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There’s much in my three decades I no longer worry about. I can’t point to a day, a week, a month when this happened, but I became a chill vibe mistress of no worries. I started to consider the act of worrying as a form of suffering twice, and once I realized this, I stopped doing it. It also helped that I survived worse things, found joy in small victories, and just like quicksand and cooties, noticed much of what I feared turned out to be things I’d never come across anyway or were straight-up fictions.
Which brings me to my list of 20 things I no longer worry about because I’m an adult now, and I do what I want.
1. Life’s Too Short to Finish a Dull Book
Finishing a boring book is no longer an accomplishment. I value my time, not pulp martyrdom. You’ve got, maybe, 50 pages — make them snappy.
2. How Do I Parent This Kid?
I have to agree to Terms of Service to log into some coffee shop WiFi, but having a kid? They just hand you one of those. With exactly zero instructions and a vague sense of “I think you have to burp her,” it’s amazing how we rise to the occasion with no roadmap whatsoever and somehow keep going.
3. Spectacular Weekends of Family Fun
The family that’s boring together, loves their weekend. We said goodbye to organized sports and museum trips a long time ago. Out the window went screen limits and high expectations for making memories too. Now we fly by the seat of our sweatpants and free time.
4. Alpha Moms
Intimidating, always well-dressed, and exceptionally organized, the alpha PTA moms are women I avoid like they’re celebrity fitness teas or kale. They are my kryptonite. I see one, I turn around and run. There is no pace fast enough, no escape plan too great.
5. Flying Becomes Less Terrifying With Life Insurance
I hate airplanes. If we were supposed to fly, we’d have wings. And because we don’t have wings, I bought life insurance to ease every illogical fear I have about flying and leaving my family without me. This is probably the moment I became a bona fide adult, and it took 20 minutes.
6. Admitting Screen Time Defeat
I’m really hoping my child becomes a director or showrunner. I mean, she better — otherwise I have failed her terribly. And then I’ll have to go back to worrying, and who has the time?
7. Clothing Sizes Are Meaningless
If it doesn’t fit, I buy a bigger size. If it’s too big, I buy a smaller one. It’s a size, not a reflection of worth.
8. Likability Is Overrated
I don’t have to be kind and agreeable, but I also don’t have to go out of my way to be a jerk. It’s a fine nuance. As an adult, you don’t have to share, and you don’t have to like everyone. Boundaries are fun.
9. There Is Never a Perfect Time
There’s only the wrong time and how you handle it. There’s no right time to start a family, buy a house, move, make a change. Plan, wing it, and then have fun.
10. Trends in Fashion
If you hold out long enough, you’ll be fashion forward at least twice in your lifetime just by sheer force of sticking to one style.
11. Bad First Dates
I wouldn’t survive out there. My standards are too high and my attention span too nonexistent. Also, I’m married.
12. The Accomplishments of Other People’s Kids
Great, wonderful, slow cap. Moving on…
13. True Freedom Is Controlling the Thermostat
It’s my house, and I keep it balmy in the winter and downright frigid in the summer. Take that, Dad!
14. Thongs as a Thing I’m Supposed To Wear
Life is too short for bad books, not eating cake, and flossing your crack. If you want to see a whale tail, find a boat.
15. Making Friends
Honor friendships for as long as they last. Some people come at just the right moment, and others have been with you from the beginning. All of them matter just the same.
16. You Can Always Make More Money, Not Get More Time
Of course money doesn’t grow on trees, but you can always make more of it. Time is a finite thing with an expiration date — be judicious with it.
17. Doing What I Can Instead of Having It All
I’m just doing the best I can with what I’ve got, and that’s enough for me. I set low expectations, so I’m surprised when anything works out. Total game-changer.
18. I Can’t Control Other People, But I Can Choose My Reaction
Say what you want, think what you want, but I don’t have to respond. I can choose to not let your bad vibes affect me.
19. Heels Are Overrated — Flats Are Queen
I want to be comfortable not in a perpetual state of walking down a hill. Bless you for your heel game may be strong, but I dig a solid tread when facing my mortal enemy: steps.
20. Looking Stupid While Having Fun
As Amy Poehler said, “No one looks stupid when they’re having fun.” Apply this rule often and particularly around your children in public spaces. Nothing makes the soul sing more than bad dancing and embarrassing your kids.
If you would like to become a chill vibe mistress of no worries too, SoFi and Protective Life can help you find all the calm that you seek with term life insurance made easy with a price quote in 20 minutes.