Target pulls clown masks after nation-wide clown scares
Were you thinking of dressing up as a clown this Halloween? If you said “yes,” then you are a crazy person and Target is going to try to save you from your fool self.
Our country’s recent circus-murder-related fears have convinced Target that selling creepy clown masks this year might not be such a hot idea. There’s been story after story this year of people reporting clowns trying to lure children into the woods or chasing them down alleyways. That was great for sheet-staining summer nightmares, but now it’s October, which means it’s time to cut the crap, clowns. I am not in great shape and if I die of a heart attack on Halloween my ghost will haunt you forever and steal all your Kit Kats.
In an e-mail to the Los Angeles Times, Target spokesperson Joshua Thomas said, “Given the current environment, we have made the decision to remove a variety of clown masks from our assortment, both in stores and online.” The “variety” he’s referring to are just the “creepy” clown masks, however. Those of you who think your kid could use a lesson in street smarts and would benefit from some cardio, you can still send them out into the night in a child-sized clown costume from Target. And if you are a grown woman who has lost leave of her senses, you can still pick up a “sexy clown” ensemble. Hurray!
Some might think that Target is over-reacting, and we might have agreed if not for the fact that 2016 has been a landslide of crazy, and the clowns have done us in. See, according to Brad Butler of Halloween Emporium, sales of clown costumes have gone up over 300% compared to this time last year. “In the top 10 (clown masks), eight of them are ‘evil’ clown masks this season whereas last year, five of the top 10 were ‘evil’,” he said. Ever wonder why we still need warnings like, “Shampoo is not for drinking,” “Allergy alert: Peanuts contain 100% peanuts,” and “Do not iron clothes while wearing them”? It’s because of people like this. If, despite recent clown scares, you’re someone who still thinks it’d be a hoot to dress up as an evil clown on Halloween, you might also want to check your state’s concealed carry laws. That’s a safety tip from me to you.
There are plenty of creepy clown costumes still available from other stores, but please, on behalf of all parents, don’t ruin free candy night. Our kids want to enjoy Halloween, and we want to enjoy it on their behalf after they go to sleep by eating all their Twix bars and watching Project Runway.
Don’t blow this for us, dummies. Listen to Target. They have our best interests at heart and cute lamps.