Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Before I was a parent, I had a long list of things I would never do once I had children.
My kids would not be allowed to wear trashy character shirts. My daughter would only wear one piece bathing suits. We’d eat the same dinners, each night, with the kids going to bed hungry if they didn’t want the healthy meal that I’d prepared. I’d wear jeans, even at home alone with a baby, so not to get stuck in a rut of sweats and t-shirts. My kids would write thank you notes upon opening a gift and not watch more than one TV show a day. The list went on for miles, as only a childless person’s list possibly could. At the very top: My kids would never, ever play with toy guns.
One by one, I broke every self imposed rule. TV was the most available (and free!) babysitter there was and united family dinners became a joke. Tankinis were pretty cute, and thank you notes could certainly wait a few weeks. It was all pretty harmless.
And, then, there were the guns. I held out for three years, finally caving one summer with a small water gun for our local pool. It turned out to be the gateway gun, leading to a basket full of nerf guns and bullets and even targets. We became that house, that I swore we never would. These days, not an evening goes by that my kids aren’t chasing one another around the house, shooting and hiding and fake dying.
After hearing about the sickening Colorado shooting, killing at least 12 people early this morning, I am tempted (once again) to collect every last gun toy in the house and trash them, resurrecting that abandoned rule of mine. Two piece bathing suits are one thing, but how did I manage to cave on something as important as guns? How did I let shooting become a game?
I realize that children with toy guns aren’t doing the killing, but allowing kids to view guns as toys can’t be a good thing, either. Then again, knowing my boys, they’ll end up simply turning innocent items like spoons and wands into weapons, anyway. So, what’s the answer? I know one thing for sure: I’m not going to want my kids running around shooting tonight.
What about you?
{ 275 comments… read them below or add one }
I just read about the shooting, it’s awful! I had 3 girls, no need for toy guns. Then my son came along. He’ll be 2 in December. I found some toy guns on clearence and have them put up for Christmas. Nothing fancy, just laser guns that light up and make noise. I thought he’d love them. Now I’m thinking I don’t even need to give them to him. It’s awful what the world is coming to.
My 3 year old hasn’t started gun-play yet but he has started wanting to play “knife-hitting”, which is essentially sword fighting. I am watching and trying to walk the line between responsibility and allowing my boy to be a boy. I don’t yet have the answer, but I just wanted you to know that I am asking myself the same question.
Andrea (Lil-Kid-Things) recently posted..#vlogmom question of the week: What are you good at?
I had the same rule for many years but then they turned ordinary items into weapons anyway. I struggle with this because I really am uncomfortable with guns. I agree something must be done. We can’t keep losing our loved ones like this.
Denise recently posted..Calm My Crazy: Family Vacation
As a mom of 2 small boys I struggle with the toy gun issue as well! But I believe the real thing that needs to change is we need to start teaching our kids the real value of a fellow human being and of their life! You can take away any weapon you want but nothing will change until people stop thinking of only themselves and start to value their neighbors life as much as their own!
Hear, hear!
cowgirlbetty recently posted..A Productive Day
Toy guns reinforce,in children’s minds, that life isn’t precious. It doesn’t take Einstein to work it out.
As young adults, some people with even minor mental issues will fall back to behaviors learnt as a child.
ALL Americans need to look in the mirror and conclude its not the mirror that’s faulty.
The gun lobby should be ashamed of their stance on guns. From an outsiders point of view, I find it hysterical that so many Americans think it should be their right to bear arms and shoot the fuck out of people!
Those two things do not belong together. How did you get to the point where you would say Americans think they have the right to “shoot the fuck” out of people? Actually that is an interesting phrase. Maybe shooting the fuck out of them wouldn’t kill them–just make them nicer.
Virginia Llorca recently posted..Family Politics.
That is an emotional response that isn’t based upon logic. If it was it would stand to reason that many more people would be shot.
Really it is just silly. There are sick and twisted people who murder others. The gun isn’t what sends them off the deep end.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted..The Secret Sits
the cops have guns, and they can shoot the F%$^ out of whoever they want. They shouldn’t be the only ones with weapons! I do own a gun, I believe it is my right and duty as a sane and emotionally-stable American. I would, however, never ever shoot someone unless it was a really far-fetched circumstance that hopefully will never become a reality. You never know what’s going to happen, and you never know when you’ll wish you had a gun and the shelves will be empty. Some people feel safer with a weapon in their possession, that doesn’t mean they want to shoot the f$%^ out of everyone.
I am afraid to hear this guy’s background. But I think this is a bigger picture than toy guns. Having three boys myself, they make guns out of sticks. I don’t know what the answer is.
Mom Off Meth recently posted..Not Sweating the Small Stuff
Well said, and a little too close to home. You have given me something to think about this morning. And now I need to turn the TV off NickJR, find out what happened in Colorado, and begin questioning the sanity of the world for the rest of the day.
Heidi Bryan recently posted..Drop cloths, elbow length gloves, hazmat suits, and paper towels…
In our house, our daughter (she’s a bit of a tomboy) loves to play with her guns, but there are strict restrictions. She is only allowed to point them at targets, no humans and no pets. We’ve had several discussions with her as to why these are the rules, and I think by now, we’ve drilled it into her head pretty good. I think it’s important to have restrictions, but I don’t know that it’s necessary to take them away completely.
I agree with you Lenamae. It is all about how you approach it. Make gun safety the number one priority. Also, it helps if the child lives in a calm, well mannered, positive home and feels loved and appreciated.
I had the same list. I can tell you this: millions of children have played with toy guns (and swords) and almost no one has grown up to shoot innocent people. The sick individuals who perpetrate these horrible acts would never trace their actions to the water guns they played with as children.
My son wants nothing more than a real gun. I’ve told him again and again that his father and I are against guns. That we think they are dangerous and we’d never own one. One day, this will sink in. If he were at a friend’s house and that friend got out a real gun, I know my kid would be scared, would say that wasn’t allowed and I hope to hell he’d run out of there.
This isn’t about guns, it’s about the sanctity of human life. It’s about mental illness and desperation.
(It might be a little about guns, as in gun control, but that’s a whole different ball of wax from Nerf guns.)
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..Double Standard?
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Anne @ Momma Dearest recently posted..Reasons Why Having Kids Is Awesome
You pretty much summed up what I was thinking. My boys will build guns out of legos, or turn sticks into guns or swords. You’re absolutely right, it isn’t about toy guns.
This. This is exactly how I feel. It’s not about little boys “playing war”.
Very well said.
Mom Off Meth recently posted..Not Sweating the Small Stuff
This is exactly my view on it. For all of time boys have made weapons out of innocent items. And the percentage of those boys who go on to do something so sick is so miniscule. And has little to do with toy guns they may have played with…and more about a mental illness. And keeping a toy gun away from someone that twisted and deranged isn’t going to change their illness.
Alena recently posted..A Thousand Years
We do a lot of talking with our girls. They haven’t found a love for guns, yet, but you never know when that will happen. Maybe at a playdate, maybe at the park watching other kids play, or maybe just picking it up at home on their own (we do have water guns that they rarely play with). My daughter has come up with some weird morbid things on her own and I have no idea where she got them, such as “I’m going to cut you up and eat you” followed by a stream of giggles…possibly sparked by the ever so popular comment of so many “you are so cute I could just eat you up.” That’s my guess at least! It was nervous funny when she said it the first time, but when she started getting a bit to hysterical with it we sat down and had a conversation about how it was not nice and inappropriate. It took a few conversations. How do you get to the “real” issues with a 4 year old? Anyway, we just talk about what’s nice and what’s not and it seems to be taming unwanted behaviors and negative concepts the kids find completely innocent.
I was JUST reading about the CO shooting. So horrible. I don’t know what the answer is…like you, I caved with my third kid. For the longest time I would only allow lightsabers, because they somehow seemed more playful and unrealistic. Then the guns creeped in. Last year I took them all away in a fit of mama-drama, but then homemade slingshots and swords appeared and eventually a couple new guns.
My only consolation is that I talk enough about the dangers of real guns that the kids can recite my lectures for me. They will say, “We KNOW Mom, sheesh. We are just pretending.” But still, I’m conflicted.
Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac recently posted..Gone fishing
This is just about what I was going to say! As long as you discuss, at an age appropriate level, the danger of real guns and how dying is not funny, playing with guns or swords is not problematic. My son had me making swords out of paper when he was only 3!! Just seems to be in their DNA. He has a multitude of Nerf guns that provide lots of entertainment for him and his friends. Sickos like the guy in Colorado have a LOT more wrong with them than the fact that they have guns.
I am caving on the gun issue too just because my son gets so much enjoyment out of water and bubble guns. It’s not really the gun part that he loves.. its the water play and bubbles that it’s easy for him to blow at two. I completely agree with having age appropriate talk with kids about gun safety. I grew up in a home where we had guns. My dad shot snakes in the backyard or went hunting like once a year but I took a gun safety course when I was 11. If I had been a boy I know I would have gone earlier but I wasn’t super interested in guns.
For any parent struggling with this gun issue I think I would recommend a gun safety class for your kids (especially boys) I plan on taking my two year old to one.
Edit: I plan on taking my two year old to one when he is more age appropriate!
You don’t keep them away from the guns, you teach them gun safety. Keeping the guns away just makes the guns more appealing, and makes them want them more MORE MORE! I gave my boys TONS of guns. And if they get caught shooting each other to the point of crying or aiming at things they shouldn’t, the guns get taken away. And since they KNOW the real guns are there, fake guns make of sticks just wont do it for them, and so they mope and they cry and they LEARN what not to do with guns. Teach, don’t censor.
I agree completely with Mary. Educating your kids about guns is the best thing. What is approriate and what is not appropriate when playing with them. I really don’t think playing with plastic neon squirt guns is going to turn a child into a mass shooting suspect. Know your kids and what they can handle and are capable of understanding and doing.
Sorry, I meant Mommi, not Mary. :-|
I agree with your comment. That’s the rule in our house…to educate
KraftyKwai recently posted..Don’t you know anything about me?
I did this one also. It is our responsibility to educate our kids.
Ellen Howell recently posted..Male Potency: Male Herbal Supplements for Being a Potent Man
I am with you. Some are saying this was a politically-motivated attack. Allegedly, some right wingers believe the new Batman movie’s villain (named Bain–who actually debuted in the 1990′s) is an attempt by the POTUS administration to make people dislike Romney. Whether this shooting was political or ‘random’, it is heartbreaking beyond imagination. My son was begging to spend his allowance on Nerf guns at Target the other day, and I said I would think about it. This tragedy will make me continue to think about guns of any kind in our home.
Our number 1 rule is also no guns. Time and time again I am having to defend my choice to people ,mainly family, about why I don’t let my kids play with something so innocent. But really are they that innocent!? This morning shows the affects that guns can have when used in the wrong time and place. My husband and my number one problem with guns is that you are teaching your child to aim and premeditate pulling a trigger to shoot someone or something. In my mind the trigger pulling is the worst part. Having a predetermined goal set to physically shoot is exactly what I don’t want my kids to be taught. Why do they need to think its fun or funny to “hurt” something or someone. We teach our kids to be considerate, friendly and to help people in need, yet when we give them that trigger to pull it teaches them to harm someone for play. Not ok in our house.
And even though now that our son goes to friends houses and I’m sure he is around and probably plays with toy guns it has been grounded in his head that it is not ok to hurt someone and never to point a agun at someone. Hopefully by sticking with our rule of not allowing them at home the kids will remember the gun safety through their lives and pass it down the line. There are too many occurances when real guns are used in play and terrible consequences follow.
I understand your point, but my son uses his toy “guns” to point at birds in the trees. The first time he did this was with a stick, not an actual gun, and he sits and aims forever… he even turns around and tells anyone talking to “sssshhh”… when he has the perfect shot, he pulls the trigger-once. I hate hunting and would never do it myself, my husband doesn’t hunt, and maybe my son picked it up from a disney movie (fox and the hound, bambi?) we don’t even watch television. but upon seeing my child act this way, it really made me question my motives and assumptions about guns and gun safety. Some people do it for sport, and for food, and some are darn good at it. Now he has a few toy shotguns (not handguns) and he is only allowed to point them toward the sky (or sometimes he likes to march with them like a sodier) I think all kids are different, and all people’s lives are different. My husband grew up in the mountains, and had a beebee gun as a child, and he really feels like having it helped him to learn the consequences of a real gun (beebees are very dangerous, so as a kid of 8-10 or so he learned how careful you have to be with any gun). I really don’t know how I feel about kids and guns, but i DO know that I grew up in suburbia and my parents censored me completely from guns. They never would have taught me about gun safety, because I was never around guns. I feel like it was to a fault because until I got married, I would have never known how to safely handle a gun, check to see if it’s loaded, etc. which are all things that grown people need to learn in order to keep themselves safe from guns as well, say if you happened to come upon one by accident.
Mallorie, I am curious. You said that guns are not allowed in your home, your children have been taught that it is not okay to hurt someone and to never point a gun at someone. What are you considering to be … teaching gun safety? I don’t consider not having guns in the home as teaching gun safety. I am not trying to attack your opinion. I am just curious as to what gun safety means to you and others who do not permit firearms in their homes.
I feel the same way and said all the same things. Since we can’t undo giving him the guns (I managed to hold out for 4 years and only caved when I got tired of finding my silverware in the yard) I think all we can do is to teach him right from wrong, that they are not toys and how to express his anger appropriately. I don’t believe the guns are the issue is these cases, a lack of coping skills to deal with basic human emotions is. Regardless, my heart breaks for the families.
Explain to them what guns are capable of doing. I had that struggle too when my kids were young. I was raised to shoot at a very young age, Shotguns and handguns (raised in a hunting family). We learned very young the rules of guns. I too eventually caved on the toy gun rule for my children when they were about 4-5, but the day I saw my 7 yr old son hold a toy gun to the temple of a neighbors child, I laid down rules. NEVER EVER point a toy gun (or otherwise) toward a person, and certainly not like that. He went to gun classes, and learned proper ways to handle guns. One of my rules were even if they are toys, these rules all apply. He is a grown man now, he hunts, and is in the military…he respects all gun rules and laws still to this day.
Well said. I think you are correct in how you handled that. We would do the same for our kids if they watched some of the cartoons I watched as a child. If we see our children dropping toys on the heads of other kids from the tree fort…we would explain that our heads don’t bounce back like Coyote’s does. I guess what I’m saying is that it is the education of right versus wrong.
I’d like to thank you and your son for your service.
KraftyKwai recently posted..Don’t you know anything about me?
Until he suffers depression or mental illness. Get a grip ladies, your support for guns is moronic!
I do not feel like reading the point to geoffs reply( I am responding here because of his comment) so Im going into this half informed but…. This topic is really aggravating.. I will not have a REAL gun in my house because of my babies BUT I am not against them… I am about to respond to some lady who thinks Britain is so much better because they banned guns.. That is ridiculous! If the police are allowed to have them so should we.. What a cop cant experience a mental break down? If guns were banned people would just A) Buy them illegally in which Only criminals would have them… That makes me feel safe…. Or B) they would use another weapon… Its so easy to read online how to build a bomb.. And I am not supporting guns… I am supporting awareness about them….. And I Bet Any money… That if Parents were Made to take a Full Course on how to raise children before they were allowed to have them our murder rate would at LEAST be cut in half.
You are entitled to your opinion, though I daresay, it only makes you appear completely ignorant to me.
Rebekah C recently posted..Gay Marriage
Rebekah C – How very American of you to respond with that. Stay happy !
Let me get this straight Geoff. People who have been taught how to properly handle a gun and end up suffering from a mental illness are going to do what… shoot somebody? Im guessing your theory is that if a person who has not been taught to properly handle a gun ends up being mentally ill they will not shoot anyone?
KJX5 – What drugs are you on? My point is, if the majority of people don’t have access to guns then the likelihood of people being shot decreases. It is simple. Try guessing something easier next time.
Toy guns are hardly the problem here. No one ever grew up to be a murderer solely based on their childhood toys. This argument and this fear is a complete red herring.
Kids will play at life and death. And in the context of a tragedy, this seems horrendous. But it’s part of growing and learning. It has nothing to do with becoming numb to horror. And honestly, if solving murder were as simple as taking away toys…
Lyz recently posted..Sew up your hoo-has’, ladies!
I was like you.. I was adamant about no toy guns. It lasted quite a while in my house as well. now.. my boys play with them too.. I hate it. It scares the Hell outta me, especially when you hear about shootings such as the one you are referencing. I would love to take them away. I would love to take all the violent video games away that my boys love to play. I will never allow a real gun to be brought into my home for fear that one of my boys will “play” with it. Guns are scary. My heart goes out to the families in Colorado. My heart breaks for each and every one of them. I pray for a speedy recovery for all who survived. What is this world coming to? Why does this keep happening in our world. Is no place safe anymore?
I don’t think it’s the toy guns. It’s the parenting.
I’m thinking pit bulls would be a good comparison. A dog raised by a loving caring owner, would be a loving, caring animal. A dog raised by an abusive owner turns into a crazy beast that attacks people.
What we need is not to collect every gun and throw them in the fire, but to teach love, tolerance and above all compassion for our fellow man.
Spot-on comparison – well said, Chantelle.
Jeni Kramer recently posted..Beware the DBD
Like you said, even if you hadn’t provided guns, your boys probably would’ve made guns out of something else. I tried to give my girls toy cars and they ended up making babies out of them. Sometimes you can’t fight it.
I guess we have to work harder to not make guns or gender roles or any of that the issue.
My thoughts is we need to emphasize the value of our fellow human beings, the gravity of taking a life, how wrong it is to injure a person, to cause fear or chaos… Instill respect for our neighbors and our world.
Scroogy recently posted..Parenthood fail- TV sucks.
I truly believe having toy guns does not a maniac make.
It’s about how they grow up with them. My dad is a hunter, my brothers had toy guns (and real guns). There was much talk about responsibility, respect, etc. Guns were NEVER EVER for pointing at people.
My parents didn’t want us to be ignorant of guns.
However…I think it takes much more than playing with nerf guns as a kid to make someone shoot up a movie theater. This guy was in his 20′s. Far from an age where he would think guns can’t hurt people because they are toys.
There is more going on here than that.
Katie recently posted..the daily shower
“Millions of children have played with toy guns (and swords) and almost no one has grown up to shoot innocent people. The sick individuals who perpetrate these horrible acts would never trace their actions to the water guns they played with as children.” Exactly, Allison. The unbelievably heinous act in Colorado has little to do, in my mind, with any toy guns that they may have had as children. It boils down to a lot of different things–with parental support, parental guidance, and a person’s general mental health probably being the big three.
Your boys have a mother who cares about them and how they perceive guns. They have a mother who supervises and informs. I don’t know what the solution is to the problem of human monstrosities such as the one perpetrated in Colorado, but I *can* tell you that you’re taking the right steps for your own kids.
I think the conversations you have about guns are way more important than banning them. Like other commenters have said – kids will make guns out of sticks, so it doesn’t really matter if there are toy guns around.
What DOES matter is talking about guns often enough that our kids understand that they can take lives. Talking about valuing the life of all living things, and how dangerous guns are – that is what we can do to bring up people who respect life.
Jenn recently posted..Two Weeks Until BlogHer ’12 aka “AAAHHH!!”
My heart breaks for every individual involved in the tragic turn of events over night. As a mom, I worry about DS9 playing with toy guns but he has a healthy respect for the real things as well. He’s taught that real guns are not toys and are not to be used on people they are strictly for usage for hunting and protection. Education is the answer. Your children can play with toy guns or turn Christmas wrapping paper into a flame thrower. The key is going to be educating that child the difference between real and fake guns.
As for the horrific actions of one person, it’s a harsh and scary reminder that guns do not go off by themselves and that life can change in an instant.
I feel like this is the type of mom I’m going to be, but I might have some stickedtooedness with the toy gun thing though. I am absolutely terrified of guns. I had a panic attack once when I came across a realistic looking toy gun that an ex-boyfriend had in the house. He told me it was a prop for some gig he’d had, but I wouldn’t even go back into the apartment until he’d thrown it away. I can’t see myself ever purchasing a toy gun, no matter how harmless they seem.
As a mom who has raised 2 boys of her own and had a hand in raising 2 step boys and one girl, here’s my opinion for what it’s worth. It’s not the gun that’s the problem. It’s the lack of knowledge that comes with it. We hand our kid the gun and we say go play, Nerf or water it doesn’t matter. We don’t teach kids about guns, the safety, what’s real and what’s not, we just expect them to know. What happened today is a tragedy. However, what happened today I don’t believe happened because someone handed that child a water gun or a Nerf gun. I believe it happened because this kid has a problem (most likely mental), a lack of discipline, lack of structure and good morals and/or background. Children today are so different than they were when we grew up. I mean, when I grew up you did what you were told and Lord help you if you back-talked or questioned what you were told. You came in when the street lights came on and that was it, NO QUESTIONS asked. Parents today seem to let their children back talk, they give them freedoms we were NEVER allowed to have as children. I could ramble on for days, and I’m sure there are several who have opposite opinions. For me though, my children have a routine, structure and are on a VERY tight leash. I demand respect and when/if I don’t get it, there are consequences. I believe in this FIRMLY and my children, though they definitely have their problems, I feel they have the right morals (and knowledge) to keep from doing something like this and they were raised with Nerf guns and Water Guns in hand.
AMEN!
KraftyKwai recently posted..Don’t you know anything about me?
I’ve only had daughters, not that there wasn’t a desire for toy guns…water pistols and at some point even air rifles and paintball guns. I played with toy guns as a kid…the incident in Colorado, while extremely tragic is NOT our failure as parents. It’s not even society’s failure by making toy guns so identifiable and accessible to children. While it is every parents’ right to control the manner and type of playtime experience of their children, please do NOT view this incident as a parenting failure on your part. Yes, this troubled young person was mislead. But… It is never the object of play that influences our children, so much as our reaction to the object of play and the opportunities we miss to teach a lesson. I believe it’s okay to let the kids play with water pistols, nerf guns, etc. Let them play cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, whatever other games they might derive. These games instill a good life lesson if we pay attention and influence our children AT THE RIGHT TIME. I think that the opportunity missed here was not denying a child an experience, but rather not observing that experience and making sure that the right lesson was applied.
I think I may be the outsider here. I think play guns can be a learning experience if you take advantage of the opportunity. I grew up in a house where my dad was an avid hunter and I knew where the guns were locked up. I was told from a very early age that a gun can kill a deer, so it could surely kill me, too. My dad purposely bought me a toy gun and taught me never to point it at another person, only at objects like trees and targets. By the time I was 8, I had already taken a gun safety course. Of course, I enjoyed hunting and shooting…its always a bonding experience. But even if I had decided not to hunt, I was educated about how dangerous guns are. And now, I am doing the same with my children. We keep a handgun in a lock box in our closet, which requires a code to open…I went into the closet one day and my 3 year old put his arm in front of his sister and goes “Don’t go in there sissy. There’s gun and it can make you DEAD!” I guess its a good start!
But, every parent has their own style…you just have to do what you feel is right for your children!
Candi recently posted..4th of July – Photo Post
Candi has the right idea. It’s not the toy guns that are the problem; it’s the lack of gun education and respect. Boys especially naturally want to play with guns. Before he had a single toy gun to play with, my son would bite his PB&J sandwich into the shape of a gun. Now there are multiple toy guns in our house and I am quite comfortable with that. When my 3-year-old is older, he will learn how to shoot and clean a real gun, just like his older brothers have. He will be taught gun safety and respect for guns. Education is always better than a fearful attitude.
Another idea is to turn off the television. That is where so much of the bad behavior is learned. And I mean turn it off for everyone. We have chosen to have no cable and no antennae either. Who needs the constant feed of Hollywood crap streaming into their house? The only thing that plays on our single television screen are DVDs. By choosing what gets played on the TV set rather than being a passive watcher, we can control the violence, language, and sexuality our kids are exposed to (or not exposed to as the case is). It’s also comforting to know that they are not being inundated with commercials.
Education and respect. Mostly all we need for most issues. Candi, surely you are not an outsider. Let us hope the voice of reason prevails.
Virginia Llorca recently posted..Wake Up America
If only it were as simple as taking away their toy squirt guns, Nerf guns or whatever other plastic form of weaponry we allow our children to so innocently play with. We can keep those out of their hands but we can’t keep them out of other children’s hands.
Then, even after successfully avoiding these ‘virtually harmless’ toys we have to contend with video games, television shows and cartoons (they just don’t make a good cartoon where the weapon of choice is an ACME anvil anymore).
Yes, clearly we need to do something but what? Do we invest in blinders? Do we avoid the violence by avoiding the toys? The crazies sure do make it hard to raise our kids today.
I will just continue to do what I’ve been doing (aside from breaking all the same rules you broke) and having an open dialogue with my children. I will also refuse to call it a water ‘gun’. It will forever be a water ‘squirter’ in my house…makes it a little more harmless, right? ;0)
Love your blog. Love your humor. Thank you.
Good point. We can try to control our own children but we cannot control others. And we certainly can’t avoid the media’s influence. IMO, it comes down to education. Teach how serious it is, teach what to do when someone else is doing something wrong. How many accidental shootings have happened because kids were curious and didn’t know what to do? My three-year-old son was making guns out of everything and couldn’t understand why he kept getting in trouble for shooting at people. We bought him a nerf gun and taught him that bigger guns do the same thing but with worse consequences. It took a few weeks to learn, but I think we’re getting some good results now. When he gets older, he’ll be taking a gun safety course and we’ll continue to monitor his attitude and reaction to guns.
For my son’s second birthday one of my husband’s buddies bought my boy a toy rifle. Not a brightly colored water gun. A realistic toy rifle. Luckily these friends don’t live nearby, so the gift came in the mail. I happened to open it when the kids weren’t around, so when I saw the unwrapped item I was able to hide it. It is currently buried in the basement. The boy still doesn’t know it exists. My husband is a little more liberal on the issue, but since the box itself says the gun is for 5 and up, he agreed to wait and discuss the toy when our son is older.
Ultimately, I’m not sure if I will let my kids play with guns, but that should be a choice made by me and my husband. I don’t like that someone else put me in the position of thinking about it so soon, and I would have been really mad if the toy had been given in person when it would be harder to take away.
As for the shooting, my heart goes out to the victims and their families.
Kim Z Dale recently posted..Why Project Runway Didn’t Make List 1
I personally don’t see the problem in toy guns. To us, it is easy to see the harm and pain that guns can cause. However, we forget that the people who go on these mass shooting sprees have serious problems. Columbine High School, the shooting at the movie theater, VA Tech, a shooting in a nursing home in NC. All those people had deep seeded issues.
If it is that much of a worry that a toy gun is going to make them turn into a killer, take the guns away. But I don’t believe kids understand and see guns the way adults do. As parents, we often take our twisted view of the world and try to apply it to our children’s eyes. Kids are innocent, putting a toy gun in their hand isn’t going to make them a killer. The way they are treated in life is what makes them a killer.
I think the answer is simple. TEACH. I grew up in a house that had guns, as did my parents, and their parents, est. My children are as well. The answer is to not ban something. Learn from history. teach the CORRECT history and don’t sugar coat it. Not only about this, but everything in life.
Prayers and thoughts to all…
I live in the South. Guns are the norm. Real ones. Kids get bb guns for Christmas at a young age. Do I agree with it? I’m not sure. My brother received a rifle for Christmas at 16 or 17. My stepdad sleeps with a gun under the mattress, and travels with one. I personally want to get licensed to carry if I want to. I think that there are always going to be people who are crazy or deranged that feel like mass murders need to happen. I hope that as my son gets older we can teach him how to properly use guns, when and how to use them. If there are shootings when he is old enough to understand, these types of tragedies can be used to reiterate the point that guns can do serious damage. I’m praying for the injured and murdered. It’s a terrible situation. I couldn’t imagine going through it.
“Killing Monsters” is a wonderful book on kids and violent/aggressive play (in video games, and real life). Highly recommended.
My husband is a deputy sheriff and our family, including all the kiddos, are avid reenactors of all time periods: Civil War, WWII, and Vietnam. Guns are an integral part of our lives. We teach at a very early age that guns are not toys, but are weapons, used to defend life and property. That being said, there are toy guns in our house, but our children have no doubts about what are toys and what aren’t. The ones that aren’t are not accessible to them at any time. Teach resposibility. Our country is changing – remember the lessons of our forefathers. There were no houses in their time that were not defended by firepower. If you heard the stories I hear, yours would be as well.
I would venture to say that most little boys play cowboys & Indians and cops & robbers and do not grow up to be mass-murders. I think in the wake of horrific events we as parents try to make sense of the nonsensical by trying to do something. This guy didn’t decide to pre-plan a mass murder that rocks us all to the core (We should be able to go to the freakin’ movie theater & be ok) because he had a toy gun when he was 6. But taking away the kids toys, I don’t know it just seems unfair to the kids who you are raising to grow up and be decent members of society, not mass-murders.
I realize its a highly controversial but I am ok with guns. I’m ok with guns because my husband is trained, I am (shortly to be) trained in safety courses. Multiple. Any one who is around our home and thus a gun is reiterated time and time again that guns are NOT toys.
I do think we need to educated our children that guns are not toys, that they can hurt people, that it is NOT ok to point a gun at a person no matter if its a water gun or otherwise. Yes that limits the “toy” aspect of the toy guns but children should understand what those toys mean.
I also agree with Lyz – this isn’t the guns “fault.” The reality is this individual was messed up and if had been a bow and arrow, or a plastic tube with explosives, or poison he could have done a lot of damage. We can’t look at a single person’s actions and judge their tool to do such an action as the “reason” they were able to do it.
Guns don’t kill, people kill. That is so true!
But how much harm or damage could he have done if he didn’t have access to the guns he used.
Living without guns in society is easy and safe. You just have to think outside the box.
Geoff you miss my point in your determination as exhibited by your many replies to prove your belief and argument against guns. I respect your belief but as I stated above the individual who did this would have found a way REGARDLESS of whether or not guns were legal. In fact how many times are crimes committed without a gun? The reality is sickness and evil exists and to bury our heads in the sand and avoid the items used in an effort to protect ourselves often does nothing more than enable those who wih to commit a crime. I wish the world worked the way you suggest but that just isn’t so. in fact if you read reports you will note that he used a chemical weapon before a gun. Simply put where there is a will there is a way.
What I DO believe in is education and regulation. It’s not perfect by any means but at least it exhibits some sense of control
The problem with this popular point of view is that the ONLY people who are “safe” in a society like that are people who work for the government and criminals. The rest of us are vulnerable. Criminalizing owning a gun only ensures that the only people armed are the ones who shouldn’t be.
Rebekah C recently posted..Gay Marriage
Geoff – what about the recent shooting in Canada, where residents can not legally own guns? Gun control only keeps guns away from the law-abiding citizens. You think because drugs are illegal that people don’t get ahold of them? You think people wouldn’t be able to still get guns if they were illegal?
Education and personal responsibility are seriously lacking. Adding more laws on top does not resolve the issue.
Sarah – I understand your point completely but… Why would a law abiding citizen need a gun? and a military style gun at that?
Here in Australia it is very hard to legally own a gun, not impossible though. We do, however, have a much lower homicide rate here, per head of population, than you guys.
As far as people being able to get guns if they were illegal, well yes they can. The criminals here get them sent over from the good ol’ USA. Which to be honest, isn’t all that bad, because they more often than not, only shoot each other.
What a wonderful and relevant post. I wish I had an answer. I wish anyone did.
I was that same list-as-as-single as you were. Could’ve written it myself. And when I was pregnant, a dear friend of mine gave me the same sage advice many of your commentors above are now giving you: guns have been around forever…boys will be boys and and they will create guns & swords out of sticks, chopsticks, etc…her son crafted a gun out of a pancake one morning…the importance is teaching them what guns do, their purpose, the rights & wrongs in life, the VALUE of life for ALL living things, and so on. I thought she was crazy when her son decided to play chemist and she handed him a bottle and let him loose to roam the house and add “ingredients”…well, kinda, because he had to ask her before he got to add something to the bottle. But rather than say “No! You’ll blow something up!” she taught him responsibility, creativity, and set up a learning environment. I was grateful that my son wasn’t into guns per se. That was, until last year. He is now 11. And he has that huge bucket full of Nerf guns, has played laser tag with friends at birthday parties (how it all started :-/), and now wants light sabers galore! (gonna make them out of pool noodles, ha!) But he also knows the value of life and how precious it is. You will learn this with your own child and if for one second that child seems to not care about an animals life or a friends well-being, seriously consider not having those items around until they learn. Most importantly, KEEP TALKING TO THEM! Last nights events are horrifying and my thoughts & prayers are with the families of those killed and hurt. My husband is planning to take our son to see the movie today. At first I could say, no way, not now. But, I know that security will be up at the theater. And after the movie, we will share parts of what happened last night with our son. Sadly, this will become a learning experience.
As I turned from The Today Show this morning to see what the noise was at the kitchen table, I saw my 4 year old play shooting his sister with his fingers. I lost it. “WE DO NOT SHOOT PEOPLE!” I screamed. He doesn’t even own a toy gun. We don’t have guns. I honestly don’t know where he learned about guns. I assume it’s at school (and I do have a bad habit of blaming all his bad habits on kids at school) where other boys have big brothers who may have taught them. I don’t know where it came from, but it makes me uneasy. I try not to put myself on a moral high horse when it comes to parenting, but I really don’t want my kid to play with guns. If only it was as simple as stating that. Love this post, Jill.
Jill @BabyRabies recently posted..A Horror Story About Reptiles In Toilets
We have a gun problem everyday on our streets and in our society we are desensitized too. Why does it take a mass shooting to get our attention? Every shooting is tragic. We doare need toto do more. My heart is breaking for our society and world.
I’m just sick about this. It is so awful. I totally agree with you.
Guerrilla Mom recently posted..Blogher ’12 – Guerrilla Mom’s NYC Survival Tips
We have a gun problem everyday on our streets and in our society we are desensitized to. Why does it take a mass shooting to get our attention? Every shooting is tragic. We do need to do more. My heart is breaking for our society and world.
we all played with them when we were younger, and I am a girl. Having the toy gun in your house is not the problem. Its AWARENESS … its just like anything else, if its not at your house it will be somewhere else.. I shot bb guns when I was about 6. You need to raise to children to be level headed, and how to deal with their emotions in a sane way (dont let them hold them in).. also teach them gun awareness. let them watch what happened in colorado. do not shelter them from everything in the world, as long as you do not have a pair of psychos on your hands you will have nothing to worry about.
I was raised in a home where guns were kept, toy guns were played with and we all had our hunting permits and eventually licenses at the earliest opportunity. We were taught to respect firearms, because they are a weapon. Of course the real guns were kept locked away, but we knew where they were and we knew how dangerous they were. Having the toys isn’t the problem, it’s the people who have them. My daughter doesn’t have any toy guns but if she wants a nerf gun I’m not going to keep it from her because of some terrible incident caused by a sick individual. That being said, when she’s old enough (I was taught to aim and fire at 6) I plan to teach my daughter about gun safety and how I plan to teach her (either on our property or at a gun range) how to probably load, fire and care for a gun.
I didn’t read all the other comments, but I wanted to say that I firmly do not believe the solution is banning guns or taking them away. Because as you stated kids make other things into guns. I believe teaching children to RESPECT the gun is the answer. So many people are afraid of guns, causing all these laws not allowing normal people to carry them. If the average person knew how to use a gun properly then it wouldn’t be an issue at all. I agree it’s terrible what happened in CO, but if that shooter was even slightly afraid that multiple someones would shoot back in defense, I can’t help but wonder if it would have not even happened…
I was discussing the “kids and guns” topic this morning on Twitter. Regardless of your views on guns, an ongoing discussion of gun safety is an absolute must for every parent.
Kids need to know what to do (and not do) should they ever come into contact with a gun. I read that a third of all homes in the US have guns so the likelihood of your child entering a home with a gun is very real. Just like the “stranger danger” conversation the “gun” conversation needs to be repeated over and over again.
Jennifer @ Also Known As…the Wife recently posted..The Pain In My Heart
There is a story about a teenager who was home alone with his young siblings. A woman knocked on their door, left. 20mins later a male knocked on the door. He ushered his siblings upstairs, grabbed his parents gun, and as he approached the top landing the man broke in and pointed a gun at him. He shot the intruder. YES he called the cops but they were not there yet. He protected his siblings and to me, he is a hero. If it was not for him learning how to shoot that gun that man could have killed him, his siblings, and then ransacked the home.
I am getting my CCW permit next month and buying a gun. It will be kept way up from my kids but as they get older I will teach them that it is NOT a toy and that it is for situations where someone is in danger only (like a break-in). They will be taught (at an appropriate age) how to shoot, load, clean, and carry a gun. They will have toy guns because I don’t think a nerf gun is going to inspire my 2yr old to shoot up her high school in 16yrs. They will be taught safety and respect of such a dangerous weapon. But I want to know that if someone breaks into my home or something else happens that I, my husband, or my kids could protect themselves. I refuse to live in fear of a nerf gun because sick man decided to kill 12 people today. Or because my husbands cousin was shot and killed when he tried to break up a fight. I refuse to hide in my house afraid of the outside world.
We cannot Blame guns for killing people any more than we can blame pencils for making spelling errors. We need to patent our children to understand that firearms are weapons and if used improperly they can kill. Just like a car is a dangerous weapon we teach our children that there are rules, safe practices and general respect for others. We can’t take away their steak knives at the dinner table for fear that they may stab their sibling in the face can we?!?
We must trust that we are doing our best to raise balanced, respectful individuals who know right from wrong. Guns aren’t the problem. People are the problem.
my son is 4 and doesn’t know what a gun is (he picks them up at stores and wonders aloud what they might be). he doesn’t really use the word “shoot” in conversation either. no nerf guns, no water guns. he’s not really clear on what swords are either. do i think this will last forever? of course not. i have no idea how we’ve been this lucky. but i am thankful for every single day of his innocence and i’ll be sad to see it go.
i don’t think being forbidden to play with guns is the answer, but i DO think there’s a great deal to be said for kids being told “no, your parents feel so strongly about this that we will not purchase guns for you.” if they make their own from sticks (my brother used to glue scrap wood together — worth noting that he didn’t start this until he started preschool and other kids’ parents’ values became part of his social world), so be it, but lack of parental approval goes a long way…even if they pretend it doesn’t. another one of those things you don’t get to see evidence of for decades. my brother is now a 27-yr-old pacifist. :)
also, for the “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” crowd:
http://www.juancole.com/2011/01/over-9000-murders-by-gun-in-us-39-in-uk.html
really? so people in the US are just inherently more violent, then? it has nothing to do with gun policy?
yea they are.. or more or less stupid .. the gun does not shoot itself.. the handle doesnt wrap around and pull the trigger. Its hate and ignorance thats the problem.
or maybe mental illness is part of the human experience and great britain has figured out that if no one is armed, then no one having a psychotic break can be armed.
Ok, Whos going to stop the officer who carries a gun and has a mental breakdown?? (or dont they carry guns, cause I could of swore I saw them pictured with them) Or who will stop the guy who makes a bomb (instructions readily available on-line) cause they cant access a gun, or the guy who buys the gun from the black market and the cops cant get to him before he kills.. .. Whats stopping that guy in Great britain who has a mental illness from stabbing his victims to death?? OR MAYBE Nothing will be there to stop them because man kind was stripped of their right to bare arms soo crazy wins… There will always be death from either natural disaster to suicide to murder to old age or sickness.. You cant prevent it by taking away guns.. If You people keep letting the government strip us of our rights, As a country we will fail. Our childrens childrens children will have a GPS inside them so the government will know where everyones at all of the time, They will have no rights and It will be Our fault.
“Guns don’t kill people, people kill people…. WITH GUNS !”
What is it in the american psyche that you all believe that it is you right to own something that is purely designed to kill? Is it your history, listening to too many conspiracy theories or fear? I really would love to know.
Did you read all the stats? 39 murders by gun, but 648 murders overall. Its not the weapon, its the intent. And clearly that is still there (they are just finding other methods).
and if this clown went into the cinema with a knife, would he have killed 12 and wounded 59. I think not !
My husband’s been lobbying for water guns for a few weeks. I said, “Absolutely not.” I don’t want them to ever, EVER have them, but I fear someday I’ll cave or be overruled. I just don’t want them to have weapons of any kind, fake, Nerf, water, or real. Plus, I’m sure they are going to be pummeling one another enough.
Stephanie recently posted..Blogaversary Post: What Can I Say? You People Have Touched Me
I have a 7 year old boy (and a 10 year old girl, but it came up more with the boy!), and I was discussing this one day with my mom a few years ago when he hit the toy gun age. She made a good point, in that there were less of these tragic incidents when kids WERE allowed to play with toy guns! Now, of course, taking away toy guns is not the reason for the gun violence, but her thinking was that people have grown up playing with toy guns since guns were invented, and be it our media today or the world we live in, we’re hearing of more tragedies. The toy guns are not the problem.
That being said, kids are no longer allowed to know they exist, and as such, do not grow up with an understanding of what they can do. I would never own a gun in my home, but I know people who do. And I’ve talked to my kids about what you do if they encounter one in the home of a friend. I believe in keeping kids’ innocence as long as possible, but if they’re too sheltered, they won’t learn to be functional adults. I don’t believe that letting my kids, or anyone else’s, have a couple of water pistols, Nerf guns or Star Wars “blasters” is going to make a difference in the gun violence and tragic events in our world.
My thoughts and prayers to the victims and their families.
As kids we always played guns, war, and dare i say it “cowboys and Indians”. It was a terrible awful thing that has happened, hard to even imagine that there are people out there capable of such violence. But, i strongly think that if your child plays guns, this does not mean they will shoot people as adults. Let your kids be kids just try and teach them right from wrong.
I don’t know either. I said the same exact thing too, especially since my dad was shot in the shoulder by his brother on accident when they were young children. But its like you say – my son was using anything and everything to go “pow! pow! bang!” and was dying for Nerf guns, water guns and everything else of the sort. We have a hard and fast rule that has never been deviated from though, and that is that he can only shoot at stuff – no people. I have no idea if he sticks with this when I’m not watching but I have my doubts. This one is a mystery to me.
Rebeccah recently posted..Horsepower…Does Not Always Mean Strength and Speed
GREAT post. I’ve done that 180 on a lot of things too. I think it’s called reality or something? Just like you said, if you take them away…they’ll just replace them with something or find one somewhere else. I think ALL kids (yes, even girls) should be taught to both respect and fear guns and the difference between toys and the real ones. Gun safety classes aren’t a bad idea either. I took mine when I was 12. My family hunted so we had them around. I learned that they most definitely are NOT to “play” with. I never once thought of taking one without my dad there. Even if families don’t hunt or have guns at home, I think kids should for SURE be taught by parents or someone what their purpose is and how to handle situations they may encounter at friends’ houses or other places when you’re not around. Little ones are too young to understand something as tragic as these shootings. However, there are all kinds of great resources to teach at their developmental level. Knowledge is power. And don’t forget that people who commit acts of violence often suffer from mental health issues.
Lucy Ball recently posted..i have phone issues
Just my thought, but by taking the “toy” away, you’re making it more appealing. Good luck!
m.
Mark recently posted..I caught Fred cheatin’ on me
What you are not giving yourself enough credit for is this: your children are still young. Young enough for your knowledge to make an impression. Young enough to be shown what is a toy gun and what isn’t. And young enough to not see new articles like the one about the shooting in Colorado today. Knowledge is power in children. If you teach them, show them, instruct them, on what is a toy and what isn’t, on why you don’t touch/play with real guns, you’re doing better than most parents.
And you are right, kids will turn anything into a “weapon”. From sticks to wands and even pencils. But, lack of education of weapons is just as, if not more, dangerous, than placing a real gun in the hands of someone who doesn’t appreciate how dangerous they are/can be.
Or animals either. We are not anti-hunting, but there is no way I want him target practicing on my cats!
Rebeccah recently posted..Horsepower…Does Not Always Mean Strength and Speed
I, too, had that plan. My house being one in which my husband hunts and is in the military, so guns are serious business, and kept in a safe. My son, at 2, “made” himself a gun from two dowel sticks. It’s normal male behavior to role-play fighting, whether with guns or otherwise.
We have caved (he’s now 8), but have a strict rule that his guns “look” like toys. Nerf guns, water guns are fine, but anything that could be misconstrued as looking similar to a real gun is off limits….
I grew up in the south with a family that hunts, so I grew up around guns. My mom has a phd and turkey hunts. Lol They don’t make me uncomfortable, but the way I was raised definitely makes me respect their power.
Also, my husband and his brother grew up in the country. No big hunters in their family, but they were GIjoe obsessed run of the mill little boys. Neither have ever shot a real gun, or ever cared too.
I think it’s probably better to allow your child to interact with things like this for two reasons. You can gage their attitude about guns and violence etc and see if things might need to be addressed at an early age, and two it is a great chance to teach them respect for human and animal lives as well as safety. Better than sheltering them, in my opinion.
Great post, definitely food for thought!
Tracy @ The UnCoordinated Mommy recently posted..I Am Definitely A Mom Now: “What’s In Your Bag?” Link Up!
My boys have always had toy guns. There are rules. They get pointed at people, they get taken away. I feel censoring and banning toy guns out of fear is pretty much akin to refusing to allow children to attend sex ed classes. Education makes the difference, not ignorance. Boys have played so many variations of “Cops and Robbers” “Cowboys and Indians” and so on for so damned long it’s not even funny. My 2 year old began making guns out of random items, complete with “pew pew” noises when he was about 18 months old. Nerf guns aren’t the issues, neither really are real guns. The issues go much deeper than that. And if toy guns created maniacs, I don’t think we’d all be here. If my boys want bee bee guns or to learn how to shoot when they are older, I’ll pay for the classes that will educate them about guns, to add to the instilled value that a fellow human beings life is something you have no right to steal. I refuse to keep my boys in the dark about guns, and as the pp stated, I refuse to live in fear of a nerf gun because of a sick man.
as far as toy guns go i think we should treat them as real. i only allow my son to shoot at walls or trees nothing alive. water guns we use as intended to get wet. if he uses his nerf target gun improperly i take it away. yes the shooting at the theater was horrible. it is just our responsibility whether it be a toy gun or a real gun to teach our kids the proper way to use them.
I played with toy guns myself as a child. I have never once viewed a real gun as a toy. As parents it’s your job to teach the difference. My kids have toy guns and are taught just as I was. I have no fear of them shooting people. The people who do that don’t use toy gun, ya know why? They know the difference!
I also had that list (also on my list was they would never talk back, have a fit in public and so on and so on). I personally dont have an issue with toy guns or real guns in general. We have guns in our home but they are locked away in a safe with the exception of one thats left out but it isn’t loaded. I may not have stuck to no more than an hour of t.v. a day but we DID stick to teaching our kids right from wrong. Both of my kids know it isn’t okay to shoot or harm people in general. They know why it isn’t okay and my older one understands the consequences (younger one is 3). Even if I took away the guns they would use sticks, fingers or anything else that they could come up with anyways. I was in target one day and my son was getting a new toy gun and an old lady informed me while pointing to the toy “that is whats wrong with America”. I don’t judge people that don’t agree with kids playing with guns but they sure seem to think its okay to judge us and make snide comments like that. I think if you have good morals an understanding of whats right and wrong and a sense of responsibility you can teach them to your kids and they will be okay..even if they play with guns.
I am a mother of one 2-year-old girl, a former Soldier, the wife of a police officer and former Marine. I was raised with a BB gun in a closet in our house. My husband was raised by a police officer and hunted for as long as he can remember. He’s been around guns forever. My husband and I both enjoy hunting. As a result of his profession, our life experiences, and our love of the outdoors we have found a need to educate ourselves and our daughter more so than most to ensure her safety. Yes, she’s two and is fully aware of guns. We make it a point to educate her and teach her the proper use of guns when she is watching them on TV, when daddy is cleaning his duty weapon, or when she sees us get ready for a hunt. We have to be age appropriate, but when we noticed an interest in what we were doing that was when we kicked up our parenting game and brought it. Guns and gun safety are a part our lives. They are not toys. The toys she does have she is still taught to not point them at anyone. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary for us to be conscious of what we are teaching her.
I pray that she doesn’t take this education and do something negative with it. All I can do is teach her and educate myself and stay on top of it.
I can totally understand the fear with all the craziness that goes on in the world. I think a lot has to do with we are so disconnected (although we are very connected) to one another. Human nature is to be a part of group/clan/pack. We are not made to be alone. None of this justifies the actions of other, but I think it is something that we all should take into consideration when dealing with each other. We need our communities back.
You didn’t hear about this kind of stuff happening so often when you acted up down the street and you had to go through several adults for punishment. We were more actively involved with our neighbors, family and friends. I’m only 34 and had that when I was young. It changed so drastically, so quickly.
I don’t know. This is just my opinion, and I’m sure there are folks that don’t agree, but it gives you something to think about. We need to speak up when we see people that are in turmoil and try to get them help. We need to stop overlooking some of the behaviors we think lead to incidents like this and stop over-protecting ourselves because of a possible stigma.
I’m stepping off my soapbox now.
there will always be toy guns in our home (i’m still holding out on a real one, but husband is making a good argument)
my husband comes from a family full of cops. he grew up around weapons and i’m pretty sure he’ll inherit a few guns at some point down the road.
the important thing i plan on doing is to teach gun safety and the difference between reality and make believe, teach the purpose of weapons to provide protection and freedom.
the same thing goes for video game violence too. i know there will never be a way to keep my son away from these things, but i can teach him to respect and understand them.
Jennifer recently posted..A Very Merry Un-Birthday
I had that same rule about guns, NOT my son. Could care less that my brother’s house was full of them, I was better than that. I held out for 6 years, then came the birthday parties that included school friends and not just family and close family friends. Thanks to my DH for his fondness of hunting and being an Eagle Scout, he made sure to teach our DS gun safety. Now that DS is in cub scouts they make sure to teach it as well and in a controlled environment. As long as we teach them and monitor them, our kids will grow up fine and possibly be military or law enforcement rather than the crazy person or the one in handcuffs.
I too had this rule but mine was until they were older and knew the difference between real and pretend but I too caved. I caved because we were at a reunion and all the boys were playing and my son wanted to play to….my parents got it for him. For over a year that was the only toy gun in the house but I again caved this year for water guns. My kids will be 3 & 4 in a month. You may all think I crazy for the way in which I allow gun play in my home.
1.) We DO NOT shoot at or point the gun at people….we can squirt people outside.
2.) we DO NOT kill people…we say “bang bang” or “squirt, squirt”. My son started saying “kill, kill” because of the cousins at the reunion.
3.) gun safety starts early…as in NOW!!!! because we are a family of hunters, and therefore have lots of guns…yes they are locked up, we are already teaching gun safety and responsibility. We have cousins that come from families of hunters and the older boys show little gun safety when target practicing and hunting….so yes my young children are around when we target practice. They are learning where to stand, cover their ears, and seeing us using them properly at all times!
I grew up around them…not locked up, with toy guns to play with but I also new there was a difference and I didn’t touch dad’s guns. I truly believe that yes when not taught properly, even if it starts at an older age, toy guns can lead to violence. But I think that is mostly out of lack of respect and knowledge. The individuals own emotional and mental state has a lot to do with what they do with a gun whether they have been taught proper handling or not.
I’ve tried this to no avail. Even if you don’t buy them guns they will make their own out of paper, or sticks, or shoes, whatever is handy. Kids play make believe and it’s pretty much impossible to sensor their minds. All I can do as a parent is teach them gun safety and make sure they know how important it is not to play with real guns and lock the real guns up tight.
This is A horrible tragedy. But I don’t believe that any of the crazies who go on these killing sprees can blame it on there parent buying them toy guns as children. I believe their issues go much deeper. I have an 8 yr old boy who has many toy guns , and real guns too. My husband is an avid hunter and my son has been hunting with him since he was 5 yrs old. It’s an incredible bonding experience for both of them. The key is to teach your children to respect fire arms. I for one am confident that my son will always have firearms and will be able to protect himself whenever needed.
We had a rule when I was a kid, no pointing guns at people or any animal that we couldn’t eat. This was for toy and, of course, real guns. We could pretend shoot inanimate objects and a lot of stuffed animals were “shot” but if my mom caught us aiming at each other and saying bang, we were in a lot of trouble. Nerf guns and water guns were the exception since they didn’t shoot anything bad. We were taught was ammo was and what the consequences were to shooting anything in real life. I don’t really want my son to have any toy guns, but I know it will happen and as long as he is taught to respect what it symbolizes I am less worried than if he was taught to fear them or nothing at all.
The rule I try to enforce with my two boys is Don’t Point the Gun at People or Pets. They can shoot the walls, the furniture, trees, imaginary bad guys, and other toys if they want to. But not each other, not me, not the cats.
Susanna K. recently posted..Grownup Coloring Page: That’s not dirt…
We treat gun safety in our house the same as any other rule that we have in our house. Guns are not toys. It has been repeated a million times until they know. We have a lot of guns, we hunt and we believe in our 2nd Amendment right of owning guns. My son knows that guns are not toys and they are only used by responsible adults. He knows that he does not touch any gun. He also knows that he never touches ANY gun without an adult, in our house or someone else’s house; that they are dangerous and they can hurt people severely. This summer the tiny water guns made their way into our home and a small part of said ‘NO’, but it was 100 degrees out so I said yes. They lasted about 10 minutes and have never been played with since. I’ve also said no to the wooden ‘pop’ guns at Cabelas because guns are not toys. I do believe water guns are my exception. Ask me in 2 years about nerf guns….
Gun safety has to be taught to ALL children because you may not own guns but someday your child could come across a gun at a friend’s house or abandoned somewhere and he needs to know the dangers if not to help himself but others too.
My boy will be 2 in December, so I don’t have the gun toy problem … Yet! I also had a long list of “nevers” before I became a mother and I hope I can manage to stick to my no gun toys rule. But I don’t think of water guns as such a harmful thing, I mean .. It is just water. But on the other hand, I don’t know if that is a double standard and if later on buying a water gun will be the gateway for the other kind of toy guns … So now, I don’t know if I should buy him that kind of toys. My heart goes out to the families that lost a member in the Colorado shooting.
This tragedy makes me sick beyond words. My mind can’t think of much else as my son went to a midnight premiere with a friend and his parent last night. But I look at my 15 year old boy who against what I thought I ever wanted, ended up having toy guns. First, toys he made to seem like guns, then as he grew, pretend and squirt guns, turned into airsoft guns then paintball guns..even eventually now there are some video games with guns. He has always been taught that these are guns for play, but real guns are not a toy. He is always monitored with these toys and games and he has adults showing how to properly use these items. Then I watch him with family, younger children, his friends and adults in our lives and see he is all “boy” in so many ways. But in everyday life with people, he is such a kind, respectful, giving and serving young man. He has been raised to love and respect in a healthy (not perfect by far) balanced environment. What he does and where he goes is monitored, who he hangs out with is known and talked about. I think it’s not as much about the guns they play with, it’s about parent involvement, love, letting him fail, consequence and balance. I truly believe these are some of the key things that give a kid a chance against the evils of the world not always banning a toy.
Personally, I would love for us all to live in a peaceful world. (I used to sing “Imagine” to my son as a lullaby :). ) My husband, who is thoughtful and sweet and loving, also loves hunting and has a gun collection. What makes me comfortable with this is his standard for safety and responsibility, and the respect I have for him. Inherently there are contridictions in our lives. Play is so important… and boys will be boys. As a mother my focus is to ground our children in love, knowledge, good judgement for their own decisions.
Amen sista!
I am a prior active duty security forces member in the United States Air Force. Collecting your child’s toys because of a shooting seems a little over the top to me. I understand your concern completely, but taking away an activity because of someone else and their poor choices, to me is wrong. Taking your children to the shooting range and educating them on guns as weapons and guns as toys is much more effective. Taking away their toys makes them see mama as a tyrant, which I know you’re not just by your concern and love for them that I can see in your article. My children have toy guns (I have two girls). I was raised out in the country. I had paintball guns, squirt guns all kinds of guns. I was also taught how to use real guns and that they weren’t play things. I had parents that cared and taught me the difference. And I didn’t grow up to shoot up a school or movie theater. I became a cop and a mother.
I still don’t allow play/toy guns. We own real guns and I want our 3 to know that guns KILL. They each are being taught how to safely handle them as they grow older. It may seem cruel but a few years ago my husband took the older two out and had them shoot a chipmunk. It was a lesson in how real the damage guns can do is and that they do kill . It really changed how they saw them and increased their respect for them.
The guns are locked up but the girls would never go near them \. Right now they scare them which they should. even at friends houses and they have several friends who are boys they can not play war, guns or that people die. Its been difficult kids pressure them parents pressure me but its worth the ‘fight”
None of us are perfict we (Moms) all just do the best we can
I have boys (& 1girl) and I thought the same thing…. I’ll never let them play with guns. Then they made guns out of other toys. So instead of trying to hide guns from him we have set rules and turned it into a learning experience. They are not allowed to shoot people (only monsters and bears) and we have talked about what to do if they ever see a real gun.
Honestly, I think the answer is education and respect. I grew up with toy guns and games of cops and robbers. I also grew up with pellet guns and hunting rifles and shotguns. I knew the danger of guns. I knew to respect them. I didn’t take them lightly.
I too had decided not to have guns for my child, given the amount of gun violence in the world today. But any old stick or his finger or whatever was filling in just fine in place of a gun toy, so we changed our rule. Toy guns are allowed, but there’s a lot of information that goes along with them.
Also, it’s not the fact that these folks have or had guns that makes them these insane, violent monsters. The gun is just the tool they choose to use. Whatever makes them want to use it is a much bigger and more deep-seated issue than whether or not they played with toy weapons as a child.
Deborah / Mom2Michael recently posted..Truth Hurts (Or Cracks You Up)
I think this is an issue that many of us, as parents, struggle with all the time.
I did not allow toy guns in my house at all. Others didn’t understand it and made a big deal about it, but I “stuck to my guns”
Once I felt like my son was old enough to understand the difference between a toy and what killing and death really is, then I started slowly allowing guns. And even now, guns are only allowed to be pointed at pretend bad guys, walls, furniture, trees, etc and NOT at real people because guns can kill others. I want them to understand what a gun really is.
I’m sure this is an age-old struggle for lots of parents. I don’t think toy guns are going to cause anyone to become a serial killer or to shoot up innocent people in a theater in Colorado. I do however, think that we need to teach our children what guns really can do and that they are not just a toy.
I am praying for the victims and their families.
Missy recently posted..Hello!
Well said, Missy.
GunDiva recently posted..In Preparation for Our Move
I don’t know the answer other than this: we need to make sure that our kids know the difference between PLAY and REAL. That they know that it’s never okay to hurt someone. And that those who do are hurting somehow themselves.
Leigh Ann recently posted..I’m right, you’re wrong: Carseat or commando?
I too had a very very long list of what my son would never be able to do and yes a toy gun was on the top of the list…and yes I too gave in and my 9 year old son has a bucket full of water guns. When he was little (3?) he would make a gun out of anything including pb&j sandwiches. We are an anti-gun household and I has horrified thinking the worst. However, as one poster already said, a water gun does not a maniac make. It is an environment, a mental illness and/or a combination of both. My heart goes out to the people of Colorado that had to endure this horrific event. I don’t think normal childhood play had anything to do with it. My son knows full well that hurting someone in any form is unacceptable and as a parent that is my job.
My answer might not be very popular, but here goes…
Teach them (and yourselves, if you don’t already know) about gun safety. Even if you plan on having a no-gun household, your children, in order to be safe, must know the four basic gun handling rules. The NRA has an excellent program for children that teaches them to: Stop! Don’t touch! Get an adult!
I took the mystery out of guns at a very young age for my children by allowing them to ask questions and re-iterating over and over again the gun handling rules. Guns are not toys; never will be. They are a huge responsibility and one that should not be taken lightly.
My children were raised with guns in the house and were taken out to the range and taught to shoot safely. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that my children would NEVER do what that bastard last night did – they understand the responsibility that goes with guns. They understand the consequences of taking others’ lives. They were very young when the Columbine shooting happened, but it opened up an avenue for conversation with them.
Obviously, I’m pro-gun, but don’t think that I believe that every household should have a gun. I don’t. If you’re not comfortable with them, they shouldn’t be in your house period. But. You – and your kids – should know the basics of safety.
You wouldn’t let your kid put his face in a strange dog’s face would you? You’ve taught your children that strange dogs can be dangerous and have taught them to approach carefully, let the dog sniff them, but that they shouldn’t be afraid of all dogs, right?
Why wouldn’t you do the same for guns?
GunDiva recently posted..In Preparation for Our Move
Boys love guns! My son loves to play army with his sister and his nerf guns, but he is not allowed to shoot at living things. That said, we have real guns in the house and they have been taught NEVER to touch a real gun (Eddie Eagle video), but he has come across a bb gun at my SIL’s house and picked it up. Which is why the real guns are separate from the ammo and hidden away in our house. I think (IMHO) the problem is the line is blurred between what’s a toy and what’s a weapon. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. We are always teaching our children something whether we intend to or not with our actions or inactions, we should be deliberate about important things as some lessons cannot be untaught.
danielle recently posted..Popcorn Ceilings
I grew up in a home where we owned both toy guns and projectiles as well as real fire-arms. In fact, my father was a fire-arms instructor and my siblings and I grew up competing in friendly marksmanship matches. I was a hell of a shot growing up, and won nearly every match between my brother and myself. Not so with the nerf guns!
In our home we had a literal closet full of real fire-arms (they were used for the classes my father taught), as well as my father’s personal guns. One of the many was the home protection weapon. I share this because I just wanted to offer the perspective of someone who grew up understanding the difference between toys and tools.
I can remember being very young and having the “this is a tool/weapon” lesson drilled into my head. I saw this same lesson taught to each of my younger siblings over the years, too. Allow me to assure you that not a single one of us has ever, ever been confused about the difference between playing “cops and robbers” and using a firearm. Gun are tools. They are used for protection or for providing food but in either case, their purpose is to kill.
Toys are….toys. It’s fun to play games that simulate real life, that is what children do. Whether it’s playing “grocery shopping”, “house”, “cowboys” or even “cops and robbers”, children play at the various themes that make up human life. It is for this reason that boys and girls will transform wooden spoons and sticks into guns and bows and arrows despite their being a ban on toy guns.
In my opinion, it is far better to draw the lines clearly between “toys” and “tools” than it is to create an unhealthy mystery around tools as dangerous and useful as weapons. As children, my siblings and I were taught to respect the nature of a weapon and to understand the responsibility the bearer has. I understood that a gun sitting on a shelf was a threat to no one. I also understood that a gun in the hands of a person was a potentially violent weapon or useful tool. I had learned this lesson well by the time I was 9 years old.
Tragedies like the one in Colorado yesterday are not prevented by banning toys from a home. The best prevention of such things by your children or mine is education. By the time I was 9 years old, I knew exactly how a gun worked, how to take it apart, how to load and unload it safely and how to check, safely, that it was unloaded. I also knew how to use it if I needed to but, perhaps more importantly at that age, that I was never to even think about it unless I was in extreme danger. We had extremely strict rules about our firearms (as I’m sure you can imagine) and they were all kept behind a padlock anyway.
I think part of the concern for many is that in our way of life, it’s easy to become very distance from the reality of weapons. Many children today don’t even know where their beef, for example, comes from. Nobody shot and brought home their dinner so they have no real first hand experience with the harsh realities of things like bullets. Having the real thing in our home brought clarity to our fantasies and allowed our games to remain exactly what they were: harmless fantasies with little basis in reality.
Preventing terrible crimes like the one mentioned here is more likely to be effective if approached from other avenues (like education/psychology/etc) than a mindless fear of anything that looks like a weapon.
I love this well thought-out comment. I agree wholeheartedly with what you have to say.
GunDiva recently posted..Thank you Travis
very well said on all counts and I admire you conviction in what you believe.
If only everybody had your background, respect and intelligence with regards to guns. Unfortunately they don’t !
I’m with Lacey.
Toy guns didn’t kill the victims. A deranged, sick individual did. My kids will still have their toy guns, and will still use their bb guns, pellett guns, and hunting rifles (with parental guidance, of course). I honestly wish more people had LEGAL concealed weapons.
More LEGAL concealed weapons. Great idea! bullets flying in two directions would have made everybody a whole lot safer.
Can you honestly say that you see no problem with your ‘kids’ having and using guns? Unbelievable !
Geez Geoff, you are all over the place here. Is Bashar Assad a bad guy because he grew up with guns in his house or because his father was a two bit dictator and now he is too.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted..Touch Me There & I Might Break Your Arm
My mother did not allow any toy guns for several years until she had the same realization many other commenters have had: boys will make a gun from a stick, legos, or their finger. My mom had the sense to alter the rule the this: You could not point a toy gun (or finger gun for that matter) at anyone without their permission. My brother had to ask first, “do you want to play this game with me?” before pointing or shooting a water gun or shooting off his pretend finger gun. Seems like a reasonable balance to me and will probably be the direction I lean with our son who is due this coming October.
I should have read the comments before I posted. I apologize for making an assumption that I would be in the minority with my views. (As I typically am)
GunDiva recently posted..In Preparation for Our Move
The gun thing is a problem to me, too. I was at the store the other day and hesitated before the water guns for a moment. It’s so hot and I know they’d love to play… but I just can’t swallow making guns into toys. For at least now, my kids wear their Disney shirts and probably watch too much tv and more often than not I find they’re not at the table when the adults are eating (though, let’s all admit, it’s more relaxing that way for everyone). But I’m still going to hold off on the guns. They’ll be exposed at movies and at school and at friend’s homes. There’s no controlling their environment and I’m sure the shoot-em-up games will start eventually. But I hope that’ll open up at least a conversation. My FIL remembers WWII from his early childhood. He summed it up to say, “Too many people died for me to ever look at a gun as a toy without feeling sick”. After Columbine years ago and Aurora now and all things in between… I think I’ll stick to sprinklers and Finding Nemo and leave the squirt guns on the shelf.
As the wife of a man who had two brothers, boys will turn anything into a weapon. My husband and his brothers played with toy weapons all day long. My husband served in the Navy, and one of his brothers is currently serving in the Army. Little boys who play with toy guns can turn into the men who serve our country and protect our lives.
Definitely use this tragedy as a reason to bring up the difference between reality and fantasy, and the use of guns for evil vs the use of guns for good. That man wanted to cause harm, and would have done it even if he didn’t have access to a gun. He would have used explosives, knives, chemicals, whatever he could get his hands on. Play doesn’t create a mind that wants to cause harm.
Joanna recently posted..10 Tips for a Zoo Trip with Little Kids
I had the same rule until I realized it didn’t matter. A stick became a gun, a go-gurt became a gun. You get the idea. I Also realized he will play with them at other houses. If he has them at home I at least can see how he plays with them and have the ability to monitor and teach appropriate actions.
And then there is what I like to call “The Speed Racer Effect”. I wasn’t allowed to watch Speed Racer when I was a kid. I loved that stupid show. I would magically disappear at 4 each day and try to talk my neighbor into putting it on. To this day I will stop and watch it if it comes on somewhere. And, yes, I drive like a bat outta hell sometimes. Sometimes making things taboo makes them infinitely more attractive. It’s all a scary, crazy balance and we each make the best decisions that we can for our kids. And then cross our fingers.
I broke every promise on my list, too. My son is not super-into guns, but sometimes he does enjoy plugging various objects around the house with the Nerf gun someone gave him as a birthday present (without asking me!). We’ve discussed what to do if he ever sees a real gun, what guns will do, once someone’s dead they’re dead, etc. I think fantasy play involving guns is fairly unavoidable with most boys – they have a lot of aggression, and this is a safe way to process those feelings. All the guys we grew up with played soldiers, spies, cops & robbers, etc., and if they didn’t have toy guns, they used sticks, their fingers, whatever. It didn’t turn them into murderous psychopaths. I’m trying not to make a big deal out of it, because I figure that would make it more appealing. But after last night’s events, I definitely share your discomfort.
Today was horrible, and it frightens me to the core. But as mothers, posting here, thinking about our children’s early behaviors, talking about it with one another; we are doing the right thing and we will not be raising the type of person who hurt so many people today. “Should I let my kids play with toy guns?” is the question….I think it is more about the conversations you have with your children about guns. Discuss the differences about play and what real guns are used for. I am not a big gun fan, and I have 2 daughters that never played with toy guns, but my husband does hunt and we have two hunting rifles. The girls know gun safety. When they were little they knew never to touch a toy gun if they found it (it might not be a toy). They know our hunting rifles are always locked and will never be pointed at a person. I think you need to discuss with older children what to do if they think someone at school has a gun or what to do if you find a gun. Discussion is the key here. I think we will find out later, that people will come out of the woodwork talking about how they knew that this guy was stashing weapons. Those people should have talked earlier. I am going to guess that this person was also missing guidance in his life. That is what our job is – to guide our children, talk with them…not hide it all or restrict them to what is out their.
I too am torn on the toy gun debate. My son is a boy through and through and even when he didn’t have toy guns he would use his finger and thumb to make one. I am not even sure how he caught on to that because my husband isn’t a hunter and does not talk about guns in every day conversation. He even made a cross at church camp last week and wouldn’t you know it, he turned THAT into a gun. Oh my.
I do 100% believe that playing with guns is not what turns people into psychopaths though. I am sure many of our military members and police officers played with them as children and they are now using them responsibly and doing a service to us and protecting our society with them.
It really is a tough question but I am not sure there is a right or wrong answer.
Suzanne @ Fit Minded Mom recently posted..Let’s Talk Coffee
I love reading all the comments, such a wide and respectful variety of answers. I totally agree, too, that the it’s not about the idea that a gun CREATES a maniac, but instead on education about guns, responsibility and reality vs. play. I still can’t stomach having guns as toys in my house but I know that in the real world children (everyone, really) are exposed to them regardless of my intentions. I am open to that conversation and to not instilling a fog of fear around the topic.
Megan recently posted..87 days of summer. Yes, I counted. Didn’t you?
It is all about the light in which you approach guns. I grew up in a house that had them, my dad hunted every year. My brother and I got BB guns for Xmas just like Ralph in A Christmas Story. From an early age we were shown and taught the difference between the toys and the real thing, and so had a healthy respect for guns and their power. By having the BB guns and given instruction not much different than the gun safety courses required for underage hunters, we became accustomed to them and never thought of them as anything other than something dangerous *in the hands of a person*. I haven’t owned a gun since I was a kid but I have no qualms about knowing what I need to do if I ever did have one and teaching my own boys the same thing. Which reminds me, I should probably dust off that lecture again here….
If you’re looking for advice on how to broach it, be serious and be safe but don’t scare them and don’t be nonchalant about it either. I’d approach it maybe in a frame of mind as discussing sex.
Completely agree!
Like many here, I struggled with this issue as well. My sisters, cousins and I all played with toy guns and can say that it really had no bearing on our actions as adults. My husband grew up where it was commonplace for kids to have guns for hunting. Nothing like this every happened to him or his friends.
As some other posters have pointed out, this terrible incident and others like it is more of a manifestation of mental illness. If a gun wasn’t available, who is to say he wouldn’t have tried something else – a home made bomb perhaps? Drive a car into a crowd of people? Maybe we should be thinking about working to make sure that people who need help get it rather than worrying about toy guns. I pray for the families of the victims and yes, for the perpetrators family as well.
I wrote a post about kids and gun safety awhile back. I can send you the link if you want.
Here’s my opinion/view/thoughts (for what it’s worth), it wasn’t the gun. It was the person. I wish that we could turn the conversation to WHY this person did this horrible, awful thing and how we can prevent anyone from ever WANTING to do this type of thing in the future. We have guns in our home. Lots of them. My entire family does. No one in my family has ever shot anyone or had the desire to shoot anyone. Let’s not focus on his weapon. Let’s focus on his problem.
Jennifer recently posted..Sum It Up {Random Thoughts}
I grew up in a military household, with friends in the same deal. Our dads hunted, we played war, we chased each other, played shoot outs, car chases, tank explosions. You name it, t we played it, it was violent. BUT, we were also taught to treat people with respect, to cherish life, to feel empathy for others, to realize that we all have the same feelings and to treat others as we would be treated.
We went to hunter safety courses, learned gun safety, and gun respect. We knew that the real thing was not at all a toy, and that real people are far different than the imaginary “bad guys” we “gunned down” in our play scenes.
The problem is heart deep, it’s how he was taught to view people, and a lack of respect for life, and for a dangerous weapon.
on another note, i have been wondering about mental illness, he must have been a good student for a long time to be as close to a PHD as he was, but then he started to pull out of school, it’s possible he had a very normal upbringing but in his early twenties he is suffering from some mental break. Sometimes, things happen, bad horrible things to good normal people. But, without the person holding it, those guns would not have done this, just something to think about.
I think as parents we see these horrible tragedies, and look for anything we can do to control the situation. There is not a common thread between all of these shooters. Their motives and histories are all very different. We can’t even blame parenting, because some of them come from good families with other children who are non-violent. I think it is only partly how we raise them, combined with their internal wiring and external influences. I don’t think keeping the toy guns away OR educating them on guns is the short answer. These shooters don’t walk into their crime scene and fumble with the safety on the gun, they are very aware of how to use them. These shooters have an extreme disconnect from humanity for whatever reason, and don’t value human life (even their own).
I often think that a factor is these violent video games and movies. With the technology out there the violence in movies and video games is SO realistic. This guy went into a movie with very dark and violent themes, then acted out a scene that people thought was part of movie promotion. Is that really just coincidence? I don’t think it’s violent cartoons, but the things our children watch and play in those years when they begin to look to outside influences more and more. It seems that we let our kids be touched by these violent things much earlier (and often without explanation or discussion). In one article I read that there was a 3 month old and a 4 year old victim injured. WHAT were they doing at a midnight showing of an extremely loud and violent film? I wish these young attendees were a rare occurrence, but I know they are not. I worked at a movie theater 10 years ago, and often saw people take young children into movies that made me want to cringe and offer to babysit. How can you even begin to explain reality and make-believe like that to a 4 year old, let alone the deaths that occur in the film?
It would be wonderful if there was a simple answer or magic pill to a problem that seems to get worse and worse. All we can do is try to deal with it personally, and make small steps to help our children understand. By starting a discussion about toy guns you are taking a step in the right direction.
I am so with you – I heard a kid aged 6 was killed. What were they doing at a PG-13 movie – and even more what were they doing at a midnight showing of said movie. Its rated PG-13 for a reason. I get so annoyed when people bring little kids into movies which are rated PG-13 and they ruin it by screaming!
I wondered, too, why on earth there were infants and elementary-aged children at that screening. Number 1: it’s rated PG-13 and Number 2: doesn’t anyone believe in bedtimes any more?
GunDiva recently posted..Thank you Travis
really?? Your guys arguments is that it was rated pg13?? ITS BATMAN!!! I would not have taken my son because it was midnight… I agree thats dumb, they should of went early in the day…HOWEVER.. You know batman doesnt actually kill people.. lol not that i am a huge batman fan cause im not… but A little boy dies watching a beloved character thats been around for ages.. A Hero to most little boys… And their parents are just horrible because the movie is pg13, Its not rated R, its PG 13 .. Their parents were trying to do something great for their kids… I guarantee until that psycho did what he did… Those kids were on cloud nine being able to dress like batman and getting to see the movie… I do not think the parents who have already lost a child of which Hopefully their entire lives revolved around him..should be criticized because the movie was pg 13…Urrgg I really need to stop reading these posts
I’m up in the air about the gun issue. It’s only a disturbed mind that would have committed that tragedy in Colorado and has nothing to do with whether or not he played with plastic guns as a kid.
I do notice that guns seem to be a boy thing. My daughter isn’t interested in guns at all, but my little boy wants a squirt gun so bad. His mother and I told him that we’re against guns as toys, but he almost threw a fit when we told him he couldn’t have one.
He finally got one at Monkey Joe’s with the tickets I had won at ski-ball. He marched right up to the counter and demanded his squirt gun and the nice lady gave it right to him. We’ve told him that it’s just a bath toy now. I’m going to wait until he forgets about it and throw it away.
But, having said all that, I am a big supporter of the Second Amendment. I think if perhaps more people in that movie theater had been armed, they might have shot the guy before he killed too many people. I know, yes, one person is too many, but guns are a good defense against guns.
Trying to limit guns on the street will only take arms away from law abiding citizens and put them in the hands of criminals. I don’t know if the shooter in this incident had gotten his gun through normal legal means or not, but I do think he would have found a way to carry out his terrorist act regardless of any gun-control laws on the books.
I did like what Obama said today: “We may never know what causes one human being to harm his fellow human beings” (or something like that). He’s right; mental illness is behind this, not guns themselves.
We’ll still never have a gun in our house though.
Odd Dad recently posted..The trouble with youtube
I don’t think guns are really the issue here. I think guns was a means to the end product-infamy. Dave Chappelle made a very poingant statement along time ago about society stating “It’s hard to become famous. It’s easy to become infamous.” The gunman didn’t commit suicide, he didn’t struggle with police. I think he wanted a high death toll, his name and his actions to be on all media infecting every mind. His actions were acknowledged by the president and have impacted the nation. Sadly, if the actions were good like opening the door for an elderly person-would anyone really have taken noticed?
Play guns and play violence are nothing new. The need to lead a legacy either bad or good is.
We too had a list of no’s before kids. The 2 that we have stuck to 15 ½ years & 5 kids in: 1)no Barbies 2) no toy guns. Our 2 boys do make guns out of twigs & Legos but that is fine with us because those things are not always guns. A toy gun is ALWAYS a toy gun & the only thing you can do with it is pretend to shoot. They know not to point even Lego guns at living things. They also know they are not allowed to play video games that have shoot/guns in them. I did relent on Lego Star Wars. As for Barbies- we just don’t think it’s appropriate for young girls to be playing with dolls that have adult bodies-especially distorted ones.
I believe this is helpful….
http://www.nrahq.org/safety/eddie/infoparents.asp
So many ppl above have said it much better than I could, so I’m just responding to say yes…it’s a boy thing. I was the same with my first (4 boys here!) and when he was about 2 or 3 he was eating a piece of toast and showed me that after a few bites it now looked like a gun //sigh// and I didn’t even let him watch TV then….no idea where he came up with it, we didn’t go to play dates and stuff, there was no obvious place he could have got that idea except some random sighting. Maybe seeing a policeman? I don’t know, but he knew what a gun was and wanted one! Nerf, squirt, sticks =)
While my husband and I are not anti-guns, we obviously want our children to understand how to take them seriously. We waited as long as we could before they played guns, which was just under 3 years. Then their cousins were playing with toy guns at Thanksgiving, and it was irreversible. That was only last year, so they are still young, and we just don’t buy toy guns other than water guns for our own kids, and we avoid shooting games or movies, and at such a young age that is very easy. If they encounter play guns with their friends, we talk about guns being for hunting, self-defense, etc. As dangerous as they can be, many real guns are used essentially as grown up toys – target practice, hunting, – and then paintball and air soft are definitely adult play guns. And we’ve talked about how real guns can hurt and kill, as the death subject has already been breached anyway. It’s tough reality but we talk about it the best we can and will again as they get older. I don’t know how much they truly grasp from talks yet, but we hope the talking sinks in for later in life. We can attempt to train them the difference between reality and play as well as the truth about the consequences and what is acceptable and unacceptable with guns just like anything else. It worked for us growing up, and I think it’s the best we can do.
It may not be a solution to the overall problem but if you’re not happy with gun culture in your house, you should change it. We do not have have any toy guns, although my son has used various props, I’d rather him use his imagination.
My husband has a hunting background and a shotgun. We will teach our son respect for weapons and how to use them safely at an appropriate age. Good luck with what you decide to do.
Yes it was a horrible thing but remember who is responsible – a man- not a gun. He could of easily built a bomb instead. As for one piece bathing suits- they are disgusting. Who wants to have to pull down there whole swim suit to go the bathroom, either letting it hit nasty floor, or trying to hold it with one hand and wrangle with the TP with the other? There are plenty of modest two piece swimsuits out there – for all ages – tankinis are great.
Guns are easy and convenient weapons, while bombs are not. Bombs take time to make, and often don’t detonate according to the person’s plan. If someone is mentally unstable, and has access to guns, they can very spontaneously decide to go shoot people up. The gun laws in this country are abhorrent! Americans should be able to take their family to a movie theater without the fear of being shot. Americans should be able to send their kids to school, or college without worrying that a sicko with a gun is going to shoot up their school. While we will never be able to take away people’s right to bear arms, we can do a lot to make the laws stricter, and safer for law-abiding citizens.
The rule in my house regarding violence is very strict. Its hard to enforce with my two young boys and their 3 older boy cousins but I’m very firm on this one. I have to remind them almost every day, but I keep to it because I think its important.
1. No wrestling
2. Hands to yourself
3. No hitting or kicking, not even pretend.
(its okay to pretend kung fu kick the air, but not pretend people)
4. No shooting or pretend shooting (not even with water), its not a nice game, nobody likes getting shot
5. No fencing, sword play, ect.
I let the kids to lots of boy things that don’t involve violence and I encourage physical activities. My kids are very athletic and we are an outdoor family. They are allowed to play contacts sports, dig in the dirt, collect bugs, pretend to be all kinds of things like sailors, doctors, dinosaurs, and even kung fu panda. But they don’t kick butt, the just kick the air in an exercise kind of way. I supervise my kids and they know the expectations in my house. I remind them of the rules if things start to get outta hand. I think its also important to teach them conflict resolution skills through play so they don’t feel the need to act out physically in real situations. Its human nature to act out in violence and kids act it out through play. But that doesn’t make it okay, they need guidance to show them the better way.
I really don’t think the issue here is the toys our kids play with or just guns in general. This issue is the person behind the gun, or any other weapon. We don’t need ban certain toys, we need to teach proper morals and values and empathy. Since the history of time kids have engaged in pretend fighting, cowboys and indians, cops and robbers…
We don’t have toy guns, but our boys use anything for a gun, legos, sticks, even an empty paper towel roll tube, but they also know it’s just pretend and that real guns can kill people are are not toys. And none of them want to hurt anybody.
Coleen recently posted..MOVING… AGAIN.
I can’t imagine that playing with toy guns as a child could possibly lead to becoming a mass killer. If your daughter takes dance classes, is she going to end up as a stripper? Balance is usually the answer to things like this. My boys play with toys guns, but they will also bring me an injured bird to try to help. My 12 yr old is interested in guns in a more grown up way, so we signed him up for a gun safety course. Of course, he won’t have his own gun until he’s old enough to buy one himself, I won’t allow real guns in our house. But I think it’s important to start NOW teaching him how deadly they can be if they aren’t used properly.
Many of us had similar list and like you many of us eventually let go of most, if not all, of the items on our lists. I could control what the kids played with in my own home… BUT once they started going to other homes to play, gun play became a hot topic. I didn’t want guns, but Hubster said “Boys will be boys, so let our son be one” — and how exactly is a Mom supposed to fight that? Hubster and I don’t often find ourselves on opposing sides in parenting, but on this he said his piece and reminded me that my 2 brothers played with toy guns and so did he and his 3 brothers and supposedly they are all normal in spite of this. (THAT is debatable!)
I drew the line at allowing our son to play video games with ratings that are above his age group. I know he plays all these games at his friends houses, but here they are not allowed. The parents know I don’t care for them in my house, but they also know I won’t ever disrespect their choices to have them in their home by limiting my son’s visits there — which would be tantamount to telling another parent how to run their own household. I don’t want anyone coming in my home and making decrees of what is and isn’t OK, so I won’t do it to anyone.
The video games are, in my opinion, far more realistic than any toy gun play these kids come up with. What they don’t always realize is there is a distinct difference between reality and video gaming. That makes them far more damaging and dangerous. Even movies are not as harmful, because the viewer is not as actively involved as the player is with gaming.
At the end of the day, if a person’s mind snaps they will do what they are going to do and little can be done to prevent it — simply because these are usually the people no one saw it coming from or recognized the signs for what they were. Gun control only gives more guns to the criminals. Gun education is seriously lacking in the world of buying and selling them. Parental attention to ensuring that our own children learn the differences between needs to be more consistent, no doubt about it.
It is a sad day in Colorado. What happened there makes you think twice about going out to enjoy simple things and what kind of life is it when we begin to be afraid to go anywhere? Mental health issues are becoming far more common and one must wonder why… Is it because there are so many more of us in the world? Is it because we use so many chemicals. Is it because we hear about everything instantaneously? Who can say for sure…
You cannot be sane and/or of sound mind to commit acts such as these — PERIOD. Pay attention to your kids and your kids friends, your spouses and your friends — maybe the next act of random violence will be avoided because we cared enough to watch and listen.
Blaming toy guns is not the solution, much as it pains me to admit it after 20 years of parenting under my belt so far. Lack of education and parental oversight of what, when and how our kids play with them and later with video games is another matter altogether. I see so many people playing games while their little kids are watching them. Kids these days are becoming numbed to the violence of it because people don’t use discretion and common sense.
MommaC recently posted..Late Night Phone Calls AND Insensitive Family
This evening I saw the following by the author:
Status Update By Patricia Cornwell
“A heartbreaking horror of a day, and assault rifles for civilians should not be okay.”
After some consideration I have to say I agree. My thoughts are this:
In weaponry there is a hierarchy that appears to have been abandoned over the years. There are weapons that are appropriate for the purpose of the right to bear arms and hunt and own if one wishes to own guns. Military style weaponry (semi-auto/auto) were not meant for the general public and the decision to allow them to become so has proven time and again to be a poor one.
I want no real guns in my home, that is my preference. Hubster has a pellet gun that he came with when we met. At my request, it was locked in a gun case when we moved in together and has been buried in junk in the attic for almost 20 years. I hope is has rusted itself into uselessness… Occasionally he tries to bring it out — I think to be ornery — knowing full well I will not have it anywhere around our kids. To me it is not worth the risk even for a pellet gun. Still and all I support the right to bear arms… BUT I also believe that the right to do so is abused and intentionally misinterpreted into modern desires vs. the real intent that it was written with.
MommaC recently posted..Late Night Phone Calls AND Insensitive Family
Being that my younger brother was killed in 1989 in an accidental shooting by our neighbor’s son, when they were “playing” with a loaded rifle that our neighbor left on his basement coffee table, I will NEVER cave on my no toy gun rule in my house! I have a six year-old son who has known from toddler hood that I have a ZERO tolerance policy for any type of play shooting. I am now doing the same with my 2 yr old son. Will it be easy? Probably not, but I don’t care. Maybe if everyone taught their kids that guns are deadly weapons and not toys, there would be less of a fascination.
Research and KNOWLEDGE are needed. Not avoidance!!
This is probably the one hard and fast rule I will always adhere to, though I’ve broken most of the others. Coming from a family of “hunters and gatherers,” I grew up around them. I’ve also had friends and family do very, very stupid, life altering/ending things with guns. So no, I do not allow guns, toy or otherwise in my home nor do I buy them as gifts. If a parent wants to allow his/her son to play with toy guns, they can spend their money on them, but I won’t be participating!
I haven’t seen the news yet today, but just seeing the responses to this post breaks my heart. No, guns don’t kill, people do, but people also shoot guns, and kids have no clue about the permanence of their actions when they are playing with them.
I am that same mom, with ridiculous rules created before kids, broken one by one, and quicker than I care to admit. I’m fairly anti-gun and did the same thing with guns UNTIL my husband did a bunch of research about boys and guns and child development (and my NRA father’s words of wisdom finally sunk in). I agree with Jennifer above. It’s not the gun, it’s the person. Read: whether or not you approve of your kids playing with guns, it’s your job as a parent to teach your kid about guns, gun safety, and responsible usage (or the choice not to), including what guns do/how powerful they are, how to use them properly, and rules about use, including what to do if you stumble upon a friend’s parent’s gun. It doesn’t matter if they’re fake or real, my kid knows that you don’t point guns at people. He knows that you don’t pick up a gun if it isn’t yours and if you find one that looks real, you don’t touch it and don’t allow other kids to touch it – just alert a grown up. Oh, and if you keep recreational guns in the house, LOCK them please and keep the ammo separate. If you keep a gun for protection, always assume there’s a chance your kid could find it, so TALK to them about it.
shannon recently posted..Duuude…
I think we live in the same house. I also had the same no gun rule. And I stuck with that for as long as possible, but like you said, a stick in the back yard became a gun, they would build them out of Legos, etc. It was then that I realized that simply putting a ban on them, made them even more enticing. So when my youngest turned four and asked for a gun for his birthday, I said OK, but there are rules. I had recently attended a gun safety class, and have shared the same rules of gun safety with them. If they break any of them, guns are taken away for the rest of the day. We discuss with difference between pretend and reality, the purpose of guns, and that real guns need to be treated with respect and care. While these concepts are hard for them to understand and 4 and 5 years old, they are lessons they are constantly receiving. I don’t know what the right answer is, but this is the right answer for us.
Ali recently posted..Junior Orange Belt
I’ve been battling the same thoughts. I think the only conclusion that I come to is to teach them gun safety and the rest is up to them. It’s up to us though, as parents, to teach them that doing things, like this shooting, is wrong and that those kids had to have some sort of bad psychological experiences for them to think that they had to do that….that we also, as parents, need to be involved in their lives and teach them right from wrong. It doesn’t matter if I take away guns in our household. We go outside, and they turn sticks into guns. They turn lego’s into guns and swords. TV teaches them that too and it’s up to us as parents to teach them those valuable lessons in life.
Lynet Witty recently posted..i don’t want you to grow up
I have to say, I’m dreading the day that my son(s) want guns, because I was raised in a household without them. It’s going to be inevitable, and I think I’m okay with fake guns, and even the ones that make noises (I hate loud, sudden noises), but anything like a BB gun will be out of the question.
I have broken more of my pre-kid rules for kids than I like to admit but I have never broken the no-gun rule. My ex and I are both very much against guns and will not have one (or a toy one) in either of our homes. That being said, I agree with what a lot of the other commenters have been saying in that the issue of these mass killings is more about mental illness and, to a certain extent, upbringing than about the guns themselves. We must teach our children about the sanctity of human life and give them the security and support that they need to grow into good, stable human beings.
Kat recently posted..My two loves: internet and reading
I’m one of those people who will never have kids.
There is nothing wrong with letting your kids use their imaginations to make guns out of sticks, spoons or whatever. I’d almost venture that it makes them creative rather than destructive.
I have 2 boys, 8 and 10. They have played with toy guns (water, nerf) for years. I too thought I wouldn’t let them into my home…but the toy guns are not the problem. The lack of parenting may be more to blame. My kids know that they are toys, they do no damage to anyone! But they also know about the dangers real guns do to people and how they are NEVER EVER to touch one, no matter what! Many of my sons’ friends are already playing games like Modern Warefare, and have been for years. My kids are not allowed to play them or even be present in a house where their friends are playing it. So, on occasion, they return home because their other friends all want to play it…It’s a tough thing to hold out on as I see how sad my kids become when they are forced to leave and all their friends play these video games they are banned from….BUT THAT’S WHAT PARENTING IS ALL ABOUT! We make choices for our kids, what we think is right and wrong and teach them…some parents don’t…either they are too busy, too lazy or don’t think about the repurcussions of allowing kids to engage in activities that some may deem inappropriate. I hardly am one of the people who would blame a video games or toy guns for some rampage in real life…every person needs to take responsibility for the choices they make. Letting my boys play with toy guns isn’t teaching them that it’s ok to shoot people…NOT giving them a talk about what real guns do, however, is a mistake. So I say let them play with water guns, and turn a stick into a weapon, because that’s what kids do…but be sure when they are old enough to understand that you DO teach them about the real dangers of real guns! Because those who don’t, aren’t helping our future!
I also hated the idea of toy guns before I had children! And I am pro guns for self defense and think everyone should know how to use one safely. But something about letting kids play with weapons has always bothered me and still does. That being said I feel like as long as children are taught proper safety rules about real firearms as they get older that they are less likely to be reckless with weapons. My 10 year old stepson has a bb gun and he’s very good with it. He knows that it is dangerous and he respects that. However my 5 year old nephew was not taught well about the safety issues and he can’t even be trusted with a plastic stick. He turns everything into a weapon and is always fighting and hurting someone or getting hurt. The most important thing is to teach them safety with weapons! If you or your husband or an uncle or grandfather can’t do that or isnt comfortable with it then don’t allow those toys around your children. But if they are taught properly it can be a really good and potentially life saving skill for a child to learn how to properly use a weapon!
I worry about toy guns, too. I have a girl so my concerns aren’t as pressing, but I want more kids eventually so it still seems like a legitimate concern. It’s weird isn’t it, their propensity to turn things into weapons?
I broke all of my own parenting rules, too. I was such a great parent before I had a baby.
Ashley Austrew recently posted..Senseless.
We are an anti gun household, but I FINALLY relented on a few lego video games. Although I hate, hate the violence in those things.
All that being said, Michael is CONSTANTLY in trouble for hitting, or kicking, or something or someone, at school, at camp. Do the guns matter? Probably not. I fear so, so much “boys will be boys.”
jodifur recently posted..Shoe Friday #186
I am not against toy guns because i agree with other comments, you must be smart about it. You have to teach your children it is not ok to use violence if your mad, hurt, etc. I do not want my daughter or any of my possible future children to be scared of guns. I want them to be smart, informed, and be able to shoot a gun. I come from a family where I grew up shooting actual guns. My dad has an extensive collection of rifles, pistols, shotguns, etc. I am not scared of guns and I want that for my children but its about being informed and safe!!!
I had a similar viewpoint until a few years ago when I saw a piece on PBS talking about boys and their need to play with guns and act out physically violent scenarios. The thought is it’s innate and by pretending they don’t need to do it for real.
Since that time I’ve let my son play with “real” pretend guns instead of pretending sticks are guns. My observations of late have been he’s much less interested in them since acquiring them. I’ve also noticed his friends from gun free homes are a lot more obsessed with the weaponry available at our house and act out much more violent scenarios.
Johanna recently posted..For the Love of Food
I noticed the same thing with my boys’ friends when they were younger.
GunDiva recently posted..Thank you Travis
i just dunno. maybe when pretend become real is where the damage is. more important than toy guns is conversation. Keep talking; keep the conversation going and perhaps then we can stop the violence.
kathykate recently posted..Deep, Dark, Dirty Secrets
I haven’t read all the comments so maybe someone already said this but guns aren’t the issue, it’s the people that use them. I grew up in a family with all boys. We constantly played cops and robbers and yes, we used fake guns. And you know the funny thing, I didn’t hold a ‘real gun’ until I was in college for a class and even to this day don’t really care to touch one (my dh has guns for hunting). It’s bringing your children up to respect real guns, not leaving them loaded, etc, etc. And keep them in a safe. And another note – do anyones kids have play swords? Because you can stab a person with a knife which could be a “sword”. Anyway, to each their own, just my 2 cents. Love your site!
I used to think the same thing but I have two boys and and they are always playing with toy guns and they will make weapons out of anything, it really is harmless and as long as you explain to them that “pretend play” is ok but real guns are serious and they are not toys and not ok to play with. Also they need to know that some toy guns look real so it is NOT ok to take them outside the home because they can be mistaken for real and that situation can turn deadly.
Boys just have some natural draw to guns. We don’t own any real guns, I don’t let my boys watch violet TV or movies, and still mine were making imaginary guns with their hands at two years old. Instead of stopping it I take the time to talk to them about what real guns do, what are the proper uses for guns (police, hunting) and how to handle a real gun safely. I remember years ago hearing a child physiologist talk on this subject, and he said imaginary gun play actually helps children understand that there is a difference between fake and real violence, and that there are consequences to the real thing.
MommieDaze recently posted..If Motherhood Were an Olympic Sport
I have a friend that would not allow her boys to play with swords or toy guns. Her boys just picked up sticks and used them as swords or guns. They would hide them from their mother so that she wouldn’t throw them away. They started hiding all kinds of things from their mother. She finally realized that this stuff is just hard-wired into some boys. She finally decided to send them to a gun safety course put on by the NRA specifically designed for children. (Avoidance of unsafe or improperly stored or careless handlers is a huge part of the class.)
I am a father of a son. I grew up around guns. I lived in a rural community and every boy had a gun. I was taught how to handle a gun and gun safety. Our fathers would take our BB or .22 rifles away from us for mishandling our guns and lock it up for months. Other parents would tell our parents if we mishandled a gun. We used to bring our .22 rifles on the school bus to participate in after school gun club. Before we got on the bus we had to prove that the gun was not loaded and check it in with the principal. The ammo was also provided by the teacher/sponsor of the club. Not so amazingly, there was NO gun violence among kids that I grew up with. We respected and followed the rules of gun safety.
Now my son is 18 and it is time to turn in the .22 and advance to something bigger. I am not worried about him because I started teaching him when he was 4 years old about respecting a firearm and the horrible damage that it can do to another human being. He has a respect/fear of what can happen through carelessness or if you ever become so comfortable that you handle a firearm in an unsafe manner.
Where I come from, guns are a reality of life and I would much rather that a child is well versed in gun safety rather than ignorant of gun safety. Even if you don’t own a gun, your children need to know how to be safe around a firearm.
My son is almost three years old and he does not own one toy gun. I am against guns. Every gun, and I do not think he will get anything out of playing with a toy gun. They are not allowed in my house
Shirley@motivatedmommyoftwo recently posted..{Fitness Friday #9} Race Day!!!!
Well that will likely solve half the problem . . . but you had better be careful when you let your child play at his friends houses. Not everyone will tell you that they own a firearm and some will not safely store it. Will your child know what to do if he sees a unlocked firearm sitting out while playing at another child’s house? All that and more is covered in the children’s firearm safety class put on by the NRA.
or maybe when my kid goes to play at other people’s houses, i should ask them a bunch of things, including whether they have a gun in the house.
Regardless of your stance on guns in your home, you should check out NRA’s Eddie Eagle program. It just might save someone’s life.
GunDiva recently posted..Thank you Travis
This is an excellent post, Jill. I think that for better or worse we don’t have total control over our kids–certainly based on the toys they play with or even the shows they see. I mean, we can try to control all that, but the kids exist in many spaces without us (school, camp, other houses, etc.) I do think when we attempt to control those little things we lose touch with the bigger picture like real moral/ethical lessons that have nothing to do with “stuff” and is a little harder (but more worthwhile) to impart. But even then, some things are still outside our control. This is hard stuff–every parent’s nightmare on all sides of this thing.
Nina recently posted..Pinterest: Not for the Wishy-Washy
I may be in the minority, but I have no problems with my boys playing with guns. I’m old school and grew up with cap guns, water guns, play shot guns, etc. We had the best time playing cops and robbers. And I grew up knowing the difference between the danger of real guns and the pretend with fake ones.
I think parents are too scared that letting kids play with guns will turn their child into a crazed shooter if things don’t go right one day. I believe it’s not the guns that do that, but the coping mechanisms a person has. That is what needs to be treated – and toy guns should not be blamed. IMPO
Deb recently posted..Sometimes it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself
Pretty sure toy guns didn’t have much to do with what this guy did.
I live in a small town in Alaska where guns are a way of life, we literally eat because we have them. I would say the best policy with guns is to be proactive. If you want your kids to use guns responsibly then take them to a shooting range and have them take a hunter’s safety course and spend time talking and teaching about the proper ways to use a gun and the improper ways to use a gun. I am going to venture a guess that the fellow who did that awful thing in the movie theater did not do it because he used a squirt gun as a kid. There were a lot of other things going on there. Guns are going to be a part of you children’s lives just like drugs and underage drinking and smoking cigarettes will be. Teach them the good and the bad and hope and pray that they will make the right decisions!
Sigh. I don’t know what the answer is. I tried, Lord knows, I tried, but in the end, they will make guns from their fingers, and I can’t take those away.
My husband is a gun owner. He is responsible for overseeing and teaching about guns, and he does it well.
My 4yo son used his index finger “pistol style” and fired off a round in the grocery store at a woman who crossed his path and we haven’t one toy gun in our whole house! I don’t know where they get it from, but they do. I just wonder that in addition to trying to curb the violence that kids and teens see, shouldn’t we put as much energy into keeping closer tabs on those with mental health issues even though we can’t just lock them up. I haven’t read the reports but this guy must have had a screw loose somewhere and someone must have known. So very sad.
Kim at Not My Mom’s Blog recently posted.."No fair, Mom!"
Of course I also had this rule. However, my son is now almost 13 & has been playing with “toy” guns since he was 3 or 4. The one thing I have always stressed is the difference between toys and the real thing. His idiot father (we split when son was 2) got my son his own BB gun when he was 5. I was livid! I was very insistent my son learn gun safety & knew exactly how dangerous guns are.
I am a firm believer that if you, THE PARENT, teach your children good values and right from wrong the toys they play with, video games they play, tv shows or movies they watch errol not influence them to behave violently!
I have a problem with the video games where, if you get “killed” you are resurrected in a certain amount of seconds. I forget what they call it, but I don’t think it is a good concept.
Gun safety and attitude are a parenting attitude. My dad was a cop.
Virginia Llorca recently posted..Family Politics.
I meant parenting issue.
Virginia Llorca recently posted..Family Politics.
Idk I have 2 boys 6 & 3 swore I would never have them playing with guns….went through with it until my 6 yr old made one with his crayon. It is all innocent play. People that use guns for violence have other issues other than playing with toy guns when they are children. I feel very sad for the loss of lives do to gun negligence but to blame it on an innocent game of cops and robbers is not to blame. I will continue to allow my children to play with toy guns.
I had the same ideals as you… food, guns, play…
But parenting is the great leveler… and it is the one thing that us control-freaks CAN’T control. We are so used to our lists and dealing with reasonable people in allocated well-timed moments.
Once ‘our type’ have kids, there is that great slide downwards to realising that we CAN’T control them.
They are going to do things that we don’t want them to do. They are little people wth immature unreasonable minds… and mostly their timing is completely out of sync with our own – hence the tantrums when our guests arrive, or the shopping mall episodes when we have only a scrap of energy left.
And as for guns and weapons… I do believe that the majority of boys have an instinct for weapons. They will use a stick from the garden, or a hand shaped into a gun in play. It was there from the beginning of time.
The difference with the boys who take it further is that they have other problems and imbalances in their lives.
So my stand is to love our children, give them safe outlets for their natural instincts,…. and to trust that my husband and I will be equipped to raise them right.
I never wanted my children to play with toy guns – so that they would respect real guns when they got older. I also gave up on the forbidden play guns rule. However, my kids started to shoot real guns when the were 5&6 yrs old. They have learned how to handle firearms with adult supervision, learned to respect the dangers of firearms & what to do if they or a friend find a gun. My children are no longer curious about guns. Children are curious about “forbidden” items, because lets face it. . . .if someone says I can’t see it, touch it or be in the same room with it . . . . it must be awesome! I just think that you need to give you child the information of what they need to do in a dangerous situation & practice the plan. The NRA has a great program called Eddie Eagle that teaches kids what to do if they find a gun (with NO advocacy of firearms). It’s something to look into if you are concerned.
I used to think the same as you, until we had our 3rd child-the BOY. NO ONE gave him a toy gun, or anything resembling it. We limit their tv shows. somehow, the boy knew how to fashion sticks, rocks and other inanimate objects into a shooting weapon. don’t blame toy guns. family members need to keep an eye out for teens/young adults losing themselves into isolation & possible mental illness.
Dont worry about it. Most boys have a toy gun and they almost never grow up to be idiots who buy guns and shoot people. Isolation can turn you into a monster or an artist.
Unfortunately it’s the children that pass the laws you should be worried about, the theatrical instincts in the population that they pander to.
But I had toy guns and grew up with extremely violent films and comics, guns were always blazing and I loved it. I admit it all had a terrible affect on my personality – I became (sob) a reader.
Stewart Kenneth Moore recently posted..‘Gi’e Me A Spark O’ Nature’s Fire’ – Scotland House Exhibition
This is such a controversial topic.
Without proper respect for guns and teaching kids to respect guns, they will just think they are toys.
I had a friend, who’s daughter picked up a gun and it accidentally discharged, killing my friend. And now her 10 year old is living with the fact that she killed her mom. :(
Regina recently posted..Great Gifts Take Planning
Interesting topic indeed. One in which I am not completely 100% confident in speaking about…mostly because there are so many factors. I too don’t really like the idea of watching my son play with fake/nerf guns…then then neighbourhood kids were having so much fun playing water gun fight.. they were laughing, running, being kids and having so much fun. At that moment I realized it was my view of the world that was making this act violent and craziness…the kids were innocent. Then he got a nerf gun from a friend the following year from a friend …again i fought my opinions and feelings on this again. But really it is somehow natural for children to play with guns/swords… they will create one out of anything…and believe me mine have never even seen a gun, they don’t know they are anything other than toys at this point. I think just like teaching a child to fight(karate, etc) they teach them the discipline and reasons behind learning. I am 34 years old and I have only ever seen a hunting gun once in my 20′s with a hunting family. Up until then the idea of a gun was terrifying. I said I would never touch one. Then we went up to the hunt camp with family and they were shooting a gun at a target…. I decided to learn and try and it felt good. Is that evil of me? I enjoyed the sport of aiming the gun at the target and trying for perfection. Did the thought cross my mind to shoot a real person..hell no. There are too many factors to decide what the real problem is behind the man who did this senseless act. In the end one of his wires was not connected right in his brain and he saw things differently that we do. If he didn’t have access to a gun..believe me he would have found another way to make his point.
I thought I would not allow my kids to play with guns. Until I had two boys and one of them got to be five and suddenly sticks were guns. I’d say equal time is spent pretending they are swords or light sabers, but the reality is that I can’t stop my kid from playing with guns. I don’t make a big deal out of it now because making a big deal just makes them want to do it more. As parents, it is our job to teach our children when things are dangerous. Kids play with a lot of things for pretend that would not be safe for them to play with the real items. It doesn’t mean that they’re going to turn around and do the real thing. Additionally, I do not think that access to guns or whether guns were played with as a child have anything to do with shootings like this. If someone is this sick and deranged, they WILL find a way to do the damage they want to do, whether it’s a gun, a grenade, a sword or a bomb. The person is the problem, not their method.
Rachael recently posted..A Prayer for Aurora
I swore I wasn’t going to have guns in my house, either. And then mine used other things as guns- sticks or building one out of Legos.
Mine do have waterguns now.
We’ve talked about the difference between a toy gun and real gun and even gone so far as to talk about what can happen with a real gun and what “dead” really means.
Shell recently posted..Things They Can’t Say
My background is as a licensed 5-12 Social Studies teacher. I think that it’s always important to find the middle road. I agree that letting kids play with guns, willy nilly, like any other toy is a bad idea. I also think that sheltering them from guns and what they represent – to military, to hunters, to terrorists, to farmers, or gang members – is also a bad idea. So, my take is, if they’re too young for the conversation, they’re too young for guns. But, every time there’s a news story about guns, test the waters and see if you can get them to understand some of the implications of having guns in the world – particularly about death and loss. If they can understand those themes, and if they are consistently good with respectful play, then if they’re interested in playing with guns then let them try.
Like many people commented before, what we play as children evolves to what we do as adults, and it serves us all better to give children the opportunity to confront complicated topics (hopefully within a structured, supportive envirnment) because it helps them develop the tools they will need to navigate a complicated world. We want to shape our children’s views of guns and their implications in violence (or providing food, or providing protection, etc), not allow someone else to do so.
I don’t completely agree with all the comments.here comes the soapbox. Guns don’t kill. People do. I believe that barring some mental issue or total breakdown from reality guns are not the problem.
I am canadian and we as a whole are indifferent or against guns. My kids are well adjusted well liked do volunteer work and are always concerned with others. Yet the grew up with toy guns knives swords and all kinds of fighting tools. My son is your typical teen boy. Into video games ninjas and weapons.All of which he makes. The concept that guns toy one leads to gun use is ridiculous. I believe the environment has More of an affect. Take a child and put them in a loving caring opportunity full environment and they will flourish. Put them in a hostile uncaring environment and bad things can happen.
I can understand both sides, my uncle at 21 was killed in a tragic accident when him and a friend where playing with real gun in the basement; however no one in my family got rid of the guns, and I can’t wait until deer season.
With anything you need to learn respect, you can not shelter you children. The problem with kids is they are too sheltered from real live. If you want to make sure you children never play with guns, I hope you also make sure that non of there friends, have them, or are playing video games with gun. Hands jesters can be seen to imitate a gun, so just cut your sons hands off, that way you know there will no playing with guns in your house.
You sound like my BIL’s family, Country Mom. They live in a rural area where hunting is very popular, but my BIL also teaches gun safety classes for every child in the community before they’re old enough to go deer hunting (age 12, I believe), and as a result the kids respect guns. I hope there’s someone in your community who’s trained to do the same for your kids, too; I think it’s very important in areas where there’s a lot of hunting.
Hi Jill,
I don’t have boys but I agree with you here. So sad what the world has turned to… :(
V.
Vanessa Jubis recently posted..Why gun violence is a touchy topic for me
I had almost the same list. I didn’t cave to guns until my oldest son started turning everything into a gun. Now we are that house too, where toy guns have taken over. I wanted to make sure my kids understood gun safety so we have a few gun rules and talk to them reguarly about real guns and gun safety.
Earthy Mom recently posted..Crafting with the kids ~ napkin rings & cloud dough
I don’t see any harm in toy guns…it’s how our children are taught to play with them that matters. Heroes also carry guns. Men and women that serve our country and protect our lives carry guns. I don’t ban the toys, but would never allow violent role play
I can’t help but think of the short story by H H Munro (Saki) called “The Toys of Peace”.
If you want to read it, it can be found here:
http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/ToysPeac.shtml
I grew up in the 1950′s. If you were a kid then, chances are good you had at least one cap gun, several squirt guns, and even a cowboy/cowgirl outfit. We played cops and robbers, cowboys and indians, war (most of us had Dads who were in WW2 or Korea), Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone, and a whole host of other good guy/bad guy games.
Maybe it was because we weren’t coddled, maybe because schools taught us to think, maybe because we were taught respect – for whatever reason, I never shot anyone with a real gun. Imagine that! And here I’d played with toy guns for years!
Kids don’t need to stop playing with toy guns. They need to be taught basic ethics and morals. Just for the record, I’m not talking religion in schools. I’m talking teaching basic right and wrong. That doesn’t change from religion to religion.
I know that I played with toy guns as a child, and so did my brothers, cousins, friends, andpractically everyone I know. None of us has ever went crazy and killed someone. I don’t think the issue is just about toy guns. Just sayin.i
I’m not a huge fan of my sons playing with toy guns, but they do have them, and I allow them to play with them. I did ask my oldest to put them away this morning though, I just couldn’t handle watching them play with them today.
It’s such a hard line to define with boys. My hubs got my son a nerf dart gun and the big rule was not to point at anyone. Needless to say he no longer gets to play with it. Still I find that he hasn’t resorted to using his finger or sticks as a gun now. Very sad about the shooting.
My kids were allowed to play with toy guns, and they are still both very nonviolent as young adults. But they played with video games a lot more, and both preferred the puzzle types of games to the shoot-em-ups, so violence in any form really wasn’t popular in our house.
There’s a good way of teaching kids to distinguish between toys, like water pistols, and real guns that are scary — teach them to ALWAYS tell you IMMEDIATELY if they see a real gun at someone’s house. I even got asked by a friend. whose daughter noticed it, about an antique gun (that couldn’t be fired now if we wanted to; it was my great-grandfather’s gun from back in the 1860s) that hangs on my wall; I was very pleased that her daughter carried through with what she’d been taught so well.
The shootings are just awful. But honestly, I don’t think letting kids play with water pistols or nerf guns is going to lead young adults to killing rampages. Being ignored by their parents is a lot more dangerous, IMO.
My mother-in-law didn’t let my husband play with guns or watch anything on tv that involved shooting. He grew up and joined the Army. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!
My son is only 1 and a half, so it hasn’t been an issue yet. However, I have three younger brothers and worked with kids for years, and I have seen SO MANY kids find a way to incorporate gun play (with pencils or sticks or fingers or WHATEVER!) even when guns aren’t allowed in the house. My husband is a former Marine, and feels VERY strongly that guns should never be viewed as toys – he says our kids will be taught to respect and use guns responsibly (i.e., he’ll take them to the range and teach them to shoot, but also all the rules about using them safely) and I am all for that idea, but I think the line gets blurry along the way. I grew up playing LOTS of games with Nerf guns (mostly the dart guns!) and see no harm in those, or most of the water pistol/Super Soaker toys. My personal line is probably drawn at realistic looking toy guns (I don’t think anybody ever saw someone with a Nerf gun and thought it was real!) but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it!
Great post. I wish I had an answer. My 3-year old is building his own freaking guns in Legos. He’ll point at me with anything (siver wear, fingers, sticks, toy cars…) and shoot me. And where do they pick it up? How do they learn that there IS such a thing as aiming and then the “piu-piu”-sound?
Horrifying.
cindafuckingrella recently posted..Summer, How I Love Thee
I think it’s a bit silly to take away toys because some madman shot people. Billions of children, including myself (YES, contrary to popular belief, many girls liked the game ‘cops and robbers’ too) have played ‘shoot em’ up’ games and have never thought to go into a movie theater and slaughter people. How about focusing on the mental health of our small people. That boy didn’t kill all those people because he couldn’t tell the difference between play killing and real killing. He didn’t do it because he understood how guns are operated. He did it because he was severely troubled and whether he played with a gun as a child or not, he would have found some way to carry out what he had in his heart to do. Period. I don’t love the idea of children playing with toy guns but when my child had a kitchen set, I also didn’t assume they’d grow up to be knife yielding murderers. I think we as humans have to keep our fears in perspective because our society is already too hyper paranoid as it is.
I was one of those moms too – I didn’t want guns or weapons but boys find them and make them up. My son is now 15 and did his first year of trapshooting with a team at his high school. I discovered it was wiser to teach him to learn to respect the gun. He understands the importance of being responsible with a gun. He still likes to play with toy guns (he got shot in the face with a bb gun last year and learned a very valuable lesson – the getting shot was a complete accident but he realized how dangerous they really can be and all he got was a welt on his chin).
Sara Thompson recently posted..Homemade marshmallows and fun things to do with them
With due respect, one unhinged person does not make a particulary strong case for taking away toy guns. I grew up at a time when every boy had a GI Joe doll, military outfits, Daniel Boone rifles, bb guns, .22 rifles, etc. There is no evidence that playing with toy guns makes one more likely to commit acts of violence. In fact, kids who live in rural areas (where real guns are given to kids) are far less likely to commit acts of violence then kids from urban areas and even suburban areas. I laugh at parents who take toy guns away and are afraid to spank their kids, but then turn around and give them ritalin and adderol like its candy.
Toy guns didn’t make my husband a violent person or unhinged. Children play games and as they grow older with the correct education and respect for objects be they clothing, toy weapons etc. there is absolutely nothing to worry about. It is sad however, to hear of these tragedies, and nothing can prevent you from feeling terrible about the reality of violence, be it guns, domestic, anything. Education is the key!
Zoe Alexander recently posted..Our Celebrity Mum has given birth! Kate Portman welcomes baby daughter
I’ve read a lot of the comments here, not all, but all the ones I’ve read have some really good points. I’m going to start by saying I don’t have children yet. So take that as you will. But I also know that my brother and I were both raised without a single toy gun entering our home. I can definitely respect those who teach their kids to never point the gun at a human, etc. That’s great. But in my opinion…well…what’s a gun for? Killing. I don’t want any children of mine to associate killing with fun. Be it ‘fake’ or real. Maybe my brother and I never ended up really having the attitude of ‘shooting is fun’ because we weren’t allowed to watch violent (or ever semi-violent) tv shows. So many kids shows these days are ALL ABOUT SHOOTING. But they’re kids shows. So they’re okay, right? I don’t think every kid who’s played with a gun grows up into a bad person who kills people. But, I still am going to try my damndest to prevent my future children from associating anything fun with guns. (I’ll probably end up with a child with a passion for hunting or something just because of this now. :D ) In the end though, parenting isn’t perfect, and you just have to do your best, and sometimes, you just need to compromise. :)
I’m torn on that issue too. It’s really hard to make sense of such tragedies. But where does it stop? Know what I mean? Violent TV shows and cartoons. Violence in the news. In our schools. It’s really never ending. Maybe the best course of action would be to allow the guns but explain that they are not real and that real guns should never be played with. I don’t know. I’m certainly no parenting expert. I wish there were concrete answers but unfortunately there aren’t.
Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted..I’M BLUSHING
I have a feeling we will all be talking about this ALOT over the next few weeks.
The Mommy Psychologist recently posted..What If You Were The Mother Of James Holmes?
I am surprised how many moms on here are terrified of guns. Guns don’t kill people- people kill people. I have yet to hear of a gun jumping off a shelf and killing someone. If you become familiar and trained to handle guns you can protect your family. There are BAD people out there with guns. That’s not going to change because you are afraid. God forbid someone breaks into your house- what will you do?
My husband is an officer. My kids see guns every day. Yes, they are fascinated by them, but they also respect them. My sons “shoot” each other and I am always after them to not “shoot” each other. My daughter on the other hand could care less. Are men designed to kill and protect?
I felt the same way, and broke all the same rules. I kept guns out, but always allowed swords. Somehow that was different (but its not really). We still don’t have guns really, except for our extensive super soaker gun collection.
Marta recently posted..What I’m Not Telling You: Part I
I have two boys who love their nerf guns. I happen to believe in the right to bear arms. I teach my boys gun safety even with toy guns. For one thing, it being a toy gun doesn’t make it not real or not dangerous. Even a toy gun can be a weapon if not used right, i.e. putting a marble into the barrel of a nerf gun… They are learning responsibilities that come with having guns and the respect that needs to be had for guns. As well as respect for other people, their lives and their safety. My youngest (8 in sept) has told me when he grows up he wants to protect people from bad people by being in the military and/or being a police officer. I guess i must be doing something right…
We still don’t have toy guns (5 yr old girl, 3 yr old boy), and I even refrain from using the word. But I know I can’t really control these things much longer. Because they are so young, and because either me or my husband are home with them during the day, they live in this idealic little world. In less than a month, my daughter will go to Kindergarten. She’ll learn all about fast food, juice boxes, and guns. Then she’ll teach her brother.
Your post triggered memories for me of the waterguns I owned as a child. I loved them! And I’d never own a gun today. So why do I try to restrict them with my own kids? On reflection, I suppose I keep toy guns out of our house because I’d like to keep real guns out of the hands of deranged people.
Even though I don’t think he’s ever seen a gun, my son shoots pretend fire and cupcakes from his wrists. Maybe the idea of rocketing objects across the room at villians is innate? As long as I model kindness, empathy, and good citizenship to my kids, I can hope their teenage and adult selves will show the same to others. Even if they grew up around water pistols.
It’s simple. Let them be boys. Let them play with guns. But teach them responsibility and the difference between real and play. And teach them the value of human life. It’s not toy guns that is the problem. It’s these kids being brought up to think that the world has no consequences. That life is a video game and you just come back from your last save point and the more people you kill/hurt the higher your score and nothing will ever happen to you because of it. Teach your kids RESPONSIBILITY. Just like OUR parents did. It’s THAT SIMPLE.
I’m still living in gun free bliss.. my 2.5 y/o has absolutely no idea what a gun even is.. yet. I’ll enjoy for now. I’m of the opinion that it’s not a valuable educational toy, there’s really no reason for it, and I’d prefer him not to have them. He can make them out of legos if he’s so hell bent on having one, if he ever figures out what a gun is. (sarcasm.). When a little girl had one at the pool the other day, he was like WHAT IS THAT MOMMY WHAT IS THAT? I was happy about that. One day, yes.. I will teach him what guns are, and how dangerous they can be, how to safely handle them, how to respect them, I grew up around guns.. I know that stuff at least. But for now, gun free bliss.
Jess recently posted..2.5!
Ok I can’t say that I have read every reply on this but as a Mom who works at a gun range/store this is my 2 cents. I have 3 kids DD14, DS12, and DD5 and I do have a strict no toy gun policy in my house always have and always will. All of my children are shooters, in fact my son is a competitive shooter (along with my husband) traveling all over to competitions. But if you ask my children what a gun is they will tell you “Guns are tools not toys”
Just like anything else teaching responsibility is key. I know my children, I always tell customers they know their children better then anyone and know what they can handle/understand. My children know the devastation a firearm can do and respect all forms of life (my son won’t even hunt with his grandfather). I can’t say that more gun control would have stopped this sad situation from happening and for that matter I don’t think anyone could because bad people do bad things, guns do not kill people…people kill people.
There was a negligent shooting (there’s no such thing as an accidental shooting) at a range near one that my family goes too. When my son heard about this he told me ALL the things the 19 yr olds involved had done wrong, because of “not knowing” one teenager shot his friend. I even have offered friends of my children and their parents to come to my house for a little gun safety, I do not want parents uncomfortable with their children coming to a “gun toting” home.
I, like you, have always had a gut instinct that I didn’t want my kids playing with toy guns — because guns just are NOT toys.
And I, like you, have found that even if you don’t provide toy guns, kids (particularly little dudes) will turn anything into a gun-like shooter — whether it’s a stick in the backyard or a grilled cheese bitten into a gun shape. Sigh.
Where I end up drawing the line is the realistic looking guns. If it looks like an actual gun, no way. If it’s bright purple with two handles and a flag sticking out of it and it sprays water, OK.
When I Blink recently posted..Search Party
What a good question! I have been struggling with this too. Even before the awful shooting in Colorado I was becoming uncomfortable with the games my two year old has been playing with guns and other things. Lots of hitting, punching, fighting, and shooting. We already made the decision that there would be no more “hero” movies (like Spiderman) since watching those seemed to trigger these games. I know my son finds anything and everything to make into a weapon, so I’m not sure taking away the toys will be helpful. My thoughts right now are that talking to our kids about the dangers of real weapons is the best option, but my two year old won’t understand that for a while. I don’t know!
Cassie recently posted..Yet Another Choice
I’m not sure the toy guns are the problem, it’s the real guns that are the problem. Kids have been playing with fake guns and turning random items into guns or swords or other weapons forever whereas these mass shootings are a relatively new phenomenon. I don’t know what the problem or the solution is, I just don’t think we should feel guilty when our kids play cops and robbers.
BonnyBard recently posted..Of grandfather-y things and such.
I felt that same way after the latest shooting. I’m a social worker and also had every “rule” you did on my invisible, highly superior parenting list…and then I had a boy! I still have his first gift he made for me– a “gun” fashioned together with glue, markers, and paper towel/tp paper empty rolls for the handle and the (other part). That was before I ever bought a gun, or even exposed said 1st-born child, a son, to ANY violent TV, not the news, not nothin.’ To this day he is obsessed with guns and is currently in his first real depressive funk because we’ve moved to San Diego and he can’t legally discharge his airsoft gun here! Maybe this state is going to work out for us after all! If you’re too wimpy to parent properly yourself, I say, let the state step in and do it for you! Hail to the California liberals and their “wacky” laws and stuff.
Being a mom, I think we cannot be able to follow the rules that we want to implement since the kids love to do this and to that. So, I also experience what you have experienced right now.
Ann Cotilard recently posted..Natural Ways to Enhance your Penis Strength and Length
Being a mom, I think we cannot be able to follow the rules that we want to implement since the kids love to do this and to that. So, I also experience what you have experienced right now..
Ann Cotilard recently posted..Natural Ways to Enhance your Penis Strength and Length
My son turns everything into a weapon and war is the only “cool” game but i won on the fight no people… only aliens or monsters… excluding water guns of course lol and I feel terrible of the loss in colorado but at the same time taking guns away so only criminals know how to use the guns seems a bit ineffective but I could be wrong lol i say take the nerf gun take the water pistol go shoot your friends and hey both options generally no blood….
For me, this is faulty logic. So when someone goes on a stabbing spree, do we remove all knives from the home? It’s not the guns that kill… it’s just not. It’s so cliche but “guns don’t kill people… people kill people”. 50 years ago was gun violence worse? When every kid on the block was getting a bb gun from Santa, was it a more violent society than we have today? Quite the opposite. There are a lot of things wrong with today’s world but guns aren’t one of them.
I think guns are guns and toys are toys. Why in the world did they make gun toys? The other thing about society today is, kids watch all sorts of movies from a young age. Even if you’re just giving yours the standard, violence-free Walt Disney stuff (Cars, Ratatouille), some other kid is watching Incredibles, Beauty and the Beast (with knife-stabbing included), or worse, Mission Impossible:Ghost Protocol.
There’s no wrong or right. There are only facts.
Fact is, if gun laws are open and free in a country, and gun toys are freely available and kids watch all sorts of movies involving some form of shooting, it’s relatively tougher to teach a person that the gun should only be used for x,y,z reasons. People simply get desensitised to its power. I”m not saying it’s impossible but it’s just tougher.
Fact also is, we cannot protect our kids from what society at large is doing. They have to socialise and integrate with society and because of this, there will be peer dynamics at play. My 3 year old learnt about guns when? When during Occupation Week, two police officers came to visit. Then his friend – who may watch Power Rangers or Transformers at home – started spouting things like “I don’t like you…boom! Boom! Boom!” and that was it. After that, Aidan started making shapes of guns out of his bread, cake slice, lego, etc.
I teach him that it’s not nice to shoot and why. But I also respect that his imagination is forming. On top of that, boys have this innate sense to aspire to heroism, to protect friends and family from “mean monsters”, etc.
Where do I draw the line? When he points his hand-shaped gun at me and looks like he’s going to shoot me or anyone for whatever reason. He’s only allowed in the realm of killing mean monsters because “guns are deadly, guns can kill and killing isn’t good”.
He thinks police men use their guns to attack, I tell him they use it for self-defense. I repeat this 100 times in a week. And then I just pray that this sinks in or the phase passes, whichever comes first!
I am 29 years old and shoot my first gun when I was 4. While I was growing up I always knew where my fathers guns were and how to use them yet I never played with them. I also had a toy box filled to the brim with toy guns, swords, knifes and grenades. I feel the key difference in my upbringing was I was taught to respect guns not fear them. I completely understood before I was ten years old what dead meant and that a gun was very capable of killing. It wasn’t media or my toys that taught me killing was easy, it just is. Everyone is armed and everyone must respect another persons right to live. A mass shooter could have just as easily ran their car up the sidewalk and ran over a dozen people waiting in line. Guns are not the enemy. The police and military use guns to save the lives of civilians everyday. I also carry a gun everyday I leave the house (my wife also carries). This shouldn’t make you nervous. If I was in that theater when this tragedy started I guarantee you I would have stopped that monster or been among the dead myself. That is the real truth. Not all men are good men, some of us have evil in our hearts. It comes to some of us to be heroes in the defense of the defenseless. The only real question is do you have the resolve to fight when your life and those you love is threatened? This value was instilled in me by my father when I was just a child. I learned that you can’t “fix” society. There will always be problems and in my eyes disarming the law abiding populous will just make it that much easier for innocent people to be victimized. What everyone needs is more education on the subject.
“All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.” — Edmund Burke
You can’t defend yourself with good intentions.
I am so conflicted over this. My son has ‘em. All his friends have ‘em. My husband was not as opposed as I was. It really seemed a losing battle to keep them away from him. I was also concerned that keeping them away could make them even more alluring. I’ve resigned myself to letting him have them (nerf guns, water guns, I drew the line on cap guns. No way.) But they’re only for outside…I can’t stand them in the house. We also have downstairs neighbors. It distresses me, though.
Christine @ Quasi Agitato recently posted..And Then There’s the Jackpot…
I have a 2 year old. He’s less than 2 months from 3 years old. He learned about guns from daycare. Our daycare provider has older sons. My son built guns out of everything. MEGA Blocks. Duplos when we bought him those. 2 sticks wrapped in tape. Everything.
After building a speaker box, I had wood left over. I took a knife and a few other tools and carved out a 75% scale 1911. It has an ejection port, it has a trigger, it has a hammer. No moving parts, but he has himself a gun. It’s a simple job and doesn’t look anything more than like a wooden gun, he loves it.
More importantly, because it’s got a barrel, he can see where it’s pointed. He now knows the rules, AND FOLLOWS THEM, about gun safety. Right now, the only one that pertains is no pointing it at any people or pets. That’s only pet animals. Wild animals may have a wooden gun pointed at them. I do not believe hunting is evil and I will not teach my son that it is. A wild animal is a valid target for a wooden gun. When he is older, he will learn that some wild animals are off limits while others have nice, tasty chops just waiting to be liberated!
Tango recently posted..Just because my kid’s awesome.
I find it fascinating that in this day and age when we can discuss nature vs nurture, with regard to homosexuality, that so many would fear an inanimate, toy object. Having a toy gun does not make a child any more likely to shoot others than having a Handy Manny or Bob the Builder tool sel will cause your child to shank the neighbor kid with a screwdriver or bash a sybling’s skull in with a claw hammer. Kids are going to play cops and robbers and emulate what they see on tv; it is our duty as parents to teach then right from wrong, acceptable behaviors from unacceptable behaviors. Teaching children to fire actual firearms, and in particular taking them hunting, goes a long way towards teaching them the seriousness and finality of pulling the trigger. Nothing made that more clear for me than shooting my first deer at eight years old. There in the field, lay a warm animal, larger than I was, dead by my hand. The dead creature, the 2.5″ exit hole and awesome damage fone to the internal organs by that tiny, .244″ bullet left a lasting impression on me. So, what will you teach your children: fear of an inanimate object or personal responsibility and safety?
So I have two boys, 6 and 2. I also have one husband, 37.
When I start to doubt my ability to make good choices on behalf of these little boys of ours, especially on things about which I have less than zero experience (standing up to pee, morning wood, toy guns…) I defer to my husband.
Sweet man that he is played hours of GI Joe with his pals as a boy, including “war,” “army,” “hunting” and so on. It’s not the toy guns! It’s the parenting. Take the time to talk to your kids about how they feel … find ways to make sure they develop empathy … keep them in a good place emotionally! And relax, toy guns and toy weapons are part of being a little boy.
If you have concerns that your child is going to turn into a raging psychopath by looking at or playing with a toy gun or other weapon you may want to re-evaluate your parenting skills. Lots of kids that played cowboys and indians/cops and robbers/good guys and bad guys as kids never killed anyone. Stop blaming the object and start blaming the person.
I have a 6 year old daughter and she has absolutely no interest in playing with any type of gun, other than water guns, which I have no problem with. I seriously don’t think the problem with the movie theater shooter, as well as other individuals who have committed these types of crimes, is that they were allowed to play with toy guns as children.
Being a mother of 2 boys myself the way I see it is that all parents should speak to their children about the difference between a toy gun and a real guns.Toy guns are part of a boys childhood, they have play cops and robbers everyone wanting to be he cop or the hero, good guy that catch the bad guys. I have nerf guns, star wars guns, water guns you name it I have it. My boys know not to stay around if someone brings out a gun because my husband and I TALK TO THEM ABOUT THE DANGERS OF REAL GUNS. We talked about going tothe nearest adult if their friend brings out a gun (GOD FORBID!!!!) and to just leave all together. I believe that as long as you talk to your children about right and wrong, not just once ortwice but on a constant bases then you did your job as a parent…
If I were you American mums, I wouldn’t be worried about my kids but with the completely inadequate guns laws your country has. Seriously, check out the stats on gun injuries/deaths your country has compared to others and you’ll be horrified. Germany is your closest competitor, with about 300 injuries/year, you guys are at the top of the World List of gun injuries with about 3000 per year. Now that’s scary.
Australia has almost no gun deaths because of our incredibly strict gun laws, and I NEVER hear anybody complain about their constitutional rights in regards to these laws.
I’m not an American clearly, but if I was I would be starting to question how we as a country got to this point.
This really resonates with me as I witness my own list falling apart one resolution after the next. This month alone we sacrificed 2 of our biggest (TV and cookies/sugar for dinner) to the 4 molars that decided to arrive at the same time.
Like you, guns as toys is at the very top of our list, and is still there, but our son is only 1 1/2 and we’re not at that stage just yet. I’ve thought long and hard about how I’m going to deal with the pleading and insisting and what kind of alternatives I will be able to offer. I guess only time will tell whether I drop this one as well or not. I would like to think guns as toys are different, in a different more serious category, but from what I’ve learned over the past 17 months I should know better.
I realize boys will find a way to make guns themselves and there is really not much I can do about that. If he decides to make a gun from random sticks on the yard then so be it but when he comes to me for a water gun I still plan on selling him the fireman’s hose I bough in preparation.
This is a great topic and I would like to take it even one step further (as a far left liberal I love being the devils advocate.) First we all need to know that people who kill other people have no regard for human life, their weapon could be a gun, a knife, even their own hands. Just because it could be used to hurt some one does not mean we should cut their hands off.
Here’s the one step further… We must all look at a child’s imagination and what stifling that could do to them. As sexist as this may sound it is true, girls like to imagine themselves as fairies and princesses, and boys like to play cops and robbers. Girls like to take care of their dolls and boys like to fight and wrestle. Yes, some of this is learned behavior but some of it is just ingrained on our DNA. Unfortunately parents and society have forgotten about this. We force our boys to sit still, to stop “misbehaving” and play nice. We have taken things to far with all of the rules regarding toys.
I know the days of separating boys from girls is over, as it should be, so why are we choosing to allow all of the “feminine” toys but want to ban all of the “masculine” ones? We must remember that neither one is better or worse, our boys and girls need both. Girls need to play Karate, and sword fight, and boys should play dolls and kitchen.
Toy guns just happen to be one more element of a child’s imagination that as parents we must explain. If we do not we are not doing our jobs as parents. But remember we must also explain baby dolls…
There are children in many countries in the world with real guns, taking lives and then having to live with the consequences.
Despite my son being 12 and having asked for guns over the years, I have always said no and given my many reasons (explaining in more detail as the years have gone on).
We already live in a very violent world and what we need to teach our children, the next generation is respect, tolerance and peace.
Sarah May recently posted..101 Challenges: It all started with the garden
We held out for a long time, and then my parents got my son SuperSoaker water guns for his (June) birthday. I decided that in “picking my battles,” this wasn’t one worth fighting because my parents meant well. My son is ALL boy, rough & tumble, daredevil, etc, but he just lost interest in the SuperSoakers pretty quick. They are out in the shed someplace. He has some Nerf guns that he begged for, we got them, and then he has probably played with them for a TOTAL of 2 hours over the last 2 1/2 years. Other things in life are way more fun and interesting….
Aimee recently posted..The red carpet for the bookish….
Little boys are always going to play with guns. I have come to accept this fact. I didn’t read through all the other comments, but I hope my view has been stated by others. We CAN teach our kids the difference between real guns and toy guns. We CAN teach our children gun safety. There are a couple of articles that come to mind where a child saw a gun in a place it shouldn’t have been, had been taught about gun safety, handled the situation wonderfully and most likely saved lives. Getting rid of guns and saying they’re a bad thing is just an attempt to cover something they’re inevitably going to deal with anyways. Guns are always going to be around… in good and bad hands. This little boy baking in my belly is going to eventually want to fake shoot me and his sister and everyone else in this house, but he will know the difference between real and fake and the dangers of real guns.
Look people….. I understand the physiology in the young male mind is easily manipulated to see guns and toy “Swords” as something to get, how do you say, Get carried away with. But I personally implore you to see it as such.
Kids are human. Sure, they need a hand to hold along the way sometimes, but if you CONSTANTLY hold them back from things like this, then… You taking the fun out of being a kid.Look, kids aren’t stupid. Although they can be stupid, there not THAT stupid. Besides, Nerf, Super Soaker, an dall the other big name companies, KNOW what they are doing.
They trust the parent has or will teach them the dangers of weapons, and what they can do, and market their product with best intentions in mind. In the end, see it like this:
If your kid ends up thinking people get up unharmed from REAL bullets, then you have no one but yourself to blame.
“What’s the answer ? ” you ask ?
The answer is responsible training in the use of firearms.
I teach the sport of Fencing (along with music, archery and model rocketry) to 1st thru 5th grade students.
Am I teaching them to be killers?
No.
I’m teaching them a fun game. Kids playing with toy guns are doing the exact same thing, but in a less organized way.
There are millions of kids across the U.S. who play with guns every day and don’t go around shooting people. Of course, we don’t hear about that on the 6pm news. The stories that get the attention are the freakazoid wackos who do go off the deep end and start killing. I played with guns as a kid – cowboys/indians, secret agent/villain, cops/robbers – and I really don’t see the harm in it. It’s play after all, not real. In fact, I would say that playing with guns as a kid makes one more respectful of and safer with real guns.
i think that nerf guns should be used they taught my kids to respect their toys
You all are raising a bunch of pussies. Talk about first world problems with your nerf guns and toy swords. The lower elements in the United States who happen to breed in mass arent talking to their kids about this kind of bs, atleast they play outside and are allowed to be kids. Instead of having their lives micro managed by play dates and rules. Figures though since most educated mothers dont start having kids till they’re 30, I guess since their eggs are at the end of their run they’ve got to be over protective.
Children are curious creatures. Removing toy guns from their lives makes them MORE curious about them. Instead of removing guns from children’s lives, educate your children about guns. Use programs like Eddy Eagle when they’re young. Remove the mystery of guns. Don’t teach them to fear guns, teach them to RESPECT guns. In many states, children are allowed to hunt with guns as young as 10 years old. You can teach an 8 year old how to operate a gun safely. Instill gun safety instead of gun fear and your children will be much less likely to have an accident later in life when they encounter one. At 5 years old me and my sisters could recite the 4 rules of gun safety. 1. All guns are always loaded. 2. Never let your muzzle point at anything you aren’t willing to destroy. 3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you’re ready to fire. 4. Know your target and what’s beyond it. For younger children, Eddy Eagle teaches Stop. Don’t Touch. Tell an Adult. Simple rules that will keep young children from getting hurt. Remove the mystery and satisfy the curiousity.
The problem isn’t toy guns or even guns in general. If we teach our kids about guns and how to be responsible with guns then there is no problem. Fear of guns however, IS the problem. Guns aren’t bad and they don’t kills people just like cars aren’t bad and they don’t kill people. It’s the person behind the gun or the steering wheel that does the killing whether it be intentional or not. People will kill people whether guns are around and more so if they aren’t. If there had been one responsible gun carrier in that theater (of course if guns were allowed in the first place) then he/she could have shot the shooter, thus saving those lives that were lost. The cops can not save you in time, we need to protect ourselves. Oh, and another thing just because guns are banned doesn’t mean they won’t be around. Only, it will be the criminal with the gun and the law abiding citizen who is left defenseless. Look it up, crime rises when guns are banned.
Playing with guns isn’t the problem it’s the people behid the guns, They dont respect the sanctity of human life. We as parents need to instill a good behavior with guns, itll all fun and gmaes until someone jumps off the deep end.
Kid just need to understand whats right and wrong
Hope you can please help network our “No Toy Guns Merit Award Project” and hopefully add a link to our NoToyGuns.org website.
THANK YOU!
Happy New Year!
Jerry Rubin Santa Monica, CA 310-399-1000
My nephew loves to play with guns, but there are strict restrictions. I believe that as long as you talk to your children about right and wrong.