If you’re anywhere on the east coast, you’re painfully aware that there’s a storm coming. Hurricane Sandy will be the storm of the century, they’re saying. Frankenstorm. Like nothing you have ever seen or will likely see again. Well, fuck.
School is already cancelled for tomorrow and it’s pretty much a given that we’ll be without power for several days at the least. Instead of completely freaking out, I’m taking action. Here’s my idea of storm preparedness, which can really be used for any future storm…
1. Let my children watch as much TV as they want in the hours leading up to the storm, so their brains have actually turned to mush by the time the power goes out.
2. Let them play video games until they can barely see straight in preparation for the technology detox that is sure to occur.
3. Stock up on plenty of wine.
4. And Xanax.
5. And Advil.
6. Pick up every last Lego from the floor.
7. Bathe them like they have never been bathed before.
8. Ensure that there are three of every snack, flashlight and glow stick to minimize sibling bickering.
9. Rid the house of all unbearably annoying battery operated toys. I refuse to be pushed over the edge by an annoying Buzz Light Year who won’t shut the hell up.
10. Spend as much time away from my children as possible before the storm hits.
Good luck, moms. See you on the other end.