A Teacher’s Guide to the End of the School Year – Scary Mommy

A Teacher’s Guide to the End of the School Year

1. First of all, the last day is a dress down day. Not at your school? Fuck that. It is now.

2. Take a minute to connect with each student and let them know how much you’ve enjoyed having them in class, how much you’ll miss them over the summer, and that you hope they’ll come back to visit you next year. All teachers excel in the art of BS, so this should be easy compared to all the times you told your students you believe in them or that they’ll totally use math every day as an adult.

3. Take all the classroom supplies you want to still be in your classroom in the fall and label them with your name. Then pack them away in a box, seal it with packing tape, and label the box with your name on every side in caps. Then put that box in a locked cabinet somewhere, and add a combination lock for extra security. Then take a look at everything left in your room and whisper a quiet goodbye. “Sorry, Brown Stapler. I could only fit one of you in my special box, and I Sophie’s Choice-d the pretty blue one. Thank you for your service. I hope whoever steals you over the summer treats you well.”

4. Now go get the special supply box out of the cabinet and throw it out, because that’s what the summer maintenance crew will do when they find it.

5. Hug your students goodbye, but not too closely. You do not need to start off your summer with whatever they’ve been passing around for the last week since you ran out of Purell and tissues.


6. Dump all the tests, homework, projects, papers, and quizzes you neglected to grade over the last few weeks in the recycling bin. The value was in the learning, not the grade, amiright?

7. Stop by and say goodbye to your administrators. Offer to come in and help with whatever is needed over the summer even though you and I both know you will be too busy not coming in to do that.

8. When the last day is done, get in your car, put on your shades, roll down the windows while simultaneously blasting the A/C, turn up the music, and peel out of the parking lot like a muthafuckin’ boss.

9. Spend a few days lounging around in your pajamas, watching TV, napping, catching up on emails, and watching all the video clips you opened in hundreds of tabs on your computer but never got around to. The whole summer is ahead of you! You need to just relax for a few days. It’s still only June!

10. Enjoy July, but once August 1st hits, every teacher knows that is the official end to summer. The countdown has begun, and it’s time to wrap your head around gearing up to do it again. New students. New parents. New lesson plans and project ideas. This year will be different. This year will be better. This year you resolve to totally believe in the kids, like totes for real this time. It’s going to be great.

Hang in there for next July!