Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Jessica is an exhausted stay at home mom to a demanding only child. In addition to being CEO of her household, she is also an eBay Power Seller, caffeine addict, social media diva, Disney lover and self proclaimed wino. You can follow her adventures in motherhood at The Unemployed Mom.
Remembering back to my pregnancy, I cannot recall one person saying “OMG, life as you know it will never be the same”. Instead it was goo goo ga ga talk, and “just wait until he/she does this” and then some more of “the little angel” that. Let’s face it people, while there are lots of ooh and ah moments, there are things a new mother needs to be warned about.
Let’s see, once my son was born it was a miracle if I showered. My husband never understood how showering wasn’t part of my daily hygiene; however, he was not an exhausted feeding machine. I was on call 24/7 and needed to be ready when my son was hungry, which was ALL THE TIME. Did I mention my son preferred the tap instead of a bottle, so daddy helping was out of the question?
Also, during the infancy stage there were many moments of being pooped on as well as spit up on. My diaper bag always contained extra clothing for baby AND me! Then, once the little one is mobile it gets even more complicated. You turn your back for a split second and the child is either chewing on something toxic or falling off an object he shouldn’t have been climbing on in the first place.
Fast-forward to the toddler stage and where do I begin? First of all, you never know what you’re going to get! I mean, one day the child could be the perfect little person with manners and very loving then the next day an unpredictable, bipolar brat! You can count on being embarrassed repeatedly while in public. I cannot tell you how many times I have told clerks “right here, this is the best form of birth control” as my son throws a tantrum inside a store. I used to get embarrassed; now I just laugh about it. Other parents sympathize while thinking “thank God it’s not my child” and then you have the non-parents thinking “that child is such a brat” or “what kind of mother would let her child behave like that in public”.
I mentioned spit up earlier but that does not compare to being vomited on in public after your kid drinks an entire cup of milk. Even changing shirts and washing your hair in a filthy public restroom sink does not take away the stench. Regardless of where you are, what you’re doing, or how much you spent on an event ticket…you must go home and shower ASAP!
In all reality, motherhood is the most rewarding and challenging job. There are days I’d like to quit, but obviously that is not an option. Instead, I drown my frustrations with a nice bottle of wine or sometimes a much stronger beverage of choice. But, when my little guy hugs and kisses me, I realize it is all worth it.
I keep thinking once we get through the terrible two’s, it will be smooth sailing…but other parenting friends tell me age three is far worse. Sigh! The next time a friend tells me she is expecting her first child, instead of asking her “what are you thinking” or bursting into laughter, I will hug her and say “congratulations.” It is only fair that newbie parents find out from experience the truth about motherhood!
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
I am so with you, Jessica on ALL OF THAT! I am in the throws of the terrible two’s as well- and he was a colicky baby with gastric reflux.
Being a mom is the hardest thing in the world I’ve ever done.
I can’t believe I’m thinking about doing it again!
MommyNaniBooboo recently posted..End Of The World
Oh, Madge…Dear Madge…What a charmed life you must live! I’m very blessed w/ two lovely children. Both deaf as is their father. I however, am not. Yes I breast fed and did the cloth diaper thing not because I was fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom, I just chose that path. btw, i also cared for 8 other children under the age of 3…AND took in laundry and cleaned other’s homes on w/e’s. in order to be a stay-at-home momma! Oldest child was cholicy for five years. yes. and NO I did not sleep for the above mentioned reasons. Oh sorry. I’m whining. Bitch.
Wow that second comment is just vile – I hope Jill deletes it. If you’re going to spew vitriol at least have your profile enabled! What a wimp that commenter is! Boy that makes me mad!
Anyway, I have two kids, and even though both have taken bottles from their dad, there were definitely LOTS of days when I didn’t get to shower. LOTS. And since my husband had paternity leave, I think it’s safe to say there days when he didn’t shower either. Being a mother is the most exhausting, demanding, 24/7 job in the world, and it sounds like you’re doing an awesome job!!!
Hello. and Amen Sister.
Yay Christy! Tho I hope Jill doesn’t delete that post. Just show contrast. I’m thinkin’ she had a “nanny” and is detached from her child. I took my children into the bath with me…Oh what fun:) Cleaned us all up w/ the added bonus of sleepy kiddo’s on the other end! Often did it twice a day. Just because, lol. Hey? I needed a nap now and again too!
I did delete the comment, since it wasn’t *my* post. On mine, I leave them– I can take it, but on a guest post? That’s not the place.
And, holy shit, someone has got issues.
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!! Could this be the same same Madge who just 7 days ago said she would never ever read your blog again?! Not only does someone have issues, she isn’t very good at keeping her word! HA!
LOL, she just can’t stay away!
Agreed, Madge must have had a nanny because she is obviously quite delusional. Such a classy lady, she sets a great example for her kids! LOL!
Jessica recently posted..A Little White Lie
Mine are still little (5 months and 25 months) so I stillllll get to shower with them. sigh.
AMEN! oh my goodness! I always feel bad because I warn the mommies to be about all the sh!t that makes me want to pull my hair out, and they look at me with bug eyes. I often wonder if they are thinking I hate being a mom?! So not the case! lol But yeah- that first pregnancy you have NO clue! It’s way better to be prepared! lol
The Sublime Life recently posted..Fall is here!
Your post made me smile. I remember those days! If can may be so presumptuous, may I tell you that the teenage years are actually a TON of fun? I’m right in the middle of it, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. So, yes, 3 can be tough, but wait 10 years and you’ll be trying to figure out how to keep your kids at home forever…
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..My daughter’s new bedroom
Does anyone else think a baby smells like cold french fries when they haven’t been bathed in a while?
Laura recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- The Cute Kitteh
Now you mentionned it, yes they do in fact!
I’ve had three boys and age two was probably a little bad. I cannot really remember, except for one of them. Now I have a three year old princess that I have nicknamed Linda Blair. She is so sweet sometimes but others…Yikes! So for me 3 is worse than 2. I think it’s worse because you get into all that “I wanna do it myself!” “Let me do it!”
I can say though that two of my kids were angels as babies and they are now my biggest struggles. The two babies that were terrors are easy peasy and are my favs now so I think it will even out.
Raquel recently posted..MY NEW BFF
Oh, I am so glad I’m out of the diaper bag days. Although I do hate to tell you that 3 is worse than 2, mainly because they know more words by then the worst by far combination is “I can do it myself!” you mainly hear this one when you are rushing out the door to something you are already late to!
I do have to say though the best thing to ever happen was my husband becoming a stay at home dad, looking at me one day, and asking “How the hell did you manage to take a shower during the day when you were home with them?” I simply looked at him, smiled, told him that was something he’d have to figure out on his own, and walked out the door for work.
Marsha recently posted..Americas fail at religion
LOL – only yesterday my husband asked if we would miss our 3 kids much if we handed them over to social services! I said not for long as my memory is so shot from the repetitiveness of life as a stay at home mum and baby talk I would surely forget I ever had them in a couple of years!!
I am a SAHM to a 2 year old boy. I never understand posts like these. My kid throws tantrums now & again. He throws his food. Etc etc. However, this job is 100% joy. There isn’t a day that has gone by where I missed my old life.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m naive or an optimist or whatever, but I just never understand complaints about parenting.
This comment truly touches my heart Jenn……..I too can never understand some of the comments made by mothers who profess to ‘love their children’ and yet lose patience and get really annoyed and angry with their precious miracles.
Children are on the outside what we are on the inside.
You are completely right on the 100% joy and that’s how our lives should be lived.
Jessica great post…….loved it…….motherhood is the most important job a women will ever experience, it should be embraced with a good sense of humour , love and an abundance of patience.
Wow…for a soon to be mom this post is a bit scary! I definitely get the “your life will never be the same comments” ….and of course I could never truly be prepared for the change, but this post makes motherhood sound absolutely awful! If this is how all mothers feel I have to wonder why any woman would actually do it? lol
jen@after the alter recently posted..National Coffee Day! PUR Water Style Plus a Giveaway!
No, motherhood is not awful it is an adventure. :) I only wish I had been warned about what to really expect when I was about to embark on the parenthood journey. I LOVE being a mom and not all days are like this (thank god). Those “not so great” moments are what I focused on when writing this post.
Good luck!
Jessica recently posted..A Little White Lie
Yes I saw that in your post……and can tell you truly enjoy your child. Every child is different which makes each of our ‘adventures’ unique and all the more special.
Oh yes, the dishonesty of motherhood. Is it because we’re scared if we will tell the truth that no one else will join us? I remember thinking the whole time I was pregnant, “why didn’t someone just tell me about this?” And I learned to hate the phrase, “oh yeah, that’s normal.” Ugh.
And just to let you know, two is just practice for three. But four, four totally makes up for two and three. Four is amazing.
Jennifer recently posted..The real me
LOL at the “oh yeah, that’s normal” line. I hear it all the time and agree with you, I hate it. :)
Jessica recently posted..A Little White Lie
I nicknamed my eldest ‘Hurricane Anne’. No further comment.
Yes! The hugs and love and kisses are worth it but I have to agree with what your friends said. The 3′s are worse!
Brittany at Mommy Words recently posted..She Lived a Life of Extravagant Love
Damn, I always miss the flame posts that everyone keeps talking about.
Like everyone else, it seems (at least everyone honest) my children, 3 &18mos. are insane, I’m insane as a result… or maybe I was insane first. I don’t know.
All I know is my grandeous plans of nurturing creativity and building my kids EQ and anything having to do with flashcards has been thrown to the side in order to make room for flung food, temper tantrums, and going to bed exhausted wondering why, because i obviously didn’t get anything done today.
–>My son will be four in a month and I’ve gone through everything you mentioned. A few times a year he stays at my parents’ house for a week and my husband and I just stare at each other. We don’t know what to do without him in the house and there is no one demanding juice, to wipe their butts, turn on Scooby or play baseball in the yard.
WebSavvyMom recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Two Birds of a Feather
i couldn’t of said any of this better. i wish someone would of sat me down and told me the honest truth about things. my son is 2 years old and i still find it hard to shower during the day….my makeup routine is out the window and my hair is always pulled back. i hate when i see other mothers perfect, i swear they have to have a live in nanny…or at least that is what i tell myself to make myself feel better! :)
martini mama recently posted..My child swearsand does it well now how do I stop it!
Gotta say… my two year old is FAR better than my four year old these days! I also have a newborn, so really… I’ve got some experience with the ages. I hear that age 5 is when it becomes smooth(er) sailing.
Jennifer K. recently posted..7 For All Mankind Official Warehouse Sale October 1st through 3rd!
I agree with you, parenthood is a crazy adventure. I think the only person who told me how hard it was going to be was my mom. I appreciated her honesty but still to this day haven’t had the guts to tell a newly pregnant mom what she REALLY has is store for her. That being said, I wouldn’t change a thing, because if I missed the crazy parts, I would truly be missing out on the wonderful and amazing parts. It must not be too horrible though, I am trying to get pregnant with our second.
You need the craziness it’s like the good and bad in life, it makes you appreciate the good times more. The most important thing is how you handle the crazy times so as not to make your kids crazy too.
Yep, no one tells you how motherhood is the most difficult job in the world! Worth it yes, wonderful….for at least a portion of each day. I was truly amazed when I had my first child at how difficult a job that motherhood actually is.
Of course, I had witnessed friends prior to me who never got time to shower and their houses were a mess…but, I just thought that they were not organized properly. How could this tiny baby cause such havoc on ones life? Well they do…and yes they are worth it! But, when mine were younger truth be told every once in a while I would yearn for just a little time to myself.
Now, I have one in college and one in high school and I yearn for the one in college to call me more often;) But, as I have always said….if I am doing my job correctly they will embrace college and be able to take on the challenge with minimal intervention. Yes, she calls and writes weekly….I just miss her presence! And….she is managing so far…..I must have done something right:)
ZippyChix recently posted..Children and Planned Activities- When is it appropriate and when is enough enough
I have twin boys that will 3 in January, on the days that I am not thinking of just taking every Xanax in the house and just ignoring them, I have to admit that I was in NO WAY prepared for mothering, it’s a great job, I love my buggas…but holy good god, no way was I prepared for all the changes and whining and just total life turn around that being a parent makes you.
I LOVED this post!!!
Kir recently posted..Perfect Moment Monday- A Life in the City
Wow! I wish I knew what Madge had to say. Would have been interesting to see why everyone considered her comment offensive and rude. Well, I have an imagination so I guess I will just let that run wild! lol!
I agree. Even if someone told us, we still wouldn’t have believe it. I thought it’d be like a vacation…HA!
Alexandra recently posted..Kludgymom Guest Post onGuest Posts
I have 4 kids. 3 girls and 1 boy and I wish I knew half of what I know now…. even a 1/4 of it … before I had them!
Everything in your life changes and nothing can prepare you for it! Nothing. But you adjust, learn new things, and move on. You enjoy the adventure! And yes, some days totally suck.
I will say one thing though… boys are WAY different than girls as I’ve just learned!
And this pammisue must be some sort of saint….
Jackie recently posted..Post It Note Tuesday – Random Thoughts
I agree…it’s only fair. Why should we suffer in silence!!!???!!!
Rebecca recently posted..TravelHelp Me- Please!!!
I think the mothers who say its not that bad r just liars, and clearly hv help! No one warned me and some days I feel like I am being pecked by birds! I will say since my son turned 5 he is much easier to manage its the 3 and 1 yr olds that mk me crazy. I just remind myself there will come a day where they will all b self sufficient. Then I will take a hot shower wash my hair enjoy a hot cup of coffee and take a nap!
It’s so comforting to know there are other moms out there who feel the same way I do! I love my children dearly, but good lord can they be a challenge some days! I have 4, and each one of them has a distinct personality. One thing I can say is that the madness doesn’t end after 2 years of age. It keeps on going and going, like the Energizer bunny. It is all worth it though when you get that homemade “I love you” card, that kiss on the cheek, or that flower stolen from someone’s garden. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Afsana recently posted..Brought to You by the Letter H
I always say that if it weren’t for the frustrating things in parenthood we wouldn’t appreciate the the good things.
Sure my daughter just broke everything in her path and screamed Braveheart style while doing it, but when I am knelt on the ground silently swearing at the situation she comes over hugs me and says “momma I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”. It ALMOST makes me thankful that she did it just so I could hear those words and feel her love.
MentalMom recently posted..What is so wrong with 1
I had the complete opposite experience – people told me all of the terrible parts of motherhood throughout my pregnancy. I was kind of dreading having a baby because everyone that I ran into – people I knew and random people that should have kept their mouths shut – said things like “get your sleep now” and “you’ll never sleep again”, etc. I really thought I was going to be awake for 18 years. And I need my sleep. So when I did get sleep, and I actually enjoyed spending time with my baby, I was surprised by how much I enjoyed being a mom because all of the things people told me about motherhood weren’t nearly as bad as I assumed.
Disclaimer: I’m married to super-dad and have grandparents that love to take care of our baby, so I’m able to enjoy motherhood sans exhaustion.
freshmom recently posted..Angel Dear Blankies- the more- the merrier
noted: no big cups of milk. ever.
beckie & the grub recently posted..wtf- jeans!
I remember those days so well. Besides everything that you mentioned. I had the children that never slept and I was sleep deprived for a solid 8 years.
Michelle Saunderson recently posted..PssstDo You Have Any Phosphate- Looking for Contraband Phospate