Most of us, when we first marry, think we know what we’re getting ourselves into. We read books and articles, we pump our long-married friends and relatives for golden nuggets of advice, and we mentally prepare ourselves to be the most understanding and compromising partner ever. Anger and resentment? Not us. Stereotypes? Never.
But then, after a few years, reality smacks us in the face like a stale wedding cake, and we find ourselves succumbing to pretty much every bad stereotype ever. Luckily, and with a little help from hilarious marrieds on social media, we can laugh about it.
Remember how we thought we’d sleep tangled up in one another like a pair of boa constrictors? No.
Queen-size bed: Get away from me; there's no room!— Quirky Chrissy (@quirky_chrissy) May 25, 2017
King-size bed: Get away from me; you have plenty of room.
- My husband, probably.
Or how we were so sure we would never become an embarrassing stereotype?
We think we’re seeing a pattern here:
We discover that, yes, laundry really does replace sexy times:
50 Shades of Grey, the married-with-kids version:— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 20, 2017
Attempting to sort 50 white (now grey) socks in laundry basket while husband snores.
And that we really can’t stop ourselves from being a passenger-seat driver:
If I look over my back shoulder like I'm going to put the car in reverse, my wife automatically shouts, "LOOK OUT!"— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) June 4, 2017
But one clear benefit of being married for a while is knowing each other so well it’s almost…scary:
We bond over our mutual feelings of superiority to other, clearly inferior, marrieds:
We become familiar with the paradox of being willing to die for one another, but with petty caveats:
We discover the necessity of the “why I fell in love” mantra:
“Remember: he gave you flowers, a back rub, and vacuumed the house” -— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 2, 2017
My internal dialogue while my husband talks to me about video games
We learn to deliver the lowest of blows with only a couple of words:
Husband: Are you ok in there?— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) June 1, 2017
Me: Yeah. I just did 50 lunges.
Husband: On purpose?
Me: Screw you.
Or even just one word:
Hubs sent me this text:— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 4, 2017
There's no wrong way to tell the person you love that their beautiful.
And that one of you is going to be way messier than the other, and there is honestly no way to fix this:
Familiarity causes our priorities to shift:
Husband: *choking on a curly fry*— Not Sara (@smithsara79) June 5, 2017
Me: *starts panicking* Oh god, oh my GOD! Did you seriously take my last curly fry?!
But we also learn that certain disagreements mean we’re actually doing pretty damn well:
The ongoing battle my husband and I have is which direction to point the shower head.— Gran Master E (@E_lok44) June 1, 2017
May all your struggles be this trivial.
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