Things Only Three Year Olds Can Get Away With

1. Taking off your underwear on the way to the bathroom.

2. Making a public announcement that you just peed and pooped.

3. Trying to blow out someone else’s birthday cake candles.

4. Spitting out food on the table once you’ve given it a good chew.

5. Talking about monsters as if they exist.

6. Treating furniture like it’s optional and multi-functional.

7. Screaming, taking off your shirt and throwing it on the floor if you think that it might be wet.

8. Demanding a new balloon NOW.

9. Demanding specific foods, then refusing to eat them.

10. Using “because I wanna!!!!” as a valid explanation for your sour disposition.

11. Shoving your foot in someone’s face and telling them to smell it.

12. Arching your back and screaming at the top of your lungs in a shopping mall.

13. Running, naked and wet, from the bathroom and wiping out on the floor.

14. Asking for your ouchy to be kissed.

15. Rationally explaining to an authoritative figure that an ice cream will make it all better.