Time For Bed: A Monologue – Scary Mommy

Time For Bed: A Monologue

I said, time for bed!

I’m sorry you don’t want to, but it’s time.

Please put your shoes and socks where they belong.

Both shoes.

All the socks.

Well, they certainly aren’t mine.

Go brush your teeth.

Leave your brother alone.

Don’t forget toothpaste.

Stop touching your brother.

Brush your teeth!

You’re done? Really?

Nice try. You’ve got sweater teeth. Do it again.

Yes, that’s better.

Pick up the bathroom.

Whose boxers are on the floor?

Flush the toilet.

Gross, wipe up the wad of toothpaste in the sink.

Good Lord, flush the toilet!

Say goodnight to Dad.

Hugs and kisses.

Stop watching the TV.

That’s enough hugs and kisses.

Into bed.

Stop touching your brother.

Yes, I’ll tuck you in.

Get into bed.

You already said goodnight to your brother.

Yes, you did.

A hug is plenty.

Kiss him in the morning.

Fine, I’ll hug you again.

The hug is over.

Let go.

I love you too.

That’s plenty of hugs.

No, no more kisses.

I’m done.

Good night.

You already have water in your room.

It is not old.

No it isn’t.

Fine, but hurry up. And no ice!

No, no more hugs and kisses.

Take your water and get into bed.

What?

I have no idea what we are having for dinner tomorrow night.

Go back to bed.

I don’t know how they program the stoplights to keep traffic flowing.

You already have water, too.

IT IS NOT OLD!

GO TO BED!

No, I will not hug you again.

I love you too.

You, again?

Fine, go quickly, remember to flush, then go back to bed.

Goodnight.

Not possible.

It is not possible to have a bad dream in two minutes.

No it’s not.

Trust me, it’s not.

Turn on your closet light.

I will not re-tuck you.

I’m sorry that makes you sad.

Bring it up on Family Day at therapy.

Good night.

Love you too.

Good morning!

Wakey wakey! Time to get up for school!

Up and at ’em!

Get dressed.

See you downstairs in 10 minutes.

You’re too tired to get out of bed?

Guess you should have gone to bed earlier.

Make that eight minutes.