01 · 07 · 2012

The Evolution of a Scary Mommy

{ 232 comments }

1 breezy January 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Hahahaha!!!!

2 Devan @ Accustomed Chaos January 7, 2012 at 8:37 pm

oh so funny! i bet this is true story for so so many :)
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3 Esmeralda January 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Lmao

4 Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation January 7, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Oh my…..I LOVE this! Pinning RIGHT NOW!!!!
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5 Maija @ Maija's Mommy Moments January 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Wow… It’s like déjà vue!
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6 Kristin January 7, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Fantastic! So sad, so funny, so happy, and so true.
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7 Dawn @ Life Unscripted January 7, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Oh Em Gee! Fucking HILARIOUS! Best Picture EVER!
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8 Zee January 7, 2012 at 8:42 pm

So funny and so true! ;-)

9 vanillasugarblog January 7, 2012 at 8:43 pm

love this.
so honest, so you
xoxo momma!
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10 Amanda @ The Eco-Friendly Family January 7, 2012 at 8:44 pm

This is simply fantastic. I am hoping to avoid this rotation this time around. We already have 3!
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11 Scary Mommy January 8, 2012 at 8:53 am

Amen, sister.

12 Toni @ Carrigan's Joy January 7, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Love it!!
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13 Alison@Mama Wants This January 7, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Absolutely. Brillliant.
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14 a Book for My Daughter January 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm

It’s brilliant—I think you captured it perfectly! Can I get a poster-sized version? It would explain so much to my family at the moments when they think I am completely nuts.
a Book for My Daughter recently posted..Neglect

15 Scary Mommy January 8, 2012 at 8:54 am

Ohhhh, I might have to do that!!!

16 Kim January 8, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Please do!!!!

17 Not a Perfect Mom January 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm

it’s like it’s me, just missing the pee dripping down my leg and the boobs down to my belly button
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18 Scary Mommy January 8, 2012 at 8:56 am

I *knew* I forgot something!

19 Jody January 7, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Honestly, you are FUCKING AWESOME!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

20 Alexis@TroublesomeTots January 7, 2012 at 8:49 pm

1) Put this under “most popular” right now. No go ahead, I’ll wait.
2) How much did your graphic design degree cost? Whatever it cost was worth it for the fantastic yet aesthetic image of pregnancy-induced flatulence.
3) Sell as a poster. Or coffee mug. Or both. I’m buying!
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21 Scary Mommy January 8, 2012 at 8:56 am

Best comment ever!

22 Jill Anoia January 8, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I need the coffee mug.

23 Not Supermom January 8, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Me too.
Not Supermom recently posted..A Post In Which I Wax Poetic About Dust Bunnies

24 Mama Kat January 7, 2012 at 8:49 pm

That devil baby with the heart dropping from the diaper? Hahaha! So awesome.
Mama Kat recently posted..This One Time My Husband Went To Starbucks

25 CJ January 7, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Love this!

26 Mrs BC January 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Very funny! Thank god for the afternoon quickie!
x
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27 Stephanie January 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. So true!
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28 SoberJulie January 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

OMG it’s my life in pictures
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29 heather r morgan January 7, 2012 at 8:57 pm

OMG, this is so totally me, except I had to stop at the first child!

30 Tara January 7, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I LOVE this. Can I Pin it?
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31 Scary Mommy January 8, 2012 at 8:56 am

Please do!

32 Ali January 7, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. We should distribute that in high schools!
Ali recently posted..WTF Wednesday – The "Really Trippy Dream" Edition

33 Melissa January 9, 2012 at 9:49 am

I totally agree Ali! I bet we would have alot less teen pregnancies then!

34 zolemia January 7, 2012 at 9:05 pm

incredibly funny, I agree with others…you should make it poster size!!
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35 Lisa January 7, 2012 at 9:07 pm

OH sweetie, this is why I only had one. add to that I never puked or had issues to deal with makes me the most wimpiest mom EVER.

36 Amy January 7, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Excellent!

…and Stick Chick throws a pretty powerful left hook — lol
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37 Robin | Farewell, Stranger January 7, 2012 at 9:17 pm

That’s so awesome you probably didn’t even need the text. ;)
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38 MommaExpat January 7, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I teared up a bit on this one. Having some baby fever these days….. but not anymore. Thanks!!

39 Mommakiss January 7, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Shitting hearts? That totally sold me.

40 Recovering Supermom January 7, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Oh, my goodness. So, so, so, so true. The afternoon quickie kills me!
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41 Life with Kaishon January 7, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Oh my gosh. LOVE this Jill! So flippin’ funny : )
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42 Pamela January 7, 2012 at 9:42 pm

OMG that is so hilarious. And so true. LOVED IT.

43 Kristen January 7, 2012 at 9:49 pm

This took some serious mad skills! Way to get it all down so creatively!!
Kristen recently posted..An Obsession From The Past…

44 Jamie January 7, 2012 at 10:03 pm

You are a GENIUS!!!! Seriously– is there anything you can’t do?!?!

45 By Word of Mouth Musings January 7, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Talented, creative and super fertile!
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46 jennifer beer January 7, 2012 at 10:11 pm

this is hilarious
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47 Insane Mamacita January 7, 2012 at 10:14 pm

This is just plain awesome!
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48 Vanessa Jubis January 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Ha! This was EXCELLENT! Bravo! LOL! ;)

Vanessa

49 Robyn Wright of RobynsOnlineWorld.com January 7, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Ha! Love it – I am smack dab right on one of those steps right now!
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50 Jocelyn @ ScooterMarie January 7, 2012 at 11:30 pm

This is fantastic!! Well worth the $100k degree. ;)
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51 Just Jennifer January 7, 2012 at 11:34 pm

So, so funny. And so, so true!
Just Jennifer recently posted..I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

52 tracy January 7, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Why the fuck did I marry you…lmbo. LOVE! xo
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53 Mercy January 7, 2012 at 11:39 pm

so true
Mercy recently posted..How We’ve Grown This Year, part 3

54 Kimberly January 7, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Hehe. That’s about right! And I’m sure it won’t take long after I pop this one out before I’ll have baby fever again. ;)
Kimberly recently posted..There’s Nothing Like Having Your Grammar Corrected By a Two-Year-Old

55 Elizabeth Santana January 8, 2012 at 12:04 am

haha hilarious!

happened to me too! i used to be so fun!
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56 Mayor Gia January 8, 2012 at 12:15 am

Hahahhah I love this. If I had kids, it would be me for sure.
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57 Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos January 8, 2012 at 1:12 am

Scarily accurate. :-)
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58 Karin @Mommy's Paradise January 8, 2012 at 7:02 am

This is so funny and oh so true, you hit the nail on the head.
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59 wendy @ mama one to three January 8, 2012 at 7:25 am

the reappearance of baby fever is what scares me the most! So hysterical!
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60 Barbara January 8, 2012 at 8:30 am

People should seriously be handed this document when getting their marriage license at the courthouse. LOL
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61 Christine @ Quasi Agitato January 8, 2012 at 8:39 am

Are you trying to tell us you are pregnant?!?

Also look at your shiny new book. Sooooo pretty. Can’t wait to read it!
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62 Scary Mommy January 8, 2012 at 8:58 am

Lord, NO! Just how I ended up with the three I have.

63 Julia's Child / Sarah P. January 8, 2012 at 8:44 am

Hilarious! I love your artwork almost as much as your writing.
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64 ML @ My 3 Little Birds January 8, 2012 at 10:27 am

Yep. Looks familiar : )
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65 Lady Estrogen January 8, 2012 at 11:29 am

Request: To frame and hang this over my bed.
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66 Tina January 8, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Agreed!

67 roses5682 January 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

Love!!!

68 Jen January 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

Fanstistic!

69 Starr January 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

LMBO LMBO OMGoodness that is soooo funny! Flashbacks. lol

70 Jennie January 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm

You must sell this. Because we will buy! Brilliant.

71 Jen January 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Couple of comments:
1. Market this in poster size to every school across the Nation. This is all they need to show girls for sex ed.

2. When is this coming out as a poster? I soooo need this.

3. Every penny spent for your graphic design degree has just paid off!
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72 Henry January 8, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Really Really Funny Pic ;)

73 imperfectmomma January 8, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Hystericalness!
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74 Leah January 8, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Hahahahahah!!!! This is priceless!!

75 Erin Margolin January 8, 2012 at 3:08 pm

um, can we say t-shirts, please?
;-)
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76 Laura MacGill January 8, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I would be laughing if I hadn’t done this 3 times. And it would have been more if DH hadn’t had the snip. LMAO

77 Karenmeg January 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Scarily talented mommy is what you are-a poster would be perfect -might go nicely with the book launch. Just sayin’. This is awesome.

78 Sammie January 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Jill, I absolutely love this. Brilliant and so very true!

This is built to be pinned, and printed, and framed. Bridal shower gift? ;)

79 Kim January 8, 2012 at 4:44 pm

LOVE this SO much!!!!

80 Tina January 8, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Fucking perfect!

81 Carrie January 8, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Friggin’ hysterical!!

I might print that thing out on big fat giant paper and hang it by my bed.

Birth control. Cheap, funny birth control.
Carrie recently posted..A really bad cough you totally try to ignore isn’t the only lame thing in life.

82 Pamela January 8, 2012 at 8:02 pm

It’s funny, but I can’t help but feel sad that you view motherhood this way. Do you enjoy it at all?

83 Tragic Sandwich January 8, 2012 at 10:19 pm

So if she can laugh at it, she doesn’t enjoy it? Not following you at all here.
Tragic Sandwich recently posted..Stubborn Little Girl

84 Linda Thomas January 8, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Neebie here.

I’m flummoxed. What do these drawings mean? Are you poking fun of your life, or are you serious?

I wonder if maybe your husband and you would benefit from some marriage counseling. It can’t be healthy to not be able to stand him most of the time but freely give your heavenly temple (body) to him in an afternoon of carnality.

If you’d like any information regarding counseling, OR coming unto Christ please email me. I’d LOVE to speak with you about the meaning of life.

85 Not Supermom January 8, 2012 at 8:14 pm

::headdesk::

For realz?
Not Supermom recently posted..A Post In Which I Wax Poetic About Dust Bunnies

86 Dawn January 8, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Uhhh, its called satire?

87 Dawn @ Life Unscripted January 8, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Seriously?
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88 chichel January 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Oh, Christ…

89 Tragic Sandwich January 8, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Exactly.
Tragic Sandwich recently posted..Stubborn Little Girl

90 Haydee January 8, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Lmfao!!

91 Amy January 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Facepalm.

Humor is lost on some people.

92 Jess January 8, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Step away from the internet! Not everything you read is 100% true and serious.

93 Cherry_Pie January 8, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I doubt you know the meaning of life, If your sense of humour is this dry. I often wondered If anyone thought of marriage and motherhood as I do. Ofcourse she enjoy’s it but she’s also just showing that it, like anything else in life comes with it’s own set of challenges. Really tho? Dragging Christ into this?

94 Jack@TheJackB January 8, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Let’s cut to the chase. You are saying something to the effect of “God says thou Shalt Swallow.”

Damn, that is my kind of religion. :D
Jack@TheJackB recently posted..It Is Not Cute When I Act Like a Father

95 Not Supermom January 8, 2012 at 8:40 pm

::snort::

I’m reasonably certain that’s the 11th commandment.
Not Supermom recently posted..A Post In Which I Wax Poetic About Dust Bunnies

96 1 Bad Mom January 8, 2012 at 9:42 pm
97 Jill Anoia January 8, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Best. Comment. Ever.

98 Jenn @mommy_grrl January 9, 2012 at 3:26 am

Damn, I just snorted hot coffee thru my nose. Did I hip just abuse my temple????

Jack: Best. Response. Ever.

99 Maribel Young January 8, 2012 at 8:30 pm

seriously Linda? A few rules I have learned reading ScaryMommy.
1. We do not disuss the meaning of life – We vent about it
2. Our gracious host puts the insanity that is having children and a marriage into words and makes us laugh
3. Please refer back to number one and have fun… a bottle of wine or a vodka slushie help – OH and if you don’t like the word FUCK please reconsider your subscription.

100 Kari January 8, 2012 at 8:41 pm

You are so right Maribel. I love this website because finally I feel like I’m not alone in this crazy world of motherhood and wife. Some posts make me laugh and some make me say OMG me too, and yet others make me thankful. But we are all on here to vent and feel sane again after. Some people just think that they are better then everyone else and really need to take a look in the mirror.

101 Mercy January 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm

PLEASE tell me how to make that vodka slushie … I need it. :)
Mercy recently posted..How We’ve Grown This Year, part 3

102 Maribel Young January 9, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Ingredients:
12 ozs orange juice (frozen)
12 ozs lemonade
48 ozs pineapple juice
1 cup sugar
3 cups water
1 cup vodka (rum or gin or brandy)
club soda or 7-UP

1 Mix all ingredients together and freeze in large container.
2 To Serve: Mix 1 part slush to 1 part club soda or 7-UP.
3 ENJOY and say FUCK IT

103 Evengeenmama January 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

From the (not for miles yet) Dutch equivalent of Scary Mommy… Amen!

104 Denise P3 January 9, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Thank you, you could not have said it better. We just need to leave Linda right in her little corner..poor thing she probably does not even smile.

105 Common Sense Mom January 8, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Oh please don’t do this. Please don’t make people who believe in God look bat shit crazy with your uptight antiquated Jesus-speak. “Heavenly temple”? Barf!! “Coming onto Christ”??? That does not even make sense.

Look honey, God has a hard enough time without people like you “representing” Him with your 1880′s language and complete lack of sense of humor.

Seriously, as a Christian I am frustrated at people like you. God has a sense of humor you know.

Lighten up will ya?

106 Karen January 8, 2012 at 8:42 pm

THANK YOU. Oy.
Karen recently posted..2012: The Year Of The Girl

107 Krista Koets January 9, 2012 at 10:23 am

AMEN!

108 Mercy January 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

And He doesn’t mind that we do too … pass the booze so this mommy can chill.

And if you think drinking a little to relax is bad, don’t forget that Jesus’ first miracle was making wine. Whoo hoo!
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109 Jennifer January 8, 2012 at 8:44 pm

I bet you want to vote for Santorum.
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110 Jacki January 9, 2012 at 10:28 am

Loved this response! Favorite so far.
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111 Shannonannon January 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Oh wow. You went there. I bow to your low brow.

112 SoberJulie January 8, 2012 at 9:25 pm

For the love of all that is good in life please do not think Linda is a reflection of the majority of Christians!

Dear woman would be shocked by my Christian/recovering alcoholic view of life….and certainly couldn’t have brought me to Christ.
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113 By Word of Mouth Musings January 10, 2012 at 7:52 am

A to the Men Julie … also Hell to the No ;)
People, really …. insert eye roll and head shake …
This thread is hilarious!

114 1 Bad Mom January 8, 2012 at 9:39 pm

You know, I am my most turned on when my husband and I are getting on each other’s nerves. A little argument turns into some playful banter which then turns into teasing (2 different forms if you know what I mean), and then we are rolling in the proverbial hay having that biblical carnal knowledge of one another.

Sometimes, it also involves some spanking.
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115 Not Supermom January 8, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Woooo!!
Not Supermom recently posted..A Post In Which I Wax Poetic About Dust Bunnies

116 susan January 8, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Geez, “neebie,” read the rest of this satrical blog and realize you are trying to convert a Jew, a hilarious one.

117 lloon January 9, 2012 at 11:17 am

Im a Jew, I think the poster is funny.

118 MommaC January 8, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I just keep getting the giggles that anyone can possibly miss the humor in your hilarious pic-post… UNLESS this comment was posted with Tongue in Cheek HUMOR.

If the humor really was lost on poor Linda, I think maybe she might benefit from some counseling… to find her sense of it!

Keep on makin’ us laugh Jill! :)
MommaC recently posted..The Give-A-Shit gene

119 Erika January 8, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Linda….as a Christian I don’t understand
How you think it is wrong for her and her husband to have sex freely!!!! God wants sex in a marriage!!! It’s one of the greatest gifts from Him! And every husband and wife on earth fight and get on each others nerves…A LOT!!! Even pastors and their wives argue….it’s human nature!!!! I am a single mom and my husband used to get on my nerves too!!!! We would argue, makeup and have sex!!! What is it that is wrong with sex??? If I wanted to have crazy wild sex with my husband that was 100% ok and amazing!!! I hate being single now becuase I miss sex!!!

120 MamaBug January 8, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I can’t even take this seriously. You are joking, right? This is a fake comment. It has to be. No one says “heavenly temple” in reference to their bodies in real life! thanks for the laugh, Linda! :D
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121 Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes January 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm

This comment made my laugh and cry.
Laugh : well that is an obvious one, sorry.
Cry: I can’t remember the last time I when I had an afternoon of carnality.
Time to book a holiday sans kids.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..Traditions where meant to be carried on, especially when they involve beans

122 Jamee @ A New Kind of Normal January 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Can we all lay hands on Linda and pray for a sense of humor please?
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123 LCarr January 9, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I think I might need some counselling, oh wait…. I no longer have ‘afternoons of carnality’ I have kids instead.

This must be a joke, the language alone is out of the Ark, – pun intended.

124 Jean Swigonski January 9, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Maybe it is because I am pagan, but “coming unto Christ” sounds dirty

125 Callie January 8, 2012 at 8:14 pm

^Bwhahahaahahahahaahahaha.

126 Amy January 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Seriously?? This was funny. I love your blog.

127 Dayla January 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

OMG! I can’t quit laughing at Linda’s comment!!!!

128 Evin Cooper January 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

I.. just… but… REALLY?

Wow.
Evin Cooper recently posted..Why I don’t drink..

129 Kory January 8, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I would LOVE to talk to you about the meaning of humor….and quickies for that manner.

130 Tottums January 8, 2012 at 8:25 pm

::snort::
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131 Miki January 8, 2012 at 8:19 pm

LMAO, bwahahahaha! She wants you to come on to Christ!

132 Cherry_Pie January 8, 2012 at 8:25 pm

lol~!

133 Love January 8, 2012 at 10:01 pm

LMFAO!
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134 Kristy January 8, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I think that this is hysterical, just feel sorry for those that are too uptight to see it as the humor it is…

135 Stephanie Eppich Daily January 8, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Please inquire about the counseling just to screw with her.

136 Shannonannon January 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Yes, but then her holy temple might get struck by lightning.
Shannonannon recently posted..More Nativity Adventures

137 Nicole January 8, 2012 at 8:21 pm

This is hilarious. I pinned it because it’s so awesome, it needs to be shared.

To the idiots who don’t understand satire or humor in general: you can love your marriage and kids while still acknowledging that sometimes you want to lock them all in a closet.
Nicole recently posted..Enter the Dinosaur

138 D January 8, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Aftermoon carnality? Oh honey, she has kids. That particular sin has to wait until the kids are in bed.

Hilarious though. Please forward this to all schools teaching the joke of sex Ed classes. Maybe the prissy ass little snots would take the hint if they thought of losing their precious perky boobs or shiny new belly ring!

139 Kathy Hills January 8, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I don’t remember a ‘romantic’ period between kid 1 and 2. I think my eyes were closed but not… Well fill in the blanks! Har de har har.

140 Jane January 8, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Your diagram is 100% accurate. Just because our kids and husband frustrate us to no end, doesn’t mean we love them any less. I would walk through fire for my husband and kids, and fight the devil himself for them. However, they also drive me crazy on a daily basis. It’s just a part of life.

141 Mercy January 9, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I second this.
Mercy recently posted..How We’ve Grown This Year, part 3

142 Christy January 8, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Linda is a nutball ! Go meet her
For counciling and punch her for me – I’m sure she drives the minivan while her husband in his khaki’s sits
In the passenger seat all good and obedient.

143 mary January 8, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Oh my. Really? Maybe she shouldn’t read your blot if she cant understand humor. People like that crack me up. Your husband should never get on your nerves….what’s wrong with you? Lmfao!!

144 Tina January 8, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Ummmm maybe because God sees a reason for testing their relationship. And why you should have a problem with a husband and wife consecrating their marriage, under ANY circumstances is beyond anyone’s scope of understanding. “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Who the hell cares what she does, or why? It’s not like she’s asking you to watch and take notes.

145 Katie January 8, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Linda, You really are a newbie….omg, you are the lost one, not Jill! You clearly do not belong on SM… I think you need counciling!
Great job Jill! Keep up the awesome work! SM reassures me everyday that I am no alone! Love it!

146 Autherine@BoysRising January 8, 2012 at 8:27 pm

That is spot on! You should make t-shirts with this post and we will all buy one!
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147 Sheila January 8, 2012 at 8:27 pm

This is great. There should be a poster in each gynecologist office. It would be great birth control. Lol

148 Callie January 9, 2012 at 10:30 am

Yes!

149 Tanya January 8, 2012 at 8:28 pm

“It can’t be healthy to not be able to stand him most of the time but freely give your heavenly temple (body) to him in an afternoon of carnality.” BEST LINE EVER! LOLZ!

150 Sam January 8, 2012 at 8:36 pm

How many bad romance novels do I have to read before I start using phrases like “afternoon of carnality”?

151 Not Supermom January 8, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Two.
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152 Jane January 8, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Preferably with Fabio on the cover.

153 Amy January 8, 2012 at 9:34 pm

bawhahahahahaha….
Amy recently posted..Beginnings: This Moment ~Friday Ritual

154 Heather Tucker January 8, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Are you freaking kidding me!? Heavenly temple? Carnality? Who says that stuff!? Wow.

155 anymommy January 8, 2012 at 8:38 pm

The graphic is priceless. And I will never recover from the most fantastic comment in the history of blogging.
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156 Amy January 8, 2012 at 9:39 pm

I second that….. =)
Amy recently posted..Beginnings: This Moment ~Friday Ritual

157 Tabitha January 8, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Why do people who don’t understand or like what you say following you to begin with??? Go to stepford wives.com or perfect mommy.org instead! Wtf? What did she think scary mommy was all about anyway?

158 Melissa January 8, 2012 at 8:43 pm

I am laughing so hard the tears are running down my leg! (both SM’s graphic and Linda). Please, please, don’t ever stop. You, and all your supporters, make me realize I am actually sane! Hugs.

159 Amy January 8, 2012 at 9:39 pm

me too!
Amy recently posted..Beginnings: This Moment ~Friday Ritual

160 Scarlet January 9, 2012 at 6:43 am

“tears are running down my leg”? Best.comment.ever! You have coined my favorite new phrase!

161 Common Sense Mom January 8, 2012 at 8:44 pm

“heavenly temple” Bwaaaaaahhhh Ha ha ha.
That’s the best laugh I’ve had all day.
Clearly she has not breastfeed any babies. My boobs are most definitely not heaven-bound anymore.

162 tracey just another mom January 8, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I love a good old-fashioned Bible-thumping commenter. They’re always good for a nostril-clearing snort.
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163 Zee January 8, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Holy shit. Can’t speak. Can barely see. Tears. Lmfao! Laughed so hard I started coughing and choked.
“Come unto Christ.” Seriously? Does he watch?
Can’t stop laughing. Woke hubby up!

164 anna see January 8, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Best graphic ever!

165 Sara January 8, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I really am a”newbie”here,and I am so glad that I found my way here…I really needed to laugh and that’s exactly what I have done..I love it here,thanks guys!!!

166 Kristy @PampersandPinot January 8, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I feel sorry for the person locked in judgment hell who cannot see the absolute hilarity and truth in this! Live a little, people! Ha!
Kristy @PampersandPinot recently posted..Sunday Stealing

167 1 Bad Mom January 8, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Bwa ha ha ha!!! OMG – that is so me. I thought motherhood would be total bliss, and I was so wrong.
1 Bad Mom recently posted..Online Mom Groups – The Good, the Bad, & the Judgmental Little Twits

168 Stephanie bishop January 8, 2012 at 9:30 pm

While I do enjoy satire and humor and believe you are clever, witty, and successful and often reveal what many mother’s may feel in their minds, I can’t help but wonder how these writings will be viewed by your teenage children one day? Notably, they are being raised to be intelligent, clever and honest with their feelings and to work hard to achieve their goals as their hard-working mother has. Will this come at a cost to their skills development and civility in society or will it simply continue to be a humorous outlet for parenting?

Sometimes, parenting is like a science project. What will be your results based on your hypothesis and thesis? Who really knows?

169 1 Bad Mom January 8, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I think it would be a far worse consequence if mommy kept all her feelings inside, lost it and went on a murder / suicide rampage in her house like many mothers have b/c they don’t know how to talk about their feelings and let shit out in a healthy way or make fun of their lives and not take the horrible shit too seriously.
1 Bad Mom recently posted..Online Mom Groups – The Good, the Bad, & the Judgmental Little Twits

170 Tracy January 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm

3 points for bringing murder/suicide rampage to the game. The stakes have just been upped.
Tracy recently posted..The Long Hair Cold War

171 jules from A Little Bite of Life January 8, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Seriously….no wait….seriously?? The trolls are really out tonight, aren’t they? I am sure Scary Mommy’s relationship with her children is fully intact, and I’m sure her kids will laugh and say, yep, that is our Mom’s sense of humor! Wow–some people REALLY need a good bottle of Jack Daniel’s to help them lighten up!
jules from A Little Bite of Life recently posted..Beauty And The Beast in 3D/Tangled Ever After!

172 Kate January 9, 2012 at 8:00 am

“Sometimes, parenting is like a science project. What will be your results based on your hypothesis and thesis? Who really knows?”

Lol! My parents would tell me that I (eldest of two) was the guinea pig. They said the first kid always ended up screwed up because we were the experiment.

173 Dani January 8, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Maribel and Common Sense Mom mixed with Scary Mommy equals WINNING!

174 Youngmomma January 8, 2012 at 9:32 pm

HAHAHAHAHA “give your heavenly temple to him freely” I feel like she must get all dressed up in her best dress and say in her best 1-800 voice “tonight, I’m going to freely give my heavenly temple to you.” hahahaah feel so sorry for that lady’s husband! “carnality”? No thanks, I fuck my man, whether I love him that day or not! Haha
Youngmomma recently posted..Today.

175 Jennifer January 8, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Oh Linda, please don’t ever read *my* blog. You’ll probably burst into flames. Lighten up, sweetie. If you’re a mom and can’t see the truth in this then I’ll skip the counseling, thanks, and just have a sip of the Kool-Aid you’re drinking.

176 Dani January 8, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Humorless people suck
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177 Jen January 8, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Its almost 10 pm here…since I passed on an afternoon of carnality, I guess I will shoot for an evening of it instead ;)
Jen recently posted..High Anxiety Time!

178 Jillian January 8, 2012 at 9:55 pm

I snorted. I eyerolled. I coughed. I sneezed. My head is SO confused at the torment I put it through simply reading the comments. My body stopped being a temple the moment the first stretch mark showed up, and that was LONG before kiddos. Afternoon of carnality?? Have you ever been married lady? You stop having those when he says I do! *SMH* I wonder why she hasn’t bothered to comment again?

179 Stephanie bishop January 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm

My email: corrected!
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180 Stephanie bishop January 8, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Email
Stephanie bishop recently posted..Teaching service to kids: Red Bag project

181 Linda Thomas January 8, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I’m glad I’ve given so many of you a good laugh. That was definitely not my intention.

182 Tragic Sandwich January 8, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I’m sure you mean well, but anyone in marketing (not just me) can tell you that you need to target your message to your audience–and that starts with listening, to make sure you know who your audience is.

Read more, comment less would be my suggestion–otherwise you risk making people unreceptive, which I suspect is the opposite of your intention.
Tragic Sandwich recently posted..Stubborn Little Girl

183 PattiH January 8, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I love you all, you make me feel “normal” (well, almost!)
and I wanna T-shirt!
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184 Love January 8, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I laughed so hard at this post and all the comments, I woke up the snoring beast on my couch. *smh* Maybe since he’s awake now, he’d like to come worship my temple for a little bit…
Love recently posted..Photo

185 Laura January 8, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I am just so entertained by reading this thread… goodness!

Not all Christian mothers and wives have their buns in such a tight knot. I just read the blog entry I will post below and was again incredibly validated in the role I play as a down & dirty mama, day in and day out. I may choose not to use f-bombs, but using them or not does not take away from the absolute exhaustion that being a wife & mother is, nor does using them or not communicate the reward of being a wife & mother. Sheesh, Linda.

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/

Being all high & mighty also doesn’t make marriage and motherhood any less exhausting, either. I have to quote this comment as it summed up my feelings exactly.

“Just because our kids and husband frustrate us to no end, doesn’t mean we love them any less. I would walk through fire for my husband and kids, and fight the devil himself for them. However, they also drive me crazy on a daily basis. It’s just a part of life.”
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186 Love January 8, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Oh, and Jill — How dare you use a picture of Spawn without our permission!! LMAO

I want you to show this design to the ‘rents and get back to us on that whole “using my degree” idea LOL
Love recently posted..The Trash Fairy

187 Tragic Sandwich January 8, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Best. Infographic. Ever.
Tragic Sandwich recently posted..Stubborn Little Girl

188 Erma January 8, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Now that’s what I call love.

189 VeroniCa January 8, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Seriously, she didn’t mean harm. She takes things literally, let’s move on. The post was awesome enough to make DH laugh, that means great sex tonight! Thanx Scary mommy!

190 ddt January 8, 2012 at 10:49 pm

This is so funny!! I got rid of the annoying husband, now he is just an annoying ex pain in the ass.

191 Sharon {Grumpy, Sleepy, and Bashful} January 8, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Wow. I am not sure I have ever seen the “baby cycle” so succinctly and hilariously illustrated. I’m sure it’s been done already, but this is Pinterest material.

Thanks for the laughs!!
Sharon {Grumpy, Sleepy, and Bashful} recently posted..12 Signs That I Am Getting Old

192 Andie @ multiplemama January 8, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I was lambasted by bible thumpers once too. Although I did step on a bit of a land mine (accidentally on purpose) I just didn’t know it was a holy land mine. Who knew some think GOD wants them to spank their children to keep them from burning in hell? Anyway, they’re rarely alone so keep your eye out! ;)
Andie @ multiplemama recently posted..resolutions schmesolutions

193 Elaine January 8, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Truer words have never been illustrated so well. ;)

LOVE IT!!!!
Elaine recently posted..Y’all Are Gonna Laugh HARD at this Photo of Me & Miss Elaine-ous Monday!

194 michelle January 8, 2012 at 11:33 pm

I tried comming onto Christ……I guess he’s into virgins or something.. so I’m SOL . great post :-

195 Pamela D Hart January 8, 2012 at 11:35 pm

oh.my.gosh.that.is.hilarious!

LOVE the demon baby image! Babies are so damn cute so you don’t kill them.
Pamela D Hart recently posted..Between Hell And Heaven

196 Amy January 9, 2012 at 1:37 am

So funny yet so true!
This should come with a warning label for those of us that are in the pregnancy cycle. At 34 weeks laughing this hard at all the banter back and forth could cause labor. We won’t even discuss the whole I almost peed thing! You mommies know what I mean. I would so pay to have a coffee cup with this on it.

197 Lisa January 9, 2012 at 1:47 am

Who in the hell uses the word ‘flummoxed’ anyway? Your design is funny and true. I don’t care how you look at it. Grow a funny bone, chicago.

198 Mommy Inconsistent January 9, 2012 at 1:58 am

So my husband isn’t the only one who’s fucking annoying? Hahaha! Love how hilarious this is and the controversy it caused…at least in one person’s mind.

199 colleen January 9, 2012 at 4:50 am

Ohhhh, that’s how I ended up with four. lmao.

200 Lynn from For Love or Funny January 9, 2012 at 6:34 am

LOVE this! And the comments were just as funny!
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..The one thing we need to give, and receive, every day.

201 christy January 9, 2012 at 8:02 am

Awesome!

202 Becca January 9, 2012 at 8:13 am

Your annoying, Why the fuck did I marry! Love it! So perfect. I need this on a mug!

203 Ann January 9, 2012 at 8:28 am

If my body is my “heavenly temple” I want a fucking refund!!!!!

204 Callie January 9, 2012 at 10:36 am

You and me both! The temple guardians need to be fired, too, they clearly have been slacking off.

205 Not Supermom January 9, 2012 at 10:57 am

Can I get an Amen up in here?
Not Supermom recently posted..65 Questions

206 TheKitchenWitch January 9, 2012 at 8:50 am

I love it! The *only* thing I think it’s missing is a graphic of a bloated pregnant woman looking down at her husband and saying, “No, I do not want to suck on that icky thing.”
TheKitchenWitch recently posted..Year Of The Veg: Celery Soup

207 kay3 January 9, 2012 at 8:58 am

ummm linda whats wrong with carnality with my HUSBAND!!! from what I remember isnt a husband and wife supose to have sex. I get mad and frustrated with my husband and when we have an afternoon of “carnality” we get along a lot better. It helps us remember we are a couple not just parents. please try not to be so judgemental Its rude and mean. have you ever heard “you can attract more flys with honey than vinegar” so try bieng nicer if you want to teach others about god. And by the way any marriage counsler will tell you sex is a very important part of a marriage. Besides make up sex is GREAT. i love having sex with my husband

208 Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop. January 9, 2012 at 9:36 am

Ok, the post was funny. I laughed. Out loud. But the comments pushed me over the edge. I nearly peed my pants. Seriously. Sweet Linda is worried about your marriage. I just love that. *snort*
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209 Sunday Stilwell January 9, 2012 at 10:13 am

Hell YES! I want this on a mug!
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210 NoDramaMama January 9, 2012 at 10:55 am

I think I see where the problem stems from…drinking needs to be more frequent. That, and condoms. ;)
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211 Megan (Best of Fates) January 9, 2012 at 11:37 am

Suddenly, I feel as though I can see my future. And it involves more flatulence than I expected.
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212 humanmama January 9, 2012 at 11:50 am

I want to laugh…and cry. Or maybe just cry. Love the graphic designs…
humanmama recently posted..2012 and the end of the world

213 Odd Dad January 9, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I think scary mommy and her readers just got trolled. There is no way that was a serious comment. If it was then the troll needs some counseling, if you ask me.
Odd Dad recently posted..The trouble with lyrics

214 dysfunctional mom January 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm

OMG, the post is awesome and the comments are too. I would LOVE an afternoon of carnality right about now. Come on into my temple, baybay! RAWR!
dysfunctional mom recently posted..Dont you worry your pretty little mind

215 Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes January 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm

This needs to be poster size! And wallet size! And coffee mug size!
And may I suggest marketing a line of onsies with the image of the devil baby? Please do so before n°2 grows out of onsies? Pleasepleaseplease?
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..Traditions where meant to be carried on, especially when they involve beans

216 Keinya January 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Yep. That about sums it up.
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217 Pam January 9, 2012 at 6:30 pm

On the the eighth day Eve said ” get real”.
I love all of these thanks for sharing your humor it really makes several days more interesting despite the repetitiveness of everyday mommyhood.

Pam

218 MomWitDragonTat2s January 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

OMG I can’t stop laughing. Seriously Linda…what church do you go to? I think me and hubby might go have sex in it.

219 Meredith Bland January 9, 2012 at 8:07 pm
220 Hatton January 10, 2012 at 12:16 am

As always, funny and real!
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221 Jessica, The Debt Princess January 10, 2012 at 4:50 am

hahaha, so true.

Even after all that frustration and vomit, parenthood is still addicting. I have baby fever right now but as a single, broke, lesbian I’m thinking I’ll just have to ooh and awww at the babies I see.
Jessica, The Debt Princess recently posted..Where’s the Debt – January 2012

222 Shate98 January 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Soo funny. Soo true.
Shate98 recently posted..January 9, 2012 ~ Oh My Goodness, Daddy’s Guinness

223 Jessica January 10, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Hilarious, take away the quickies and put in a few petri dishes and it’s me.

224 Renee January 10, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I don’t usually comment (sorry!), but this was hilarious!!! Did you create this or find it somewhere?

225 Scary Mommy January 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I spent way too much time creating it. :)

226 Lucy January 10, 2012 at 6:55 pm

You know what I love so much about this infographic? It shows that we’re not alone in our thought patterns, which are unpredictable, irrational, and perfect.
Lucy recently posted..she’s almost 2

227 Key Tags January 11, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I love the infograph haha. Sharing it with other ‘scary mommies’ i know.

228 plastic cards January 11, 2012 at 6:38 pm

That chart is so spot on and funny at the same time. Really enjoyed this post :)

229 Megan January 12, 2012 at 2:17 pm

<3 it!
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230 Cassie January 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm

You put my life into stick-figure pictures! So creative!
Cassie recently posted..Getting Things Because I Lack Hair

231 Nellie January 15, 2012 at 2:50 am

This is so so awesome.

232 Ernestine January 23, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Good day! This post could not be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this write-up to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
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