Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
You know the old saying that we each are our own harshest critics? Well, it’s bullshit. At least in my house it is. It’s not that I’m especially easy on myself, but rather that the kids are constantly critiquing me. And they’re brutal.
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It starts first thing in the morning. I’ll be innocently showering when a midget body will barge into the bathroom, and upon seeing my figure in the shower, run out screaming, like I have scarred him or her for life. It’s not uncommon for the child, whoever it is, to fall into a fit of giggles and call for his siblings. “Lily! Evan! Ben! Mommy is naaaaakkked. Come see!!” If I’m really lucky, all three will stand outside of the shower pointing and laughing like I’m a zoo animal taking a dump. “Ewwwwww” they shriek as I rinse out the conditioner, thinking that in the future 3AM showers would be a far wiser idea.
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Once I get out of the shower, time permitting, I slather myself in lotion. Should I be lucky enough to have an audience, they will inevitably point to my thighs. “What’s that purple squiggle, Mommy?” A spider vein, I sigh. “That one, too?” Yes, that one too, honey. “Over here, too?” Yes, my darling, that’s what they’re called. Let’s move on.
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“OK.”
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“What’s this?”
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It’s a stretch mark. That’s a scar. That’s a vein. That’s cellulite. That’s hair. That’s a wrinkle. That’s a bruise. That’s… crap… what is that? Just let me get dressed alone, alright?
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Lily, my child who is convinced that gym shorts worn with tights underneath are some kind of fashion statement in the year 2012, frequently greets me with “is that what you’re wearing?” and an accompanying eye roll once I make my way downstairs. In all fairness, it’s a somewhat acceptable response for the days when I do, in fact, leave the house in the sweatshirt I slept in and slippers, but much less appreciated when I have actually put some effort into being presentable. Yes, Lily, I hiss. This is what I’m wearing. Thanks, my love.
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The patch of white hairs, the stubble on my legs, the heels in need of exfoliating… nothing goes unnoticed by my lovely children. At the end of the day, as I read the boys bedtime stories, Evan inevitably focuses on my face. “What’s that dot?” he will ask, pointing to the tiniest pore or a birthmark or a chicken pox scar. One by one, he counts them like he’s counting sheep, falling asleep to the comfort of my imperfections.
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Fortunately, my skin is thick and there are a few “Mommy, you’re pretty’s” thrown into the mix for good measure. And, who other than my kids is really examining my nose from half an inch away, anyway? On the plus side, their attention to detail is impeccable. It would just be nice if the attention wasn’t focused on me for a change.
{ 134 comments… read them below or add one }
How about this..
“Mommy is that a wrinkle?” You must be old like nini.
Seriously Sassy Mama recently posted..Random 365…#16
Why is it that kids can achieve laser like focus on my pimple but be COMPLETELY unaware of the peanut butter and jelly all over their face?
Barbara recently posted..In Case You Need Some Motivation Today
Or the fact that they haven’t brushed their teeth all day and that their combed hair is still MESSY!!!
Mine, too. But, since having both girls, I explained to them that mommies are always older than their kids and do not like these things pointed out, it’s kind of hurtful to do that. Just like one doesn’t like people making fun of her because she’s shorter than everyone else and the other doesn’t like to be called a tom-boy because she’s not as girly when playing. I told them that I don’t make fun of them for being different so they shouldn’t do that to me. They don’t do that anymore, but yet to make sure, I lock the door. LOL
Dawn recently posted..I Love World Of Warcraft, but…
When my son crawls into bed with us, I know the quickest way to get him to leave is to breathe on him: “Your breath smells like poop!”
Lucky for me, they’re still young enough that they think my belly is a fun toy, not gross. Hours of fun to jiggle mommy’s belly!
Kristin recently posted..Warning: Feeling Groovy (or Warm Fuzzies are So Not Me, but there you go)
Well at least you know they’re paying attention!
kisha recently posted..Time to Start School?
I’m really relieved— I was beginning to take it personally!!
Hilarious. I so hear you. My favorite (insert sarcasm here) was when one of my twins asked, “Mommy, what happened to your belly button?” I think I said, “You! You both happened to my belly button. All 13.5 combined pounds of you.” Sigh.
Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) recently posted..I Hear Movie Quotes…All the Time
I couldn’t help but laugh at the zoo animal reference, haha. Thanks for the morning laugh!
Lin recently posted..Ten On Tuesday
I get the “What’s that?” constantly…and for some reason my son loves to point out when I forget to shave, especially under my arms. Seriously? Do you have to yell “EEEEWWWW HAIR!” every time I move my arm? Luckily, no one is around to hear it but me and my husband.
Kids like to make you feel so imperfect and perfect at the same time. Why is it that if our husbands say that stuff, we don’t forgive? Off to slather on the cellulite reducing lotion and those new shorts that are supposed to get rid of the tummy. Spider veins are just roadmaps to my life. *sigh*
“Mama! You have racing stripes… on your belly!”
Yay.
My girls are assholes too, your wearing that with eyes rolling while taking something from my bathroom
I seriously love you for this website! It makes me laugh daily as I read through old posts and new. One of my favorite (not favorite) thing that my 2 youngest children say to me is mommy do you have a baby in your belly? Wtf! My youngest is 3. Give me a damn break, is what I want to say. I have sucked my fat ass belly in all day at work and figured I could give it a rest without having to be critisized!
I usually get one of the kids telling me, “Mom, you really need to shave.” Always something you want to hear. And then there is, “Mom, your arms are so jiggly” and my all time favorite, “Mom, your stomach is go gushy.” Ahhh… the beauty of having kids. Damn them!
Carolyn (temysmom) recently posted..It’s My Baby
Or “I love your belly, it’s really squishy like a pillow!” and “Mommy, your legs grow pokes like a cactus!! How did that happen?!?”
Out of the mouths of babes.
“Mommy, where’s your penis???!” The reason we now have a lock on the door.
:)
Burnt my lunch cause I was reading this. Well worth the burnt grilled cheese lol. Thank you so much!!! I needed a good laugh today!
Ha Ha HA! You are so dead on. Kaishon used to never care what I wore, but just recently he said, the other moms look like real workers when they come to school… what the heck does that mean? I guess they don’t wear black yoga pants, a black t shirt and a black sweater. It’s not like I can use the excuse that I have little ones at home either. I have no excuse : (
P.S. I think you are beautiful!
Life with Kaishon recently posted..Photographer Interview with Sandra Gri (Suki)
I instituted a rule a couple of years ago. It’s the “Mommy gets to shower/change her clothes/go to the bathroom by herself” rule. It doesn’t stop the boys from interrupting my showers, etc., but it does make them listen when I tell them to get out. And I have a child who has learned to say that Mommy is beautiful and pretty when he wants something. :)
Amanda recently posted..The Pillow Thief
Oh yes. I love this. And God forbid if I get a zit… “Momma… what’s dat?” {while poking my face} “Dat’s gross.” Thanks for that.
Jennifer recently posted..Motivation, Weight Watchers Week 15
My favourite was when my daughter asked me when my stomach was going to go back to normal. Fuck…
Theresa recently posted..Don’t do it, Momma…
What an honest post Jill! I could never write about my kid laughing at me while I’m naked. Even though he does.
LOL. The things I get to look forward to. I’m lucky that mine is young enough that his vocabulary is still limited. That doesn’t stop him from poking at my face and saying, “wha dat?” Yesterday I put on a pair of socks and one had a hole in the toe. He pointed to the hole and said, “oh, no! Mommy, oh no.” One and already a critic!
Shate98 recently posted..January 18, 2012 ~ Content Blocked
I am convinced my oldest is going to be a plastic surgeon what with the way she nudges and pushes and prods my face into proportions that look, um, “better.” The day she asked why my breasts are smaller than hers and said “You don’t even need a booby trap!” (their words for bra; I’m raising inventive geniuses!) was the first sign.
Arnebya recently posted..Writer’s Workshop: No Butt Marks
My daughter invented a word for the soft skin just in front of your armpit (above your breast and below your shoulder). You know, the place that more often has a fold in it—she calls it “flub.” She will come up to me—especially in summer when I’m wearing a tank top—and push on it and say “flub.” She is eleven. I hate it. When I tell her to stop poking at me, she just tells me how much she “loves my flub.” How can I stay mad at that?
a Book for My Daughter recently posted..Chore Wars: How I Got My Kids to Clean the House
Haha I have a large mole on my “flub” and my daughter, age 4, is obsessed with it. She thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world to pinch or pull on if…. /sigh
My three year old likes to yell, “NIP-POLES” and grab mine to demonstrate that he has learned anatomy. Never says “KNEEEEEES!” or “EEEEAR!” Just nipples.
Sigers recently posted..I want you to know that you are SO my kid.
By far my favorite by the eldest:
‘mama, your beard is growing wrong, it is to low! It needs to be up on you chin!’
No honey, it really doesn’t.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..Mulligatawny or something like it
Was just asked last night if I was “as old as Nana.” Sigh…
Hm. You’re in Maryland, have left the house in the sweatshirt you slept in and slippers, and have a son named Ben. We’re practically twins. We should do lunch. (Have you ever been to Miss Shirley’s? Yum.) My Ben is my one and only though. He’s almost two. We’re approaching the “Mommy, what’s that?” stage. I’m fearful. I am acutely aware of my imperfections. Motherhood, has given me somewhat of a break in that I’m so focused on him and everything I need to do for work, around the house, feeding him, etc, that I have little time for my heels or hair dye or worrying over my spider veins. I know they are there… but if they’re covered and I’m busy, it’s easy to forget… for a while. Or until I look in the mirror and marvel at how the face looking back at me is NOT the woman I once knew and I’m not exactly proud of what she’s become, but at the same time, the dark circles and bags and no makeup are my badge of motherhood.
I am a giant. According to my three girls. I’m not tall. They also call me big mommy. I’m not even too much over weight. My kids are assholes for sure.
I have a mole on my chin, what my mother used to lovingly refer to as my “beauty mark” but I’ve always been a bit self-conscious about. My children, all 3 of them, have each pointed at it, studied it, and then referred to it as my third nipple.
C @ Kid Things recently posted..Sleeping Super
HA! mine is my “Grandma Mole”!
Yeah…a mole on my forehead they call a KNUCKLE. Really children?
ha ha! sometimes when I have a huge zit on my face I say it’s a nipple
Luna recently posted..Baldies, crazies, etc.
–>My son said to me recently,
“Mommy, move your big butt. I can’t see the tv.”
Our tv is 60 inches wide.
WebSavvyMom recently posted..An Interview with my 5-year old
I hear ya. After 3 kids all by c-section, I’m not as taut as I wish I was. My son is kind enough to point out that others notice too. One time he pointed at my mom pouch and asked, “Why does your stomach look like a bag of apples?” A bag of apples? wtf?
I feel you. Just this morning, my darling child ran away screaming when I came out of the bathroom with no pants on. (1. I did have panties on, 2. I covered up with a sweater, and 3. What the hell was he doing lurking outside the bathroom door?)
And I totally thought I had him trained after his lovely Mommy/Salma Hayek comment Sunday night. {Sigh} Guess kids are like husbands —they can never be completely trained.
You’re beautiful. They’ll learn.
Vinobaby recently posted..My Golden (Globe) Boy
Ohh yeah. Either a 2 year old patting me from behind and saying “hello momma big bummy” or a 5 year old looking at her own sculpted 6 pack abs and noticing “our tummies are DiFFerent,” I got ya. But I sometimes think, they can’t do that in PUBLIC, so I guess I’m the fall girl for imperfection-sightings. Ahhh.
Humanmama recently posted..being five
Oh, girl, been there!
Mel recently posted..Heavy
Now that I’m pregnant, my son who is almost 12 thinks it’s fun to see how much fatter mom is every day. He’s also asked that I “do a better job hiding those things” ( my rapidly growing breasts) and laughs. It’s been 12 years since pregnancy and boy is it different at 38! Least I have lil man keeping a watchful eye on every body change…. Because I really can’t notice on my own ;)
My 8 year old daughter likes to ask me every time she sees me naked, “Mommy, why do you have hair on your butt?” First of all, I do NOT have hair on my butt. That is my crotch! I have told her time and again why and that she is on her way to also having hair on her “butt”, but she still asks me.
The other day I was leaning over to get something (I was in the bathroom, naked), she pops in and asks, “why are your boobies looking like that?” We all know what 43 year old boobies look like when you bend over (orange in a tube sock perhaps?). I just answered, “Gravity, now LEAVE!” lol
I can’t stop laughing…
I just left another comment about the hair on butt issue, my three year old daughter asked me that in a very loud tone while in a public restroom. Classic.
OMG it starts so early too! my 14 month old twins will ever so kindly point out my mole by my ear as I lovingly cuddle them to sleep at night. then force me to turn my head so they can see if there’s another one by the other ear (there’s not, thanks).
Last night I said to Mr. Sandwich, “I really ought to go see a dermatologist and get a skin check. I shouldn’t just rely on Baguette for that.”
Thank God for the every once in a while ‘You look pretty, mommy” other wise, I would really start to have body issues. ;-)
Jen recently posted..Can We Go Out in the Snow?
What!?! No self-righteous comment about the tweet that led me here and how you shouldn’t call your children curse words? That’s no fun.
While I do have my share of marks, bruises & scars, my favorite kid comments come from my tramp stamp. Oh, to be young & stupid again. While it’s small & completely hidden while wearing pants, co-showers often start the best conversations. My daughter had a baby doll with a made in China stamp above her crack and told every visitor that “it’s just like Mommy’s!” That particular baby went on vacation until she could learn to keep her mouth shut.
Well if there’s a silver lining, it’s that they are brutally honest. So when they say “you look pretty,” they really mean it. That or they want candy.
Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted..MY DAUGHTER, THE ADDICT
I have started to use my naked body as a weapon so i can have some privacy. I announce I will be naked in my room, actually BUTT Naked .. They always knock now that they know Ma will breakout in a booty dance if they bust in.
Oh my gosh! Tears are rolling down my face I’m laughing so hard!!!
I was squeezed into a public bathroom stall with my daughter (3) and my son (2). I’m hovering over the toilet seat with my pants down, trying desperately not to let my butt touch the seat while being pinballed between the two of them. It is then that I realize I have started my period when my daughter decides to loudly announce “Mommy, you have diarrhea in your underwear!”
I had the same experience with my daughter in a public restroom. Good times.
Recovering Supermom recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Weekend Wine Woman
I remember my daughter coming in the bathroom when i was on the toilet mummy she said why is your belly on your legs…. Thanx for that one my dear. Oh revenge will be mine when she has had her own children. Oh daughter dear now there is the answer to that queation you asked me a long time ago hahaha
I also get a lot of questions like “What is that?” and “Why is your…?” and “Why do your…?”. So very curious they are. Good thing there will come a time when they won’t want to be within 10 feet of a place where I’m naked.
Recovering Supermom recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Weekend Wine Woman
We used to just throw the kid in the shower with us to save time but the 2yo has started to become aware of our “differences.” Especially daddy’s differences. Which she so innocently called, “poo poo.” I can only hope that she remembers that when some hormonal teenage boy wants her to touch his poo poo.
Jen @ Dear Mommy Brain recently posted..Goal Update
Bahahaha, I love the use of the word “hiss”. Describes us women perfectly.
It’s wrong to laugh reading this, right?
Oh my, been there, friend!
Galit Breen recently posted..Go For It, Always
Yeah, my son asked me why I had belly buttons on my boobs the other day. I took a quick peek to make sure that there were not, in fact, circular holes where my nipples should be, and then told him they were nipples. He said, “Oh. They’re BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!” Nice. Thanks for that.
Meredith Bland recently posted..I don’t like it when my husband has vacation days.
i have a wrinkle that only shows up when i’m mad at the kids. i call it my bitch wrinkle. the oldest is 7. microdermabrasion takes care of it for a week or two, but by the time the kids are teens, they’ll be old enough for me to say-this is my bitch wrinkle, YOU DID THIS TO ME!
I have a vertical wrinkle between my eyes (from furrowing my brow so often) and my daughter points to it while I was buckling her into her carseat and says” Mommy, you have a little crack in your face”
My DD likes to remind me not to forget to put my boobies (a bra) on. Thanks kid thought I was doing ok in the clevage department but apparently not. And on my last birthday she asked how old I was turning. ‘Twenty-nine’ i said calmly while trying not to have a panic attack about it. ‘Wow mum you’re really old’ came her reply. I fear as she gets older the critisicm will only get worse, but hopefully so will my hearing.
If only children were so honest about EVERYTHING ELSE. :)
My 2 year old sometimes hangs out with me in the bathroom while I shower. Fortunately at this point, he’s more interested in the water than mommy’s pregnant body. He does try to smack my belly when I’m done though (his father jokes that he’s already beating up on his younger brother, hah!).
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..My 2-Year Old Baby
This thread of comments is the best!
My nieces are older now (11 & 12) and beginning to ‘develop’ on their own, but back when they were little and would spend the night, I’d pull them in the shower with me to get’em all scrubbed up before they crawled their cheesy asses in my bed.
“Aunt Carrie. Oooh. Have your boobies always been that big? Mommy’s don’t look like yours. Will my boobies shake when I get older and scrub my hair like yours do? Why did you get a tattoo there? Can I have the rest of the macaroni and cheese?”
I love those 2 girls more than life. And loved them even more back then when they were little and innocent. But I still wanted to scream, “Get the fuck out and stop talking about my shaking boobies!”
I admire mom’s who get that daily. I only had to deal with it every couple of weekends. I’ll pray for ya’ll cause it drove me insane.
Carrie recently posted..If it weren’t for snakes and deranged attackers I would probably be ok with being single, I think.
Just to be “the other voice” that we can all hate here: my son actually does the opposite by pointing at all the posters of models in stores and saying “that looks like you, mom!” …”I thought that was you!”. …then 18 mo old chimes in by pointing and saying “Ma! Ma!”. I stand there, hair wrapped from run and shower 3 days ago, clothes I choose to sleep in so that dressing in the morning doesn’t have to happen, and stare at this fleck less, perfect white smile figure reminding myself in the loudest internal voice again that I simply must get around to scheduling those eye exams! Ah, love is blind but all-seeing, right?
Oh, honey, you are not alone. My kid goes: Why are your breasts so long? Or he’ll hug the pathetic excuse of an over-raised batch of sourdough that is my stomach and say: Uhhm, chubby!
In all fairness, when I wear a dress he’ll say: “Oh mommy, you look like a princess”. Just cause he’s used to seeing me in sweats…
I laughed out loud at this one. So great.
cindafuckingrella recently posted..POST # 100
My 4 year old recently asked me why my tummy was so big and jiggily, especially since there’s no baby in there. Her 6 year old sister quickly said “Because we left our toys in there for the next babies to play with” Thanks ladies!!! I’ve birthed 4 and have 3 bonus children, I think 7 is enough!
Oh, that scene is only too familiar. I am constantly told I have a big tummy and million other things.But then every once in a while they also exclame “Wow, you’re beautiful” or “you are the prettiest Mommy in the world”. Unfortunately when they point out the bad things you know they are real; when they say the good stuff you know they are looking at you through the eyes of love…ugh. You can never win.
Nuts about food recently posted..My Nana’s chopped chicken liver
I don’t think I’ll ever take a shower again…I’m afraid my kids will barge in and laugh at me!! Or worse, my husband!
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..Pranked. Again.
Yep, not only do I have a two y/o who insists on showering with me but the two oldest who have the same habit of barging in the bathroom will start their comments as well. The best is explaing ” the hair” . I think it’s time to buy a lock on the door and maybe 3am showers will be relaxing?
Okay, it’s official, I might not have the strength to have kids!
Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..Bigfoot Sighting
Loved your post! My girls say, “Do you have owees?” referring to my spider veins/cellulite/scars/etc. It usually comes with the tone of true concern, like I’m slowly dying, so I let it go!
I feel your pain. My son (4) asks to see my ‘wiggly’ belly (I’ve lost 112lbs). I just explain that he and his sister ’caused’ my tummy to stretch. Please God let me save enough money for a tummy tuck!
Who needs to shower anyways. :)
Regina recently posted..Why my 6 year old needs a cell phone
This is so familiar to me. I’ve started taking my showers at night when my daughter is asleep. This was of course after she said she doesn’t like my “hair” after walking in on me while I was taking a shower. But she said my legs are cute…guess that balances it out.
KalleyC recently posted..Understanding the “Man Box”
Right now Miss L points to anyone who has long brown hair like me and says, “That’s you, Mommy!” It’s particularly gratifying when the object is Kate Middleton. So this won’t last forever, huh? Damn. No one else is going to mistake me for Princess Kate.
No Drama Mama recently posted..How to Make Your Two Year Old Happy
Ha! This IS an real depiction of all the ‘?’s’ kids ask. My favorite is, ‘Mommy, why do you wear panties that go up your butt?’ :/ silence.
Vanessa ;)
Vanessa Jubis recently posted..An honest look at Homeschooling: Why sometimes, I’d like to send my kids to school!
This is HYSTERICAL – I do actually shower @4 am just to have a little time to “myself” to look at my train wreck of a body in the bathroom mirror through the glass shower door…and then I am joined by any number of nosy Monkeys who point and stare
Good stuff.
I hope to return the favor in the future:)
Oh, I can relate. My son pretended to vomit when he spotted me nude. Real ego boost!
mom-mom-mom recently posted..Skin to Win
Not to be a downer Jill, but I think I’d prefer that to my shower scene which is when Child #2 come in the bathroom and stares at my boobs before I can cover up with a towel. “Mom, they’re just so round. Do you think I could touch one? Maybe we could try breast feeding again?”
ACK!! OMG!! Please, can we focus on my saggy butt and flabby thighs! PLEASE!!!!
Johanna recently posted..A Stalker’s Tale
They’re round!? You lucky dog.
Team Suzanne recently posted..What happens when a mime can’t find a circus
hahaha! What’s funny is that my kids will beat my belly and call it a drum and then tell me I’m the most beautiful mom of all the moms at school (which is not true at all). haha ! But, I’ll take it. Great post, Scary Mommy. :)
critters and crayons recently posted..A Funny Science Experiment (That’s a Tad Gross, Too)
Can so relate. I am often told by my 6-year-old that I am “squishy.” Thanks, kid.
My three-year-old came in while I was showering the other day and asked me what those things were on my chest. I said boobs. He called them bumps. Well, yes. That’s pretty much what they are since I had you ;)
molly recently posted..Old habits die hard. Like really hard.
I’m now afraid when my children get older of this kind of scrutiny. Though yesterday my 4.5 year old yelled that he can’t come into my bedroom because I’m naked and said it in a tone akin to finding a room full of blood and guts and needing to immediately exit in fear of regurgitation. It was lovely.
Marta recently posted..The Happiest Place on Earth
my husband taught my boys at a young age that u do not discuss or talk to women that way. They are now teenagers and even with the other crap they give us I still get that respect from them.
Why I do roll my eyes at their comments, sometimes they hit me with reality too. My stomach looks like a baby is in there. Ok…I think I need to take some walks around the block…or is it situps I need to do? :)
Crunchy Beach Mama recently posted..Fun Lighting at LampLust ~ Giveaway with 3 Winners!
What a timely post! I was just thinking about the funny things my kids have said . . . and my favorite that fits well with your topic was what my oldest said to me after I had my second son. Child innocence is so sweet… except when they are asking you, 6 weeks postpartum, if you still have a baby in your tummy.
Sharon {Grumpy, Sleepy, and Bashful} recently posted..Kid Talk At Our House
My 15 month old son has just recently started pinching my fat on my belly, and sticking his finger in my belly button. oh, and putting his hands on my face and smooshing it. Yes, baby love, I know I have squishy cheeks. He laughs hysterically when he’s doing all that. But since I love the sound of his laugh, I will let him keep doing it! =)
We have no shame or privacy in our house. The kids have seen us naaaakid so many times that they’re used to any imperfections. They simply don’t notice them anymore.
I take that back. Once when I was changing my little girl, she looked at my face and asked “What are those black things, Daddy?” Turns out she was pointing at my nose hairs sticking out. Daddy needed some personal grooming that day. Then she tried to pull one of them!
But generally, the kids don’t think twice about barging into the bathroom any time we’re in there for whatever reason. “I came to keep you company,” says the three-year-old.
I’m sure this will change one day when they become more concerned about their own privacy, but that hasn’t manifested yet.
Odd Dad recently posted..My kid’s homework is stressing me out!
My kids are the same way, except I’ve never in my life had something even approximating a “Mommy, you’re pretty” comment. Which is fine. Screw ‘em. Based on how they dress, they are terrible judges of personal aesthetics.
In the area of criticism, my kids have recently added backseat driving. Mom, stop putting lipstick on, it’s dark and you should watch for dog walkers, slow down, your turn is coming up, etc. I don’t mind this. They have some excellent points. Especially about the lipstick and dog walkers.
Team Suzanne recently posted..What happens when a mime can’t find a circus
Love your blog and especially love this entry. It’s the little things momma. Keep smiling and being a good sport. :)
Kids. Between their 20/20 vision and honesty, we’re doomed.
Marinka recently posted..How To Unsubscribe From E-Mail Updates
Yeah, I’m on a diet and think I may not have stressed my intention is to be healthy well enought…or is it too much….when my 8 year old screamed and literally started crying because I was eating a piece of licorice.
Seriously “wahhhh….Mom you’re going to GAIN weight…..” while running upstairs.
Huge bloody Mommy fail in the body image dept.
SoberJulie recently posted..Funky Helmet Covers Help Save Lives
Your kids are so cute. I remember when I was their age, I used to do that to my mom as well…until now. Its a good thing that you have them criticizing you and not other people. We should be thankful for their unblemished honesty, don’t you think?
Thanks!
Clarice
Clarice recently posted..how to pick up women
Hey mom with nosy kids, Its a blessing to have them. Taking a bath with them watching is a good idea. It teaches them to be familiar with adult body and slowly do away with sexual inhibition. I recommend such attitude to others. But don’t take it too drastic or so obvious. Keep a little for daddy. A very practical kind of life. See you around.
I was at the mall with my 3 year old and needed to use the ladies room. Knowing he would infect himself with everything if I didn’t bring hin in the stall with me, I figured it the lesser of two evils. Imagine my horror when he shouted loud enough for the whole mall to hear “MOMMY YOU GOTS A BIG BUTT.”
Next time he wades in the germs.
While in a public restroom my three year old daughter asked me in very loud tone “Mommy why do you have hair on your butt?!”
“Mommy, can I play with your flap?” sigh… Yes dear you may flap my stomach roll and amuse yourself. I have nipple rings too (they used to be cute I swear) and he comes in the bathroom, gets this terrified look and yells, “Mommy your boobas are sparkly!! Are all girls like that?” No son, but I know remember why I usually shower after bedtime. My favorite… In public: “My Mommy has a baby in her belly too.” No, sweetheart, I don’t. I’m just a little hefty! Gotta love the little ones!
I always, always let them know they’re the ones who caused all these problems. (: I mean 4 surgeries just from pregnancy damage, and one that truly almost killed me- gives me the right. Also, I have banned them from the bathroom unless there is blood or a broken limb!
AJSouthern recently posted..Flabbergasted: My baby girl is WHAT?
While sitting on my lap at a party where I knew all of 5 people, my 4 year old announced in a voice heard through the whole county, “Mommy, you forgot to shave your moustache!” Every single guest (or so it felt like) turned to stare at my moustache, which went from being three random hairs on my top lip to feeling like a ‘stache to rival Tom Selleck’s.
My daughter was in my lap last night and looking up at my face – transfixed. I was certain she was about to tell me how much she adores me but instead she said, “OMG, Mommy. You have SUCH long nostrils.”
!
Ado recently posted..Sometimes I Wonder What Cleopatra’s Mom Had to Deal With
It is not only a story of yours because most of the people in the world have the same experience.The most enjoying matter on this case is that you can easily take up children critics but if he or she is same to your age then whats will be your condition?
Thanks a lot for sharing your feelings with everyone.
Penon
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Omg! This post had me cracking up, especially the “Ewwwwww!” part. lolol
OMG this is why I love you. I feel such a kinship with you….
My teen daughter laughs that I must shave my chin. I told her to wait, it is IN HER GENES.I swear I do not know how she is my child we are such opposites tho. But I love Karma, she now commiserates on BIG RED.
My son is less critical (thank god).
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It’s funny now that I think about it, my 6-year old commented after I sigh saying, “Mommy’s fat today”, she looked at me and said, “Mommy don’t say that, your not fat, Your just LARGE.”…
LMFAO @ zoo animal taking a dump, that really made me LOL @ work…
I’ll tell you, You are beautiful.
I’ve seen you in person, and you are beautiful.
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Something to look forward to I guess. They love you, just remember that!
abnormalmommy recently posted..Missing My Alarm Clock
LOL, this is the funniest post i’ve ever read.
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wow, I’m so glad my boys don’t do that YET. I’m sure it is coming though. Sigh. I remember when an ex’s daughter said to me that I had dots on the back of my legs (cellulite)…oh the agony. Luckily no one else was around.
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I have to laugh, or I’d cry. Not only can I relate to your original post, but everyone’s comments as well! What do we do.
I just found this site today and I am so thankful because I needed a pick me up. I am laughing with tears as I read the “harshest critics” as I have had similar experiences. Things I have heard my daughter say after seeing me naked “mom, are my boobs going to be as long as yours someday?” or “why do your legs shake like that mommy?”…me: because I have had two kids…”did one come out of each leg?
Thanks for the laugh and making me feel like at least other mom’s are in the running for my type of “mom of the year” lol
Ah yes I had self-esteem before I had my son! The things he tells me I’ve done wrong (he’s sixteen). Initially I was so hurt and now I just smile and tell him to lighten up and worry about his own faults before he starts fixing everyone else up.
Kids are little reporters. My daughter is now 8 yo, but when she was in pre-school, the teacher asked what color of hair does your Dad have? Her reply: “Brown”…ok, what color is your Mom’s hair? “Brown with white shinny stripes in it”. Lovely.
my 3 yr. old granddaughter saw me getting in the shower the other day and that was all it took. she started laughing and said, “I see your butt!” then when I got out of the shower, dressed, and was sitting on the sofa, she came and got in my lap and got right in my face and said, “you have crazy eyes. they’re all red.” thanks sweetie. I love you too.
My kids love to play with my belly. Going to the beach or a pool is super-fun just for that reason.
Kristin recently posted..Glad I Saw It: Don’t Grow Up
I love coming back to those comments (I have daughters) with I used to look exactly like you then I had kids! The look of horror on their little faces are priceless if I might say so myself!
My three year old is already starting this. The other day he told us that he needs another mom because I’m not good enough. Yeah, thanks kid!
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My daughter is 6 and still worships me like I’m a rock star. How long is that going to last? Until she’s 60? Right? RIGHT???!!!
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My personal favorites…”Mommy, your belly is squishy and soft.”
And
“what’s that mommy?”
“It’s a nipple son, part of mommy’s boobie”
“Why is it way down there?”
“Because of you and your sister…”
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The patch of white hairs, the stubble on my legs, the heels in need of exfoliating… nothing goes unnoticed by my lovely children. . .so honest and descriptive. I have no kids, but boy do I relate. Thanks for a smile this morning.
I get Mommy you are fat! Your stomach jiggles! You have gray hair! Your but is big! They don’t realize that one day they will be 46 too….I hope I live that long! hehehe
” One by one, he counts them like he’s counting sheep, falling asleep to the comfort of my imperfections.”
This struck me as the sweetest thing. The imperfections are what make you so incredibly perfect in their mind. The teasing, the gasps and whatevers are all part of the deal. Think of it as being part of the crowd. Everyone MUST me teased on some level. They give you the most because they see you as a strong mommy! YOU can take ANYthing! And with that inlies the lesson for your children. Rolling with the punches and moving forward.
I just had the nightmare thought… my son is 6 and adores every bit of me. From my big tummy to my big butt. I pray to GOD that he doesn’t start in on me too! LOL! *holding on tight*
I just tell myself my boys are concerned for my welfare. “Mommy, you have an owie!” “Yes, it’s called a zit.”
Susanna K. recently posted..How I Freed Up a Little Piece of My Mind
I have to say that I am glad I’m not the only one!!! My girls constantly point out how big my butt is, why do I have “spots”, why is my belly so jiggly (at which point I exclaim, “YOU did that to me!!!”…in my head
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My lovely child asked if the cracks on my face hurt.
I lock the door when I take a shower. Problem solved. I thought you were going to talk about how they critique every day things. That’s the brutality I get around here. “This dinner looks like barf.” “Waffles again?” “My cereal is soggy.” Hey, I’ll gladly pack my knives and go! LOL
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted..Spanx You Very Much
Amen, Sister. My boys actually have a list of words that I’m not allowed to say because they say that I am too “old” and sound ridiculous. Awww, thanks Sweetie. One of those words is “legit” which they overheard me say on the phone. I’m tempted to dig up some MC Hammer pants and dance around the living room singing “Too Legit to Quit.” REALLY give them something to make fun of.
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My baby’s not old enough for all this yet, but other kid’s favorite “What’s that” is my mole. A big one. On my chin. That I already hate
Get out of a refreshing shower (yes, I got to shower alone!) and walked naked into the bedroom where my 2 yr. old twin boys and husband were sitting on the bed. Twin #1 points at me and says “mama cow” and Twin #2 promptly MOOS on cue. Husband died of laughter. Lovely little boys…THEN the next day my daycare lady asked if I was pregnant. I’m not. FUCK. Time to lose some weight.
Hi, just wanted to let you know that I linked to your article in my blog!
http://momofbigalittlea.blogspot.com/2012/07/what-ive-been-reading-this-week-3.html
Mom of A and a recently posted..What I’ve been reading this week #3
My 5 year old daughter was having a shower with me and said..”mama, when I grow up will my boobies be droopy like yours??”