Brenna Jennings
Latest posts by Brenna Jennings (see all)
- Having a Toddler is Like Living in Poltergeist - January 11, 2013
- 5 Things Every New Mom Should Know - January 9, 2013
- Rules for Navigating Your Child-Centered Social Life - January 8, 2013
When we came home from our soft cocoon of the hospital with a brand-new daughter, I was terrified. Not of the usual stuff – I knew she’d be able to breathe all night on her own, that she was eating, I was okay with the knowledge that I’d surely fuck something up – but I kept worrying that I might suddenly stop loving her. Because I’m normal.
This is to say that when I dispense advice it’s not from some platform of how cool, calm and collected I was in the months after she was born, but to let you know that I too was as sticky and messy as the tarry diapers she produced at such an alarming rate.
I don’t have a lot of friends who are still in their baby-having years. I mean sure, they could biologically go on having babies but mostly they’ve moved onto the big bliss of getting ever closer to the end of childcare expenses. Still I have a few, and for those who are expecting their blessed bundles, here are some things I found personally helpful and that your mother-in-law might completely disagree with…
1. Please take yourself and/or your baby out of the house. If you have a healthy, full-term baby, the outside is a great place to be. I know, it can be scary taking that perfectly pure little body into the big, wide world, but it’s scarier being holed up in one room watching reality shows about porcupine hunters, staring at a sleeping or crying infant and waiting for something to happen.
2. Yes! You can still shower! This is why God invented bouncy seats and transparent shower curtains. It might be a short shower, maybe the water won’t even have time to warm up, but it’s really okay if your wee one cries a little while you rinse those last soap bubbles out of your hair.
3. Yes! You can still go out to eat! You might be tired as hell, and you might have to plan it around the hour your baby isn’t colicky, but these are the halcyon days when your child is totally immobile.
4. Using a bottle doesn’t mean you love your baby less. It might mean your tits hurt, or you don’t want to nurse in front of the cable guy, or that you’d like your partner to get their ass up at 3 a.m. for a change.
5. Pay attention, because this is important: YOU DO KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. There’s enough information telling you how to do it better, how not to do it, how to do it like Gwyneth (this one involves kale I think) but no one else is raising your baby.
Then again you may want to ignore all of this – I totally let my kid nap in her Boppy.
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
These are pearls of wisdom I WISH someone had told me in the beginning! Excellent post Brenna!
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hahaha! I love this! I brought my daughter in to the bathroom with me in her moses basket when I showered the first few weeks. Now she stays in her co-sleeper.
The shower one is so important..it’s the first place you can teach your child the wonderful game of Peek-a-Boo! See not only is mommy happy but it is a learning experience for baby! Total mom bonus points.
My motto for getting time to do little stuff like shower, eat, sleep is: as long as baby is safe, let a sleeping baby SLEEP! This is your time take it while you have it! (I’m commenting only because my newest one is asleep in my left arm while I surf the internet with the right lol)
When my twins were born, I brought both bouncy chairs into the bathroom with me to have a shower. I even think i did the peek a boo thing too.
Agreed. I basically had a breakdown over trying to be the perfect mom. Now, 8 years later, when I hear the phrase Perfect Mom, I can’t stop laughing.
Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) recently posted..The 20 Worst Gifts for Valentine’s Day
i tell you, after having twins, a 5min shower was the best part of the day!
Yes and thank you for #4. There are so many circumstances that arise and you can’t breastfeed, either at ALL or at certain times. IT IS OKAY. With my first child I felt like such a failure; it just didn’t work. What is worse, but so many people told me “You just didn’t try hard enough” or “Well I breastfed until mine was three…” (that is a bragpoint?). My son didn’t even catch his first cold until he was a year and a half! So…I did something right!
But it’s ALWAYS good for new moms to hear that–it’s OKAY. No mom is perfect no matter how she makes everything sound to be. Do what YOU need to do for your situation. Period. And things will be okay. ;)
Lol, I nursed exclusively then pumped like a fiend when I went back to work and my boy was sick and/or had ear infections ALL the time. I tell, you letting go and buying a can of formula was so freeing, and I am not going to lie, I was so happy when he weaned at 14 months. Breastfeeding was the most stressful thing about becoming a mother.
Oh yes. I wish I would have trusted in myself more when the first was born. Second go around and I tossed the books. I’m doing what us right for MY family.
Good list.
Until my kids were too big, I always brought the bouncy seat into the bathroom. That is how I showered. After my oldest was too big, I would drag the high chair in front of the bathroom door, strap her in and put some toys on the tray.
After that and when the second one was a baby, into the pack and play!
Fortunately I had two girls who never got into anything so by the time they were 18-20 months I could plop them on the couch with a favorite kids show and take a quick shower.
This is how i showered with my son as well! Went from bassinet, to bouncy, to play yard. As long as he was safe and contained for a few minutes, thats all that mattered! Now that he’s 23 months old, all bets are OFF lol. There’s no way to contain him and he gets into EVERYthing, so my only option for a shower is when he’s in bed at night. I miss the days of being able to tie him down for a few minutes lol.
Yes to all the above. With both my babies, I took them to the store, church, wherever, at less than 2 weeks old. (It was summer time.) I was ready to go out by then. I still remember the collective gasps when I answered how old they were, as if they couldn’t believe I’d take such a young baby out. I was ready to get out of the house by then.
When my 2 older babies (now 3 1/2 yo & 20 mo) were little I found that it was easy to put Baby in the bouncer in the bathroom with me. Sometimes I would shower the same time Baby needed a bath. Strip the baby down to the diaper, wrap Baby up well with a blanket in the bouncer so she’d stay warm & take my shower. When I was done cleaning myself, that’s when I’d unwrap Baby, take her in the shower with me, & clean the baby. I found I was able to get s shower more often doing it that way, & then I didn’t have the hassle of a baby bath, lol. (Kudos to those who like/use them, but I found them to be a big hassle for me.)
I always did the bouncy seat (or other baby friendly trap) then when he got to the lovely almost 2 age when nothing would contain him he played at the back of the tub so we both got clean at the same time!!
Love all of these! Especially #5. (giggled at Kale)
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#1- So So true and important! As difficult as it was (sleep deprived, looking/feeling like I’m barely functioning, etc), dragging me and baby out of the house – to the store, the park, the library, a restaurant, a walk around the block even…always made for a much better day than just staying at home. She was calmer being out and about, and I felt one step closer to feeling like a human being.
I’ve never been happier that I can sing than when I had a baby and needed a shower. I put her on the floor in her bouncy seat and sang all her favorites while poking my head out every so often. It kept both of us happy, plus she developed an appreciation for Sondheim and Gershwin.
I keep baby in the bouncer seat next to the tub while I soak and wash, then when the water has cooled a bit I bring them in with me. We snuggle skin to skin, nurse, and wash. It’s lovely.
Transparent shower curtain!!! Why didn’t I think of that!? That makes me want a do-over. Showering when you have a newborn is almost as refreshing as showering after a long camping trip.
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It’s amazing that we all go through virtually the same issues but find different ways to cope. There are so many things to do that will work for each family, but these tips, especially number 1 need to be said.
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Hilarious! I’m a seasoned mom with lots of experience, dispensing some wisdom all day long – & here’s my takeaway… live your life. Stress and your baby will be stressed – and grow up to be stressed. Relax. Use your intuition. Even after my third fell off the changing table, and I forgot to show up for a school concert (more than once), my kids turned out to be beyond amazing. And I’m pretty good too.:)
I love this post! Love it!
Wish I had these blogs 7 years ago to give me guidance. If you are expecting PLEASE take advantage of this valuable information!
Thank you so much for these helpful tips Brenna! Check out our 15 things we’d wish we’d known about newborns here: http://www.care.com/child-care-15-things-i-wish-id-known-about-newborns-p1017-q20675664.html
Just looking to see if this author uses naked breast pictures to sell all of her posts or just the stupid ones on breast feeding.
So true ;) Thanks for the tips !
Aaahhhh.. the things mother-in-laws will say to make you feel irritable!! I COMPLETELY agree with all 5! You couldn’t have explained it any better and any truer! I still have my mother-in-law telling me that I should do this or that.. My son is 2.. I think I have this covered… lol