Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place.
It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.
Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts. This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse — I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.
You may remember that passage by Marina Keegan, the beautiful girl in the yellow coat who tragically died just after graduating from Yale last spring. Her gifted writing struck a cord with the world, with many of her essays going viral in the days following her accident. She had an eloquence beyond her years and it was easy to see why her words resonated with people. They resonated with me, too, but for a different reason: Marina was my cousin.
Unfortunately, like many of my other cousins after the first generation, she was a cousin I didn’t know. We were separated by more than a decade, a handful of states, and I couldn’t have picked her out from a crowd. But, we shared great grandparents and loved ones and it shouldn’t have been that way. For the world, Marina’s untimely death served as an inspiration to live life to the fullest. For me, it served as a wake up call to get to know my family, and discover the amazing people they are, before it might be too late.
I spent the weekend celebrating the Bar Mitzvah of a very special cousin of mine. One who, for most of his life, I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing. I can’t believe how long I went without knowing his infectious laughter and bright mind, or his kindness and sweetness and love. Most of all, I can’t believe I never knew about his generosity.
Unlike my thirteen year old self, who selfishly counted my loot and lined up my Bat Mitzvah gifts, Luke donated all of his Bar Mitzvah money to Scary Mommy Nation. Instead of spending the gift money on a flat screen TV or new computer system or a trip somewhere far away, Luke opted to donate the money to help kids and moms in need. He was the inspiration for The Birthday Project and is the reason kids who otherwise would have nothing to open on their own special days, will have a gift to dive into.
At 13, Luke is more of a man than most men I know, and the perfect role model for my sons.
As I watched Luke become a Bar Mitzvah, surrounded by our shared family–first cousins, second cousins, aunts, uncles–I was reminded about the importance of family. I was reminded of my cousin Marina Keegan, whose own kindness and generosity I didn’t have the chance to know, and I am thankful for this chance to celebrate Luke becoming the wonderful and caring person he is growing into.
Thank you, Luke, for being… you.
I am so fortunate to call you family.
{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you Luke. You are a fine person and an inspiration!
Allie recently posted..WAHM Support and Networking Opportunity!
This is so amazing and really fills my heart and mind with hope and optimism. Sometimes after a long day, reading and watching the news, I can lose sight of what’s really important, I can lose sight of the amazing people that are in this world, that are in this community. Thank you Jill and Luke for reminding me what really matters, and for reminding me that people really are genuinely good. It’s a lesson I hope I never forget.
Simply amazing.
Jennifer recently posted..Sum It Up {Random Thoughts}
Thank you so so much Luke. You will change so many lives and touch many hearts with your compassion and selflessness. This is such a generous gift and it’s so wonderful of you to contribute to such a great cause.
Beautiful
Thank you also to Luke for his gift and Jill for sharing.
Family is very important and we can get so busy with our own day that we forget the love that surrounds us.
When i talk to my family or see them I always remember to hug them or tell them that I love them. Both if they are standing in front of me.
You never know in life what the next second or minute is going to hold for anyone.
There is so much time now days that people are in a hurry, so they just text someone rather than call them and say Hi. For myself I don’t texts. My children ask me why, I tell them if you have something to say, I would love to hear your voice. And then i ask them why they want to text. The answer is, “I have something to say but don’t want to talk.”
Communication build relationships and bonds people together. That is what life is about. Helping other, loving other and always being there for other.
Luke this is what you have done with your donation. You are being there for others and bless you for it.
Thanks again Jill for sharing your story. And be forever grateful for your cousin, because she did teach you a wonderful lesson in her short life. She is most likely looking down on you and smiling.
debbie
Amazing! No surprise that you have such incredible family. Luke, what a gift you gave.
What an amazing person you are! Great story!!
Wonderful. Gratitude is beautiful.
Mom Off Meth recently posted..Well…football again.
THAT WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL GESTURE!!!
AND WHAT A HUMBLE SPIRIT..I AM SURE HE INSPIRES MOST PEOPLE WHO GETS THE CHANCE TO BE IN HIS PRESENCE
Shannon recently posted..BULLIES BEWARE, MomME IS HERE
What a beautiful tribute and gesture by your cousin.
What I love about Bar Mitzvahs is the great inclusion of family – all of the family – such a lovely part it!
Kristen Brakeman recently posted..Collagen Lips: Don’t Let the Duck-Faced Women Win
Jill, this post is an amazing dedication to an amazing young man. Marina’s words were beautiful and absolutely perfect. I would like to be the opposite of lonely too, and that is my hope for all the people in this world. No matter where they are and no matter how hard their life is, everybody deserves to be loved, to be part of a family. Luke’s money will help others feel that love. Such a beautiful gift. Thank you, Luke. Jill is lucky to call you family. xo
This is so beautiful, Jill. Luke sounds like a wonderful young man.
Lynn Kellan recently posted..Yes, I painted it purple
I just called my cousin (we have met before) for the first time ever on the phone today after reading this. It was cool. We have a lot in common although 10 years and a few states apart. Thank you for this inspiration.
Kelly recently posted..The Awkward Hug
Luke: You, at the age of 13, have made the world a more beautiful place. Congratulations on becoming a Bar Mitzvah and for inspiring so many of us.
I have chills. What an amazing example your cousin is!
elise recently posted..Send a Hug
Thank you Luke from all those who have been blessed by SMN. Your cousin Jill is just as amazing as you are (as are many of the ScaryMommy’s here) but thank you for being so unselfish when so many would have complained that they didn’t get “enough”.
So absolutely incredible. I am one of those helped by Thanksgiving and the summer help and I just can’t believe the generosity I have seen here. The world should have more people like you!!
What an amazing young man!
napwarden (cynthia) recently posted..Snapseed
You have amazing family, Jill.
Alison recently posted..Foodie Friday: Salted Espresso Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
I love this. Luke will grow up to change the world. The thoughtful kids who think of others always do.
Katie Hurley recently posted..Won’t Back Down
Oh Jill!! What an amazing gift he’s given your community!!!!! He is remarkable…..
Nicole @MTDLBlog recently posted..Family Time Outdoors in Fall is Perfection! {Giveaway!}
What an incredible young man. Thank you, Luke, from all of us!!!
Luke sounds remarkable. And I know what you mean about forming stronger connections to family. I grew up across the country from mine, and am only getting to know them now that we’re adults. Thank goodness for Facebook, which is helping us to bridge the miles that still separate us physically.
Tragic Sandwich recently posted..Baby’s First Cast
What an inspiration.
Holly recently posted..Dreaming of NYC
Congratulations, Luke! What an amazing gesture – you are a gift!
Getting to sit down with my family last year renewed my faith in humanity. Luke: Your generousity is humbling. God bless.
WOW! Thank you, Luke. You give us hope for the future generation. You are helping to provide so much for so many families who are unable to provide for themselves. This makes me tear up, and not just because I am having hormonal issues, lately.
YOU. ARE. AMAZING!
Thank you for this reminder. As parents, we can help our kids get to know their relative and stay-in-touch. When my now 21 year-old-daughter was 10, she started the Cousin Club, featuring a newsletter, photos, and get-to-gethers. The Cousin Club now has 16 members ranging from 2 to 21. While they are all spread out, we try to see them at least once a year. Reading about Marina broke my heart. It is a parent’s worst nightmare. Hug your kids and call your cousin, aunt, grandma, niece…
Amazing. So proud for you and Luke!
Kristine recently posted..Jesus H. Cook
What an amazing young man to give away rather than to take, take, take, which is our current culture today. Love hearing about Luke!
Wow what an amazing family you have! While my family is filled with love, it is also filled with mental illness and severe emotional stuntedness. I recently tried “friending” a distant cousin on Facebook only to discover a rat’s nest of compulsive and manipulative behavior that I immediately recognized from generations nearer to me. I’m pleased to hear you’ve had a vastly better experience than I have.
How absolutely amazing!
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What a great story! The world needs more Lukes. :)
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Mazal Tov to Luke on his Bar Mitzvah. That is quite an impressive gesture and worth praising.
Jack recently posted..Who We Were Meets Who We Are
Your words hit home with me.
I could definitely learn a lesson from Luke. What a kind heart!
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children recently posted..The Story Behind the First Day of School Outfit
Growing up, we never went on a “real” vacation but instead my grandparents rented out a group of cabins (often a church camp!) and our entire family (including my 19 first cousins!) spent a week at “Camp.” I always felt jipped that we didn’t go to Disney or anyplace “cool” but as an adult am so, so grateful that I had those weeks with my cousins. Even though we are now separated by many states and all busy with our own lives, they are still really great friends and I know that I am very, very lucky to have that.
aimee @ smilingmama recently posted..So polite!
That is beautiful. What an amazing young man.
Guerrilla Mom recently posted..I give great advice.
Oh Family.
I am sad to say that in my teens I lost touch on getting to know my grandmother and really, spend some quality time with all others. I didn’t have any valid reason to not do it – I was living 30 mins away from ALL of them.
Now that I live two countries away, I miss them and wish I can show my little ones the importance of being “family”.
Thank you for reminding me of this :)
Mama and the City recently posted..And Then She Left
Absolutely amazing. I cried reading this. What a wonderful young man.
Nice post Jill. Cheers, Toy Tasting!
Thank you for sharing the story of both Marina and Luke. We are pulled in some many directions everyday that it is nice to stop and remember what is really important in life. Bravo to Luke!
Autherine recently posted..40s – Time of Self-discovery and Self-realization
What a wonderful act of kindness. Can you imagine how proud Luke’s mother is? Wow. She must be beaming with pride to know she’s raising such a wonderful young man. Mazel Tov, Luke!
Oh wow, what a wonderful man!!!
Nicole Martel recently posted..September 11, 2001 (911)
Wow, Luke! We all have a lot to learn from you. And I am so glad we can still learn from Marina’s words, too.
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Inspirational.