say, that was the ONE (and just about only) thing that my now-ex could do right.
I’m serious here, folks.
.-= Teri´s last blog ..Flashback Friday – Hello Up There =-.
I agree with you wholeheartedly (says the gal with 4 males in her Trenches).
.-= Trenches of Mommyhood´s last blog ..Not Liking It (Yet) =-.
This is so true. Great post!
.-= Debbie in Nashville´s last blog ..Homemade Sushi =-.
SO true! That lineup picture is hilarious. I’m potty training my two year old and he’s sitting down, to start with. I don’t think it will cause major damage at the ripe ol’ age of two and it’s a hella lot less cleanup, that’s for sure!
.-= Gabrielle Valentine´s last blog ..The Abusive Relationship And…My Father. Someone Go Find Dr. Phil, Please. =-.
I’ve only got girls, and I’ve got to tell you – even THEY misfire pretty often when potty training.
Do the sit-down. They’ll learn to pee standing up in Junior High.
.-= Andrea’s Sweet Life´s last blog ..Who Are You, Anyway? =-.
Ya know what, my Dad still pees sitting down. Not that I like talking about how my Dad pees but I just know because we have all laughed about it before. He says it’s because he was always in a house full of girls.
Oh, no, I am doomed. I thought Darin was bad, I didn’t even THINK about Oscar. As it is he’s hit me with that nice warm stream a few times when I’ve been changing his diaper.
.-= Sandy´s last blog ..Confessions of an Invisible Woman =-.
oh my God you have me laughing so hard! yup, every time i have to clean the bathroom floors i wonder the same darn thing :)
.-= Lizzie´s last blog ..When Bloggers Collide =-.
OMG that is hilarious. We used to teach the little boys in our sunday school class that I was a helper in, to shoot at the cheerios floating the pool. It helped with their aim~ he he he
.-= Step Fabulous´s last blog ..The Great Return =-.
Too funny-I really enjoyed this post as I posted myself on Monday about how my three boys miss more often than not, and how I am always stuck without toilet paper, using anything from tp in the garbage can to an empty toilet paper roll, to a spare sock. gotta do what ya gotta do!
.-= Kelly Smith´s last blog ..Lessons in the city… =-.
That is one of the funniest posts I have ever read! Thank you for such a great blog!