FROM SCARY MOMMY MEMBERS…
A couple of years ago my social world got turned upside down. My best friend of 13 years, my maid of honour and daughters godmother, suddenly dropped me with no explanation, no answers. I felt lost and confused. I had never struggled making friends before this, but having someone so close to me turn their back on me made me feel like I couldn’t trust anyone to fully love me.
I escaped inside myself, dedicated myself to my husband and daughter, and didn’t even think about ever having true friendships again. How could I, the one person I thought knew me through and through didn’t want me. Last summer feeling lost, I was on facebook and a friend posted “The Best of Confessions” from Scary Mommy. I opened it, started reading it, and immediately felt understood in a way that I hadn’t felt in a while. I knew at that moment that there were people out there just like me.
I started reading the message boards, and within a couple of days fell in love. The support, and empathy that I found has been unparalleled. I signed up, and never looked back. Over the past 6 months I have met, and befriended, some of the most amazing women I have ever known. I have made some amazing friends, friendships I know will last forever.
We may have never met in person but the women on Scary Mommy are my sisters, my soul mates. They make me feel complete, and worthy of success and love. They’ve restored my faith in friendship, which I really never thought possible. If it hadn’t been for Scary Mommy I would still be questioning myself, second guessing everything I said, or did. Because of Scary Mommy I feel like I can conquer the world.
Scary Mommy has given me a great gift as I truly think I have been a better and happier person because of this site. I have learned from the other women so many new things. I’ve also learned patience, understanding and I’m no longer quick to judge someone else’s situation.
Thank you, Scary Mommy, for giving me a place to vent, to share, to laugh and to cry. Even though none of us have met in person (yet!) I feel as though I have that bond of friendship with many of the other women. My husband will be gone on deployment most of this year. Most of that time we will have no communication, not even an e-mail. It’s always been a struggle with him being away and incredibly lonely but this time will be a little different. This time I will have my Scary Mommies.
Scary Mommy to me, is a sense of home, in the best way that an online community can be. There are so many people whom I’ve met that are simply wonderful people. For being all the authentic persons they are. Not just mommyhood. Yeah, we’re all mothers, but that’s no more important than everything else that we are. Professionals, PTA stay at home moms, work at home moms, single moms, mothers in questionable relationships, mothers in need. Sure, motherhood is the most connected variable, but we all are so much more than that. And that to me, is what Scary Mommy is all about. We love our kids, we want the best for them, but we, as persons, are not just Mommies. We are women, hear us roar, in the best way possible. Together, we create a whole that is so much more than just a sum of its parts.
I never thought I would say that a website would have the power to help me get through tough times, celebrate with others during the great times, and trudge through the boring parts in between.
The ladies that have been brought together on this site were my support when I found out that I was pregnant, stood by me when there was extreme concern that was probably going to be complications, rejoiced with me when everything turned out fine, and now with baby fetus coming in about a week, will welcome her and are just as excited for her arrival as my DH and I are!
As a SAHM of 2 young kids and shy by nature it was/is really hard and awkward for me to make new friends, friends that understand what I do during the day, the thoughts that run through my head and my overall nature. Thanks to Scary Mommy, I have met my best friend. Someone whom I talk to everyday, lean on, help support, trust and love!!! In fact shortly after the baby is born she will be making the trip from CANADA to WISCONSIN to see me. The words Thank You just don’t do my feeling justice
The ScaryMommy community has been more than just a group of women to me. The women in the community have become MY community. I have made some amazing friends through ScaryMommy. When I was at my very lowest, the women there came to my side to support me and help me shoulder the pain. When I was at my highest, they were there to give me high fives.
The ScaryMommy community and the women that I have come to know and love from there are now a part of my everyday life. They are now people that I consider close friends, not just online friends. I have phone numbers and daily text conversations with some amazing women that I never would have found had it not been for the community.
I want every woman (or man) that joins to receive the same comfort, support, and understanding that I was welcomed with when I first joined.
Scary Mommy has taught me that it was ok to be me. It’s ok to laugh about feeding hyper children Xanax with other moms. As long as you don’t really do it – it’s ok to think it. And, you know what, we all do it!! That is a powerful thing to know and makes meeting other moms easier. I can form a connection and know that other moms aren’t judging me; we are swimming in this sea of what we think we should do. No one loves motherhood every moment, and that is ok. And, for that, I thank you. It is so very hard to put into words how amazing the community that you’ve brought together is. But, I’ll try.
Thank you, Scary Mommy, for teaching me that we are all just women struggling to get through another day, and that is ok. We don’t need all the answers, we all fall, and with the community that you have created we don’t need them. Because when we have a question there are hundreds of other mommies and daddies standing by waiting to give us helping hand, or a laugh, or whatever we need in that moment.
I found Scary Mommy on twitter. Just the name piqued my interest, and I thought, “Hey, that’s me! I’ve been accused of that before!” and had to check out the site. After lurking and simply reading for a couple months, I joined the site last august. I was afraid I would be excluded, or ignored, or not welcomed, after some experiences I had on other mommy-ish sites. I was pleasantly surprised to not only be welcomed, but accepted. It is so wonderful to know that other women struggle with the same issues that I did, and still do. I found some incredible women—some just like me, some very different—that have become my real-life friends. I found a place to not only get and give advice, but to connect with people in a way that I have always wanted to.
I don’t feel desperately lonely, and alone, and angry, and isolated, the way I did before. And the initial connection and subsequent friendships I have made through the site have made me braver to reach out to other women I meet on a daily basis. If I am snubbed, or blown off, it isn’t a crushingly hurtful blow. I can talk to the other Scary Mommies about it. I always have that back-up. And, of course, after a few instances of being a part of a group that has been able to truly help someone in a meaningful way, I have been all puffed up with “girl power”, and so proud to be a part of such a truly remarkable group of women. WE ARE the Scary Mommy Army.
My life has been changed because of Scary Mommy. As a SAHM of two very tiny monsters, life gets awfully lonely. I’m young and trying to just wing this whole “mom thing.” Most of my friends are going about living their child-free lives, and we no longer have anything in common.
I found Scary Mommy one day and realized I am NOT ALONE. I am NOT A BAD MOM. And most importantly, I CAN DO THIS and my children will be JUST FINE. I have been received with open arms and I am so damn proud to be a part of this community of amazing (and sometimes crazy!) women.
Thank you so much for creating a home away from home for so many of us. I am forever grateful.
Life, as I knew it, changed on November 14, 2009. An 8lb 3oz bundle of poop and love, Natalie Jordyn, graced this world with her presence. My love for her was instant and intense. I’ve never felt more alive. Yet, I’d also never felt so inadequate. I felt imbalanced, out of sorts.
Breastfeeding was a thankless, painful, short lived journey. I didn’t wear makeup or change out of sweats for what seemed like an eternity. My humble abode turned into a natural disaster overnight and the thought of my husband coming anywhere near my va-jay-jay consumed me with a deep seated desire to cut it off. By ‘It’, I think you know I’m referring to the ‘pickle’ that got me into this mess. In short, I was a sleep deprived, emotional disaster with no sex drive. A far cry from the well-manicured, makeup wearing, well dressed, play date attending, attachment parent I had envisioned. I felt like I was doing motherhood, and my little family, a major disservice.
Then I found the SM community. I started reading the blog, migrated my way to the confessional then stumbled upon the message boards. I knew I’d found my home, my safe haven, my Narnia. That place where you know you’ve just found the validation, support, understanding that you’ve been longing for. A place where people love their kids deeply, but also where they are willing to admit that they drop an occasional F bomb, slap together PB&J for dinner, pretend to be asleep when their husband wants to get frisky, fall behind on laundry and dishes, and have yet to find a playgroup where they fit in. It felt so good to know I wasn’t alone! The feeling was euphoric.
The rest is history. I found this community, and you’re never going to get rid of me. There’s this cheesy, albeit true, quote that gets thrown around a lot: In a world where you can be anything, be yourself. Scary Mommy offers moms the opportunity to be themselves. To be real and to connect to other moms who also aren’t afraid to say that sometimes parenthood can be brutal. Scary Mommy offers us an outlet to let our (fucking) freak flag fly and I can’t thank Jill enough for that.
Since finding ScaryMommy the weight on my being has lightened tenfold. I know now, that no matter what I am going through, no matter what life throws at me, someone else has been there. I have never failed in finding a kindred spirit, a like minded mommy, or a person who has been in my shoes at one time or another. I have laughed with women halfway around the world. I have cried with women who live only a few miles from my home. I have silently disagreed with someone in another country. I have vehemently argued with someone who chose to remain anonymous.
ScaryMommy has become my home, my lifeline, my own personal shoulder to cry on. My best friend to laugh at my idiocy. My parent to scold my wrong doings. My…everything.
I happened across Scary Mommy quite by accident. I have run the gamut of “Mommy” related communities and I never quite seemed to fit in, with the communities full of “sanctimommies” who it seems were more interested in trying to convince everyone what “super” moms they were and how their way was so much better than yours in all parenting matters, than they were in supporting each other and exposing the very real flaws we all have. It seems like everywhere I went, I was being criticized, or told I was “wrong” for my ideas on parenting, and the life we lead. I am quite sure those same mothers lock themselves in the bathroom at the end of the night with a bottle of Valium and wine
The difference is on Scary Mommy, they’ll admit it! I’m 27, married 9 years, a mother of one son who is seven, and with the universe’s help, hopefully one on the way very soon. I am most definitely not the typical suburban housewife. I’m a dancer, a gothic/alternative model, college student, bass player, and very much a rocker girl. My husband and I are really just a couple of old goths. I don’t spend 24/7 with my child, and our whole life does not revolve around him. I was beginning to think maybe, I was doing something wrong or I wasn’t normal. Until I finally stumbled upon Scary Mommy! FINALLY a community of women who are just like me. A place where I can be honest and open, and there is very little judgment but TONS of supportive energy.
I realized, the other places I had been on the web, those women were hiding behind the facade of perfection. Their snap judgments about me, my life, my parenting, were all made because they were so unhappy, and insecure that they had to attack anyone who didn’t think as they did. There isn’t much of that on Scary Mommy. It’s a safe haven, a place to share your fears, worries, insecurities, and your real life, and here you don’t receive judgment. You receive feedback, thoughts, compassion, and support, because these women are just like me. Real moms with the courage to show who they really are, and share their own imperfect lives in return. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to have found a place where I can be myself, and voice my real thoughts, and ask for advice from women who don’t hide behind the facade of “Perfectomom.” There is no pettiness, no spite, no one being vicious because of their own unhappiness and desire to make you miserable as well. It’s like sitting down with a glass of good wine, and great girlfriends, warm, fun, and beautiful. Thank you Jill for creating a site that keeps it real. Where real moms can come together, forge friendships, find support, and be themselves!
By making the Scary Mommy community Jill has saved me in more ways than I can count. I had been feeling alone and isolated, as if my life was just going to be one friendless, connectionless, poop filled day after another. Kind of like Billy Murry in Groundhog day but with more Legos and poop. I had seriously gotten to a low point and began asking myself if this was it, is this all that my life was and why wasn’t I happy with it like I should be. Then I found the site, overflowing with women who felt the same way I did, who were flawed and angry and frustrated and HUMAN, just like me. I wasn’t alone anymore, I had found people who understood me, commiserated with me and helped pick me up when I needed it. It also gave me many laughs and that feeling of being connected to other women that we hate to admit we need. So for having the guts to make Scary Mommy, to show your flaws and make the rest of feel not alone, you have my heart felt thanks and deepest gratitude. That, and introducing me to candy vodka, you should be canonized as a saint for that alone! So again, thank you.
My mother gave me a link to Scary Mommy over a year ago. I don’t normally follow up on my mom’s links because she often has a lot of time on her hands and posts the most random things to my Facebook wall… but for whatever reason I clicked on the link and it changed my life. Reading your blog has always been an lighthearted treat wrapped in sarcasm with a sprinkle of reality. It’s basically the perfect amount of sanity that a mom needs in a perfectly insane world. Sometimes knowing you’re not alone is all you need.
My whole life I have felt like I didn’t have a voice. I either wasn’t born with one or was afraid to use it. Since getting involved on the message boards I have found my voice. I’ve met such wonderful women who have empowered me and encouraged me. I have found women who believe in me even though most times I don’t believe in myself. Through this site I have found hope, humor, courage, sanity, empathy, joy, comfort, faith, and friends. All of these things I have never truly possessed all at the same time, until recently. Through this site I have found my voice. Through this site I have found out more about myself than I have in years. Thanks to the members of Scary Mommy I can stand up for myself more than I ever have. Something that used to seem impossible now seems almost effortless to achieve. Being able to connect with the amazingly diverse personalities of Scary Mommy has been an eye opener of sideshow proportions.
My husband doesn’t understand why I am on Scary Mommy so much. I think he loathes it in fact. Perhaps the reality of it scares him. The reality of my finding something that he is unable to give me. I can speak freely and not worry about how unintelligent I sound. I can vent without being crucified for feeling that way, at least by the people that matter… When someone agrees with me or validates me it gives me a sense of pride. That maybe I’m not as dumb as I’ve always thought. I’ve made friends that appreciate my uniqueness. I’ve found peace. Scary Mommy has become a home of sorts for me. I can’t really imagine my life without it. I am so honored to be a part of Scary Mommy as a member and a moderator. I am so proud to be a part of something that offers so much to scary mommies and even daddies. A safe place to go where people will do more than just make small talk with you… They will also talk you off a ledge, pour you a shot of liquid courage, open their home to you, open their heart, and most importantly open their mind. The members that appreciate Scary Mommy for what it is and what it represents are the ones that are loyal and find strength in each other. Some how the only words I can really think of are small but really mean so much… Thank You.
Scary Mommy is a sanctuary where we can bitch and moan, laugh at ridiculousness, support others when they need a kind word, and give and receive advice from other moms who ‘have been there’. It’s so awesome to know I’m not the only SAHM who struggles with wanting adult interaction, or the only ‘grown up’ mom who watches cartoons marketed for immature teenage boys. I feel a real, true bond to many of these ladies and I feel that we all stumbled across the site by FATE, everything happens for a reason! I am 100% a scary mommy to the core, and I can tell that Scary Mommy was created with people like ME in mind.
Thank you for creating this website. Thank you for helping ‘normal’ mommies/daddies out there realize that it’s OK to have a moment, not be perfect and for creating a place for us to air our dirty laundry without having to deal with the repercussions of it later. I stumbled across your website about three months ago after I had just had my daughter via cesarean section. I was suffering from severe post partum depression and anxiety as well as dealing with many issues in my relationship.I was contemplating taking my own life that weekend and was making arrangements to place my children with my parents and securing life insurance policy so they would be taken care of. In a last chance effort to help myself since no one around me could, I was googling ‘help for bad moms’ as I felt I was at that point a bad mother for having ppd. And what happens? Scary mommy.com. I seriously read the confessions on your site for three hours that day, I laughed, I cried and felt something that I hadn’t felt in a very long time, a message that I am not alone. That there really ARE other parents out there that are LIKE ME. That struggle, have heartache, endure loss and at times really enjoy life. This has helped me more than any form of therapy/anti depressant. I realize I have written you a novel email here but I hope this gets to the right person & I just wanted to say… thank you.
I found Scary Mommy when I was at my lowest of lows and desperately needed someone that understood how I felt. Since then, I have found some of the most awesome people & made amazing friends that have helped me along the way. The support, encouragement and the occasional kick in the ass was just what I needed! I can say with confidence that I have become a better mother and friend. I know that I can be true to myself and know that there are women who will back me up even if everyone else looks down on me.
I am continually amazed at the compassion that I have found as well, but none has touched home more than the Thanksgiving Dinner project. I was one of the blessed recipients! With Jill’s dedication and the awesome generosity of the anonymous donors, not only was I able to have a stress free dinner but also able to buy a couple of extra presents for my children for Christmas. The smiles on their faces were more than I could have ever asked for! Scary Mommy gave this to me!