The third trimester is finally here! You’re in the homestretch though, and it’s almost time to meet that baby. That doesn’t mean this trimester doesn’t feel like an eternity, especially when even the most mundane things feel like work. Here are 10 things that aren’t happening for most of us in that last “little” stretch of time:
1. Wearing Shoes With Complicated Laces and Buckles
If you’re lucky enough to still be able to bend over to put on your shoes, they’re going to be the easiest shoes to put on. Any small laces and multiple buckles are a no-go. It’s a feat to bend over to get regular shoes on; don’t push your luck with anything more fancy.
2. Shaving All of Your Leg Successfully (or Bikini Area)
Laughing for days at this one. Who can do that? Can you even lift your leg high enough to see all the areas you’re shaving? Bonus points if you can kind of shave your leg without also feeling like you’re about to fall over.
3. Getting Up From a Low Couch or Chair Gracefully
All grace goes out the window now that you’re in the third trimester. The lower the piece of furniture, the less graceful you’ll be. It’s basically a law. Grunting, breathing heavy, trying to push yourself off random objects; that’s the norm these days. You’ll look about as graceful as a turtle stuck on its back, desperately trying to roll over back onto its legs—arms and legs flailing wildly in all directions and still getting nowhere.
4. Sleeping Peacefully Through the Night
Everyone says get your sleep now. Who are these people? They must not have encountered the endless need to pee, the crazy dreams that wake you in a panic, the weird pains from shifting positions, and the kicks that always come in the middle of the night. A good night is sleeping for more than an hour or so at a time. Practice for when the baby comes, right?
5. Not Getting Winded Doing Menial Things
Did you walk up one flight of stairs? Bend over to pick something up that was slightly out of reach? Try to get something off a high shelf? All of that comes with the huff and puff of feeling like you just ran a marathon. There’s no way around it; just embrace the huff and puff of the third trimester.
6. Feeling ‘Cute’
Even if you are a cute pregnant lady, you definitely aren’t going to feel like it. You’re going to feel like a ginormous blob. You’ll feel like your body can’t possibly hold all your organs and this kid. There’s nothing cute about that feeling. Not to mention you’re probably doing a full on waddle now. You can’t feel “cute” while you’re waddling. It’s a fact.
7. Have Anything Resembling Normal Eating Habits
There seem to be two switches during the third trimester: “Eat all things!” or “Eat one tiny thing and feel stuffed.” Blame it on the fact that you’re growing that kid at a faster rate, making you hungry, coupled with the fact you just don’t have the room in there for everything.
It’s a weird balance trying to figure out the appropriate amount of food to eat. To top it all off, you’re probably dealing with plenty of acid reflux too, making the game even more intricate. It’s an endless list of questions: “Should I eat this? Will it make my acid reflux act up? How much is too much?” Basically there’s no right answer. Usually things like crackers and cereal make the cut most of the time because, well, at least they’re bland.
8. Anything Resembling Romance or Intimacy
Remember that whole thing about not feeling good? Yeah, that definitely translates over to the romance/intimacy department. Something as simple as a hug just reminds you of all of your organs squishing up against you. A deep kiss probably just reignites the ever-present acid reflux. Let’s not get started on anything more than that. Between the squishing organs, acid reflux, and running to the bathroom, everything else is completely off the table.
9. Having Any Control Over Bodily Functions
Most of your pregnancy, but especially during the third trimester, there is a fun game every woman plays. It’s called “Where is the nearest bathroom?” For every single store, restaurant and house, you’ll have a strategic plan for the closest one when your bladder decides it’s full again—after you just went 5 minutes ago. On the other end (literally), you’ll have even less control. You’ll basically will your body to cooperate. It’s a pretty crappy (or lack thereof) situation. This is the trimester when you yearn for the word “regular” to be part of your vocabulary.
10. Having Any Sort of Patience Waiting to Meet that Baby
Despite all the trials and tribulations of surviving the third trimester, it’s all worth it. Knowing that kid is coming soon is both frightening and exciting. Who can have patience waiting to meet them? What do they look like? What will their personality be like? Are you really ready for this? The countdown is on, and every day feels like it’s both flying by and dragging. Hurry up and get here, kid. That way at least there will be a cute reason for not sleeping, eating properly, or acting like a fully functioning adult.
All the aches, all the pains, all the inconveniences are somehow worth it. The third trimester is just one last hurdle before the real prize. A few more months of sucking it up, and before you know it, there’s a sweet baby in your arms making you (almost) forget all the things you complained about near the end.